I’m 33 years old and I lost my husband a little over a year ago to alcoholism. We dated in high school, lost touch then found each other again for just a few short years before he passed. I’m left with living with my parents after dealing with my own issues and raising my 11 year old daughter who thought her step dad was the world. I still feel numb, almost as if it just happened but I push those feelings down because I can’t let myself go down that road. I used to work in the ER so compartmentalizing was a requirement when it came to death and dying and I just can’t seem to bring myself to let myself grieve now. I attempted to go back to work twice right after my husband passed suddenly and I just wasn’t ready. Now, I’ve been at my old job since October and I finally feel like I am putting the right foot forward. Yet I don’t allow myself to cry when I’m alone yet I feel so isolated and self destructive. I haven’t had the right moment when I’ve felt comfortable to grieve the life that I lost, my best friend, my everything since he died. I’ve put on a half smile to raise my daughter and keep her on track while trying to hold my head out of the water. I am so lost and so alone that even though I live back with my parents I’m not sure how to begin again without him. I fight crying and wanting to drink every time I’m alone. I know I need to mourn and try to move on with the best memories I can but I am so freaking alone in my feelings I’m just as lost. I do see a therapist who is great though. Thanks for listening.
