Kaycee

My husband unexpectedly passed away 3 years ago. At the time I discussed the details of his cremation and funeral with his mother and ask her opinion since he was her child. I told her that he had told me that he wished to be cremated and our ashes buried together. She was fine with it and wanted me to honor his wishes. Now that I am in another relationship she wants his ashes and was furious when I told her that I was going to honor his wishes. She has talked very bad about me on social media and even thanked someone for cropping me out of a picture of us together and commented that she never wanted to see me again. I have cut off all contact with her but I’m so hurt. I was always good to her and I love her but I can’t continue to try to stay in her life. She’s made it clear she doesn’t want me around anyway. How do you handle something like this? I’m heartbroken.

It neveItworked out. He is coming out of a relationship and seemed very hurt. I told him upfront that I only wanted to be friends.I think the fact that I'm a widow and he knew my husband somewhat was a little hard for him to deal with. So he kind of backed off which is fine with me. I hope we do stay friends though.

Well, since my last entry things have been hard. I have had a lot of days where I just lay in bed and cry but yesterday and today were a little bit better. I have had a million different emotions about the way things ended with the guy that hurt me so much and I'm not really interested in jumping into anything else right now. However today a male friend of mine who I talk to from time to time ask me if I thought about dating. I didn't tell him about the mess I had just been through. I just said I had thought about it and I had been hurt a lot so I was scared. He mentioned that he had dated a few girls and told me a few funny stories. So then he said since we were friends that he would be glad to take me out sometime and there would be no strings attached. I accepted and now I'm scared to death. I haven't been on a real date in years. The last guy I was with was a bum and I had to pay for everything. I don't think things will go anywhere with this guy but who knows. It may sound crazy but after my last relationship I don't know how to handle someone being nice to me. I'm more guarded now so I kind of know what to look out for. Has anyone else had feelings like this? What was it like dating again for everyone else?

I think he was pretty much telling me that if I had kept my mouth shut and let him have his way that he would have left her when the time was right. He said I argued too much with him and it opened his eyes to how things really were. He sickens me. As long as he was happy everything was fine.

Thank you all. I'm trying my best to stay strong. I actually talked to my son's counselor today by myself when we went for his visit. She gave me some good advice on what I need to work toward. I have been so overwhelmed with school, work, the kids, losing my husband, and this horrible relationship that I haven't really been able to deal with my grief. I guess it's time to slow down and figure out how to make the best life possible for the kids and myself. I know in my heart that I deserve better than the relationship I was just in. It's just very hard losing the comfort of talking to someone everyday and feeling like you have a chance at being happy with someone again. It's even harder knowing that he was someone (at least in the beginning) that I could talk to that really knew my husband.

I know that he wasn't that great of a person now. We started having problems when he started telling lies and never wanting to be around unless I was doing something for him. I started feeling worthless and hurt. I know that I'm better off and that I dodged a bullet but I can't help missing him. He said he wouldbhave stayed if I hadn't fought with him so much but I couldn't ignore what I was seeing. I know I need time to heal. I just don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I'm 34 with two kids. I just hope that one day I will meet someone who will love us and not hurt us. I loved my husband with all my heart and there will never be anyone like him. He was a great stepdad and husband. I loved him so much and he loved us. I feel like I betrayed him by letting this happen. I just wanted to feel something besides pain for awhile. My life has never been easy. I just wish I could catch a break.

I feel horrible that it even happened. I should have known better. I do feel bad or the other woman involved. I feel horrible that this went on without me telling her. She didn't deserve to be lied to and I take responsibility for that. I just hope she wakes up one day and realizes what a piece of crap he is. I hope everything around him crumbles and he feels the same type of pain I have felt.

I wish I could just be happy again. I feel angry one minute and sad the next. Sometimes I really wish he would just call and say he was sorry and tell me why he did this to me. Then again at times I don't want to speak to him ever again. I just wish I had more answers. :'(

Thank you all for the kind words. He called me earlier with her listening and told me that he was in love with me up until I asked him to tell her the truth. He said he told her that he told me he didn't love her and so on. Then he asked her what she wanted to do an she wanted to stay with him. So he said that he was going to work it out with her because I had pushed him too far with an ultimatum. So there was no love there in the first place. I know that now. It just hurts so much to be used. I helped him financially a few times when he needed help. I was always there for him no matter what. I really believed in my heart that he loved me.

Well to begin with I already know I made a horrible mistake. I was approached by my husband's best friend after my husband died and he has a girlfriend. It started out with him telling me that he would always be there for me. Everyone in my life pretty much abandoned me. He even told me that his girlfriend didn't want him helping me with anything, She had told me before all of this happened that there was nothing going on between them and that she just lived with him because she didn't have the money to rent another place and he told me the same thing. as time went on we got closer. He told me that he was in love with me and that he wanted us to have a future. And like an idiot I believed him. Things got more stressful as time went on, I saw where she put up a post about them being together for the next 50 years. So I ask him if there was nothing going on then why was she saying that. He told me she just put on a show in front of people. So I told him that he should tell her if he didn't feel the same. We got in a argument and I told him it wasn't fair to either of us and she needed to know the truth. So he argued with me and I told him I had enough and if he didn't tell her the truth I would. So he told her and then told me that we had nothing else to say to each other. He made me feel like he was the only person in the world that cared for me. He told me he would never leave me like everyone else did and then turned around and did that very thing. I know that it was wrong. I know that she must feel awful if he was telling her the same thing. I hate myself for it. I don't understand how you can tell someone that you love them and then just turn your back. I don't know exactly what he said to her. He wouldn't tell me all of it. I just know that I feel hurt and used. I feel like that he took advantage of me when he knew I was hurting and alone. I honestly don't want to live anymore.

Has anyone else had there husband's best friend try to start dating you?

It's been almost 10 months since my husband died and I still feel numb. Most days I try very hard not to think about it too much. It just doesn't seem real. Sometimes I feel like he never was here. I don't know if I'm still in shock or denial. I don't know how to deal with it. I feel like I'm just existing. There are times I wake up and I don't even feel like I know where I am. When he died I thought I would never stop crying and then I just went numb. Almost every person that said they would be here for me hasn't been. I've tried to talk about it to a close friend but they don't know what to say and I feel like I'm annoying them when I talk about it. I have two kids from a previous marriage that he helped raise and I know I have to be here for them and they are really the only reason I haven't given up. I wish I knew how to get out of this and be able to feel something. I don't know what to do and life has been very hard after his death. It seems like there is problem after problem. I know I'm rambling. I just don't know what to do with myself.

Thank you all for your comments. I hate that we are all going through this but I am grateful that ther are people that understand. Hugs to everyone of you.

Does anyone else feel terrified of being alone? I have children and I know I have to be here for them but I feel so alone. I think about the future and what will happen to me when they're grown. It scares me to think about it. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere anymore since my husband died. Some of the people we were friends with barely talk to me anymore. I don't know why unless they just don't know what to say. I've never felt this scared before.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I feel the same way about my husband. It doesn't seem real. Sending hugs your way.