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Julester3

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About Julester3

Just a woman trying to raise her 2 daughters and help them retain the good memories of their father. 

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    04/04/2016
  • Name of Spouse
    Josh
  • Date Widowed
    April 7, 2016
  • Cause of death
    Heart attack
  • Spouse's Age
    40


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  1. Julester3

    Dating

    I’m glad you are finding some happiness.
  2. Julester3

    7 years today

    I know how you feel. I’m just a step behind you and I have been experiencing a lot that you’ve mentioned with my 2 girls who were 16 and 12 when LH passed and are now 20 and 16. I’m in a relationship but I’m comfortable. I don’t know where to go with it exactly but neither do I want to hang out infinitely. It’s fine for now. I’m okay with that and it allows me to focus on my girls. Hugs to you today!
  3. Julester3

    Celebrating his birthday

    We always stop by the cemetery and place flowers. We thengo to one of his favorite restaurants, we watch some of his favorite movies, we get ice cream because he loved ice cream, and if his birthday falls on a weekend, I invite his friends over and we have a game night in his honor.
  4. Julester3

    Omitted from sister's obit

    What the freaking heck? That’s just rude especially to your brother who introduced them. You can’t hang out with toxic self centered people like that even if they happen to be related to you. You were more than outstanding to still plan to attend. I’m not sure I could after all that past drama. You just don’t do that to family. So sorry you had to deal with this!
  5. Julester3

    widowed 3rd may 2019

    I remember leaving the year my husband died and entering that new year begrudgingly on my own. I chose not to go out or celebrate with anyone but my kids. We had s movie marathon and I made some of our favorite foods. I had to sit there to figure out where did we go from there and I decided to focus on my short term goals with the kids and decide what we could do to make us a stronger family unit. I didn’t focus on my loneliness. I wasn’t ready to confront it or my needs. I focused on taking care of myself and being able to provide for my kids and it was enough at that time. It is hard to plan long term. I still struggle with it and I’ll be 4 years widowed this spring. Peace to you!
  6. Julester3

    Engaged

    Congrats!
  7. Julester3

    Happy holidays

    Happy holidays to my fellow wids! As we get closer to the holidays, we have triggers, tough emotions, and bittersweet but loving memories. I know we all try to do what is best for ourselves and our families but if you ever feel desolate or sad, know that a fellow wid is out there thinking of you and our challenges and hoping this coming year will bring us some strength and peace. Hugs and happy holidays!
  8. Julester3

    Just overwhelming

    This is our 4th holiday since losing my husband and I totally get it. I have a teen and a young adult and neither drives so I’m always all over the place. I freaking color code my daytimer to try to keep juggling but I always manage to drop at least 1 ball. We can’t keep that juggling up infinitely. Talk to the organizer. I am sure they can make an exception. Hugs and breathe! We are only human and we can only do so much! All we can do is own up and then understand we can juggle with the best to them but only to a certain degree and then flush all the negativity away. Tomorrow is a new day.
  9. We are okay up to Thanksgiving. Christmas is a different kettle of fish. Last year spending my first New Years Eve with NG was very different than how I usually chose to celebrate it. It was anticlimactic and underwhelming. It made me sadder than usual - not the usual hopeful feeling I get with a New Year. I chose to stay over at my in-laws over New Years this year to avoid revisiting that less than stellar feeling. We as a couple can’t do much over the holidays since his kids ping pong back and forth between households the entire break. Again, we’re just 2 threads that come together once awhile but are still 2 completely separate threads, never actually intertwined or woven together. He’s hinted he wants more but it’s never a conversation we actually have. To proceed to more, it would involve lawyers and court over some things they had put in place when they got divorced and mutually agreed to. I just speak in general terms that someday it could be possible. I can’t do more than that. Ironically he’s the limiting factor, not me the widow with my emotional challenges?
  10. Julester3

    3 things I did today

    I got Thanksgiving grocery shopping done. I took a shower today. I made it to work! Lol!
  11. Julester3

    Marriage after widowhood

    Relationships are hard. Add in that you have a teen who’s about to make that leap into adulthood and independence but is stalled and has backpedaled? I have one of those and it completely sucks! The attitude, the 360 change of heart and opinion. I can’t abandon my kid but gosh sometimes I just want to get out of Dodge. You were brave getting remarried and I still am proud that you took that challenge. You juggled hard and quite well but it’s a matter of time when you can’t juggle anymore than you already are. I hope this is just a setback, that you need some space and time, and that you can get back on track. One day at a time! I’m rooting for you!
  12. Julester3

    Missing my sidekick

    That kind of loneliness sticks to us. I sort of don’t like Facebook anymore because I see everyone else going on with their lives and I constantly feel like I’m running in slow motion or if I’m in my own bubble. I’m 3 years 8 months out and I feel that was often though generally my outlook is better and the pain has softened for me. I totally understand. Hugs!
  13. NG doesn’t like gifts either. His birthday is in December. So I usually spoil him with home cooked treats and things he likes that I make. For my birthday he bought me earrings. Last year he made me a hat for Christmas. I got flowers for my birthday. So he’s a low key kind of guy.
  14. Julester3

    widowed 3rd may 2019

    What you feel is real and it's normal. Her birthday is a milestone year and you should do what you feel comfortable with. Just take it a day at a time and don't sweat the small things. A sandwich is fine. I ate a lot of peanut butter on toast and drank coffee in the beginning. As long as you have something in the kitchen, it will be okay. Take one challenge at a time. Hugs and hang in there.
  15. We are doing well. We went to a theatre type show a few weeks ago and a close friend of his who was in the show commented that we’ve been together for quite some time. NG said something like we’re very committed. I’m curious where we can go next but I’m also comfortable where we are. I liken our relationship as 2 parallel lines that intersect and then separates multiple times. Our lines are not intertwined. I took him to meet my FIL and his wife. I believe it went well. He was quite nervous. The girls were not getting along so my 16 yo asked to drive us home so that meant NG had to sit in the back. He was doing a sing along with my older daughter all the way home. Lol. We went to our grief group last week and we met a recoupled widow and widower. She’s 2 1/2 years out and he’s less than a year out. They met on FB and she moved to Chicago from Georgia. They are looking for a good fit group for their family. They talked much about the hardships of combining households. My daughter said her teenaged son is angry about the move from their breakout session. The younger some seems okay with it. It was interesting to observe since I haven’t met anyone recoupled in person.

About Julester3

Just a woman trying to raise her 2 daughters and help them retain the good memories of their father. 

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    04/04/2016
  • Name of Spouse
    Josh
  • Date Widowed
    April 7, 2016
  • Cause of death
    Heart attack
  • Spouse's Age
    40


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