Jump to content

Bubu27

Members

0

Followers

73

Content Count

Country

Genre

Zodiac

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    01/19/2016
  • Name of Spouse
    Ken
  • Cause of death
    Sepsis, Infective Endocarditis
  • Spouse's Age
    53


Recent Profile Visitors

Recent Profile Visitors

393 profile views
  1. Bubu27

    Just Trudging Forward

    @Steph It's coming up to four years since Ken is gone and it has got better in a sense of being able to function "normally". I go to work, vary rarely (once in a few months) meet up for a drink with my closest friends, plan holidays with my family and I am able to enjoy it. However, I still wear my engagement/ wedding rings and very much look forward to dying and re-uniting with my husband for eternity. And I too get many signs, not daily but when I either directly ask for it or Ken knows I need. I guess everyone is different, like Maureen said. Some will move on with their lives faster then others, some will never do. And no, time doesn't heal anything. You get used to leaving with pain.
  2. I understand anger issues @Sillyjerkycat. I was fuming in the first year in particular. Now, I rarely get upset. People don't have a clue but they will get it when it happens to them. Try ignoring it x
  3. I hear you @trying2breathe Being asked how you are / how your weekend was etc are always hard for me to answer. Even now, 3.5years on. I always pause and think - shall I say the truth or I simply respond, Im fine thanks, to shut the conversation. I usually do the latter.
  4. People don't know what to say and often say stupid shit. I prefer "I'm sorry for your loss" to "everything happens for a reason", "life goes on" or "you are young, you will find somebody. Your husband would like you to be happy". F*** off
  5. Aw @Sillyjerkycat, I hate when the date is coming up. Yours is pretty soon. Mine - 31st December (when Ken first felt unwell) and lasts till 2nd Feb (date of the funeral) and it sucks every single year. As for the will, think about it, get some legal advice and get it done. It gives you peace of mind, that's for sure
  6. My Ken died at 53 too, no will and we too don't have children together. A year after he passed away I had my will done. I live in the UK so it might be different over here but I had to nominate 2 executors (1st my sister and 2nd my best friend) who will deal with everything whilst I'm gone (and with Ken :)). As for any money in my bank account, my sister will withdraw it. I specifically requested for 50% of all money to be given to my nephew and the remaining 50% split between my sister, my nephew and any future kids my sister might have). I don't own our flat so it will go back to the Housing Association. Easy and one less problem to think about. As for other stuff (furniture etc) I don't really care and didn't specify any instructions. My sister lives in Spain so she will not take anything (unless she wants to) so it can either go to a charity/ be disposed of/ left in the flat. I really couldn't care less. All I care about and I am kind of obsessed with since Ken passed away is to keep as little stuff and as organised (in storage boxes etc) as possible so that my sister will have it easier when I am gone. As for grieving differently, Ken's passing on 19th Jan 2016 destroyed me. Completely. 3 months after Ken one of my grandma's passed away - I cried but couldn't really go deep into it as Ken had just passed and I was too numb to experience anything. One year later, on the first anniversary of Ken's passing (19th Jan 2017) I found out my second grandma, my mum's mum who I was super close to, too passed away a few days earlier (I travelled to Spain to be with my sister on the 1st anniversary and even though my grandma passed away on 16th, my mum didn't want to tell me when I was on my own). It hit me hard (1st, because I was told on the very day of Ken's 1st anniversary which made this awful day even harder, 2nd, because I was extremely close with her and all my life I dreaded her death) but still, it doesn't compare to loosing Ken. I too feel guilt about it - feels like I didn't care about my grandmas but loosing Ken was the ultimate nightmare. I think there is only as much shit as one can process - Ken's death drained me of anything and I simply haven't been able to grieve my both grandmas properly. Today I don't fear my own death at all and kind of look forward to it. But I fear the death of my parents/ sister/ nephew. Not obsessed with it but I don't even want to imagine what it will feel like if something happens to them.
  7. Same here. From the moment I met Ken I was fearing he would die. Ken is 19 yrs older so there was a possibility he would go first but I would never expect it too happen so soon at 53. About 3 months after our wedding and 3 months before Ken passed away, I was out with a friend and I told her "I am worried Ken will die". I don't know why I said that, there were no signs he wasn't well, we just came back from our honey moon, life was beautiful.. And then with our wedding - Ken was never good at time management/ organising things etc and it was always me planning and pushing him to do things. Yet when it came to our wedding, he organised it all on his own and it was like he was in a rush. Engagement and wedding all in a space of 2.5 months. My family couldn't come but he insisted we get married regardless. Had we waited, we wouldn't have gotten married, I wouldn't be financially secured, I couldn't have stayed in our flat, you name it. Had he not rushed with the wedding (even I was shocked by it), I would have been in a much darker place (financially and housing wise). He always looked after me so it is no surprise that he did it all to secure me a stable future Did he know? I don't know. I see it as a nudge from Heavens. Like this gut feeling that makes you do things without really knowing why
  8. Dear Alma, I am so sorry. My Ken passed away 7 months and 27 days after we got married. I don't know your story but I feel for you. It is going to be an awful journey, I am not going to lie. Take @Julester3 advice - one hour at a time
  9. Bubu27

