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  • Date Widowed
  • Cause of death
    Esophageal Cancer

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  1. Where do I begin? Thank you Loves2fish for opening your home to the widda invasion. Your NG is lovely and we felt most welcome. Thank you to MrDrew for letting me boss you around in the kitchen. Thank you Captain'swife for the "secret ingredient" and to Maureen for continuing to be one of the most genuinely kind people I have ever met. It was great to see you all and a special pleasure to get to spend time with each of you individually over different times in the weekend. Something you don't always get to do in a large afternoon or evening gathering. This was really special. Nice to meet some new faces, and missed some of the regulars... you know who you are!
  2. hachi

    Facing another loss

    Thinking of Nonesuch today with the Maine Bago coming up. Don't know if she checks in anymore, but maybe the post will notify her? Maybe not because she comes up as guest.
  3. All sounds great! Really looking foward to this. Hope to come up after work on friday. Like Maureen I am expecting traffic so probably not til 7 or so... I will find you where ever you are! LOL
  4. Might be a possibility for me to head up there for a little while on Friday night.
  5. hachi

    Calendar Of The Heart

    Yes, I know this feeling. Sigh... Sometimes I am thankful I can still feel this. It reminds me that it was real, that it happened to me. It wasn't a dream. He was here. And then he wasn't. I hope the days are gentle on you, and that the memories will bring the occasional smile that no one else will understand.
  6. In my opinion, DGI is not necessarily a slur. Most people who "don't get it" are not shut down in the way you say. Most of us don't exclaim "you just don't get it!" and stop talking. Even in the OP's post, when he didn't get it, she explained. And her post was entitled "rant". In the spirit of helping you with your reflection, I would gently advise you to consider the context before you "lose your shit" and accuse someone of taking the "the lazy way". Hope you got your snickers bar, you did sound a little cranky!
  7. I would be willing to do a Boston or Manchester airport run. I am 45 minutes from Boston and 30 from Manchester. Don't be shy, make your needs known. People are driving in from lots of areas, so we can make it all happen! There is also a convenient little airport in Worcester MA with direct Jet Blue flights from Orlando.
  8. Nearest airport, hmm, Manchester NH is probably the most convenient, but there is also Portland ME and Logan in Boston. Are you renting a car, there is not much in the way of public transportation up here....
  9. hachi

    A widower's doubt

    Great question, and two great answers. I am in a relationship which, like Maureen says, is totally different than my marriage. Two different people, but also, I am a different person than I was at 25. My marriage was strong, but tumultuous. My new relationship, while I would never call it boring, is a bit more predictable. I am not sure I have the energy for the ride my first marriage was. I guess we all just have to figure it out for ourselves. What works for us and our new mate. I know he is happy I am in his life, he says I am the best thing that ever happened to him. I am content. If I feel any guilt, it is for feeling relieved not to have the extremes. Maybe it is settling, or a compromise. I know some who knew me with my husband might say so, but I don't really care. We are building a good life together. Great affection and liking how you feel when you are with her is a pretty good start. I like that you told her you love her even though you are not sure what that is. In full disclosure, I expressed similar feelings to my NG and that honesty is what allowed our relationship to develop. Sounds like your girl's the same.
  10. hachi

    introduce yourself here

    Welcome Paul, I am glad you found this forum. In my early days I read for months before I posted and found it so helpful as well. Mostly to feel like I wasn't crazy. Even now, and it will be six years for me in a couple of days, I am still finding my new normal. I am a strange combination of the girl I once was before I married, the woman I became after married, and a new person who doesn't resemble either of them. Me, myself and I. Peace,
  11. hachi

    introduce yourself here

    Sunsetmojito, I am so sorry you are going through this. I get the "beyond exhausted" and remember wondering how it would feel when it was all over. It truly was an honor to be able to be by his side, and the end was really peaceful. We had home hospice also. Things for me that were important - minimizing the flow of people in and out, and letting those who were the closest help me when I needed a short break. I never did bring myself to leave the house in the last weeks. Figured there would be time for that later. But the short breaks to look at the sunset, or play with the dog were welcome. I hope that hospice is able to manage his pain to make this more bearable for the both of you, Marie
  12. Bumping this as a reminder that we settled on Sept 14/15 Hoping to hear more aye's! RIFF? JeanGenie? Trying? Guaraj? Captain's Wife?
  13. hachi

    Does anyone speak Mandarin?

    I was just in Shanghai, and used an app on my phone that worked really well. It was recommended by my Chinese colleagues and we used it a lot. You can even speak into it. Mine is on an iphone, it is just called translator. Not sure if it is available on droid but probably because it is by microsoft.
  14. You didn't hijack, my friend. You just validated that feeling that when we have that special someone ( and in here I include you and my NG) who can deal with the memory of a love no longer with us, well that is something to treasure. I love how love wins.
  15. Today is a mixture of events.... 6 years ago I was trying to figure out how to get him back to the cabin. The place he would die. I am here now. I arrived yesterday with new guy. The first day of summer. It was an exquisite sunset. One of the most beautiful I have ever seen. New guy was out in the neighborhood. I still call him NG even though we have been together for a few years now. Anyway, I texted him that he was missing it, but I didn't really mind. I was sharing it with DH. In his place. The place he always called home. It felt very peaceful and right to be alone with the sunset in this beautiful place he built for us. In the early years I couldn't steel myself to the pain of walking around the deck expecting to see him. Waiting for me to join him for the sunset in the long days of summer. I would tell myself that he wasn't there, but was always surprised to find that he wasn't. It was the same gut punch, time after time. At 6 years I have learned to keep my thoughts to myself, but NG is keenly aware, and when my mood shifts, he knows that I can't help it. The calendar of the heart calls me back to my dear love. Always missed. Always remembered. Always a treasured part of me....

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
  • Cause of death
    Esophageal Cancer

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