Bash1437

Months after my husband passed away one of our best friends, Johnny, committed suicide. We have a strong core group of friends, we are like family so these deaths scarred all of us deeply. So fast forward to now, 2 years later, when I talk to some of these friends, they often talk about how we all had these traumatic losses in our lives that changed us all. Don’t get me wrong, they are absolutely right, they lost two of their best friends in one year, my husband, and Johnny, but they make me feel as though I should be back at their level, living life normally again. They are forgetting that my husband was my entire life and I left my career and gave up everything to care for him when he got sick. I took care of him all through my pregnancy then cared for him and our baby daughter once she was born, and I did that for almost 3 solid years, till he passed away. I do not want to devalue their feelings by any means but they just don’t understand that I am now struggling to rebuild a whole new life for myself as a widowed parent to a toddler. I can’t work a 5/day 9-5 job because I dont have the childcare to support that. Their lives and daily routines remained the same. I have to build a completely new life for myself. It’s just not easy, especially not when you’re grieving and parenting a toddler on your own. Sorry this is so long. Any suggestions on what to say to them next time they bring this up?

I decided to create this topic because I find a great deal of validation when reading great quotes that truly explain exactly what grief is like and what losing a spouse is all about. If you know of any quotes and would like to share please do. Much love and comfort to you all.

Any suggestions on nice things to do to honor my husband? In a few days it will be 2yrs he passed away. I have a 3yr old daughter who will of course be with me and I have many of my husband’s closest friends who also want to participate in whatever we choose to do for that day, and aI have no objections to that. I usually can think of something great but this year I’m completely blanking. And I don’t know why but I cant even remember what we did on his first anniversary. Any suggestions? I want to make the day a positive experience, especially for my daughter, rather than it be just a sad day.

Thank you all for your comments and advice. When I think about my friendships, the ones who are in my closest social circle are really great people, and I will admit, if my husband was still alive and well, I may be right with them complaining about how my husband never wanted to take out the trash or something like that. I know it is not their fault that my husband is no longer here. Yes, I do wish people were more considerate. But as hard as it is to hear my friends complaints I do not feel comfortable explaining my frustrations to the ones making me feel uncomfortable because it will then make them feel uncomfortable around me. I don’t know, this is an ongoing struggle. But I will say I am the same exact way about making plans. I’ll commit to plans with friends and then it gets closer to the day or time to hang out with them and I just cannot do it. So I’ll make up a story to get out of seeing them. It’s not them. It’s definitey me. And I need to learn how to live again and handle socia situations. But it’s just not easy.

I am finding myself really struggling with my friendships lately. All my closest friends are married with at least one child. My friends complain to me all the time about how their husbands don’t take out the trash or how they didn’t feed their children when it was time or how they don’t help clean the house etc.. and I just listen but I have no response for them. I really just don’t know wha to say. Here I am doing everything, I don’t have that significant other to help maintain everything. I know I am jealous and I need to learn to not be jealous. But sometimes I’m just so tired of hearing how my friends are so exhausted because of work and babies and maintaining their homes etc. I wish people would take a minute and imagine what it’s like living in someone else’s shoes, like mine. I really am not looking for this to be a ‘poor me’ situation but jeez. My friends vent constantly to me about this while I’m over here a mother to a 3 yr old, struggling to maintain two properties, one of them being my husband’s business that I’m in the process of winding down and selling. And everyone around me still works so I don’t have a whole lot of help. I do it all on my own. But one thing I will say is I never vent or complain about my life to them because I know no matter how I explain it they will never get it. This just makes me feel so alone all the time. And because of this matter I have distanced myself tremendously from these friends. I just don’t know what to do. Any suggestions?

In one month, it will be two years that my husband lost his battle with Stage IV Kidney Cancer. In the first year I was extremely angry, angry at God, angry that my husband had to suffer so badly and have his life taken away, angry that I became a widow at 32, angry that my 3year old will never have her father in her life. Even now I feel like I still carry around a lot of anger. I don’t have other widows around me. All of my closest friends have either just gotten married, are getting married, or are buying homes and creating families. And here I am widowed. I feel like half of me has died. My friends try to be supportive but they just don’t get it. And though it may sounds very mean of me, Im so sick of hearing my girlfriends complain about their husbands not helping with household chores or not taking out the trash etc. I want to shake them and tell them how lucky they are to have healthy husbands who love and protect them. They really do not know how incredibly lucky they are. It’s so hard maintaining a home, raising a child, and everything in between alone. It’s incredibly exhausting, especially when some days all you want to do is sleep and not wake up. Sorry for the rant. Just had to get this off my chest.

I am a young widowed mother to a beautiful 3yr old girl. In a year and a half she will begin Kindergarten and though I still have time to decide which school to enroll her in, one thing really hits home with me when deciding. Where we live in Rhode Island, most public schools no longer have “Father/Daughter Dances”, now they have “Ladies Choice” Dances because of the family dynamics in today’s world. And though I was leaning towards sending her to a private school, the private schools in our area still host “Father/Daughter” Dances. I know I should not take this into account as I decide which school is best for my daughter, however, I am so fearful that a Father/Daughter Dance may trigger her and bring up a great deal of sadness. She was 19 months old when my husband/her father passed away from Kidney Cancer and though she only knows him only through photos and videos, I don’t want her to feel that pain knowing she doesn’t have her father here to go with. Anyone have any advice? I feel like it really will take me the entire year and a half to decide on this. 🤦‍♀️