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  1. Eddienhp

    Having a week

    Yikes, Virgo! That is a lot!! I've been having a nerve wracking week but in such a different way. I have actually been pushed to the point of nervous anxiety twice which I have never experienced. Hopefully the car is an adjustment or easy fix. My car is 14 years old. The engine light kept going on. It was an oxygen sensor so it could be repaired. I can't imagine the workload in a 12 day course. I took a summer course which was a month and I swore I would never do it again. Is there anyway to put a temporary patch on the water heater to hold you over till the new one gets installed? I hope it all works out for you. Eileen
  2. Eddienhp

    Mother's Day 2018

    I can relate as I still have issues with father's day. My kids are 11 and 8 so they really still grieve the loss of their father. They don't remember him but they know they are missing a father and have his pictures and artwork. This year I had the toughest time on mother's day. I have no idea why. I did think of my husband and how he would spoil me. Then I saw all the other moms posting pictures of flowers that their wonderful husband's bought them. Since then its been a downward spiral I just can't seem to find my way out of. Eileen
  3. Eddienhp

    Anniversaries superimposed

    Wow, I never thought of identity whiplash/change in identity. Maybe that is why I can't seem to go into a new relationship. I do still feel I identify as a wife; still married. Its an interesting concept. Thanks for sharing! Eileen
  4. Eddienhp

    Are you still stunned?

    I am 6-1/2 years out. I have been busy rebuilding our income and raising two kids; one with special needs. Lately I find myself walking around the house thinking how significantly our lives changed. The house remains mostly the same. My husband's items (artwork, instruments, etc) are still in place. The children enjoy them and I have never felt the need to move them. I wonder he is so much still here yet we are so used to him not being around. It doesn't hurt any more. It is a tinge of sadness followed by the reality of today's living environment. Is it delayed grief? Am I just waking up from the chaos that was created? Or is this just normal for us to feel after losing someone so important? Eileen
  5. Thank you for posting this. I always worry if my kids will be ok as they grow up without a father. I do the best I can for them always wondering if it will be enough. I devote to them. I will only get to raise them once. I strive to do it right. They are happy and seem to be doing ok. Many people comment how polite they are. I think they have gained a lot of compassion because they had to face the loss of their dad so early in life.
  6. Yep, I get it. It sucks. I am 6-1/2 years out. It is shocking to type that number. There were many, many times I didn't know if or how I would make it. I wasn't sure I actually wanted to make it. I had to though. I was left to raise two children on my own. I thought the rest of my life I would just live for my children, waiting to die. Then a purpose found me which is leading me on an interesting journey. It is enough to challenge me yet I have full confidence I will be successful at it. For the first time, I am really looking forward to life. I am happy even though I live with sadness. It has come to the point where I have accepted my biggest loss and disappointment learning how to live along side of it. I have not recoupled and am not actively pursuing a relationship. I stand on my own in this new life. You will find a purpose again. Eileen
  7. I have always been different. Never knew why. Then I started my business and figured out why being different is a good thing. Years later I would have a son with Autism. I am so used to being different, I don't know if I could ever be the same as most others are. A different drum, out of the box, on the edge, you name it, I am there! Eileen
  8. amazing letter! Is it possible to also post it in the newly widowed section? Eileen
  9. Eddienhp

    Interesting article about Social Isolation

    I am definitely socially isolated! I can't help it. Two kids now 11 & 8, one of whom has special needs, work, household maintenance, etc. I have no time. I do spend weekend time with the kids. I invite their friends to join us but not many respond due to busy schedules. It's the life I have to live now. The kids won't be young forever. Eileen
  10. Eddienhp

    Not a believer in signs, but....

    Wow. So cool. I get signs too. They always come when I am struggling; just about at wits end. Dimes, scents and dreams. Its not too often but I really treasure them when they come. Eileen
  11. I hope you made out ok! Thinking and praying for you. Eileen
  12. What a horrible situation. The kids want to be with you yet crazy-mom makes them feel guilty? She is abusive. Do you have legal rights? Maybe visitation for you and mandated counseling for her? Or you could just painfully let go. My heart breaks for you and the kids. Eileen
  13. James, I am just over 6 years out. How I remember those early days. Days so unbearable I couldn't wait to sleep. I nearly had enough energy to move. I can say it is survivable. It will get better. There will always be a place where your love resides. It sounds strange but somehow we become able to live in the present with our loved ones in our minds and hearts at all times. Sending you strength Eileen
  14. Eddienhp

    Newly Widowed

    So very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband to cancer. Grief is tough; emotions all over the place, sometimes no emotions at all. It's like a rollercoaster. In the early days you might have to remind yourself to eat, sleep, and do basic self care tasks. People here said to make sure to drink water because crying is dehydrating. They said try to get enough sleep and make sure to eat. I followed their advice the best I could. Another thing they said was I was going to survive this. At a little over 6 years, I can say they were right. I send you strength. Know you are not alone. You always have us. We get it. Eileen
  15. Eddienhp

    One month in

    Hi Matts Welcome to the club you never wanted to join. I am a cancer widow just over six years out. Grief is like a rollercoaster. Ups, downs and crazy turns. The key is to live it. Be sad, angry, shocked, disappointed, etc. Feel the feelings. Counseling is a good tool. Its a journey we must take. Over time there will be more good days than bad. Sending you strength. Eileen

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