Jump to content

Julester3

Members

0

Followers

610

Content Count

Country

Genre

Zodiac

About Julester3

Just a woman trying to raise her 2 daughters and help them retain the good memories of their father. 

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    04/04/2016
  • Name of Spouse
    Josh
  • Date Widowed
    April 7, 2016
  • Cause of death
    Heart attack
  • Spouse's Age
    40


Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

Enable
  1. Everything is going well here with NG. It’s all a matter of making the time for one another since we have our own homes and our own kids to raise. I’m working on creating more instances for his kids to come over to my house with him and have fun and positive experiences. I know we’ve started to make loose plans where we’d like to travel and do things together but it’s matter of logistics, mostly related to his own logistics with his kids and his equal custody. The relationship is progressing at a comfortable rate.
  2. Julester3

    There are worse things than death

    This tragedy is terrible. My thoughts go to the family.
  3. Julester3

    First vacation without my husband

    We each did our own one on one with a counselor. I did just a grief counselor for a few sessions to help me understand things. My eldest did a teen counselor with specialty dealing with grief snd then switched to a general. My youngest did a general teen counselor. I chose according to our needs and by personality fit. We also do monthly group as a family. It’s a chance to share and possibly help others. Our family group is Willowhouse but it’s based here in Illinois. It’s format is similar to Gilda’s Club.
  4. Julester3

    First vacation without my husband

    It will get easier. That perspective is very helpful. I also think about what LH would want for us and I know we are now succeeding and doing well. I will tell you that our ability to cope without him was quite slow at coming at first but with therapy and counseling and talking and being open and honest to one another has been good for us.
  5. Julester3

    First vacation without my husband

    I remember our first trip without LH and it was fine at first. It was an adventure for me and the girls to travel together and we did well. The girls shared a room and my bed was so large and empty without LH to cuddle with me. That was hard. Also bring in place he would have enjoyed was hard as well. I took the trip one day at a time, hour by hour and did my best to relax and take it easy. No exact advice to give but just keep breathing and try to absorb the positive things you can get from the place where you are like sunshine, warm weather, or a beautiful view. Hugs!
  6. Julester3

    The "L" Word

    I said it first. It was about 8 months into the relationship. I know NG has issues because of his divorce. I don’t feel like I betrayed LH because my brain knows he can’t come back but I do know he’s always with me. Love for me is not a set amount. It grows so I know I am capable of giving love where I choose. NG earned my love his own way just as LH earned my love so many years ago in his. NG felt bad he couldn’t return the words instantly but I assured him it was okay. His own drama and hesitancy was from his failed marriage and from his own mother leaving his dad. His dad raised NG and his sister. I know NG needs consistency and stability and I can provide that infinitely. I’m patient and he was able to return the sentiments to me a few weeks after I did. All is well.
  7. Julester3

    Memory blanket

    I plan to make a quilt for each of my girls when they are ready. Right now they get some comfort wearing his shirts and hoodies and I’m fine with that. There are good services that do these custom works out there for quilts, pillows, or stuffed animals if you are a person who doesn’t sew or doesn’t have the time to.
  8. Julester3

    Went on first coffee date

    I’m happy for you! It’s hard to get out there. It took me a bit over a year to make any effort.
  9. Julester3

    Proud Mom

    Congrats to you and your son! This is a huge milestone. Definitely a sucky proposition for our kids to hit these achievements minus a parent to root them on but it is still a testament how strong and successful they are nevertheless.
  10. Julester3

    Hard day today

    I tried to keep my mind busy so it wouldn’t wander and make me cry mostly. I’d watch tv and crochet at the same time. Listen to music so the house wasn’t silent and then clean things. I’d sit in my hobby room and work in there because it didn’t remind me of my husband. It was my space. It was trial and error for me. The kids went back to school after a week so that kept them busy. They used music and tv as well to fill the silence while they did homework.
  11. Julester3

    No will

    I cried when I got the death certificate. It just reminds you that it really truly happened. Since I was waiting on a full autopsy by the county, I had to wait 90 days to get it so I had to wait 90 days to do any business at all. That sucked. You need to assess exactly what was in his name and find out what the laws are in your state. My husband had no will either however the house and cars were in his name. The cars were easy if you have the title or liens for the titles. I did a small estate affidavit and had to go to the DMV and pay for the transfers. The house however had to go through probate court and where I live you have to wait like 18 months after presenting at court to be sure there is no other possible person to stake a claim but yourself. Our accounts that had his name on it, I was able to change over by going to an office or bank. Just make a list and go through it. Then it will seem less overwhelming. Wait on the bank account last in case any check comes in his name so you can deposit it. I closed all his credit cards and I sent a death certificate to the credit bureaus so no one can use his SS or credit to purchase or open any accounts. Also don’t forget to go to social security for SSI benefits for your kids. They are eligible until they graduate high school. If they turn 18 before they graduate, they just need to turn in a form from the high school their intent to graduate so you can keep receiving SSI until they graduate. You can do this. It’s hard but just take it one task at a time.
  12. Julester3

    When to go back to work

    I waited 3 weeks. I used a week giving the girls time and support before having them go back to school so they could finish their school year. I liked being home for them in those early days since LH worked from home often and would be home already when they got home from school. I also needed the time to process and come to terms initially as I was in shock still. I eventually needed the distraction work could provide on a daily basis and honestly we needed the health insurance I could provide if I worked full time. When I was in a poor triggered state at work, I simply shut my door and waited until I could collect myself. Thank goodness I have an office with a door! I cried plenty the year of firsts while I was at work but I bounced back better being in an environment with people around than I would have sitting in an empty house by myself.
  13. Julester3

    It's been 10 days

    I am sorry for your loss. You need time to process as it is still so early and fresh for you. Many of us know how you feel. My own husband died of a heart attack nearly 3 years ago and he was only 40 years old, 5 weeks short of his 41st birthday. My girls were 12 and 16 when he passed. I used my energy on them the most and then worked on myself. We are now a stronger family unit with redefined rules and boundaries. Read through the site and process. I found that so helpful. Vent whenever you need to. We are good listeners. Hugs to you today!
  14. Julester3

    Sexy Widowed Saturday Night!

    Just returned from spring break trip with the kids. I'm recovering in bed!
  15. Julester3

    Widow for 3 years

    Hugs to you. I’m sorry you are joining us here. It’s hard to keep it all together and moreso with your anxiety and depression to compound things and make life more challenging for you. I hope you have support around you or people to lean on. If you haven’t tried yet, have you considered family grief counseling? It could you help you as a family unit. Please read through and vent as you need. Sometimes it’s hard to talk to people but it’s easy to read our stories and feel a sense of kinship and understanding.

About Julester3

Just a woman trying to raise her 2 daughters and help them retain the good memories of their father. 

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    04/04/2016
  • Name of Spouse
    Josh
  • Date Widowed
    April 7, 2016
  • Cause of death
    Heart attack
  • Spouse's Age
    40


The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

Enable
×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.