Sillyjerkycat

Hi. I tried to research this online and I can't find anything relevant. I lost my Frank just about two years ago and in the last 6 months I took off my wedding ring. I did that because I lost weight-I don't eat like I used to and I was afraid I'd lose it in bed or the shower or just walking in general. I put with it with his ring in the box and I still take it out and wear it only in the house for a few minutes every now and then. Here's the thing...lately, I have the strange sensation on my finger (when I'm in public) that it's there and I reach to fiddle with it and then it's not there and my mind goes straight to panic and then I remember why I took it off. Has this happened to you? I'm sure it has, but how long does this go on for?

I think I should share an author that my therapist recommended...Christina Rusmussan. She has books, but when I looked her up, on the site, it included a blog that was helpful and she allows guest authors to contribute.

Okay friends, I've read your replies and I have an update for my anger issues...I started see a therapist and that person has helped me figure out a path to move forward. I'm not angry anymore at the random public people saying the words I hate. I know they don't mean any harm, it's just that they don't know what the triggers are with people that have lost someone they loved. Case in point, I went to the Verizon store the other day to get a new phone and I had to explain to the young man that my account changed to just one phone because my husband passed away...and then this young man said to me "Rest in Peace" and I was not triggered! Yeah for small victories! Through my therapy I'm learning that it's a journey that never really ends, it just changes to be less painful.

Thank you for your comments...still dealing with everything. I started seeing a therapist today, maybe I can get past my anger issues with people who just don't know what to say, I know they don't mean harm.

It's been 1 year and 5 days since my husband died twice at home and the EMTs revived him, only to leave us with a shell of a man with brain damage. After two months in the hospital and rehab, the palliative people came and told me that he'd never get better and we should go to hospice. So anyone that has ever had to make that choice, it sucks, but we did as a family. Here's the thing...I am so sick of explaining that I'm a widow (to everyone that I had to engage with for life insurance, the bank, doctors, lawyers, etc.) and hearing "I'm sorry for your loss"--it means nothing to me except you're trying to be polite and you don't actually know what to say, because your scared for your own future. Maybe just say "I'm sorry, how are you"? or say nothing at all. Every time I hear "sorry for your loss" it makes me angry and just I wish people knew...

Thank you Bubu27 for your reply. It is different in the U.S., but I get where you're helping me figure out how to structure it for the future. My husband's date, for the mess the occurred, is coming up on September 10 (when his brain injury happened) and two months later he died in hospice (November 11). I am still young enough to enjoy what's left of my life and I hope you can too. Deep breaths and see who is around you. I have found in the last year that many people are willing to help and truly care about me and I'm sure there is a future for me. I live on a street where there are two other widows in their later years of life and they've kept on going, so shall I. All the best and hang in there.

I don't want to take away Minny9's experience (death of family is awful), I too am exhausted with grief, but I've have had a similar experience. I lost my mom in February 2018, my husband November 2018 and my dad June 2019. I’m an only child and now I don’t know what to do with my assets should I die any time soon. My husband died too soon, he was only 53 and we didn’t have wills (that was a mistake), and now I know I MUST do this now. I’ve given away all the family jewels to a cousin (that should have them) as she has children that she can pass them on to. I have no idea what to with my assets and to whom I should give them to in my will. I have a lot of cousins, but only a few that I’m close to. Others have suggested willing them to charities. Not sure about that as charities often misspend donations. I’m going to set up a meeting at the Lawyer’s office once I get my father’s estate settled, but I’m at a loss for who should get it all. I have a cousin set up to become my power of attorney for health issues, but not sure who should be that the for the financial issues. I should also mention that we weren't blessed with children so... Thoughts? Anyone been in this spot?

Thank you everyone...this helps me to figure out how to get through the maze. I am a very organized person who needs know how things work for others so I can figure out my own path forward. Every time I post, you all come to help and it is invaluable. Take care my friends... SJC (otherwise known as Cindy)-Silly Jerky Cat was our special name for each other, I think it came from a cartoon in the '60's, I don't know. He started it when we met.

I'm so consumed with my own loss, I didn't know that you lost someone again. I just reread your post and I'm so very sorry. It's all awful...

What is the SJC bell curve? I studied Psychology, but I don't recall this.

Merriam Webster: marked by the intense irrational reality of a dream...well that's the definition of the word surreal. But, it doesn't explain why my brain can't come to terms with him being gone. It's been 7 months yesterday and I still (irrationally) expect to hear his voice or see him (even in my dreams). When does this stop? I know he's left, because I was with him everyday, for two months, while his life failed before my eyes. Tell me your experience, I find it helpful to learn from other people who may have gone through this and that it is normal and how to get through. Thank you.

