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  1. RyanAmysMom


    Oh, such heartbreak.... again and again, it seems. So sorry that's how your day has started. Prayers for a better day ahead.....
  2. RyanAmysMom

    The problem is me.

    That's just it - I didn't realize that I needed to! I thought that I was "in a relationship" and "functioning at work" (and probably in other relationships, too) and just finally realized I'm not satisfied with those things because of ME! So... admitting there's a problem is the first step, right? Yes, I do want to change - I want that intimacy, ease, comfort, trust that I used to enjoy in relationships..... One step at a time..... And Trying: No, he's not the type that will talk about it much - I'm sure I could tell him that I've realized this about myself, and he'll acknowledge it, (probably agree) and move on. Not that he's uncaring - He's just pretty black and white - either you're in or you're out - The one time we had a "disagreement" his response was very simple - are you committed or not? That's all that matters - if you're committed, it'll work out. If you're not, it'll continue to be a problem. He's just not one to emote or react emotionally.... And his lack of intense emotion about stuff has allowed me to function on that plane, too...... So...... yeah. Time to get uncomfortable, I guess.
  3. RyanAmysMom

    The problem is me.

    Ugh... seriously frustrated and confused. I have been dating my guy for almost 6 months now - I keep wondering why things aren't different....better.....more.... I have a new boss at work since August.... I keep wondering why things just don't feel right..... And then today it hit me.... I can't. I can't trust. I can't open up. I can't get vulnerable. I just can't. Can't? or Won't? Am I so scarred from my loss that I can't develop relationships? Am I broken? Am I jaded? I want so desperately to connect to someone the way I used to connect with DH.... I am surrounded by people who want to be in my life, and I just can't....... And I feel so lonely. This sucks.
  4. RyanAmysMom

    I'm Tired

  5. RyanAmysMom

    It’s been five years

    Best of luck to you!
  6. RyanAmysMom

    I'm Julia, freshly widowed

    Welcome, Julia. So sorry you've joined us here. And it's so hard to deal with trauma along with family drama.... You certainly have several reasons to still be in shock. Rest assured, it is normal, and probably not permanent, although it feels crazy and forever.
  7. Had the most wonderful date with my two teenage kids tonight - And toward the end of the evening, I was reminded of how much their dad would laugh at certain things they'd do.... And it hurt so deeply, so sharp...... Will it ever not hurt to remember? When will I get those "sweet" memories? I want to remember and smile...... I'm so tired of crying.... 3 years 2 months 2 hours........
  8. RyanAmysMom

    Sexy Widowed Saturday Night!

    Virgo - that sounds AWESOME! My NG and I went to the Gallo Winery for a "Picnic"- The local Symphony backed a cover band for Queen - it was fun! (But I'd much rather see Ed Sheeran!)
  9. RyanAmysMom

    Life update…and ramblings….

    Oh, Maureen.... your shoulders must be tired from carrying all of that..... I'm grateful that you shared.... I hope that you are finding some closure, some completion, some connection in all of these changes.
  10. RyanAmysMom

    Those familiar chest pains of loss

    Kudos to you for having the courage and integrity to do the right thing. I'm having a lot of the same experiences lately - but I don't currently have the mettle to make the change - I just can't "choose" to be lonely and have those feelings of loss again...... yet. Perhaps a new perspective would help? Maybe you've had a great learning experience, and you'll move on to something wonderful...... And that is a real possibility because you're not tied up in something that wasn't working. All the best to you.
  11. RyanAmysMom

    Extreme difficulty finding someone new

    I hear your frustration - and I understand your desire to find the perfect person - but at some point, you also need to BE the perfect person - You obviously have some very strongly held beliefs and it doesn't sound like you have much tolerance for those who disagree with you - I don't suggest compromising your beliefs or standards, but consider that you might be happy with someone who disagrees (respectfully) with some of your views. I know that this post alone doesn't give me much of a sense of who you really are, but it does reek of passive-aggressive attitudes. This position may be a lot of what is wrong with your search, as well...... Women are individuals, not a category - What you did "perfectly" for your wife may not be at all appropriate, desirable, or "perfect" with me..... Different people give and receive communication differently - Maybe you need to listen a little more carefully? I respect your values and your opinions - I truly do hope you find what you're looking for -
  12. RyanAmysMom

    Triggers in public places

    My son and I had a "moment" yesterday - My father's birthday is today - so I was shopping for a birthday card for "dad"... and I realized that my son won't get to do that ever again..... We looked at each other, thinking the same thing, and both welled up in the grocery store..... I HATE those moments......
  13. RyanAmysMom

    The first one out the gate

    You could be reading my mind! I feel exactly the same way - I know he's not Mr. Right, so why am I doing this? (probably because I know where my Mr. Right is.....) I'm hesitant and afraid and doubting..... and so insecure! I think you're really REALLY normal.... If I were too give advice, I'd say go slow.....
  14. RyanAmysMom

    Is death the end?

    I've experienced some of the same feelings and wonderings... I can't answer your questions, per se... But as we've progressed 3 years since my husband's passing, I've found that he is most definitely still with us. We talk about him. We mention him. I see him in me... the things he taught me, the things we experienced together. I see him in my kids...the looks, the things they say..... the smallest moments .... And then there are the times I dream about him.... or think I smell him..... I know he's with me... I never noticed those things the first few months - I was too upset, too traumatized... But as time passed, I was more able to see and hear and feel those little pieces of him. I pray you have the same experiences.
  15. RyanAmysMom

    Leaving on a business trip.... (whining, self-pity)

    Tybec - thanks for the confirmation and insight - I just read your other post - and I think you're on the right track - we need to develop our own lives and interests and hobbies and be satisfied with life with or without a significant other.... But what really resonates with me is that you get it: TIME IS PRECIOUS... and I can't stand to waste it. And people who haven't been where we are don't get it the way we do.... Hang in there....

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