Mr C

BambiGrk, I believe God is big enough to understand and handle your anger in this moment. Here is a link to an article that discusses the subject with more authority and grace than I could: https://griefminister.com/2014/09/15/what-if-im-angry-at-god-because-of-a-death/ Be gentle with yourself. Mr C

I Miss My Friend

Good for you for starting a blog. There is benefit in posting from further on the path as it is helpful for readers to see others who have been through this experience. Even after 3+ years I find myself searching for new materials to read on widowhood. We wids often feel so alone on this journey.

Tomorrow is my 25th wedding anniversary. Today was a full on meltdown unlike any I have had in months. Fortunately, a friend from the board talked to me for a while and helped calm me down. She is having to prepare for her oldest's graduation coming up as well. It sucks not having our spouses here on these special occasions. And I feel for you having to go through so many at one time. Sending you hugs for this difficult week and wishes that you can find some moments within it to enjoy.

I so get this. Yesterday was one those painfully uncomfortable days where I just wanted out of my skin and couldn't escape it. A couple drinks and a long overdue cry last night relieved the pressure.

I look for opportunities to talk about my wife in conversations to the extent that many people would think she is still alive. It makes me feel better to talk about her and makes it all still feel real.

Her progress sounds wonderful.

Thank you for sharing this message and article. It is a good reminder of the dangers of driving exhausted and what is at stake if you do.

I had a good experience with a reading over the phone with Susan Sanderford. She had been recommended by someone on the old board. The reading was on the six month mark and gave me some peace for a while.

Sending you tight hugs and prayers for your son's visit to the cardiologist on Thursday.

Love the story of your T's persistence. May this day be filled with such sweet memories of the great relationship you shared. (((HUGS)))

((((Tweety)))) Sending you hugs and well wishes for a better year three.

Fuck doctors who do not take women's health issues seriously, who just quickly dismiss symptoms to stress, migraines, anxiety, etc. Ooh, this has me truly boiling mad. It is ridiculous how many stories I have heard--and the life-threatening extent of them--of doctors ignoring women's heart health symptoms. I am so glad you ladies finally found the medical attention you deserved and needed. (Note that this is not my wife's story. Our heart health advocacy has been in large part to give back because of the great care she did receive.)

The dog took my girl scout cookies. I could really use a cookie this morning and have no idea where the dog hid them; she doesn't eat 'em. No need to swear in here as I am at home and was able to let loose on a nice tirade. In other news, my sports car continues its streak of bad luck. The first incident was that it rolled off a hill into a tree. In the exhaustion after a 100 hour work week I forgot to set the parking brake and put it in gear. I was so distraught that Mrs. C had to handle the details. It took nine weeks to repair, whereas I had only had it for seven weeks prior to the accident. A few weeks after my wife died, the car was hit by a Presbyterian center bus. This was after I had turned to religion. I remained composed that time and was actually consoling the bus driver. The latest was that a rat took up residency while I let it sit through the winter. Will find out more on the extent of the damage come Monday. More or less taking it in stride. Fuck this life, where I now have perspective that damage to my nicest possession isn't that big of a deal; and where little things, such as not having a small comfort food, can push me over the edge.

Such a moving recollection. Thanks for sharing. ((((Hugs))))