Mac_Encheeze

Write down random memories in the notes on your phone. It's what I do. Some are a paragraph. Most are just a quick blurb. Enough to jog my memory.

Hey AZ, I'm sorry about your wife. I myself lost my 31 yr old wife on May 31st. I'm only 52 days out. Hers wasn't cancer. To be honest, I still don't know why my wife isn't here anymore. I've been going to a grief counselor. And for me, it's not really helping. I either need to find a new grief counselor or it's just not working for me. But, what has helped me is something called griefshare. I don't know what your opinion is on religion, but it's held at a church. You watch a video. Then the men go over here and talk and the women go over there and talk. You get to hear everyone's story. It's not specific to just being a widow/widower. You have people there that have lost children, brothers, sisters, parents, and spouses. Even though I'm done with religion, this has really helped me the best. I wasn't even there for 5 minutes my first night and I got like 20 minutes worth of hugs. Which was very comforting to be honest with you. I've told them in the men's group how I feel about religion and being done with it. And they all understand. Everyone has given me advice. After my first night I said I wasn't ever going back, but a few days later I couldn't wait to go back and see what the next lesson was the following week. I personally feel like talking amongst a group of people who have lost someone does help. I'm deeply sorry you're in this club that no one wants to be in. As far as other things to do to help you grieve, I have no advice for you. I find myself in the local bar every day that I'm off. Amongst other things. Every day you take a shower and brush your teeth is a victory. If you can shave, that is a huge one. I didn't shave for a month. Let yourself feel your grief. Cry. I still cry every day. When I got off of work yesterday, I cried the entire way home and even sat in my truck and cried some more when I got home. Be selfish. If you have a good support system. Lean on them. Today my sister went and got some stuff for me out of the storage unit where all of my wife's and my belongings are. Also, if you're on Facebook, look for the young widow/ers fb group. I'm on there and that too has helped me. Don't make any decisions yet as to what to do with her belongings. The only thing I have done is donate my wife's make up and nail polish to the local women's shelter. I'm not going to tel you to eat. I didn't eat for a long time. Lost 25lbs and am currently holding that. I eat once a day for sure now. Some times twice a day. Do what you can.

I need some help. I need someone to talk to. Preferably in my age bracket. I'm 34. And someone who lost their spouse suddenly. My wife just passed on May 31st. She is 31. I'm open to meet anyone of any form of loss and age group. I just however prefer early to mid thirties. I work shift work, so it's hard sometimes to meet up. But when I'm off it can be for lunch, dinner, or on the weekends. Thank you.

Abby, i am right there with you. I discovered my wife on May 31st when I came home from work at 6am. She is 31. Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, we don't have any children. All we have together is 2 dogs. Yup. Right with you in the time frame. I has to get better soon. Because I don't know how I'll continue on without my wife. It's so unfair. 31! We had plans. And with every handful of ash, I saw all those hopes, dreams, and plans vanish as I spread them in a creek at her favorite beach.

The other day, my MIL's neighbor brought over a sympathy card for her. Inside they included a picture of their 2 month old grandson. We did the normal thing and ooo'd and ahhh'd over the pic. But I walked off and sat in the kitchen crying. My MIL walked in and asked if I was okay. Obviously I told her no. I apologized to her. That it should be her passing out pics if her grandchild to her neighbors. My wife was 31 and I'm 34. We were actually talking about starting to have children. The worst part is that she's the only child that my in-laws had. So they'll never have a grandchild. And it breaks my heart. Of course then the normal thoughts of "why couldn't it have been me? At least that way they could've still had a chance and grandchildren. Plus my parents already have 4 grandchildren of their own. The circumstances would've been better had it been me" so on and so forth. I'm sure the neighbors didn't mean to be insensitive, but it's only been 21 days since my wife, my in-laws only child, have passed. The neighbors should've waited much longer to give her a picture of their grandchild

