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  1. RyanAmysMom

    "Dear Evan Hansen"

    My daughter is 16.... and she's 4.5 years out from daddy's passing. But she and I were hugely affected by the show. She has read the book and knew what to expect.... I had the basic idea, but it was very "in your face" with the social issues.... I really don't recommend this show for families who have had trauma..... I had a friend commit suicide as a teen - it brought back all of that..... And then in the show when the mom has a "breakdown" and describes how hard it was to hold her boy as dad drove away.... of course I thought of when our dad "left.".... it was just a lot...... As an educator, I think this show has its place - I think all educators and people who work with children and teens should see it - it is masterful at exposing the thought processes of these young people..... I think parents of children who have suffered depression should see it - if only to help understand their kids better.
  2. RyanAmysMom

    "Dear Evan Hansen"

    My daughter read this book last year and insisted that we needed to see the stage show/musical. We saw it last night in Sacramento. It was intense. Fantastic music. Fantastic acting. Amazing story. Inspiring themes. But, wids, beware.... It's a minefield of triggers. If you don't know the story, it's basically about a lonely boy who's supposed to write uplifting notes to himself (Dear Evan Hansen, Today will be a great day and here's why....) As Evan's heading back to high school he tries to write today's note, and it ends up as more of a suicide note..... But another student takes the note from the printer, and claims that HE wrote it to Evan.... And then that boy does commit suicide. The story progresses exploring how both families handle the loss, and it addresses marital stress and discord, teenage relationships, single parenting, divorce.... Along the way, there are very hopeful moments where teens and families come together to support each other and find ways to heal.... but getting there is quite an emotional journey. My daughter and I sat in the theater bawling, holding each other.... but listening to the sounds of sniffling throughout the theater..... It's a powerful experience.... But go carefully! Love! Jen
  3. RyanAmysMom

    Is this grief, or something else?

    I'm no professional.... but it sounds a little like PTSD, a little codependent, a little needy, a lot like grief...... and it's all really really normal. Feeling how you're feeling is very normal. Your children growing up and establishing their own lives is normal. Missing them desperately is normal.
  4. This is So Very Normal...... and so troubling. I am impressed that you are so in tune with these feelings and sensations...... Just keep talking about her. Your relationship deserves a legacy....a story.
  5. RyanAmysMom

    Breaking up? Seeing other people?

    Well, it took almost another month, but as often happens, it fell apart all by itself.... I was right - he wasn't the right guy for me. I miss him. I truly love him.... but we weren't a good fit. In talking about things, we discovered that I didn't want to hurt him, and he didn't want to be the "guy who dumped the widow...." So.... onward.......
  6. I have been seeing a man for a few months now..... He's really great. We are far from the perfect couple, but we have been exclusive for a bit.... We really struggle with communication - which I'm seriously coming to understand is my fault...... seriously... I don't want to stop seeing him. But, knowing that life is short, precious, and our time is limited, I also feel that I want to keep looking for someone who might be a better fit. Am I being selfish? Am I wrong to want to continue to see him? Is it fair to him? Or does the fact that I want to keep looking tell me everything I need to know? And for God's sake, how do I tell him? I hate the thought of hurting anyone..... especially someone I truly care about... Ugh.... I hate dating. Any advice? Thx
  7. RyanAmysMom

    Graduations..... These kids keep growing up!

    Oh Rob..... Your baby sounds like my baby..... He has always suffered from extreme anxiety and gets overwhelmed in groups, in situations that were too social.... My baby started Junior College this week - He homeschooled himself for the past 3 years, so getting back to a "schedule" and "people everywhere" is overwhelming for him. I have had to talk him down a couple of times this week - but he's working through it. My baby (18.5 years old) has also resisted driving... But he's taking his behind-the-wheel test on Thursday next week - I'm PRAYING he passes..... I need him to stretch his wings.... I admire your willingness to support your baby in whatever is needed..... I only hope I could be so kind.
  8. RyanAmysMom

    Have you ever been called out?

    I have a couple of perspectives on this.... First - if it's important enough to approach them, then you can't worry too much about how they'll receive it..... (If you're worrying about how it will be received, perhaps you're not the right one to deliver it...?) If the parent is being irresponsible, they need to be called out - but maybe not called out, but offers of support need to be made. I know I have had times of inappropriate parenting (setting a bad example, being selfish, making poor choices) when I needed support - when I felt the most lonely, the most desperate.... But the bottom line is.. I needed someone to not JUST point it out, but to support me through it.. help me see another way... If the parenting issue is putting a child in danger (any form of abuse including sexual, verbal, physical, neglect, hunger, etc.) then the parent should first be confronted but be told that CPS will be contacted if the issue doesn't improve. But again... if you care enough to get involved, be part of the solution, as well. I have received a lot of feedback about how I raise my son.... Crap shoveled on me because I don't make him "man-up" and do chores like mowing the lawn, or other stupid things... But what the world doesn't see is what he DOES do for me and our family. I've given him a lot of leeway emotionally - removed a LOT of stressors from him (pulled him from public school, delayed learning to drive, etc.) because what others don't know is that he has previously made suicide threats and has extremely intense anxiety issues.... So... recognize that there may be more to the situation than you know..... And if you get involved.... Help all the way through to the solution - don't just criticize... Because the person probably knows they're failing.. but they don't have the knowledge, or energy, or resources, or strength to fix it.... Jen
  9. RyanAmysMom

    facing my inner demon....

    My husband died 4 years ago tomorrow. I blame myself. I haven't forgiven myself. I don't know how. I still cry when I think about his passing.. because I blame myself. I feel so guilty. So responsible. So at fault. I shoulda....... If only........ What if....... If........ Should've taken him home. Should've been with him. Shouldn't have left him alone. Shouldn't have ignored his complaints. If only I had forced him to wear his medic alert bracelet.... Should've helped him get more exercise, eat better.... Should've heeded doctor's warnings..... Should've been a better caretaker, wife.... If only I had taken better care of him.... maybe.... My logical mind knows damn well that there was nothing that I could have done - he was living on borrowed time anyway - and his care was up to him, not me. My logical mind knows the result was inevitable. But the emotional toll........ I know I"m not alone in this..... you understand, right?
  10. RyanAmysMom

    Let's Celebrate!!!

    arneal - Thank you so much! It's interesting that so many people don't understand how difficult it is to get that degree! I am more proud of myself than I can express..... I am a badass! I had gone back to school a year before hubby passed - got my teaching credential - I started teaching elementary school 30 days after he passed.... I now have my Master's in teaching English to non-native speakers - I feel privileged to be able to help others love to learn! Toosoon - Congrats to your girl! That's some great parenting right there!
  11. RyanAmysMom

    Happy Fourth of July!

  12. RyanAmysMom

    Happy Fourth of July!

  13. @arneal - she posted under my thread about celebrations! It's great news!
  14. RyanAmysMom

    widowed 3rd may 2019

    I can't imagine ... but then again.... I can. I am so sorry that you're having such intense grief. It comes through in your words....... I invited my daughter to sleep in my bed after hubbs passed.. I couldn't be alone, either. You're going through so much.... You've exhausted yourself taking care of everyone.. and you still have that job to continue for your son.... But be sure to reach out for help, and take care of you... you may not even know what that means, or how to do it.. but find some time off..... God bless!
  15. RyanAmysMom

    Happy Fourth of July!

    What a beautiful quilt! I'm a quilter, too! Working on a new one for my bed today! Do we need to start a photo gallery of all of our quilting? Keep each other motivated?

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