dottiedevi posted a topic in General DiscussionMy fiance passed away under traumatic and sudden circumstances. On top of that I'm dealing with other things: we were arguing the day he died, I was in another country, his family spread his ashes without me, and oh .. I was pregnant and miscarried after he passed away. He had an autopsy (for me personally, this is something I struggle with knowing that this happened to his body. In his country it's a law that it must be done if someone dies of unnatural causes). I am now in his country. Trying to get answers. I started seeing a therapist. This is my second attempt. Second therapist I've seen since his death. Yesterday was the second session. I've made a list of things that bothered me... there were some things she said. She keeps trying to tell me to go see a doctor and get on antidepressants. I'm not ready to make that step right now. She questioned me on it. I sort of feel like she doesn't know what she's doing and hasn't dealt with traumatic grief herself, so how can she help me? She made some comments that really upset me. I shared something personal with her (last emails between me and my fiance) and the conclusion she took from it was totally OFF and what she said has me so upset. She is also already flying out the door to leave the office for the day after each session when I'm standing at the reception desk paying. It makes me feel like she can't wait to get out of there. It doesn't sit well with me at all. I'm not sure what to do but I'm feeling very hopeless at this point. It sometimes feels like no one wants to help me or deal with my BS. I miss him so badly and I just see no point to a lot of things anymore. Life is no longer happy for me at all. In fact, there is no happiness anymore. I feel alone and lost. Have any of you REALLY found help with therapy? In my case I'm pretty sure I have PTSD and complicated grief. Sometimes I feel like when I tell people the circumstances I'm dealing with, they don't acknowledge the trauma of the situation. Like this therapist just kinda knodded her head and said "okay."
I'm the youngest of all my siblings and have watced each and every one of them get married and have children. I have always been involved with my nieces and nephews and gotten them gifts, etc. I rarely get a thank you or even just an acknowledgement. When my fiance passed away, none of my siblings (except one - who emailed me and included lots of emojis) reached out to me. I feel like my parents see me as not that interesting, not worth investing time into because I don't have children. They spend a lot of time with my siblings because they have kids. My fiance and I desperately wanted to have a baby together. I was expecting at the time of his sudden passing and I lost the baby shortly after he passed away from the stress and pain I was going through. That felt like the final straw. I wish I had a part of him here with me. The pain and agony is so intense. I have actually had people say to me "It's for the best because now you don't have to raise that child without their father." WTF!? I quietly nod my head and go on with my life when this stupid nonsense is said to me, but afterwards I feel full of rage and anger. Who are they to judge that it was "for the best"? It just makes me so angry. I wish I had his baby. For many years I was with him I would tell him we needed to wait until he had a stable job, etc. Now I regret all of that. I wish I hadn't waited at all. I was trying to be responsible. But now I'm just a broken mess alone in the world. I feel so empty. He would send me texts telling me how he couldn't wait to see me holding his child and that knowing I was carrying his child was the best feeling in the world to him. It hurts so much that he is gone. He told me he just wanted to know we could have a family of our own. Knowing that he will never get to have that kills me. He would have been a wonderful father. Very caring and nurturing. I don't understand why there are dirtbag fathers walking the earth who are not around for their children, but my sweet and caring fiance had to die and never got to be a father.
dottiedevi posted a topic in Shock Wears Off, Reality Sets In ( 6 to 12 months)I met my fiance online. We were from two different countries. I'm older than him.. and he is from a country where the currency is much weaker, meaning traveling for him was very expensive. So I always flew to him. I would spend a lot of time there with him and could take my work with me and work remotely. We fell deeply in love. I don't want to go into the whole story right now because it would take too long. But basically, he was in a horrible accident. I got no closure. My fiance and I had been engaged for several years. His family spread his ashes without me, hacked into his phone and computer, read VERY private messages. I feel violated and robbed. I was going to marry this man. We were arguing on his last day alive. I can't stand thinking of what happened to his body. Also, an autopsy was performed because in his country, it is the law if one dies of unnatural circumstances. Knowing that this happened to his body just f***s me up inside! It is torment and horror and pain every day. I kissed him, loved him.. he was precious to me and this is what his end was! I recently started seeing a therapist and I feel like it isn't helping. Left the session yesterday feeling worse than I did when I arrived. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm hesitant to go on meds because I feel like... this is not a chemical imbalance. It's situational depression. I'm not just depressed for no reason! The therapist keeps telling me go to see a doctor, but I feel kind of like she's pushing me off. She also suggested an art therapist (not my cup of tea and I don't think it would be helpful for me right now). I feel like I have PTSD and complicated grief. I feel so alone and like I have no one to talk to. He was my everything, my ONE person. And now he is gone. My life feels truly meaningless. I am lost in the world. I don't have a supportive family.. and they do not have a clue what I'm going through. No one in my family has every gone through something like this. I was also expecting a baby when he passed. I miscarried from the stress a couple months after he passed away.