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  • Date Widowed
  • Name of Spouse
  • Cause of death
    Sepsis, Infective Endocarditis
  • Spouse's Age

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  1. I hear you Simon and know all too well how you feel. I too, sometimes, stop and think it is not possible Ken is gone.But he is gone and even now, 4 trs later I find it hard to comprehend. Some ppl recover faster then others but every time I read your posts, it is like I was reading my own from 4 yrs ago. Unfortunately it will hurt, possibly lessen on intensity as time goes by but the deep black hole will never disappear. As for getting a hobby, was advised that too by a nurse, probably a few weeks after Ken passed away. She probably meant well (probably never been through a loss he
  2. Yep, agree with all you both said. Sometimes I wonder how come I managed to survive the loss of Ken and now one or two idiots at work can make me lose my cool. But you are right @donswife, before we had the back-up and now it's gone. Sometimes when I feel really low I try to think what Ken would say to me and I usually know and right then stop giving a shit:)
  3. Rudderless, You have been through a lot and as everyone said, 4 months after such a loss is nothing. Wish there was an universal advice of how to lessen the suffering but sadly there is none. It will be raw and unbearable but you will get through this. As for his family, death brings the worst out of people. I know from experience. Try not to waste your energy on them x
  4. Looks like Christmas/NY period is equally hard for you too. I too thought it would get easier but it doesn't. Each year I re-live what had happened day by day. Let's hang in there together x I am glad you did too. Ken was 53 when he passed away so your ID is Ken's wink from Heaven And thank you for you kind words but deep down I know I should have gone with him to A&E that day. With sepsis every hour counts - the earlier it is caught, the more chances one has to survive. He had his first clear symptoms on NYE and if you think we went to hospital late on 6th and Ken o
  5. Another New Year's Eve and another awful time that will last from today till 2nd Feb On New Year's Eve 2015 Ken felt unwell. He woke me up at 3am, shivering yet baking hot. He started throwing up violently so I helped him to the bath and started cleaning the bedroom. Next morning he was weak, a little feverish but we put it down on his hangover. The very same day though he started limping and couldn't put any pressure on his left foot. Again, we thought he must have slipped in the bath. 2 days later, Sunday 3rd Jan, since his condition wasn't improving, we called his son and he hel
  6. I love it. So beautifully put. That's how I am feeling too. 19th Jan 2020 will be 4 years for me and I too miss him more then words can say.
  7. @laurie27 well done for making such great plans. In my first year I was struggling to do the dishes on a daily basis let alone organise Christmas. Having your friends around sounds good fun and as Melissa said, it is very impressive. Don't know you but very proud of you x
  8. Yes, that's how I have felt too. Sadness doesn't preoccupy my mind every second of the day as it used to and it makes me fell like I didn't love Ken enough? My logical mind knows it's stupid but I can't help feeling this way
  9. Dear @simon8164. It's coming up to 4 years (19th Jan) since my husband is gone and even though my grief is different to what it was in the first couple of years, it is and always will be there and I too can't wait to the day I am reunited with him. Last Sun was my birthday and all I could think of was - 1 year less without Ken. Same with every 19th Jan - in the first years it was the hardest day, now - I almost celebrate it as a year less without Ken. Hang on there, time flies and you will see your Maria sooner then you think xx
  10. After my Ken passed away I sort of stopped giving a sh%*t about people. On one hand I have more patience for them but on the other, If they let me down a few times, I wave goodbye and move on. @KrypticKat, sorry to say but your friend doesn't sound like a friend. Point scoring is pathetic and if she doesn't understand how you feel/ have felt in your grief, she doesn't deserve your friendship. I'd rather be on my own then waste my limited energy on such toxic relationships.
  11. I can somehow relate to your story @Steph. Ken had 2 sons with his previous partner and whilst they were in touch (Ken was, they only contacted Ken if they needed money), they didn't show up when he was ill/ in hospital/ dying. It was only me there. As soon as he died though, 4 days after he died to be specific, they showed up at our flat (two sons and Ken's family and friends) and started pushing me to give them our car and motorbike. At that point, 4 days after Ken passed away, I was barely able to breath but somehow got all my strength, stood up and and told the lot to LEAVE, pointing at th
  12. @Steph It's coming up to four years since Ken is gone and it has got better in a sense of being able to function "normally". I go to work, vary rarely (once in a few months) meet up for a drink with my closest friends, plan holidays with my family and I am able to enjoy it. However, I still wear my engagement/ wedding rings and very much look forward to dying and re-uniting with my husband for eternity. And I too get many signs, not daily but when I either directly ask for it or Ken knows I need. I guess everyone is different, like Maureen said. Some will move on with their lives faster
  13. I understand anger issues @Sillyjerkycat. I was fuming in the first year in particular. Now, I rarely get upset. People don't have a clue but they will get it when it happens to them. Try ignoring it x
  14. I hear you @trying2breathe Being asked how you are / how your weekend was etc are always hard for me to answer. Even now, 3.5years on. I always pause and think - shall I say the truth or I simply respond, Im fine thanks, to shut the conversation. I usually do the latter.
  15. People don't know what to say and often say stupid shit. I prefer "I'm sorry for your loss" to "everything happens for a reason", "life goes on" or "you are young, you will find somebody. Your husband would like you to be happy". F*** off
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