angelk75

I don’t really post here much but right now I just need to be here where people understand. It’s been about 1 1/2 years and until recently I’ve at least been able to function fairly well, but now I seem to be stuck in a vicious cycle of apathy and anxiety. I want to get out and do things, visit with friends, etc. but then when the time nears to do so the anxiety takes over and I shut myself away, this then leads to me becoming apathetic. I was working before so I at least had somewhere to go and something to do but then I developed some health issues which are preventing me from working at the moment so now I’m at home all the time and it’s getting harder to get myself up and even harder to get myself out. I married young so this is really the first time in my adult life I’ve been alone and I’m having some trouble figuring out how to do this. Any prayers and/or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. If I could only find that strength everyone around me seems to think I possess...

I'm at almost the one year mark and my emotions seem to just be all over the place lately. Today at work I was doing fine and then I went on break and was completely blindsided by an overwhelming amount of pain and sadness, all I wanted at that moment was to just be able to hear his voice again.

10 months along and I think I'm learning how to deal, then bam! Everything comes crashing down. I feel like I've fallen right down that dark hole again and I'm not sure I have enough strength left to climb back out. I miss him so much and this pain is absolutely unbearable. Grief sucks!

At 10 months out I seemed to be finally getting to some level of being able to function again, for the most part the tears seemed to have all dried up and I could think about him and smile, until I started back to work. I really don't understand why going to work, a place he has never been and so no memories attached there, would be so painful. When I'm at work I seem to think about him constantly and I'm starting to cry again, with little to no warning. I just don't understand why work seems to be a trigger and the places I thought would be difficult to deal with don't really have any effect on me.

Done. Living in a small town with no local support groups this site has been my only connection to people I feel really understand me.

Hi, first of all, so sorry you have to be here. I'm now almost 5 months out and 3 of my kids have had birthdays since their fathers accident. One son turned 15 4 days after and didn't want to do anything. He basically just wanted to forget his birthday altogether. My other son turned 11 about two months after and he also didn't want to do anything special but did ask if he could get a gift. My daughter just turned 17 early this month and for her she just needed to be away from the house and wanted to spend that weekend with a friend. I just followed my children's lead on what each of them felt they needed to do to best deal with those special days.

Today, There's nothing special about it really. I've got dogs to feed and take out, children to feed and get off to school, house to clean, clothes to wash but today I can barely function. Today the pain is so deep and so raw, today the tears won't stop, today the sobbing racks my body, today I lock myself in my room and just give into the pain. Tomorrow, maybe it will be better but today really sucks.

Leah, I know there are no words that can help right now but sending hugs your way.

Thank you. I'm glad I found this group as no one I'm close to can understand me, they try but fortunely for them they have not yet had to walk this road. Your replies have encouraged me, to know I'm not going crazy and that there might be some hope of getting to a place where I can function again helps so much.

I'm having a really rough day today and I feel so lost and confused. All day I've started things only to lose my train of thought and have to stop to think about what I was supposed to be doing. I start remembering how it was and that just tears me apart, so then I try not to think about it but that seems just as painful. It feels like I'm at war with myself, I don't want to be alone but within minutes of being around others I become irritated and just want them to go away. I'm tired of being in my house all day, but don't seem to have enough energy to actually go out anywhere. I turn on the tv because I hate the silence but then can't stand the noise either. I start cleaning my house but then become tired very quickly and just want to sit, then I become restless just as quickly and want something to do. My kids are all busy with work, friends, and sports so now I'm mostly just here by myself which I like, until I don't. I feel like I'm losing my mind and I don't know how to come back.