Hi all,
This is my first post here since the first year or so after my partner died suddenly. I think it is the same board but I am not even sure. That was November 15 2012, six years ago. Our kids were 3 and 6. Now they are 12 and 9 and I have a 3 year old with a new partner, someone I met and married less than two years after that death and a month after my mother's from cancer.
And now I am trying to explain our family to my youngest. I say things like, "before Bryan was everyone's daddy, Rose and Jacob had a different daddy but he died."
But everyone's daddy or not, she calls him "daddy" and the big kids call him Bryan.
I hadn't thought about this board in a while but I often tell people how it sustained me in those first awful months and years to come on here. But it came up again. An aquaintance, pregnant with her third, the older two both under 5, lost her husband today and I directed her here.
So I guess I am beyond active grieving, but I sometimes wonder, if I didn't have the big kids would I even believe that the first part of my life existed? That my decade with him was real? I felt so young when he died. I was 37 and he was 40. But if ever there was a marker to end youth that was it and if ever there is anything that made me feel my age it was having a baby at 40 after already feeling like I had lived a life I choose and was happy with.
Thank you for still being here...