    Speechless

    Looks like you "knew" before you actually got the news. I "knew" to. One day before Ken passed away I was outside ICU crying and was SOOOOOOOO devastated and I could feel what was coming. There was this woman and she was trying to console me saying her husband who was much older then Ken had been in the same position and recovered. But I knew Ken wouldn't. I just knew. A few days earlier Ken had already been in an induced coma and one of his sister told me her son had a dream that Ken's mum was standing by his hospital bed in ICU. I told her I hope she is not going to take Ken away. But she did.
  10. Bubu27

    Speechless

    I agree with all you all have said. Some people haven't experienced it so don't have a clue how to react, some haven't but have empathy and good manners so will say the right thing (or at least nothing overly stupid), some have experienced what we all have but are a few more years down the line and their perspective has shifted. And some are just plain evil and shouldn't open their mouths. Ever. That's all in a private domain. In a professional environment though, in any customer-facing job, I think it should be forbidden to say anything else then a simple I am so sorry and move on from the subject. That should be a default reaction. It has been 3yrs and 7months today by the way. I often think about that day, 11:56am on a fucking 19th Jan 2016, or the moment I was told, or when I left hospital to go home that day, or when they opened the coffin and I saw Ken one day before the funeral, or the morning of the funeral when I woke up etc and going back there I still cannot imagine what it must have been like, what was going through my head, how did I manage to cope. It is so weird and surreal. I know I was there and I know it all happened, but now I cannot imagine going through this. I get all shaky by trying to go back to those moments, it's like they are the worst possible scenario and wouldn't be able to take it (which I did because it had already happened). Does it make sense? and apologies for drifting off the subject
  11. Bubu27

    How to speak grief

    For me, dark humour is the one. I love seeing people's faces when I comfortably talk death/ dying etc. Not that this is my daily subject with people (it is for me though) but when I say things like - you die anyway they usually look at me like I was kidding LOL And the WAKEMARE bit - that was and still is awful. When you wake up and the first few secs you are still not fully conscious and happy and then IT hits you like a ton of bricks when you come round to reality.
  12. Bubu27

    How to speak grief

    It made me smile:) https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/13/sunday-review/how-to-speak-grief.html
  13. Bubu27

    Speechless

    OMG @Wheelerswife, this must be one of the most disgusting things anyone can say. I have no words.
  14. Bubu27

    She's growing into him

    @MrsDan, it must be so comforting for you? It is like you had a part of your husband back. Which you actually do. I am jealous of it in a way that I will never experience that feeling since Ken and I didn't get a chance to become parents. But I am happy for you and others in your position.
  15. Bubu27

    I Got A New Car

    Love the colour @laurie27

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    01/19/2016
  • Name of Spouse
    Ken
  • Cause of death
    Sepsis, Infective Endocarditis
  • Spouse's Age
    53


Recent Profile Visitors

393 profile views
×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.