Love2fish

Simon, as Julester said, keeping busy is good medicine. If work is still too difficult for you it might help to get out and visit safer places. For me it was a flea mkt. last weekend. I wasn't looking for anything. I just wanted to be around people who were all doing their own thing and I could interact with or not. I have been crying more than usual lately but I knew that no one at the flea mkt was going to care in the least. That freed me so that I had a good day. Even spoke with a few vendors about the stuff they were selling.

Made me smile too. Especially "clutterstruck". I was going through Precious's photo box today and I was worried about throwing out a yellowed scrap of paper with nothing written on it! I can laugh about it now!

Bank people can be good people. The first time I went to do banking after DW I met a teller who had lost her husband 3 months before. We became best friends and 2 person support group. Still best friends. Apologies to Bubu for being off topic. Bank people do suck for the most part. But who knew Gynecologists could be so ignorant?

Come for a few hours or for the weekend. Ground zero is the Village By The Sea condo we used last year. Ladies are invited to stay in the condo which has a king, 2 queen beds and a sleep sofa. Men can stay with me a few miles down the road. We can easily expand to another condo if needed. Indoor and outdoor pools, bocce ball court, outlet shopping, sandy beaches or rocky coast to walk. Weather permitting we can kayak either Sat. or Sun AM in the estuary which the condo overlooks. It is a very safe area suitable for first timers with kayak rentals where we start from. September is the best month of the year to visit Wells, IMHO. Post here if interested or PM me for details. Love2Fish

Welcome Sera Your youth at 33 feels wasted. At 71 and twice widowed I have a slightly different perspective. Your youth is not being wasted. It is being spent doing the things you need to do as you are able. I read you as a very self aware woman. You know the right questions and you have the good sense to ask them. That is more than half of the battle. I will bet that at 71 you will be a force to be reckoned with. Check back here and let us know. I would also suggest that finding a local widow or two to befriend might be a lot better than finding the wrong therapist. All my best therapy has been with widow friends.

Hi Peg, Good call on not going this alone. We are all here because we know that there's comfort in sharing with others who have "been there, done that". Be well.

Leadfeather said it. We are only looking for one, finding that one makes it worth the frogs you have to kiss. You only want the cream of the crop and it takes time to separate the 95% at the bottom from the one you deserve. I really am sorry you had this happen. I've felt this same pain several times. Then I found my Precious and it was all so worth it. I lost Precious this spring to cancer. It was still worth it all and I will do it again.

I am looking forward to this. I was hoping to bring a date but she is busy. I will be driving down alone from either Ashby or Wells that day. If anyone near either area wants to ride share I'm game. I can easily fit 3 more.

I've felt that way often. Tough to explain the ways it's worse. Deeper when remembrance of our other loss/losses creeps in?

Obviously by the replies, you are not alone RAM. I have come to believe that if I lacked the somewhat spurious excuses for guilt that I would have to invent some completely contrived excuses. I needed a good cry this AM and your thread gave me that. Thanks ... sorta.

It does not seem silly to me at all that you send texts to your lost love Simon. I have been known to speak out loud to Precious. It makes me feel closer to her somehow. I can even imagine what she would reply and laugh out loud at what she might say. Last year she planted some perennials in a little garden outside our bedroom window. I had no idea they were there until I saw the blooms this summer. I thanked her for the surprise and I swear I could hear her devilish giggle. That's a good sign of your progress that you slept well and used the entire bed to do it. Most of us have had the experience which comes between sleeping and wake of sensing we are not alone in the bed. Interpret that in anyway you'd like. Your twilight zone, your rules. Just a thought re. Josh and asking how he is. Maybe if you keep the questions specific to today. such as "Are you feeling hungry Josh?" or "What would be a fun thing to do today Josh?" Don't give him any extra room to misinterpret.

Very sorry you are going through this simpleman3. As RAM said, you expressed yourself well. No judgment from me on anything you've said. More of a been there done that. Particularly with the pre-grieving. Not everyone can relate to that because many here lost their spouse suddenly. Those of us who saw the end coming have a different experience in that respect. The grieving I did before my loss was just a real as the grief I now live with. Does that grieving prepare you for the loss or smooth the road to recovery? I can't say, even after being down the same path twice. It just is what it is.

That's great Donna. CaptainsWife has already said that the 20th - 22nd might work for her. I think we have a date. The next Wells Bago will be September 20 - 22.

