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  • Date Widowed
  • Cause of death
    Esophageal Cancer

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  1. hachi

    Wells Maine - June 14 - 16

    Hmmm, do we need to reschedule this?
  2. hachi

    Wells Maine - June 14 - 16

    I'm still in! Maureen, when are you leaving? Something has to happen before then!
  3. hachi

    Widowed 5-9-19

    Hello Gemma, Welcome to Widda and to the club that no one wants to join. This place is full of tips, and ideas, but ultimately everyone is different. You will surely find someone here you can relate to, perhaps on the same timeline as you, perhaps a little further along. For now, just know you are not alone, and that you will wake up everyday and move forward in some way. Sometimes it will be a great victory that you could take a shower and walk to the mailbox. Just be kind to yourself, try to stay hydrated and if someone wants to help you, try to let them.
  4. I sort of disagree about feelings. I think feelings are what they are. Understanding your feelings and acting according to that understanding about yourself and others is a whole other story. I have had similar feelings when NG is busy and doesn't always let me know what his schedule is. I worry (his work can be dangerous) and I feel a little taken for granted that I am waiting around. We have talked about this, and he is a little better about letting me know if he is going to be later than expected.This goes a long way in me "feeling" that my time has value. But we wouldn't have gotten here if we hadn't explored the feelings. He called, presumably as soon as he woke up and realized what happened. And you said you knew how tired he was. Seems straightforward. I don't think it warrants a deep heart to heart, but if you tell him how you felt in the hours you were waiting, well, maybe next time, the expectations would be set a little different. "I'm going to shower, but I am tired. Let me call you after and if I feel like I need to lay down, maybe we should try for a different night..." Something like that. Not expressing feelings in a contructive way can lead to resentment, and resentment is the ultimate relationship killer.
  5. I think I might be outside the bell curve. It will be seven years, and while I don't outwardly flinch anymore, in my head, I can't believe he isn't sitting on the deck waiting for me to arrive just in time for the sunset. I keep thinking that someday, I will just smile at the memory, instead of suppressing the gut punch I still feel.
  6. Fuck joy snatchers and their inability to be happy for people when good things happen to them.
  7. hachi

    My very own Widow Island

    Helen, It is so wonderful to hear from you! I was actually thinking about you not so long ago when a bunch of us got together! I am so uplifted by your post and my main question is this? Is Muck big enough for a BAGO?!? 1. Hearing a wonderful update from Helen 2. Yes, sun, finally! 3. My cherry tree has bloomed for the first time since it was planted. So pretty
  8. hachi

    Getting Rid of His/Her Clothes

    I could see if you had spent a few sessions with him and he noticed that seeing these things was upsetting to you, but sometimes people have set ideas about how to handle grief, and everyones path is so different. You have to find out for yourself what is helpful and what harms you. A therapist should be a guide, not a director. I am glad he helped you with other things, and I suppose his reaction was reasonable when he suggested soemthing different, but in my mind, he was still suggesting you take steps that you don't seem ready to take.
  9. hachi

    Getting Rid of His/Her Clothes

    This is a perfectly fine solution. I echo everyone else's sentiment. I am not sure what kind of therapist would argue that memores are not a good thing. Sounds a bit pushy and out of line to me. Is this your first visit with the therapist? I am not sure I would invest much time in someone who would shut me down like that...
  10. hachi

    Probate court

    Hi Melissa, I am not a lawyer, but not everything has to be probated. It really depends on the laws of the state and the form of ownership of the house. If you owned the house jointly, with rights of survivorship then the house passes to you outside of probate, as does insurance policies. Probate would come into play if your name is not on the deed of the property. I am sorry you have to go through this. If the estate is large, or there is substantial debt, you may want to consult a lawyer.
  11. hachi

    Wells Maine - June 14 - 16

    This will be fun!
  12. hachi

    Ashby MA, Flash Bago

    Thanks again, L2F, for hosting. You have a lovely and interesting home. Everything about this weekend was wonderful. XO
  13. hachi

    When to go back to work

    Hi Melissa, i am sorry that you have to face this decision. Yes, everyone is different. For me, after being an extreme caregiver, I could not just bump around an empty house. I went back to work immediately, but I had a job with a private office, and honestly had days where the door was closed and I just stared at the computer. I think it was the right choice for me, but you know yourself better than anyone else. I know many who stopped working and ended up even changing careers entirely. I am glad you found us, this site has been a great place of friendship, advice and support. Marie
  14. hachi

    Emotions always so close to the edge...

    I feel this way as well. It is as though I just can't go there because I believe that if do, I will never stop weeping.

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
  • Cause of death
    Esophageal Cancer

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