Christopher

I need companionship and community even today. My only friend is a computer and my son knows only solitude. I cannot seem to connect with anyone anymore and most of them look at me like I am a terrorist for trying to initiate a dialogue face to face without meeting them through electronics first. I hate this world so much now. If only there was some way, some means to connect with others without drugs, alcohol or wanton sexual immorality involved... some place that isn't a bar, rave, country club or whatever else I keep getting told to go to to find companionship and possibly that intimate relationship I need so badly... if only there was some way... some means...

I think my beloved was the ideal woman. She strove to be the amazing wife and oh my goodness... but we constantly had problems with her lethargy. I didn't mind it, I just had to do the full time work and most of the chores and over half of the cooking is all. I loved her to pieces and she went out doing what she loved most... before the surgery that couldn't save her of course. I have repeatedly reached out to tens of thousands of women, usually meeting the barrier of "I like to imprison dogs in my home despite their design to roam free outdoors and just have a safe place to eat and sleep so I can love on them the way they were made to be loved" because I have a slow-acting long-term-anaphylactic-response severe dog-DNA allergy (The whole dog. The entire thing). The other issue I run into a lot is "Let me show you why I am divorced!!! NOW DIE!!" problem that a lot of "single" moms out there are going through. Then there's the "I have everything but you don't so I refuse to even speak to you because you don't also have everything" problem. Women are so difficult these days. Even having a pleasant conversation about ice cream or a pixar movie causes them to create an awkward silence then behave unpredictably, sometimes with inexplicable hostility. I've studied the behavior of many couples and sought the lessons of many relationship advisors (youtube, blogs, a few books and whatever I could Torrent) and I am doing nothing at all wrong. I don't know what it is. Then there's the matter of constantly being told "Just get one drunk"/"slip her an aphrodisiac" or "just hire a prostitute." I am not that kind of man. I lost my virginity to my best friend (I got hers too) in one of those cuddles-gone-wrong and we just kept at it afterward, saying we were married. It was totally Biblical too, like Isaac and Rebekah. No ceremony, no fanfare, just marriage the right way. It doesn't have to be made public (see: re-public, publican, roman citizen aka "pagan" and other potentially related etymology) to be valid. Still, we were tricked into getting a marriage license for the corporations (British LEGAL PERSONS) that we were handed certificates for before we could consent (Berth/Birth Certificate Performance Bond). Add to that the fact that I have discovered huge problems in the legal stuff we're taught while growing up and the fact that for over 200 years the wrong political status has been forced down our necks by everyone everywhere and you have yourself the recipe for confusion that runs a lot of women off, whether they are redeemable (fixable, for the vast majority are broke somehow these days and most just need intensive TLC) or not. Top that off with the fact that I had no parents growing up and the fact that I have no fear at all (a healthy respect for danger and fear are distinctly different) and you have a fella that just has no luck when it comes to honoring his wife's wish when she said "If I die first, I want you to marry again. I don't want you to be alone. Even if you have to get a girlfriend right away, just go. Love someone new. You're amazing at it, I want someone else to experience this." I sure would like some pointers (or even a woman brave enough to step up and get to know me) because all I get is bad advice (some of it without license, as you must be licensed to tell folks how to fill out forms and what forms to fill out and what names to use, etc). It may be helpful to know that I am in Land jurisdiction, outside of all Federal, Territorial (State of State Franchise per 28 usc 3002 (15)) and MUNICIPAL jurisdiction and am trying to learn what being a Sovereign does for my ability to help folks. I want to bless people but even churches have a problem with me because I call them out on serving Babylon via the LEGAL NAME fraud and instruct them on how to fix it (to date no church yet has fixed it and they stand condemned), so I can't do "volunteer work" due to my non-citizen (non-slave) status. I'm here to help on a large scale, but I am not ok alone. I need a woman to love on who will do right by me. I have a son who is nearly 14 years old who has not known what a good woman looks and acts like because he was 5 when his mom died. He'll be a young man soon and with that total void of knowledge I am certain that his future with ladies might become a living hell. My desire burns as hot as a fresh Habanero pepper (just eat the thing raw, seeds and all, and there you go... that's what I have to fight through to remain celibate so I don't get the wrong one) so every day is just another day of pushing through the misery that life becomes sometimes. I cope by teaching myself things and on the worst days I just escape into a video game so I can ignore everything, including my need to eat (which I don't even notice most bad-burn days). Maybe society is just falling apart due to technology replacing our general walk-up-and-say-hi-to-someone social norm. 70 years ago folks would walk up to a stranger and start a conversation. That was normal. That needs to stay normal. People who don't do that are weird. Electronics are not a healthy barrier.

