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Eddienhp

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  • Date Widowed
    November 2011
  • Cause of death
    Cancer


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  1. I lost my dad unexpectedly in 2007. My husband died in 2011. To this day it it still seems unreal that 4 years later my husband would be the first family member to follow my father to the grave. Grieving for each was different. I believe it was because my father was older. Naturally I miss both but it is my husband's death that has the most impact on me. Eileen
  2. It’s coming in a few days. 7 years. It doesn’t seem real. It seems like a lifetime ago yet seems like it happened 2 years ago. The grief is different. No more crippling, deep grief. No more replaying the last two weeks of his life. It’s more sadness like a sigh. I can function but I notice I am not as able to concentrate to my best level. It’s more like a slight fatigue. Somehow my mind never thought about the anniversary numbers getting bigger. That stands out. The numbers will get larger and larger. I have to realize that and accept it. That seems so simple yet it is not. My kids are alive longer without their father than they were with him. The world has moved on but we carry the grief everyday. We live it. We face it. It will always be part of us. Someone very important is no longer here. It can’t be avoided or erased. That is a fact we will live with all of our lives. I have not dated. I am too busy raising two kids under 12, working, managing a household. I recently tried to venture into online dating only to realize I don’t have time nor the energy. I have a child with special needs so my ability to get out depends on a support worker showing up and their work hours. It’s ok. I am at peace with it. The time alone has made me learn a lot about myself. I have emerged from this stronger. I am very thankful I can express this here amongst people who understand. Eileen
  3. Eddienhp

    Feeling lost

    I am where you were. Approaching 7 years for me with a 12 and 9 year old. My life is consumed with working and taking care of kids. I know one day I will be on my own as the kids grow and take on their new lives. I am planning to take library courses, join clubs, and activity groups. Maybe I will look to date. This life is hard. We used to have a partner. Now we don't. We must deal with what we have and go from there. Wishing you the best, Eileen
  4. Eddienhp

    The Lack of Sympathy

    Sending you lots of hugs Captain's Wife. I have one with autism/adhd and the other typical. I am a widowed, self employed mom. Totally not easy at all. My kids are in scouts too. Its a great program but requires a lot of time. I have been very irritated in the past month as I face numerous items breaking down. I am up to 10 different items at this point. I am getting cranky, frustrated, and depressed. I love when people tell me, just call a repairman. Yeah, each repair is a minimum of $250 to fix, like I got $2,500 sitting around I can part with. Oh yeah, that is what YOU do, you just call someone. Yes because you are a mom (SAH/PT Worker) whose husband is really the one who supports the family. How nice and convenient to just pick up the phone and call for help not having to worry about how it will be paid for. How about this too; stop posting pictures of everywhere you take your kid? My kids see them and I can't take them to all the wonderful places you take yours. I am also sick of seeing you and your hubby pictures touting what an amazing relationship you both have. I am totally not in the mood for this. My defenses have been weakened. I am emotionally vulnerable. Why is it me, always me, who has to do everything, pick up the pieces, carry on, overwhelmed and continually exhausted. No family here either. Somehow we make it all work. We live with loss and are reminded of it everyday. We have come to the point where we usually can get through the day but there is a day or two that just knocks us down and the ugly grief monster rears its head reminding us it is right there just beside us. Sending you peace and strength. Eileen
  5. Eddienhp

    9 years...

    Coming up on 7 years for me. You lived a lot in the 9 year; accomplished so much and lost so much. It's surreal. Sending you cyber hugs.
  6. So sorry for your family's loss. It is a beautiful picture. Sometimes pictures are all we have left. We learn to live with the heartache we carry throughout life. Sending you and your family peace and serenity today as you face the anniversary. Eiileen
  7. Eddienhp

    I lost my job today

    So sorry to hear Rooshy. As a business consultant, I would say this business is in serious trouble. Like you said, you didn't expect them to be around another year. I bet you are going to be right. Although this is a disappointment for you, it may well be a blessing in disguise. It doesn't look like one and it doesn't feel like one yet it left an open door for you to walk through. You mention your background is in insurance and healthcare billing. Isn't there a big demand for that skill? Another avenue is to work for one of the state disability nonprofit providers. They bill medicaid and the state to get reimbursed for delivering services such as community habilitation, respite, behavior support, etc. Hang in there. It wasn't you, it was them. You will find something more suitable. Eileen
  8. So sorry for your loss, Sunsetmojito. My husband died of Stage IV kidney cancer so I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. We had a memorial that included pictures, my husband's favorite music, his artwork, a memory box for people to write down their precious moments with him, along with a lunch in a clubhouse setting. It was a nice easy going setting. He wouldn't have wanted us to be sad. We obviously weren't happy but we made the best of it. My kids were 5 and 3 at the time. It took me a while to breakdown. It was a blur in the beginning with a side of did this really happen?? You are in the right place. We will hold you up. We all get it.
  9. Eddienhp

