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sudnlysngl

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  1. sudnlysngl

    FEB. 14 - Came and went

    dh always made it special, but the only jerk I was with since his death 12 yrs ago did NOTHING! (thank goodness he is gone from my life) Besides the anniversary of dh's passing was just 4 days before valentines, and I no longer have a valentines, so the sadness and loneliness just thicken, sigh.....
  2. sudnlysngl

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    👑HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARNEAL ❤️, May your day be filled with love, happiness and many many blessings ! Many of us here are with you in spirit girl ! 😉 Have a great day, and a little secret between us ( I was the big 55 back in sept.) I will always be older than you girl, lol.... ENJOY your day, and please know what a blessing you are to me and others here, thank you for being YOU! Much LOVE, xoxoxo
  3. Again time to lay out all the positives and negatives. Time to be brutally honest with yourself, and take the time YOU need to answer the questions YOU need answered. Every relationship takes some work, but not so much that it wears you out all the time! I don't want to live in someone else's shadow, I want to make and be my own shadow for someone! Yes, we all have a past and it has helped make us who we are today. But we choose to keep the good parts and take the crap and learn from it! All of us make mistakes too, otherwise how do we grow? Once we know better, aren't we supposed to do better? Another thing to think about. Sometimes being the grownup just sucks! lol Best of luck and love to you Tybec❤️
  4. sudnlysngl

    I just want to go with the flow

    Kids grow up and leave home!
  5. Well Tybec all I can say is, it doesn't matter what everyone here says. It matters how YOU feel about it! Do YOU feel hurt and betrayed? Does it raise some red flags for YOU? These are things YOU and only YOU can answer, and girl it's time to get down and real with yourself about this guy and how he treats YOU! Time to make that list of the positives and the negatives about the relationship and him, and be brutally honest with yourself about it! DON'T SETTLE! I'm sorry Tybec, but girl you keep saying this guy is dense, I'm gonna say NO he ain't ! He's playing with you to see how much you will put up with, or he's just used to playing. Don't keep making excuses for his bad behaviors, before long you will be looking back and thinking damn I wasted xxx years on this guy and I knew from 2018 I should have called it quits. I'm working on myself, cause I did just that with the one I divorced back in May, and you don't want to do that! No matter what you choose to do, I'm wishing you the best...❤️
  6. Bunny there is a difference of omission vs continuing communication!
  7. WOW! It's not that they are still communicating, it's that he has LIED to you about it! It's not that he didn't TELL you, girl he LIED cause he felt like he had something to hide! Hiding it and still using a nickname speaks volumes..... I don't get it, why say he would stop how long ago, then continue behind your back? And she knows about upcoming hearing and stuff, really??? Wonder what all he talks to her about you??? Can we say huge red flag!!!! Sounds to me like he kept her as a back up in case the two of you didn't or don't work out. This is just the beginning of what he will learn of what you will put up with, just saying..... BTW, sorry it's happening, cause it sounds like he sure has put you through a lot of crap and you just keep taking it cause you are such a good person....
  8. Sorry about your back pain! I was supposed to have back surgery a year ago and haven't done it yet cause I'm to afraid to and I've been suffering with the pain every day! But I keep hearing dh in my head saying as long as I can walk no one is cutting my back!!! I do know mine is getting worse, and that pain can be unbearable! I have some meds that might help, but that's not always the answer. You can now buy an over the counter tens unit, it's worth trying. Wish I could help you MR, sorry about your pain, I really do understand, I see a pain mgmt. dr monthly for mine, and yet the state I live in won't acknowledge me for disability, go figure, so now I laugh then cry... Best of luck to you😉
  9. sudnlysngl

    MAINTAINING FRIENDSHIPS

    We get it! I will say that YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP AND SAY SOMETHING, just like bh2 did! My moment was when a neighbor called herself a football widow and her knowing I was really a widow! I sat there just starring at her while she just looked at me. I took a moment and thought about how to say it, then it all just came out, and I mean it all came out. Everyone in that room left there realizing how ignorant those statements are, and how hurtful that was to me. She even admitted before she said it that she knew I was widowed and still chose to say it. I then asked her how she felt knowing her husband was coming home and mine wasn't? Of coarse it all had me in tears , while she admitted she enjoyed the time alone from him , etc. Needless to say I was pissed. People are unkind, and thoughtless. As my dh used to say when I would ask him why people would do the things they did,, he would say "its a me me me world"! BTW, it's not uncommon once we become widowed for our address books to change... Again, we get it, but don't be afraid to speak up!
  10. One thing with kids of divorce is they also look for guidance! They will test the boundaries to see which parent will step up to the plate and keep the discipline and and guidance in place no matter what is going on in life! I say this because I have lived this with my dh. He started being that dad who was being that dad who loved from guilt instead of from being a dad and the heart. He was doing this in front of my kids, allowing "his" kids" to do things that he knew was wrong, but out of guilt he let slide! There was finally a breaking point, and I demanded a sit down conversation. We discussed if he would have allowed those things under circumstances had he still been married to his ex and parenting with her. His answer was NO, that made him realize it had to STOP asap! Once the kids knew they had a "normal" home at our house with "normal" rules, everything feel into place. He (dh) even adopted my kids and life was really really good, until he died. Kids don't come with a manual on how to raise them, but with guilt is definitely not a good one, I know that one from experience.... They need guidance, structure, boundaries, and ADULTS who set the rules, not them! Best of luck to all of you!
  11. sudnlysngl

    Sad Loss Of WifeLess

    I'm so sorry Bluebird of your loss. My prayers are with both of your families at this time...
  12. sudnlysngl

    We are on this board because.......

    We are here because "WE ARE WIDOWED"! , and thankfully found others who get what we are feeling at our young ages with trials and tribulations that we are handed with it... Thank you everyone for being brave enough to share with me and all of us, much love to all of you ❤️
  13. sudnlysngl

    My Daughter doesn't like my NG

    I am happy for you and your ng. Funny thing is I have said this ^^^ to a few others here on the board. I'm not saying don't hear your kids, or have a discussion with them, but let them know that there will be a time that they will be going off in the world on their own, and probably finding someone to spend "their" lives with!!!! Best of luck and love to all of you!
  14. That's the "nail" one the head right there , and the one that all of us really want! Best of luck with all of it.
  15. Well my dh is still with me! We got a double urn and I promised to keep him with me until I go, so my daughter will put us somewhere , I hope... I think before I part this planet I will buy a plot somewhere for us to be put, and that is where this double urn ( looks like a big brass box that gets inscribed on each side where we are put) will go... I guess I believe we really don't care once we are gone, but perhaps those who are left behind do. Tybec , I'm with arneal that I'm glad you and your ng had some convo's and things are getting worked on. Happy for you arneal, sometimes it doesn't matter the size of the family. I'm from a big family, and they alllll disappeared when my dh died. As if I killed him or my sadness was to much for them. It's been 12 yrs in 3 weeks and haven't heard from them in over 9 years, so sometimes it is what it is. Can't say they were all that growing up either, sigh..... (8 kids in my family , I'm #7) Anywho, we have to do what we have to do to survive this big ol world here, best to all of you out there


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