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Mrskro Please steal away!! Tracy

My new favorite: "Chuck it in the fuck it bucket" A lot of shit goes in that bucket now!

Mimi I think it so sweet that you wear his socks! Keep it to yourself and enjoy it all. I love seeing you have a new happy life that is so very different from your life with Donald. I don't think it's a duality in your life... It just means that you keep Donald close and have enough room in your heart for both the wonderful men you love. Take care my friend! Tracy

I traveled from the US to Costa Rica with some of Michael's ashes. I put them in my carry on in an engraved flask the kids gave him for a fathers day present. No hassle at all leaving the country with a full container and no questions returning with the empty flask. He will travel wherever I go and be spread where we should have traveled together. It is a tradition spun from spontaneity. The first spreading was harder than I expected. Enjoy it, embrace it.. he's with you! <3 Tracy

You are 12 years younger than me and I have a bucket list.. sometimes it's so spontaneous that I have to add it to my bucket list to check it off... I have been fired from my job of 24 plus years.. I have started over I have traveled to Costa Rica and had to get a passport I went back to CR and spread some of Michael's ashes I brought pot from Mexico to Costa Rica.. International drug smuggler! I'm having a lot of fucking fun right now.. memories are what I'm working on! Love this thread! Tracy

Our people did not die in vain... go out and fucking enjoy it all in there name...and ours! We are still here and they are not. Celebrate them everyday.. even if it wasn't something they would understand. Who cares? They are gone and we are still fucking here.. live it people!! Live it!

I'm just over 5 years out from DH death. I grieved hard for 2 years, spent 2 more years being lonely and working on myself physically (losing weight and working out at the gym), then going into the 5th year I met a young man, 20 years my junior. He wants autonomy in his life, yet we have a committed sexual relationship. My internal rules made this relationship hard in the beginning and then I realized I want the same autonomy in my life he wants. I like being able to come and go, do what I want and not checking in with anyone. We text during the week just to say hi and have a great day. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be in a relationship, then I realized I don't want one yet. I'm enjoying this time in my life. I'm no longer grieving and I consider myself single... really single for the 1st time in my 53 years of life. When I want to settle down this young man door will shut and the long term relationship door will open. We have traveled to central america together and it was so fun. I am having the hottest, sexiest and most naughty sex I've ever had in my life and I love it!! I don't care what anyone thinks... I just don't. Go out and enjoy it all. I told my kids (who aren't much younger than him) that when I die, I want them to tell stories and memories of what I did in my life. The stories post DH death are much more fun!! The best advice I've gotten is from my oldest son... he said "go do you mom, go do you. You've raised us to be responsible adults, suffered and grieved enough".. that kid is a blessing! Go out and do you!!

Michael never had a place he wanted to visit.. we were just going to travel. I spread some of his ashes for the first time in Costa Rica. I was surprised by the emotion that came up while doing it. Enjoy girl! It's emotional and liberating at the same time!! <3 <3 Tracy

Today marks 5 years since I lost Michael to cancer. I'm surprised by the emotion that is coming up today. I miss him so much. I keep working at life... it's crazy what has happened in 5 years. Life goes on. Just missing him so much today. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day. Tracy

Michael never wanted to be anywhere but home.. so he is here with me in a beautiful hand blown glass urn that I ordered. When I put his ashes in the urn, I put some into a flask the kids got him for fathers day... I've also put the ashes of his two beloved pets in with him. (they are all in ziplock bags). I put our wedding rings on a chain and hung them around the urn. Till death do us part.. I leave for Costa Rica in 2 weeks and the flask is coming with me. He never got to see the beauty of Costa Rica but I know he would of loved it! A little bit of him is going to stay on Playa Tamarindo. I told the kids they could figure out to do with both of us after I die.. it will be their decision then. Good luck! Tracy

I just returned from a 3 week trip to Costa Rica. I had much time to reflect on life traveling from beach to beach. One item that popped up on my radar from all this self reflection was how much energy I wasn't spending reaching out to good friends. I realized that in the beginning of grief I didn't reach out to people as I didn't have the energy, nor did I know what to ask for. In April it will be 5 years since he's passed and I now see that not reaching out to people is a habit.... not the result of the grief. It was startling for me to realize that I was neglecting wonderful relationships due to this "habit" I picked up. I'm not saying that this has happened to anyone else.. I just know I did. I might have tested differently prior to that realization.. I'm not sure, as I didn't take the test before I returned. Tracy

ESFP - A The entertainer. I would have tested this prior to Michael's death... Now almost 5 years later I test this way. I'm curious if I still would have tested this way in the depths of grief? Does your basic personality stay in place even during deep and polarizing grief? Interesting question. Tracy

Seattle.... Go Hawks!

Bunny.... xoxoxoxoxoxo

Both of my children had left home by the time I was 43 years old. Michael and I had 5 years alone when he died. I don't struggle with the kid thing, but I understand! When I met Michael I had two young boys, 8 & 11 and he had no children. I couldn't have more children.. On our first date I asked him if he wanted to have children as I didn't want to fall in love with him and find out that he wanted children. He thought he was to old at 33! A few months later he told me his lease was up and we should move in together. I told him I wasn't going to let any man move in without a commitment as I was raising boys. He said "all right, let's get engaged!" That was 5 months after I met him. My point is that it doesn't matter if it's your chapter 1, 2, 3 or 4.. it's the quality of the man that makes the difference. Plug your nose, jump and yell "cannonball".. On a side note.. I have a much younger man in my life that started as a "fling". It has now evolved into a little more than either of us expected. I've been telling my friends "he's for right now, not forever". Tonight for some reason I analyzed that statement. Wow! Our long term commitments ended up being "not forever".. so really everything is for "right now".. Live life!! GO FOR IT! With much love, Tracy