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  1. RyanAmysMom

    I am so inexperienced at communication....

    Thanks for your input everybody... I really do value all of the advice and experiences - thanks for sharing..... I have so much to learn about "adulting" and communicating... But... I'm willing to own it, and to work on it... I think part of learning about this is figuring out it takes courage to communicate....
  2. I may or may not need some advice.... I'm not sure... I have always been extremely independent. Like......extremely. I am the one everyone goes to, I am the one everyone depends on - and really, I've been the doormat. After growing up in a family that didn't communicate well, I attended some counseling and had a lot of couples counseling with DH early in our marriage. One of the things that the therapist really felt strongly about was the idea that people don't make you feel things - you choose how you feel. And you can choose your response to a situation. I get that. It's the idea that "you made me feel...." is not necessarily fair, but instead, say "when you....., I feel...." and own your response.... But it has lead me to internalize a lot. I got to the point with DH that I just owned everything and never expressed anything. So..... the other night, I knew NG had had a very long day... said he was going to take a shower and then come over. He took a shower, and fell asleep. Called near midnight and apologized. So, rational me says... he was asleep, what's he to do? He can't call me and tell me he's asleep.... and I knew he was exhausted. But emotional/hormonal/irrational me was worried sick, and then pissed off, and then felt hurt and disregarded and unimportant and insecure. And then I started to wonder if he was really at home asleep, or if he had something else going on (which is totally out of bounds and I have no reason to not trust) but I started to distrust.... (A woman's brain is an incredible piece of work.....) So, he called at about midnight and apologized and explained..... and I told him I understood. I only shared the rational thoughts with him.... but kept the rest to myself. And now I'm still hurt and frustrated, but isn't that my problem? Not his? I mean, why make an issue of it for him if he simply fell asleep?...... Aren't my feelings my problem?
  3. RyanAmysMom

    Social Security Children's benefits....

    Thanks so much, Solo!!! That totally helped!
  4. My DH passed almost 4 years ago..... My children and I have been very blessed to receive the survivor's benefits from Social Security - I literally couldn't have survived without them.... Well... My oldest turned 18 in January - and his benefits stopped. I was under the impression that his benefits would transfer to his sister, and they'd still get the total benefit amount until she turns 18 as well. Does anyone have experience with this? Do I have to contact Social Security to transfer the benefits? Or will it just happen automatically.... perhaps there's a delay? Advice?
  5. RyanAmysMom

    The "L" Word

    AND....... It happened. He said it first. I cried and cried..... and then I said it back. It felt so awkward and strange and new and scary and great and awful...... all at the same time.
  6. NG and I were smooching on the couch the other night, and he swore that someone smacked him on the side of his head. It wasn't me.... It wasn't the kids.... He's convinced it was my hubbs......
  7. RyanAmysMom

    The "L" Word

    So.... If you've entered into a new relationship, how long were you together before you said the "L" word? And who said it first? You or your new person? And did it feel at all like a betrayal of your spouse? I'm in a relationship that I feel could head this direction, and I'm excited and terrified at the same time...... I don't feel yet that I can say those three words.... Please share your thoughts... experiences...... Thanks Jen
  8. RyanAmysMom

    Went on first coffee date

  9. RyanAmysMom

    introduce yourself here

    Welcome, Jenn! Welcome to the awful club. I hope here you'll find some peace and support!
  10. RyanAmysMom

    Sexy Widowed Saturday Night!

    Anybody doing anything interesting? I'm on the last night of Spring Break - Been sick all week, working on my own homework for my Master's - now I'm getting back into preparing for students on Monday - Wishing I was doing something much MUCH more exciting.
  11. Ok..... So...... I'm not sure where to start with this.... but I figured what better group of people to ask..... so..... here goes..... Are your deceased loved ones "hanging around"? Do you feel them? Smell them? Sense them? Hear them? Do they mess with stuff at your house? My hubby swore that his grandfather hung around and talked to him, watched over him....And then when hubby's dad passed, I would randomly smell his pipe, or hear his voice.... So in my experience, there is some interaction between spirits and us.... but to what extent? There is a reason for my question, but I wanted to just ask it first..... perhaps I'll explain more if y'all don't think I'm nuts... Anybody?
  12. RyanAmysMom

    Emotions always so close to the edge...

    I SO understand.... and my kids are so sick of seeing my cry all the time! It's been 3.5 years, and I will still be driving home from work and just start crying... or sitting watching a GEICO commercial, and start crying..... My NG, who has been very supportive and encourages me to talk about hubby, recently asked me if I'd had grief counseling.... I told him YES... but this is just me....
  13. I suppose at this point, I don't expect anyone to actually read this..... In some ways, I'm still putting thoughts in print..... because it just seems to help... Last night, New Guy and I went to dinner and we took my 18 year old son with us. We had a great time! My son is excruciatingly shy and inhibited... but he actually opened up a bit at dinner. After dinner..... deep breath........ the three of us went to my parents' house - I introduced the new guy to my parents. I know this sounds old fashioned and silly, but it was a huge step for me.... And he hit it out of the park! I'm so freaking happy..... He's obviously been listening when I've talked about my family - he brought up all the right topics - He said he felt like he could fit in.... I'm stunned.... and thrilled. Wow. just wow. (And the parents really really like him!) eek!
  14. The most amazing things happen when you take a little risk! I ended things with G in January - and I had no regrets! Never shed a tear. That should've told me something, right? (And.... he sealed the deal - claiming that I'd never find what I was looking for........ Challenge accepted!) I jumped right into online dating again... nothing to lose.... decided to have some conversations with people..... And I started talking to a man in late January. We decided to meet on Superbowl Sunday. I didn't realize until I woke that morning that that date was also my wedding anniversary. I wrestled with it for a while, prayed, visited DH and finally decided to just go meet the guy. I am so impressed with this man - He's wonderful! We've seen each other nearly daily since the first of February - He's thoughtful, kind, funny, caring, compassionate.... He encourages me to talk about DH, wants to know about what made our relationship so special and successful... He wants the kind of relationship I want - My children have commented frequently about how happy I seem lately...... (My daughter is completely addicted to McD's fries - The first time he came to the house, he brought fries for her!) I am a school teacher and had Parent-Teacher conferences last week - and they were pretty tough.... and this wonderful man set up a date - dinner, a massage and a hot tub soak for me! I've never felt so spoiled and cared for! I have hope. (Is it possible that I met him on my wedding anniversary for a reason?)
  15. RyanAmysMom

    Momento Mori / Momento Viveri

    That is stunning, and so powerful. Thanks for sharing!

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