After almost 20 years with my husband, being high school sweethearts he died tragically and unexpectedly in an accident. Our daughters in their late teens, I felt I was doing good for a couple of months being strong for them and then lost myself and engaged ina new relationship which allowed me to escape the pain of grieving, but hurt my children horribly. I was incredibly selfish in my actions, and also know it was probably the only thing that helped me to remain sane through it all, but nonetheless I caused great pain and damage to the relationship with my children that is unforgivable. Now over four years later, I think I'm finally strong enough to be alone and face the grief I ran from, but have to live with the pain I caused in that running. I'm starting to talk about it now, hence this post, but I honestly hate this new world I live in, the loss of my family as I knew it, and the pain I've caused my children in my own weakness. I know I have to heal myself in order to heal the relationships with my kids, and I guess that's why I'm here. Hoping to start that process and find a way to forgive myself so I can be the mother they knew and deserve again.
