SaraJ

Some other really weird and extremely unlikely coincidents/accidents/events happened to people in the neighbourhood within the week after my husband got his heart stop before they shut off the respiratory. It was uncanny and often it felt like I wanted to tell people to ask my mother, it is actually real and I´m not making these things up. But sometimes I just felt that the world wanted to tell me that some things happen for a reason and I might never understand it and probably never appriciate it. But it feels a bit like I was being told it was deemed to happen and there was nothing we could have done to change it.

I don´t think my husband knew, but I think I might have had premonitions. My husband died of sudden heart stop due to myocardities, I don´t think he knew that he even was ill, just having fever the last days before due to a flue. But days before that I had events where my heart raced in a way it really never has before. While jogging or on a bike. Had to stop exercising twice in three days. Was due to stress according to the doctor I went to. It was really strange, because I´d never encountered that before though I understand that it is common with stress. It has only happened once afterwards, half a year later. Anyway, within the week my husband dies of heart stop, 31 years old. None of us has had heart issues or any real health problems before that.

Don´t worry, there is no wrong way to do this. I think many (including me) has gone through a phase of "am I doing this the right way?". I had a relative telling me that I "grieved the perfect way". My mother and I laughed so hard on that remark. The ones closest to you are the ones who sees the messy parts. I also went into a "could I find a new guy?"-thoughts pretty quick. Within maybe two weeks. I think it is a survival thing. I was nuts about my DH and really didn´t expect that I would even think about someone new. But somehow I guess it was a way to see if there was a shortcut of filling the huge hole in my heart and straighten out my broken life. It calmed down after a while. If I couldn´t bring myself to throw out DH underwear without breaking down it was not exactly time for me to go on Tinder. This is a shitty experience, but it does give some reflection on your own needs and wishes. It´s a rollercoaster of feelings. In the beginning it´s a matter of going with the flow, if you feel like digging into the practical stuff it´s the right thing to do at the time. If you feel like focusing on others, that´s also the right thing to do. Just be kind to yourself, there´s no wrong ways.

Fuck that he wasn´t here to celebrate our son's 5th birthday. Tons of friends and family, everything real nice and he would have loved it. But he didn´t get to be there. Fuck this new year, first year I have to do without him. Fuck going on the first vacation without him, it´s going to be real real nice and he would have loved it. Fuck that my son keeps asking me if I´m going to die as well, fuck that he´s gotten afraid of the dark and going to sleep. Fuck that he thinks he sees thing and hears things that´s not there. Fuck that my daughter is two years old, enough to miss him but too small to keep all the memories. Fuck getting the nicest guy in the world and just losing him Fuck life for trying to break me, just not gonna happen. think I like this thread

Hi Been an avid reader here the last weeks, appreciating reading stories and sentiments by people in the same awful situation as I am currently in. Felt it was time to write down my story and make myself introduced. I met my husband about ten years ago at a hiking trip with friends in the mountains. We where studying at the same university so we got together a year later. We were very tight, doing just about everything together, always being active. We got married five years ago and we now have two kids, one 4-year old boy and one 2 year old girl. He was a great dad, taking them along everywhere he went. A really happy guy, always smiling warmly at every photo I have left. He was in real good health, almost never sick and quite into all kinds of sports like trail running, kayaking or skiing. There was never any sign that anything was amiss except for a flu that had him in some fever the days before. He had gotten rid of the fever in the morning and around lunchtime his heart just stopped. I had noticed he was a bit odd the last ten minutes so I was nearby and I called 911 immediately and followed their instructions. It took some time for the ambulance guys to get his heart beating again. During the week that followed we were told that the flu had caused myocardatis which had caused the heart to stop working properly. We were also told that the heart stop had caused such damage to the brain that he would not live. A little more than a month past they shut down the respiratory aid. We´re Swedish citizens and here it is not up to the relatives but the doctors make such decisions. Everything is a bit like getting hit by lightening. Just extreme bad luck and no one had a chance to realize what was happening and change anything. Doctors said that even if he would have seeked medical help, it was very unlikely that they would have seen that anything was amiss. Right now I´m just trying to cope, getting my kids through the days decently. The first week I was a complete wreck, needing pills to sleep and totally unable to eat or to take care of my kids. I´m doing a bit better now, eating and sleeping well. Mostly getting my frustration out by going to the gym whenever I have the chance. Weirdest thing is that I feel like I´m living in a reality and he was just an amazingly nice dream that I cannot touch or really understand that it was real just two months ago. Anyone had that feeling? Maybe just a way of shielding myself. I can´t even cry at the photos, gets happy just by seeing him. So I´m walking around, being quite busy most of the time and not being a complete wreck. I get the feeling somehow that I´m coping with all this shit a bit too well. It seems so odd that I can laugh and actually joke when I´ve just seen the guy I loved more than anything die. Though I don´t know what else to do. Becoming a widow at 34 is just not something I have any experience of and thankfully neither have anyone else I know. The kids have more or less accepted that he is dead. It´s the most heartbreaking thing in the world to hear your two year old say that her dad is dead and can´t come home. But I guess it´s a good thing that she actually somehow understand it. They are both rather sad at times and questions pop up every now and then. They will always miss him, but I´m trying to make sure they don´t miss anything else. So thanks everyone for sharing all of your experience. Even though I have family and friends nearby to talk to, none of them have lost their spouse so suddenly and unexpected. I feel like I can get a lot of input on how to get my family through these coming years. /Sara