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beanless

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  1. beanless

    Widowed Jan 16, 2019.

    Anniversaries are difficult I have found (as are a million other triggers). We had our first date 2 days before Valentine's day and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Just reminds us of all the little secret stuff that we shared and intimacy (not sex). I am so sorry for you (and all of us). Have you looked in to a grief coach? I lost my husband December 10th and I started talking to mine about a month after my DH died. She lost her husband as well, so I find a lot of solace in talking to her about what is normal (ish) and what is not. I say a grief coach because for me, the LAST thing I feel like doing is go out on a day I feel horrible and am crying, plus, I wanted someone that has been through this, not just an academic. She (as well as this board) are good at validating feelings and thoughts. This is absolutely the worst thing I've ever been though (and I've been through some poop), and it sounds like this is the same for you. It's SO hard not to feel completely alone. I promise every week is a little better (not awesome, I had a crying spell for a few hours yesterday)... please hold on.
  2. beanless

    Going back to work

    Thank you all. I used FMLA to care for DH before he died and I am in health care as well. I appreciate the replies and input. They are not letting me flex my time (although the rest of the team can and I used to be able to). I think you've helped me feel better about my decision to leave, hopefully I can take a month off, and find something else in my field.
  3. I went back to work right before a month after my DH died. I think it was too soon, and 6 weeks probably would have been better. Now it is 2 months after he has passed and I am still having significant trouble being on time and focusing, although my performance is solid and I don't cry at work. Work has lost their patience. That being said, it's time for a change anyway. I'm thinking about trying to take off a month after I quit this job. There is still so much to do as far as closing accounts and such. Also, I am still SO sad, I often stay in bed all day on the weekends. When did YOU go back to work? Were you on time, were there problems? They should have widow leave, just like maternity leave. I really feel this is THAT life changing. Sigh...
  4. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I know that the grief is overwhelming at this time, of course you want to crawl in a hole. I am a new widow myself, and there a lot more people on this board who have a lot more wisdom than I do. Do you have a friend or family that can be there for you during this horrible and early time?
  5. beanless

    A Book

    Read the book. Thought it was helpful
  6. beanless

    Newly Widowed Again

    I cannot imagine going through this twice. My prayers and thoughts are with you.
  7. beanless

    Widowed Jan 16, 2019.

    Just wanted you to know- I lost my husband 6 weeks ago. It has been horrible. That being said, this week has been a lot better than when I was at week 4. People who haven't been through this are NOT helpful. I have been in bed, literally turning back and forth with chest pain and anxiety, thinking I was dying and sometimes wanting to. Hang in there. A few weeks makes a lot of difference, it is still horrible, but slightly better. Someone told me "day by day", but I think that's crap. It's more minute by minute, hour by hour. Reading so many posts on this sight have given me slight hope for the future. If you brush you're teeth everyday, I think you are fantastic, there are still days when I do not and cannot get out of bed. But Every week is slightly better (in general). It does not fill the big empty hole, but allows you to walk to the side occasionally.
  8. beanless

    We are on this board because.......

    Hello! I am newly widowed. Husband was 51 and I am 47. We'd only been married 4 1/2 years and still in sort of a honeymoon phase. We both had grown children and I waited a VERY long time to remarry and was very excited for our future. I echo the "no one gets it" and how much this site (by reading current and past posts) has validated what I think and what I feel. Those that have been widowed longer, thank you for still posting and letting me know that it does eventually hurt less. Dawn
  9. beanless

    Starting a new Hobby to eat up time

    I lost my husband 5 weeks ago. I am just starting to attempt to do "normal things", work, pay bills, normal life stuff and there is too much time to fill. Too much emptiness. SO, I am looking at finding some hobbies as well. I like your hair idea (my hair is soooo straight, though). I'm seeing random facial masks and fun toenail polish perhaps in my future....
  10. You give me hope. My husband died 2 weeks ago and I am spending most days in bed. I read your post and you are an inspiration to me that next year might be better. Thank you and Happy Holidays to everyone.
  11. New to this site. Having family members grieve or talk about their grief is difficult, especially if they are doing so in a way that I would not. I only lost my husband 2 weeks ago, but have found this site very helpful and whatever I am going through, it's at least comforting that others are going through something similar. Hang in there, you are right in the fact that I am taking a lot more conscious breaths than I used to.


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