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Julester3

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About Julester3

Just a woman trying to raise her 2 daughters and help them retain the good memories of their father. 

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    04/04/2016
  • Name of Spouse
    Josh
  • Date Widowed
    April 7, 2016
  • Cause of death
    Heart attack
  • Spouse's Age
    40


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  1. How about a virtual hug??? How was your first day?
  2. I'm Julie. I'm 44 years old. I lost my husband 4 years ago April 7th to a sudden heart attack. He was playing tennis at his club and had a heart attack in the locker room. The kids and I were home at the time. We have 2 girls: the eldest is now 20 and the youngest is 16. We were married for 15 years, together as a couple for 22 years. I met him in 7th grade. I too come in daily to check in and I do my best to post whenever I can because I recall how isolated I felt in the beginning and needed greatly to find people who I could relate to and would understand me and what I was feeling. I do some grief group/family work near where I live in the Chicago area but it's only once a month. I feel I did the best here reading stories and allowing it to help me process and think. For me, I feel that you never have to get over it. It will always suck. However, I believe you need to learn to accept it. I found many kindred spirits here. I also did a lot of journal writing on my laptop on my own that first year to help me process and understand our new normal. My girls would like to read it and I will let them someday. I rarely feel the need to write anymore because I have peace and understanding within myself. I understand that there are things I cannot control in life and his passing was beyond what we could have done. We lived a good and happy life. We had good health, ate well, and did physical activities. We had good jobs, hobbies that made us happy, and a good circle of friends. We were devoted to our families. He had no history of heart problems and was checked for them so this blindsided us greatly. I initially pulled through for the sake of my kids and I found I needed to work on myself equally hard as well. I know now that I am more than okay for me, for my girls, for my family, for my friends, and my colleagues. Even our pets. I try to do and be more for my family and my circle. I try to live life in the now and to enjoy it. I am now in a relationship with a good man and things are progressing well. Before I could never contemplate my future without my husband but now I can imagine several scenarios for myself now. I am no longer afraid.
  3. Julester3

    Are you struggling in this self isolating time?

    Katrina, that is a lot to process! Just cut yourself some slack. You are going to have a lot of blank time considering many of us are sheltering in place. I suggest to find a distraction to stay occupied so it doesn’t all bombard you at once. I do crafts so I would crochet and then have music or tv on to add to white noise. It helped me greatly. I know for others it can be exercise, yoga, gardening...it can’t hurt! Just know that time is on your side in the respect that you can take as much time as you need to grieve and process. There is no timeline but your own. Take care!
  4. Julester3

    So new and now this!!

    You know, come in and read at the very least. Go ahead post if you like. Many of us check in and we can reply. Hugs to you as this is a tough time. I know I needed a lot of hugs after LH died. It was the act of feeling touched and safe that was comforting and now we can’t even do that with social distancing. Be safe!
  5. Nothing new here. Still swimming! NG has this new tendency to dream of more than we can do at this point - cohabitation, getting to sleep with one another every night, see each other every day. I am open to this next step but I’m a scientist. I need to analyze all angles and outcomes. It’s just what I do. I know not to hope too much and just live in the now. I’m always plan for the worst and hope for the best. I do know if this doesn’t work out, I will be okay. I have plenty of friends and family who do care for me and it can be enough. I was talking to a long time friend and we were talking about what do we do with ourselves when we retire. I said let’s buy a large parcel of land and make our own little village. We can each have our own little cottage and a central clubhouse for gatherings, classes, and exercise. I can imagine a future without a partner in it but it’s just one possible reality. Before when LH passed, I couldn’t even do that let alone contemplate. I don’t know where NG and I will be but I know I have a plan for myself if it’s just meant to be me. I feel I am flexible to alter my future whatever what may come.
  6. Julester3

    A Return To Car Crying

    Big Hugs! Fate has no sense of fairness in this.
  7. Julester3

    Weddings as a Young Widow

    You got that right, Kk! I too don’t care for the attention and I’d like a refund!
  8. Julester3

    Weddings as a Young Widow

    That was more than insensitive - it was a real bitch of a move. True friends do not do that. They try to uplift and support, not tear them down like that. I’m sorry it ruined your evening. If she had nothing nice to say, she should have just kept it to herself. I quite enjoy weddings from the stand point that people found one another and want to spend their lives together. It’s a tiny bit bittersweet because I miss my husband however I am grateful to have experienced that great kind of love and to be present in order to support others. Pulled pork poutine? That’s pretty comforting to me! Hugs!
  9. Julester3

    A widow for 12 day now

    I am so sorry you are joining us here. Everything is going to be still so fresh for you being only 12 days out. You haven’t processed and everything is surreal and nothing seems right. Your world has been tipped over and it’s hard to put things back in place. It’s all part of the grieving thing but it moves in different ways and different times for everyone. Just take it a day at a time, an hour at a time, a minute at a time as you need. Take the help for things you can’t focus on. I asked for meals so the kids could have something to eat and I didn’t have to make it. It helped. I had another mom help with school pick up and drop off. I asked another mom to please walk my dog. People will gladly help if you ask and it’ll help ease the burden for awhile in the short term while you process and navigate this forced new life you have to live. People don’t want to intrude and I know I liked my own space so I picked what I needed help with. Drink water and and take care of yourself, if not for you, for the sake of your kids. They need strength and support too. They can see you cry because it’s natural after what you experienced but they need a parent to guide them and they can help be your source for inner strength. Don’t discount that. I’m almost 4 years out. My husband died at 40 and I have 2 girls. You are not alone. So many of us and I hate how we’ve had to have this shared experience of losing a loved one. Read here if it helps, vent if you need, and know we will read and will hear you. Hugs for you today!
  10. Julester3

    Thanks to my fellow wids

    That is very true! Have a good weekend!
  11. Julester3

    Other Single Moms

    I believe it is hard to connect to divorced and unmarried moms. Usually if conversation is centered around kids, it’s fine but it’s hard to personally relate to them because our life situations are different. They have baby daddies that exist in this world regardless if they are involved in their kids’ lives or not. Our children no longer have that because their dads are no longer here. They can still collect support and get help from them now or down the line. We cannot in any way shape or form. I have gone to outings and the divorced moms are like, “you are so lucky you don’t have an ex to deal with.” Huh? I would rather my kids have a dad who is alive, honestly. So I do not think it’s just you!
  12. Julester3

    3 things I did today

    1. I got to work today. 2. I had coffee. 3. My work load isn’t bad for a Monday!
  13. Julester3

    "Dear Evan Hansen"

    Thanks for the review. My second kid asked for me to look at tickets as it’s coming back in our area. I haven’t really looked it up for info but I really appreciate your input.
  14. Julester3

    Dating

    I’m glad you are finding some happiness.
  15. Julester3

    7 years today

    I know how you feel. I’m just a step behind you and I have been experiencing a lot that you’ve mentioned with my 2 girls who were 16 and 12 when LH passed and are now 20 and 16. I’m in a relationship but I’m comfortable. I don’t know where to go with it exactly but neither do I want to hang out infinitely. It’s fine for now. I’m okay with that and it allows me to focus on my girls. Hugs to you today!

About Julester3

Just a woman trying to raise her 2 daughters and help them retain the good memories of their father. 

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    04/04/2016
  • Name of Spouse
    Josh
  • Date Widowed
    April 7, 2016
  • Cause of death
    Heart attack
  • Spouse's Age
    40


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