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Everything posted by beth_krkswidow

  1. beth_krkswidow

    It's been 10 days

    Dear Melissa, I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Yes the pain is indescribable and unrelenting. No one could fathom the utter devastation. But you are completely normal. Unfortunately this is the hell of losing the love of your life. I remember keening and not knowing what that sound was or where it could possibly be coming from. You are so fresh and raw. I wish I could give you a hug, remembering the depth of horror of the early days. I am so very very sorry you are where you are. Cling to those who are helping you (letting you talk, or sitting with you in silence, or doing laundry or errands for you... whatever it is that you need. Don't feel guilty for ignoring those "friends "who say heartless hurtful things. I am sso so sorry. Sending you warm hugs.
  2. beth_krkswidow

    Emotions always so close to the edge...

    Bunny, I n could have written every word of this Cry at the drop of a hat. Almost anything can reduce me to tears. And I have much less empathy for others. I compare their problems to losing the Love of my life my wonderful Kirk ... and if it's not nearly that devastating anr shattering, I feel nothing. And I used to be a very compassionate person
  3. beth_krkswidow

    Newly Widowed Again

    I am so sorry. I had no idea. I am shocked and saddened. Did not know he was sick. I am so so sorry
  4. beth_krkswidow

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    So so sorry for your loss, Lead2.
  5. beth_krkswidow

    TRUTH: It doesn't always get better for everyone!

    Just so sorry. Don't know what to say. So sorry to hear it all Hugs
  6. 22 Months. I hate this life. I hate being the Survivor. WHY didn't I die with him? Or instead of him? I have NO reason to live. I hate this existence. I know God must have left me here for a reason. I can't figure it out. I just hate this life. I want my old life back. I want the old me back. I hate this new creature I've become. I don't recognize it and I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. Cuz it's not my skin. It's a stranger living in my old body.
  7. beth_krkswidow

    Stuck and still fall apart this time of year

    Right there with you. You sound perfectly norma Course our def of normal is not the same as the rest of the world
  8. beth_krkswidow

    I hate this life. I hate this new person

    Kirk died 2 days before our 28th wedding anniversary so I too have the double whammy at Sadiversary /anniversary time. His birthday is next Wednesday. But he remains the same age, and I am growing ever closer to being as old as he. Strange he was always 5 years older than I and now onky 2 years separates our ages.
  9. beth_krkswidow

    Widow/er Songs for the Holiday Season

    Still love these songs. Took me awhile to find them. THIRD Christmas without him. Unbelievable. Still sucks
  10. You expect to outlive your parents. You don't expect to outlive your spouse, your life partner. EVERYTHING changes with the death of a spouse who is your soulmate. NOTHING is ever the same again With the death of a parent, no matter how close you wete, changes some things but definitelynot everything. I was not in the least bit surprised by the vastly different reactions you express Hugs to you
  11. beth_krkswidow

    Cancer and my husband’s pajamas

    Sending hugs. SO sorry. Glad you have his pjs for comfort.
  12. beth_krkswidow

    When to Tell

    Well, since I met the guy I'm dating at my Widow/er Grief Group... there was no need to tell i was widowed. He'd heard my story countless times. And oddly, I can't say when I decided to start dating because it just happened. I had turned down many dates. I was NOT interested in dating. There were several people in my grief group who helped me with work on my property. My hubby had done everything so I was pretty helpless. After one time when this guy was helping me, we were watching a movie. He put his arm around me and kissed me.. and we are still dating. That was over a year out. And I still tell him that if he'd ASKED me out, I'd have said no.
  13. beth_krkswidow

    Tell us about your non-human babies

    Cae, I often wonder the same thing. My 2 dogs mourned for 2 weeks. One wouldn't eat. And the other one ate but just laid around all the time, not like his normal boisterous impish self. At 2.5 years I wonder if they wonder why he never came home. I took them to the cemetery last week and kept telling them this is where Daddy is. They did not understand. I just wonder what they think. I had always said if I died I wanted them yo see my dead body so they wouldn't think I abandoned them. But he died at the hospital so it was not available .
  14. Hugs. Just hugs You sound like me. My husband did EVERYTHING. All the shopping , laundry, bills,etc. I worked but at home he spoiled me rotten. But you are ahead of where I was at 3 months. For the first year I actively wanted to be dead. We do survive Kicking and screaming sometimes. So p sorry for the abuse you were subjected to at your most vulnerable point Hugs to you
  15. At two and a half years, I still wear mine where he put them. I slso wear his around my neck. I am dating someone and he does not mind at all. In fact, for a surgery, they had to remove them (I couldn't get them off. Fortunately they were able to get them off without cutting them. I cried when they got them off and the guy I'm dating hugged me while I cried then held them for me during my surgery. I plan ,maybe someday having a ring made of his snd mine. But I'm not ready yet to take them off. He is still my husbsnd
  16. beth_krkswidow

    Nobody gets it

    Shayla, I am at 2.5 years, am doing so very much better. If anyone had told me where I'd be now I wouldn't have believed them. However, his jeans still hang in the bathroom that he was going to wear the next day, his pictures are still everywhere, etc. They usually make me smile not cry these days.. but when I do cry, it's good not bad. You keep his pillow forever if ylou want. NO one has the authority to dictate that except you Four months is the rawest of grief time. No one understands that. They think 4 months is a long time. It's a nanosecond. H u gs
  17. beth_krkswidow

    Nobody gets it

    Amen to all the above comments. As Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a grief expert [if you ever get the chance to hear him speak, DO IT] says, Some of what people say is harmful but mostly what theybsay is "True... BUT NOT HELPFUL!" He's no longer in pain...true..,NOT HELPFUL You have the rest of your lufe,,,True..,NOT HELPFUL etc.etc They are clueless DGI's and I wanted to punch them in the throat
  18. beth_krkswidow

    New Relationships....Post a Pic

    Congratulations, Rob - Wonderful!
  19. beth_krkswidow

    Update and photo

    Amen! Congratulations and warm hugs
  20. beth_krkswidow

    Back to ground zero

    So sorry, TooSoon, that you are having to deal with this where you are having to deal with it. Sending hugs your way
  21. So sorry you had to join our ranks. You will be in this fog for quite some time. It's called widow brain and it's real. Look it up. You'll realize it's normal --as normal as is possible in this hell. One day at a time, one hour at a time, sometimes one nanosecond at a time. Gentle hugs
  22. beth_krkswidow

    Committed But Not Married (Long)

    SamNE, My thoughts. This sucks since you do indeed wish to marry. As to your questions..... your life your choice! Call each other by whatever name you want. And yes, your friends and family would be thrilled and honored to attend whatever ceremony or occasion you choose. If they do not even wish to attend, they do not belong among your nearest and dearest. Being able to attend is different from wishing to attend of course. Best of wishes to you
  23. Kk, I am so sorry to hear about your accident. Absolutely 110% understandable Don't know how you'd have any OTHER reaction. Just sending hugs

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