Widower, I have found love again, and again, and I think I just found it again. I can tell you definitively, there is nothing definitive that can be said on the subject! It is always different. As different as each person is, the combination of two is going to be unique to both. Most importantly remember that you have changed. You have 40 yrs of experiences and learning, and one huge trauma, that have created someone who never existed until right now. I would caution about too many meet & greets. Many of those women will feel hurt if they don't get asked out again. Pay no attention to what they said in their dating profile, that they were only looking for friendship or casual dating. Everyone is looking for love, they just don't dare say so. Don't ask me how I know all this. Don't expect love at first sight or within 3 dates, be extra suspicious of yourself if you think you've found it. It can happen but it is not as common as love built on a solid foundation of commitment and shared experiences. If you are like me, you are still in grief. Dating while in grief is neither good nor bad but it is hazardous. Be honest with yourself and the women you meet. You'll like the end result of that honesty.

Welcome to this lousy fucking club Joan. I am sorry you are here. Please stay and make some friends.

I can not identify with the plight of being a widowed parent with children at home and I am thankful for that. I'm not sure I could do it. I did some things I thought were beyond my ability while losing my loves but to go through that and suck up the loneliness so I could still give my kids what they need would be another level of strength above and beyond what I've needed. You kids with kids have my respect and admiration.

Sorry to say that this weekend will have to be postponed. We could still do the weekend of July 12 -14 if interest is there and no one has to choose between Wells and RI. This is probably getting too close to the Chocolate bago in RI and I don't want anyone to have to pick between the two. I'm looking at September 13-15 or 20-22 for the next Wells bago. Feedback on what works best for you is welcomed.

It might be possible to reschedule for the following weekend, the 21st - 23rd or July 12-14 or July 19-21 f we can get enough positive replies in the next couple days. Other wise the only folks who have not cancelled yet (both of you) will each have a room to yourselves for the weekend and I will be in town anyway. ETA: I just remembered that Hachi was probably going to commute so that means it would be only MyRiver staying at the condo. Which is fine by me. Now would be a great time for any new people to get involved. Whatever happens this week I will schedule a weekend near the middle of September as we did last September.

Now I know why it's a good thing that could never remember birthdays or anniversaries! I was immunizing myself from calendar torture. Have a happy June 12 Bunny

Two months is still very early Melissa. I'm sure you've heard the old saying that "God will never give you more than you can handle" You don't need to believe in God to see this manifest itself in your life. You are stronger than you were 2 months ago. Whatever it is inside of you, it may be God or it may be your subconscious self defense mechanism, it knows you are ready for the next level. Two months ago you could barely lift yourself out of bed. Now you can do it with a greater weight. Eventually you will hardly notice that weight because fo your increased strength.

That is another thing we do. Second guessing the ordeal and how we handled it. You can turn that into serious guilt easily. But if it wasn't one thing it would be another. I blame myself for not giving her enough hugs the last months. I could have brought more smiles to her face. One thing that saves me from these thoughts is remembering her mantra "It is what it is". That was not a cliche with her. She really did accept each piece of bad news with grace. I've got to keep reminding myself that guilt is not deserved or helpful. re. your edit ... Don't worry about dumping. That is what we come here to do. If you are not sure of the propriety of something you could PM me and we can keep it private or "clean it up" for public consumption. I should tell you that this is my second time around.

I am very sorry you have reason to join us here Simon. Thank you for telling us about Maria. The strength of spirit and raw courage Maria had is humbling. My Precious, who passed March 8, had such courage. She also fought for life, not just her life but our life together. Maria wants you to stop worrying and Precious wants me to be happy as well. That doesn't make it any easier does it? On the contrary it makes us feel their loss more deeply. They say that true love is wanting the best for the one you love. Sacrificing anything for their comfort is what you do. You have that kind of love. It will get you through and the world will be a better place because of it.

A new memory project. The photo is a 4X6 mounted in the cheapest frame available. That frame is set into an 8X10 clear plastic box frame and surrounded by her bling and beach stones which she collected. Then everything is sealed with clear two part polymer epoxy. She had been saving beach pebbles for a couple years and planned on doing a frame like this so I know she would love the result. If someone wants to do this for me someday they'll use of photo of me fishing and surround it with some of my prettiest fishing lures.

Oh Cassie! I am sorry that you have joined our club nobody wants to be in. I lost my second great love on March 8. My loss was recent also but I cannot imagine the pain you must feel. I don't know any tricks but I do know that peace will find you when you are ready. I am glad you found WIDDA. Other voices will be along soon. Hugs

Bump Just a few more weeks. Can we start getting a head count?