Thank you...it was helpful 🙂

@Melissa brown campwidow.org Look it up. It seems very helpful for survivors of all ages.

Thanks @beanless. The cooking thing, I know. I made dinner every night and now thank God for the frozen food section. It's gross, but it's food. I'm looking at the Tampa one in 2020. You're right, maybe if I just schedule one appointment a month I'll get through the list of things I have to do slowly. I'm just glad to feel validated about the stuck thing.

I need help. I was very active with cleaning out the "junk" since FD left us (by junk I mean, he never met a tool or a an interesting thing that he didn't have to have) and then I got stuck. By stuck, I mean that I have several things that I have to do to take care of my own health (i.e. dentist, annual doctor appointment, dermatologist, mammogram, etc.). How did you all get unstuck? Also, I was researching online about various widow things and I came across Camp Widow. Have any of you attended? If so, how was it for you? Thanks. Sillyjerkycat

@Powbesh: Grief sucks. I lost my husband 2 ½ months ago after a 2 month ordeal with his brain injury. Shower when you can and be kind to yourself. Make sure you eat real food. Eating is getting better for me. I couldn’t eat for about 3 ½ months. The people on this site are super helpful and will support you. We’re all going through it, but everyone’s journey is different. Hugs to you…hang in there.

@Jennifer, I read your link and it was super helpful. I have felt almost all of those things since my husband passed in November of this year. I’ve been feeling guilty that I’m trying to move into a new phase of my life and not be mired in the grief that I went through initially. Eating is still a mess, I have no idea how to cook for myself because I cooked for “us” and never had leftovers for days like I do now. I’m trying to get back to me, whoever that me is now. Thanks for letting me off the hook with my sort of grief an allowing me to figure out who I am now and still take care of his memory for our life together. All the best for 2019. Sillyjerkycat

Sorry @Darren77, can't see your link for your Anna. Maybe you could share your experience with us. I find talking about it with with people who have actually been through it can be very cathartic and helps all of us realize that we're not alone while all the other people around us just don't get it. Thanks for posting and I wish you peace for the new year.

Hello. I’m new to this site and I found it when I realized that this was my new world. I’m so glad that it’s here for us. It has had a profound effect on me and I realized that I’m not alone. I’m a 51 widow and my husband was 53 when he unexpectedly had a cardiac arrest out of nowhere. I have a cousin, that is a nurse, and she told me that anyone can have a cardiac arrest, for a multiple of reasons out of nowhere, and the hospital never figured out why. Yes, he had heart problems, but they were well managed. And then on September 10th it happened. He had a “brain injury” which really translates to brain damage. So for the next three months I was with him every day. The first months I had hope that I could help him come home and live some sort of life, but then it became apparent that after 22 year marriage it was over. He told me in one of his lucid moments “I’m one of the crazy people and I don’t want of one of the crazy people” and I understood that meant he did not want to live this way. At that point he was always crying or raging at the brain rehab. The hospital reached out to me and explained that he would always be this way forever, so the kindest thing I could do was put into the hospice. It was awful watching your love die just a little bit more every day. I just want you to know grief is different for all of us, but after watching my husband transition from normal guy to the mess that it ended up to be, I’m glad he’s free. While I grieve, it’s different every day. It gets a little be less painful. I know he’s happy and has moved on to a better place. He shows up with silly things in the house to let me know he’s there. They never leave you.

I also wanted to let @Leadfeatherknow that I enjoyed your story and I wish you the best.

Hello. I am brand new to this site. I found it about a month ago when I put my husband in hospice and I realized that this was now my new normal. I found some posts helpful, especially about eating…eating is still hard. My husband passed a little over a month ago. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and Christmas was always his thing…tree, outside decorations, cards, holiday parties, and the music. I read some different threads on the forum, but the one that gave me hope (and a lot of laughs and cries) was the one about online dating. Nope, not even interested in anyone new for the foreseeable future, but reading your posts gives me hope that maybe someday… But what I really wanted to tell all of you on this thread, is that you gave me hope that there is life after losing the love of your life. After reading your posts, I realized I’m not alone. I went to a grief counselor the other day and she offered some advice, but mostly just listened and it didn’t help that she was young and pregnant and just beginning her journey into marriage and family. So I just wanted to say thanks for giving me hope that someday I might find someone, or not and that’s okay, to complete my journey, but it was fun just being with people that faced the same challenge that I just embarking on. I wish you all peace for the New Year. Cindy