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Steph

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  1. Steph

    10 years

    Hugs to you Maureen...
  2. Steph

    Just Trudging Forward

    Thank you guys for your responses. It does help to know that that this hollow, purposeless feeling is "normal" and other grieving spouses feel the same way sometimes. ...I hate the new normal...
  3. On Friday it will be 19 months since my love took his last breath. I know he is with me, he gives me signs all the time. Recently I went with friends to the beach that my husband and I went to all the time. My friends and I went to celebrate my wedding anniversary. There were monarch butterflies everywhere. This past weekend I asked him to give me a sign...I asked him to make a broken clock on my wall start ticking again. The next day it was ticking. I know he is still with me but I miss the hell out of him. It feels like life is just slowly moving forward with all the mundane things you have to do - go to work, come home, take care of the animals, stay up way to late, get up and do it all again. I guess I really don't have a point here...other than so far it hasn't gotten "better" and I don't think it ever will get "better". I feel like I will spend the rest of my life trudging through life almost zombie-like until I take my last breath and can be with him again. I always thought time could heal all wounds, but this one it can't. Anyway, just venting I guess. Blah day I guess...
  4. You are not crazy!!! I talk to my DH all the time and he talks right back. I know that it is him because he cracks me up all the time with the things he says, just like he used to do. Responses I would never come up with. Although, as crazy as the next thing I tell you sounds, I believe it to be absolute truth. Shortly after he died, I was laying in bed one night watching TV and I could really feel his presence in the room. I started talking to him and I said- "Baby, I still have a body, I know you don't, so why don't you jump in here with me. We can share mine." I sort of opened myself up to him and I felt a rush of energy. He has been with me since. I hear him clear as day whenever I talk to him. So no, you aren't crazy...I might be, but you aren't!! We have an agreement that when my time comes, we will go wherever we have to go together. And another thing - after he died, when everyone was asking about when the funeral was and services, I told everyone that he "loved a party, not a funeral, so we will have a party when I am ready." I told everyone that!! Fast forward about a year later. I talked to a medium. She said "He loved to party." Then she said "no, no wait...I love a party not a funeral." That is what I told everyone AFTER HE PASSED! We never discussed that before because I never believed he would actually die on me. There is no way the medium could have come up with that statement! THAT WAS HIM TELLING ME THAT HE IS STILL HERE AND HE CAN HEAR WHAT I SAY. So I know that he is still here and isn't going anywhere until we go together.
  5. Steph

    It must be tough...

    A woman I know, probably in her mis 80s, lost her husband of all her adult years on July 3rd. I didn't know about until I read it tonight on Facebook. As I was reading through all the comments, one woman wrote: I am sorry for your loss, it must be tough. It must be tough?!?!?!?!?!?! Are you freaking kidding me???? It must be tough???? I wanted to cyber slap her, but since you can't, I am ranting here. Sorry for my rant. I feel better now...
  6. It was in the town common as I was driving by. I saw all the bridesmaids dressed in lilac matching dresses and the groomsmen in suits. I saw the bride laugh and push her train down from the breeze while holding her groom's hand. I burst into tears.
  7. Steph

    Two weeks ago today

    I am sorry. The pain of losing my one true love is razor sharp as it has only been 3 months. But reading your post brought me back to that horrible day in the hospital when his breathing just stopped. I don't know if anything gets better over time. I just wanted to say I am sorry.
  8. Heather, you are not alone. I am 3 months out and dont know how i am going to move forward without the love of my life. I also wear his wedding band. This just all sucks, the pain is inconceivable, but the world thinks we should be feeling better by now. I don't think I will ever get over losing him, he was my everything. Private message me if you ever need to talk to someone in the same place as you at the same time.
  9. Steph

    Nobody gets it

    Jessm1, I am so sorry you are in the same black, lonely and sad place that I am. I was actually asked today if I was dating yet. WHAT????? I can barely breathe some days and I cry at the drop of a hat if my mind is not occupied. I am losing the home we built together, everything is still falling apart in my world. My patience for stupid people is nonexistent at this point, but i know that they just have never known real grief, they are the lucky ones. Please know that i am where you are right now, and if there is a way to private message on this site, please feel free to message me. We might be able to lean on each other since we are in the same awful place, surrounded by blissful ignorance.
  10. Steph

    Nobody gets it

    Thank you all for understanding. It wasn't supposed to be like this! We were supposed to grow old together. I am just so sad, and it doesn't seem to get any easier.
  11. Today is the 3 month "anniversary " of the saddest day of my life. Why do people keep giving me advice when they have never been kicked in the gut like this? They know nothing about this. I understand they are just trying to help, but stop it! I know anything you say comes from ignorance and you have never felt this crazy shit, so just stop!!!
  12. Steph

    Share them with us.

    I know I already posted this pic, but it really is my favorite of us.
  13. Steph

    progress purging

    Purging sucks. I have to do it now and it isn't ending with one box. I am surrounded by him here and I love that!!!! I come upon an item and burst into tears. Yes, I have become a puddle. This is completely unfair and sad.
  14. Thank you Hikermom. I feel so alone right now!!


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