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Bubu27

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Zodiac

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    01/19/2016
  • Name of Spouse
    Ken
  • Cause of death
    Sepsis, Infective Endocarditis
  • Spouse's Age
    53


Recent Profile Visitors

Recent Profile Visitors

324 profile views
  1. Bubu27

    Speechless

    Looks like you "knew" before you actually got the news. I "knew" to. One day before Ken passed away I was outside ICU crying and was SOOOOOOOO devastated and I could feel what was coming. There was this woman and she was trying to console me saying her husband who was much older then Ken had been in the same position and recovered. But I knew Ken wouldn't. I just knew. A few days earlier Ken had already been in an induced coma and one of his sister told me her son had a dream that Ken's mum was standing by his hospital bed in ICU. I told her I hope she is not going to take Ken away. But she did.
  2. Bubu27

    Speechless

    I agree with all you all have said. Some people haven't experienced it so don't have a clue how to react, some haven't but have empathy and good manners so will say the right thing (or at least nothing overly stupid), some have experienced what we all have but are a few more years down the line and their perspective has shifted. And some are just plain evil and shouldn't open their mouths. Ever. That's all in a private domain. In a professional environment though, in any customer-facing job, I think it should be forbidden to say anything else then a simple I am so sorry and move on from the subject. That should be a default reaction. It has been 3yrs and 7months today by the way. I often think about that day, 11:56am on a fucking 19th Jan 2016, or the moment I was told, or when I left hospital to go home that day, or when they opened the coffin and I saw Ken one day before the funeral, or the morning of the funeral when I woke up etc and going back there I still cannot imagine what it must have been like, what was going through my head, how did I manage to cope. It is so weird and surreal. I know I was there and I know it all happened, but now I cannot imagine going through this. I get all shaky by trying to go back to those moments, it's like they are the worst possible scenario and wouldn't be able to take it (which I did because it had already happened). Does it make sense? and apologies for drifting off the subject
  3. Bubu27

    How to speak grief

    For me, dark humour is the one. I love seeing people's faces when I comfortably talk death/ dying etc. Not that this is my daily subject with people (it is for me though) but when I say things like - you die anyway they usually look at me like I was kidding LOL And the WAKEMARE bit - that was and still is awful. When you wake up and the first few secs you are still not fully conscious and happy and then IT hits you like a ton of bricks when you come round to reality.
  4. Bubu27

    How to speak grief

    It made me smile:) https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/13/sunday-review/how-to-speak-grief.html
  5. Bubu27

    Speechless

    OMG @Wheelerswife, this must be one of the most disgusting things anyone can say. I have no words.
  6. Bubu27

    She's growing into him

    @MrsDan, it must be so comforting for you? It is like you had a part of your husband back. Which you actually do. I am jealous of it in a way that I will never experience that feeling since Ken and I didn't get a chance to become parents. But I am happy for you and others in your position.
  7. Bubu27

    I Got A New Car

    Love the colour @laurie27
  8. Bubu27

    Speechless

    AMEN!!! @sudnlysngl
  9. Bubu27

    Speechless

    Exactly that @sudnlysngl. I understand such questions are inevitable is some environments but turning our answers into some kind of circus and dragging the subject unnecessarily (not to mention stupid facial expressions) is not welcome to say the least. As for making a complaint, I did not but had my chance to say how I felt. My bank sent me a customer satisfaction survey after the visit and I answered all the questions honestly - overall he was knowledgeable, professional (well, at least most of the time) etc but then in the additional comments box I briefly described the situation and my take on it. I said I understood some people react differently (and asked them not to penalise him for it) but said that one would expect more tact from such a respectable bank's staff.
  10. Bubu27

    Speechless

    There is a difference between though huh and it comes down to the context and a person who says it. Tough, huh coming from a close friend or a therapist is odd but ok (not the most tactful reaction, is it). Tough huh with a stupid grin coming from a bank adviser, when I clearly closed the subject with this one sentence ( my husband passed away), is not ok. At least not in my book.
  11. Bubu27

    Speechless

    Thanks for advice @sudnlysngl. You might be right. I still bank there but probably not worth my energy and effort. But I simply cannot get my head around peopl and shit things that can come from their mouth
  12. Bubu27

    Speechless

    You are so funny @soloact 😂 Interestingly, this guy didn't hurt me. I was actually looking at him in disbelief thinking - what a twat! Is he for real? When I have to say that my husband passed away, people usually say I am sorry and change the subject or apologise for asking and look uncomfortable yet this guy looked like he was having a time of his life cracking jokes! The more I think of it, the more pissed of I get though. Do you think I should make a complaint about him? The whole conversation was recorded (as they do for monitoring and training purposes) so maybe it would be good if they used my example as a lesson of how NOT to joke with widows?
  13. Bubu27

    Speechless

    So I went to the bank today to renew my savings account and the advisor started by completing a questionnaire. He looked at me with a massive smile and asked - I can see you are happily married?:) (I wear my engagement and wedding ring on, not planning to remove it ever) to which I replied - my husband passed away 3 years ago. He paused for a while then looked at me, lowered his voice and said - it's been three years. TOUGH, HAH? With the most annoying grin ever. I smiled back saying nothing. Just speechless
  14. Bubu27

    For those who wanted more children

    We were to start trying for a baby that year but Ken passed away before we got to it so I will never be a mum.
  15. Bubu27

    Asking in-laws for help and feel ashamed

    I don't think @Portside meant to be rude but I do understand why @Sthomp0291 felt the way she did. I would feel the same. But at the same time Mike only expressed his opinion to which he is completely entitled to. He surely could have worded it differently and in a (much) less patronising way - I know from my experience how much more sensitive I have become after I lost Ken and how easily offended you can be in the first months/ years after the loss. But he worded it the way he did and I am sure the backlash got to him too. Let's all move on and don't forget that every single one of us is grieving and we all grieve differently. Sometimes we all say crude things that we later regret, no need to dwell on them. If I read responses I don't like here, I too get upset but quickly let go. After the greatest loss of my life I am not going to waste my energy on some strangers' remarks and opinions. And no disrespect to anyone here xx

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    01/19/2016
  • Name of Spouse
    Ken
  • Cause of death
    Sepsis, Infective Endocarditis
  • Spouse's Age
    53


Recent Profile Visitors

324 profile views
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