See, that's hitting on, and there's nothing wrong with it - good men (and women) *do* do it, all the time. I also completely disagree that widowers can't be in happy, healthy, successful relationships with non-widows (and vice versa). Many here have found just that. Simple point, though, that's really important for this community remaining what it is: this isn't a dating site, and widow get-togethers arranged here are not for the purpose of finding new mates or establishing new romantic relationships. The world is full of actual and on-line forums for that. What the world is NOT full of is safe places for young widows and widowers to find comfort and solidarity, to say whatever they need to say without worrying about the normal pressures and concerns of the outside world, including romantic complexities. My experiences and yours seem to be quite different. Hitting on others happens to be actively seeking the attention for the explicit purpose of gaining an intimate relationship. There is entirely too much of this going on as the culture in America today has absolutely no inhibitions. I detest the fact that most today would rather have a quick lay than a lifetime relationship. I never specifically said that it is impossible to mix the two. I lamented my frustration that due to my experiences I perceive that a widow(er) cannot seem to have any real success with a non-widowed eligible (not divorced) marriage partner. As for simply talking to others in a common discourse - If that is hitting on people then I suppose I'd best just stop every form of communication. It sounds absurd but if you aren't spouting conjecture and have a point then I may just isolate completely. This is a site where folks act like they want to reach out but really don't do much more than try to get through grief. This is not a dating site (duh) and saying that I am treating it like one is like me saying that you are some sort of law enforcement trying to honeypot me with this website. It simply is not true and has no bearing whatsoever on reality. I have not found a real community here. I have found a terrible mistake when looking for what I needed: Companionship and community.

I did this as well because to me it is second nature. I was orphaned at a young age and widowed young too. It just happens. We keep moving forward. I took this for granted so didn't mention it. I appreciate that you did. Thank you.

I felt heavily judged for expressing myself. I felt alienated and like I did something wrong by following the thread's context, content and purpose. I had hope for this site. I was incorrect.

A good man does not hit on a woman. He simply enjoys the company of others and if someone wants to ask, they ask. The purpose of being around others is to accompany them, no matter the cause. I find that this intensely carnal society that I feel alien to is confusing so many as to cause prejudice and opinion where none belong. I am so tired of having to overcome their preconceived notions. It is no different than assuming that a widow(er) can immediately return to a normal life the very next day after losing a spouse. Assumptions are absolutely rotten.

I just hit this mark a month ago. I'm still so upset that my hurt is showing now more than ever. I had to edit this post to get the hurt out of it.

I had to do the same. I used to live around only toxic people. Had to sever all ties. It was pretty brutal. I picked up the pieces on my own. It took me 4 years. I'm starting to come out of that funk now 7 years after the event. 3 years after active grieving finished tells you how rough the patch was.

It seems like so many of us are terribly sexually frustrated. There's only one sure way to fix that with the assurance that we won't have that need again (unless we are widowed once more). I personally am deeply interested in finding someone new to love on. At this rate I may just have to go outside of the norm and cradle rob due to the lack of interested parties my own age. Life just happens. Deal with it or don't, it will keep on happening. If you don't deal with it, it makes an unholy mess that you won't like cleaning up. If you do deal with it, great job! Keep moving forward. Some days it seems like you can't, but you find that even though you are numb with ... well, numb with everything, that you indeed can move forward. Make sure that "forward" isn't dangerous first. You can make this judgment call quite effortlessly. Stop doubting yourself. I find that fear is typically the largest barrier to your own living of life. Take your time.

Typically in the Message box but you could start a thread about it too. Widowbagos don't happen often enough. Widowbagos have never been about hookups. They are about friendships and supporting each other. Intimacy begins with friendship. One cannot exist without the other. I do not have any form of support. This has been true since I was 5 and lost my parents. I suppose I'll have to go back into personal psychotherapy mode again... (My late wife was also an unwanted child and her family doesn't talk to me) To the other post: Get a room? Nothing ever happens on the internet. It only happens in real life. So long as technology is a barrier, nothing is truly serious.

Oklahoma here. Need a wife badly. 35 now, it's been 7 hard years. I am now absolutely certain that a widower and single woman (not widowed) will never mix.

I cannot reconnect to the shallow, instant-gratification driven world. I've found that I am so set apart that I just want to live off grid with my own cabin in the woods for a while (with the amenities of the civilized world). I don't have that option so I am learning how to be useful in the event that option ever arrives. This means I am learning how to build a lot of stuff, including self-powering electric generators and electric water pumps and such. I do this through the tears and relentless burning of the deep and endless need for someone to love on and cherish. I can find none worthy, and the ones that might be worthy are too scared to reach out.

Typically in the Message box but you could start a thread about it too. Widowbagos don't happen often enough.

Back when I was nearly working myself to death we talked about it, agreed that if one of us died that the other should go find another spouse and be happy, then that was it. I found out after she died that she had taken out life insurance on me in the event I did actually work myself to death. She did not have plans to move on though. Neither did I. I wanted a lifetime and all I got was 7 years, which ended 7 years ago. I cannot honor her wishes if I cannot find someone that will genuinely commit.

Same here. It's why I am dying every day to suppress the monogamous hypersexuality my DW left me with. I have a desperate need for affection outside of sex too and to express that affection for someone else who will gladly receive it. I cannot find anyone who wants that near my age who isn't married or divorced. I have probably been looking in the wrong places. Bear raised an eyebrow on a topic I am expert at. From time to time I've instructed lesbians on cunnilingus. They have always reported a substantial improvement. I took notes before marriage so I would be good at what I did when I lost my virginity. The study paid off. If you need some how-to, hit me up and I'll share