marjoe

No, you aren't unreasonable. What is it with people?

I know all the words to "Brandy". I don't know what that says about me, lol.

Amen, KK. In the old board, I would refer to them as death groupies. The ones who want to hear all about it and leave you depleted. Screw 'em.

I'll bite. Paint it Black - Rolling Stones Going Mental - Ramones Don't Fear the Reaper - Blue Oyster Cult Hey, Joe - Jimi Hendrix Sunday, Bloody Sunday - U2 Teenage Lobotomy - Ramones (you see a trend here?) Marsha

Cheese popcorn, most definitely! Walk in the woods, or walk on the ocean?

Still, I have read your post, several times. So much of what you wrote hit home. I'm at 8 1/2 years, and there are times I think - G-d, I've been through the fire and survived. Some days I'm riding high, confident and ok, and other days - well, come home from work, pour that wine, binge watch the White Queen, and think, OMFG, what is to become of me? So yeah, you're not alone in this. I've found that there's a byproduct of being widowed, be it fear, or warrior strength, or cynicism. Whatever it is, good or bad, it stays with us. My 2 cents. I just wanted you to know that you've been heard - thank you for posting this. Marsha

Nicky - it doesn't sound odd to me. I felt the same way - walking out of the hospice room at the hospital, into the sunshine of a hot July day, I literally couldn't believe the world was still turning. There came a time, and I don't know if it was at 6 or 8 months, when, all of a sudden, I remembered. I was so frantic, I wrote down all of my good memories - I don't know what triggered it, but the good ones started to come back. Still, that movie reel of those 4 months are burned into me. But at least I started remembering the other - it will come to you. Hugs, Marsha

I am so sorry. And I agree with NewGirl, I will do the same (on the beach) for your wife's memory.

My sympathies on your loss, Kaleigh - so I'll try to answer based on my own experience. Yes, the dreams can be G-d-awful. No, there is nothing more to them than your brain processing. What I did from the beginning was write down everything the next day. More times than not, I'd see where my brain was taking me. Did it help? Well, hell, not in the helping of the grief thing. But it gave me a little bit of clarity. Hang in there - the brain and heart deal with emotional trauma in not so great ways - but they do deal.

Rayspumpkin - I see it differently. I see it as yearning, and love, and missing. Hugs to you - Marsha

Semper - RUN, don't walk, from this guy. He is seriously fucked up. Reading what he wrote is - disturbing, to say the least.

Cassandra, sorry - but this made me laugh. Good one!

One of our former members posted a birthday wish on FB to her deceased husband - it was a "we" rememberance, along with her husband now, as she's remarried. It was a lovely and humorous post. My former 17 year old employe; dad (who I knew well) overdosed 9 years ago, posted today how the day sneaks up on her. She posted it with a memory of love. My friends post pictures of deceased parents, and how they miss them, and some are gone decades. Do it, Mizpah! I know what you mean - but who gives a shit? Post it. Love may be here again, but it doesn't negate the effects of that special person, that one of a kind, never to be here again, funny, quirky individual who LIVED. Do it!

Wifeless - you have outdone yourself! Thank you!

Thank you, Maureen, for this. Well written, and on point - for me, "Now that he's gone, I'm the only one who speaks our language." So true. A widowed friend said.."I'm silenced,", and he was right.