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Julester3

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About Julester3

Just a woman trying to raise her 2 daughters and help them retain the good memories of their father. 

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    04/04/2016
  • Name of Spouse
    Josh
  • Date Widowed
    April 7, 2016
  • Cause of death
    Heart attack
  • Spouse's Age
    40


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  1. We are navigating the holidays for the first time as a couple and it's not working in our favor. I invited NG over with his kids and mother but he forgot his mom is horribly allergic to cats and I have 2 cats and a dog. He wants to ditch his mom but I told him not to. We can do the day after and I'll have plenty of leftovers. We haven't discussed the Christmas holiday yet and his birthday is in December too.
  2. Julester3

    CPR class

    I had the same issue. LH died of a heart attack and I could not see or touch him because they were performing CPR on him and I'd be in the way. They wouldn't let me wait. The police sent me to the hospital to wait. It's a very touchy subject to me too.
  3. Julester3

    Open wound or another cut?

    I also have this issue with my kids. I feel they are new wounds not old ones. I also feel these though are not giant gashes but merely small scrapes and bruises. Strength and hugs today...
  4. Julester3

    When to Tell

    Similar situation here. I told some guys when we were still in talking phase before a first date and sometimes even on the first date. The guy I'm currently dating was on the first date. I told my FIL and wife I was venturing into dating last summer. They know about the guy I'm currently dating. My MIL and her husband don't know but I'm not that close to them because they will interfere regardless if I want it or not. They do it with everything when they see an opportunity so why not my personal life? It's a matter of what you are comfortable with.
  5. I took mine off within the first few months. I switched to a sterling silver fashionable ring on my middle left finger. Now at over 2 1/2 years later, I don't wear any rings at all. I felt I needed to. All the paperwork I did telling me I was single with children over and over again got to me and so I removed the rings and put them away. There is no wrong or right way but what feels right to you. In my grief group, many still choose to wear their wedding rings and the range is a few months widowed to nearly 7 years.
  6. Julester3

    The Guilt from Inlaws

    I am totally on the same boat as Trying. You cannot please everyone and you shouldn't have to at this point. I too had to understand that and embrace it. But you have to put yourself and your kid first and they need to grow up and learn to understand that the world doesn't revolve around your inlaws and it doesn't give them the right to overstep your set boundaries and run you ragged. Also lifting you up today! Don't let their guilt get you.
  7. Julester3

    Nobody gets it

    You are on your own timeline. There are no rules just what works for each individual in their own space and time. I'm happy in a relationship 2.5 years out after losing LH. However, I still do have his clothes and shoes in the closet. It's not for me but we have kids and our girls like seeing them there and get comfort from them. I would never deny them comfort when they have low days and it's a small thing. Sometimes it's healthier to distance yourself from people with strong opinions like that. Hugs for you today!
  8. Julester3

    Are there any normal men on dating sites?

    I honestly read that statement to interpret the implications that the older we get, the ratio of women to men is higher so it also makes dating tough because there is theoretically less available men than there are to available women.
  9. Julester3

    Are there any normal men on dating sites?

    It takes patience and a sense of fortitude that you can filter and wade through the prospects. I've had many ups and downs with the online dating and now I have many a funny tale to tell. With patience, I've found someone I really truly like and respect that I've been with for the last 8 months. It's not easy but as Mike suggested, take a different approach to it and make it fun and chalk it up as a life experience.
  10. Julester3

    I have a new job!!

    So happy for you! Persistence paid off and I'm glad it's an easier commute and better than the other job! Congrats! 🍺😁
  11. Gosh now I want Indian and Thai food! I will this weekend! I deserve it. I honestly think NG wouldn't like it. So I think I'll leave it alone. I warned him just once if he didn't keep me entertained when I come over, I will start cleaning and organizing. I can only halt my OCD tendencies for so long. 😅
  12. Julester3

    The problem is me.

    I think we naturally crave to find what is familiar feeling to us but we simply can't get there. We are different and we can never be the same because we've been changed from our experiences. You are going to have to try to tweak yourself to find a new comfortable level and figure out a new level of contentment. It sucks but we are forever changed. As in chemistry, the inputs are now different so the formula which used to give us a predicted result has been changed. We can find that result again someday but we have to work on the different inputs to find the right combo that will work. Hugs to you.
  13. We have no plans for cohabitation or anything like that but NG and I are doing well. I think I have him hooked so he's making honestly more effort to make time for me. With his having joint custody of the kids, they are bouncing back and forth regularly and then you add in work and volunteer and our own individual interests, it's just crazy busy right now. He's admitted going a whole week is too long of a stretch for him. It feels nice to be needed and desired, I can't deny that. I've slept over his house a few times but it's still weird to me. I wake up here and there but I just sit there and think in the dark. I'm at least too lazy to get up. LOL! I'm a natural snuggler but he feels hot at night so I feel that I need to give him space so I don't make him overheat. It's something to work out. I'm interested to see how winter will pan out. I'm pretty cold most of winter so I'm sure I'll want to get right next to him for the heat. I've been good about respecting his space. I want to clean his entire main floor like a crazy person and rearrange his furniture for better flow. I admit to having dust bunnies and tufts of hair from our dog and cats but the main space of my home is always picked up and neat so the carelessly tossed menus, loose napkins, twist ties, abandoned various mail, various sauce packets, receipts, and clutter stuff is getting harder for me to ignore when I go over. I know it's not my space to deal with so I mentally remind myself to just not look at it.
  14. Julester3

    Today is one month

    I also journaled to my LH. A lot in my first year. I typed it out in an ongoing word document. It's nearly a book. It really helped me work out my feelings and problems and made me feel better. I'm 2 1/2 years out and write once in awhile now.

About Julester3

Just a woman trying to raise her 2 daughters and help them retain the good memories of their father. 

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    04/04/2016
  • Name of Spouse
    Josh
  • Date Widowed
    April 7, 2016
  • Cause of death
    Heart attack
  • Spouse's Age
    40


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