It hasn't even been a month for me and I keep expecting her to be here. I'm at my mother-in-laws in Connecticut and I live in Texas. A couple times this week since I've been here I've woken up expecting my wife to be down stairs talking to her mother. Or like the other day, I left her best friends house and I couldn't wait to get back to my MIL's because I just KNEW she would be there waiting for me. But as I pulled up in the driveway, I remembered and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Here in Connecticut. Brought my wife's ashes back to her mother's. Had to fly with her in my back pack from houston. For a while I was feeling numb and that was okay. But these last few days I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it through this. I've been surrounded by friends and family but I feel so alone. Tuesday I went and got her engagement ring tattooed on my ring finger and her initials on the underside. It came out great. I'll be here in Connecticut for a week helping out my MIL. But then I have to head hack to houston. I'm doing my best to take it day by day. Small victories.

For me, sleeping on the floor is also comforting. Back when I was growing up, I would sleep on the floor of my sisters bedroom because they were too old to let their annoying little brother sleep in the bed with them. So they would make me sleep on the floor. So, it's comforting. But I also found my wife in the bed, so I can't. I just can't. Once both of our dogs hop on the bed and refuse to get off, then I'll sleep in one. Until then, it's on the floor I go.

Bromans, I sleep on the floor because the idea of sleeping in a bed is self indulgent. I lost my wife last week. May 31st.

Oh. Another victory for myself. I've decided to see a grief counselor. I know I need some sort of help. So I will seek it out. I'm not too proud.

At work I am around rotating machinery, so I never wore mine. Very rarely did I ever in the almost 4 years we were married . I never wore it in case my hand got caught and the ring crushed around my finger. Since May 31st, when I found my wife, I put mine on and haven't taken it off except to shower and wash my hands. I could've worn a Qalo ring but I was so used to not wearing one that I didn't want any. Plus I love my ring even though i almost never wore it. So, I apologize. I don't have an answer for you. I'm 8/9 days in to this. But I don't ever plan on taking mine off until I'm ready.

Thank you so much, Brokenheart. What makes it really hard for me is that i found her. And I feel so much guilt. About our entire relationship because I wasn't always the best. But that's relationships as a whole, isn't it? I loved her with all my heart and she did too as well. What I really feel guilty about was that I was at work that night and I could've been home. I could've switched with someone. But I didn't feel like it. So she went alone. And our poor dogs were with here. Did they try to wake her so they could go out? Did they cuddle up against her? She was alone. And that makes me torn up the most. If I was home maybe I could've done something. We're still not sure what happened. The ME said it's going to be 6 weeks to 6 months. So I have at least 6 months of wondering. There's literally no reason as to why she's not here anymore. None that I could think of. Finding her has been the worst part. I've pin pointed the time between 10:30pm-11:15pm and I got home at 6am. The way I was able to was by looking at her phone. Seeing her messages and missed phone calls from her mom. Every time I close my eyes I see her. Every time I look anywhere I see her as I found her Fortunately for me, I'm not a self destructive person. So I don't have to worry about what I would do. And no one else has to worry about me in that way.

Hello. I am new here. Someone recommended this site to me a few days ago. As is obvious, I've been having a rough go at the loss of my wife. I haven't slept much and ensure and smoothies are what's keeping me running. I have already lost close to 15lbs. I just can't believe this is our life. Today has been gentler. But shower cries are still a normal thing. I am fortunate that my parents let me move back in, I'm 34. She was 31. And my family and family friends packed up our apartment and moved us out. I can't bring myself to sleep in the bed in the room that I'm sleeping in. I've been sleeping on the floor next to the bed. . I'm taking her ashes back to Connecticut, where her mother lives, next week. I've picked those up today and they're on the night stand. Already I am counting my victories. I've showered and brushed my teeth everyday. And I have made plans to go to chicago in April. Which is where we first met. Same dates, same hotel. Same hotel room. A lot of are friends amazed at how strong I'm being. And I just don't see it. But if they say so. I guess that's it for now. Do y'all ask questions? I haven't figured out what goes on here. Thank you for reading and I apologize if this seems scatter brained.