    For those further along (5+years)

    I am coming up on 7 years and I still have trouble believing it. Not a day goes by without my husband on my mind at least once a day. I was in a daze the first year. I know 9 months and 18 months were very difficult. My brain clarity seemed to come back at 2 years. My creativity came back at 3 years. I felt ok at 4 - 6 years; not happy yet not sad. At just about 7 years I feel my new life moving forward. I had a very difficult financial situation to work out that took 6 years so my grief was on the slow track. The debt was renegotiated now I am working on rebuilding income. It was a very long road. I finally feel free. I can see good things coming. I have not dated; haven't even tried. My kids are now 8 and 12. One has special needs. I have a full platter not just a full plate. I think of recoupling; even dating. Maybe one day. If it happens it would be nice. If it doesn't, I can handle it. I know I don't "need" someone. I doubt I would marry again because its to legally complicated with children especially one with special needs. I am just grateful I had the time I did with my husband. I wish our children had more time with him. We are healthy, happy and have our basic needs met. Its really all I could ask for given the situation we found ourselves in. We all walk at our own pace. For some of us it takes longer to recoup. For others it may be faster. I have had to go slow due to my circumstances. I feel it worked better for me. Best Wishes, Eileen
  10. Eddienhp

    almost 5 years out

    JS so sorry for your loss. Its 6-1/2 years for me. I think of my husband every day too. My children were 5 and 2 then. They have grown quite a bit since then. We have learned how to function as a family without a dad although it is very hard sometimes. My heart breaks for them every time I see them grieve. Single parenting is a huge task. I have met over the years two young adults who shared that they lost one of their parents at a young age. They calmed my fears of growing up without one of your parents. They were well adjusted, responsible young adults. I was grateful they shared as they gave me hope for the future. My best to you and your children, Eileen
  11. Eddienhp

    Did she know of her fate?

    I know two weeks before my husband died, he just had to get something done. It was unusual behavior for him. I was always curious as to what made him behave in that way. Was it premonition? Was it a nudge from above? I do find it intriguing because had he not completed the task, our lives would be very different today. I know he didn't want to die and fought hard to live so I am not sure I believe he knew he was dying. I have found over the years there are specific times where I just felt I had to do something. It was like I could not rest until it was complete. Those events turned out to have significant impact on our lives. In our case, I feel it is guidance from above. Maybe Rhonda dreamed of her mother's cancer. Maybe it was a glimpse of Rhonda's future but she wasn't sure it was she who would be stricken with cancer. I don't know if you will ever get answers to those questions. I never gained insight as to why my husband was to adamant about getting this one task done before he died. I do feel my husband left this earth when it was his time. Now l can see why he might not have been meant to continue with us. As much as we want him back, there was nothing we could do to keep him here. I hope you find some peace Steve. Eileen
  12. There was a special lady, actually an angel who walked earth who passed away recently. Another one lost too early. She singlehandedly changed the course of my son's life. She was an educator who chose to advocate for my son. My son has blossomed in every way possible because she generously shared her talent and time. She really went out of her way for us. I am so truly grateful to her. There hasn't been any funeral arrangements announced. I have been in brief contact with her husband and daughter. I hope I am able to attend the memorial as it is at least 2 hours away. Life is so not easy being a widowed parent with young children especially when one child has special needs. Thanks for everything Linda. I will always remember you. Now it is my turn to help your family as you have helped mine.
  13. Eddienhp

    Texts from the grave

    Somehow when I text something to myself it appears on the mac computer as coming from my husband. I am sure its settings somewhere that can be changed. I don't want to change them yet every time I see a text with his name I get excited then am on the verge of tears for a while. Its crazy. I can avoid the pain by changing the settings. Yet I can't bring myself to actually change them. UGH!!!
  14. Eddienhp

    Six Years Today

    I love this. This is exactly where I am.
  15. Welcome Heather. You didn't want to have to join us but I am sure you are glad you found us. The memories of the last days/hours will fade. I was told that and I didn't really believe it until I saw it for myself. It is hard to comprehend the loss of a spouse. Grief like a wave pool. It can wipe you out. When it does, rest. You will need the rest. Cry. As much as it hurts, it actually does help. Take it minute by minute, then it will become hour by hour followed by days, weeks and unfortunately, years. I am just under 7 years out. The fact that it is 7 is hard to comprehend. I am left with gratitude and the occasional twinge of pain. I feel blessed I knew my husband and I was lucky to have him in my life. I think of him everyday but the pain is no longer there. I only feel it when my children say they miss him or I am having a tough time. Hang in there. You are in the right place with people who get it. Eileen

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    November 2011
  • Cause of death
    Cancer


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