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Needytoo

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  • Date Widowed
    March 8, 2013
  • Cause of death
    heart attack


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  1. Needytoo

    Starting a new Hobby to eat up time

    I remember one of my therapists told me I needed to find a passion. I had no clue what the heck she was talking about (brain fog was still bad back then). So I signed up for so many things. I do pottery, stain glass, kayaking and now have my restricted firearm license. It is fun trying new things.
  2. Needytoo

    Holiday question

    Leadfeather, my brother and sister also think NG is great, his family feels the same about me, it is only my sons that are having the issue. Maybe you are right trying2breathe, it is just going to take a longer time. Kilm our sons do have some similar traits, that is for sure. Trying, Christmas was good and bad. To make a long story short, both my boys didn't come to NG's sister's place for supper. It hurt, but I still had a great time with all of them. Ng and I brought his sons to my place to meet my kids. My youngest was ok with it, my oldest hid in the basement. I can't take my oldest son, in a few weeks I am telling him to move out. I want him out for so many reasons, not just the way he treats NG. I have talked to so many other parents and they all tell me I am not doing him any favors letting him sponge off me. I want him to be happy and live his life and he isn't doing that in the basement. He is becoming his father, sitting down in the basement pig and drinking. I am going back to Al-anon because I am enabling this and it needs to stop. One thing I have learned is NG is so supportive and encourages me to talk about things, this is good for me to find a partner that will do that. Happy New Year everyone.
  3. Needytoo

    Holiday question

    Christmas eve, NG is over and oldest son refused to come for dinner. I am so tired of pain, and I know you guys understand. I can't stop crying but this time I have someone holding me. Hope tomorrow is better.
  4. Terrific thread going on here. I am going through so many similar issues. NG and I together are great. Both of us miss each other so much when we are separate. I found a partner and I see a future if it was just us, but it isn't just us. He has younger kids and visitation with his kids and battles with his ex sometimes drain me. His divorce isn't final, and it is draining. My kids are older and need to move out on their own. I am telling my eldest in the new year. he has three months to move out. My kids are very slowly accepting him but what if they never do? I have a step-thing I hate her. What if my kids don't want anything to do with me? His Mother demands a lot from him and wants to move into a retirement home but there is a waiting list. She wants us to live in her house. That would be great, I could sell my house and walk to work. What if one of my son's want to buy my home? How do I make that fair to the other one not buying the house? What if we do get married and then divorced, how the hell does that work? What if we sell his Mom's house and my house and buy one together, would that be better? How can this be so complicated?
  5. Needytoo

    My father isn't doing well, need your advice

    You guys are the best!! So sorry soloact for what you went through. Called stepwitch a few times to see when she is available so I can get the photos. She hasn't returned my call. Somehow she will make this my fault. Oh well, she can keep on trying to break my spirit. I too am getting good on cutting out the drama.
  6. Needytoo

    My father isn't doing well, need your advice

    Thanks, I sometimes have doubts what is the right thing to do. I will go down the weekend I was supposed to. My brother is with my Dad, he seems ok minus dementia. Hope tonight I sleep well.
  7. My Mom passed away 27 years ago, and her Palliative Care Nurse married my father within a year of her passing. This woman has been horrible since the first minute I met her long time ago. She made visiting my father horrible. She drove me as well as all my siblings away. We sometimes tried to speak up, but it always ended horribly. When my husband passed, they never came to the funeral and never visited afterward. I have gone a few times down to see them, and I kept my visits short because she always would say something evil. I went through a lot of anger towards all of this, and then one day I just let it go. Now my father has Alzheimer’s and is in a home, and my step thing is complaining she isn’t getting the support from us she needs. We all live at least 3 hours away (I live 6 hours away) and all of us except one of my sister’s work full time. I try not to judge, but this lady has changed all the furniture in the house and has gone on a few trips since my Dad has been put in a home. Again I try not to judge because I do know you need to take care of yourself first. I have heard from old high school friends that she goes around town and complains that I am not supportive. Nice lady. Last night my brother texted me saying she called him, Dad has taken a turn for the worse and would like one of us to come down because she is going on another trip. I work at a college, and we are doing our finals, I am drowning in marking, so my brother is going down. My brain didn’t shut down last night had all of this going through my mind. He is my father, he hasn’t been a great Dad since Mom’s passing he has been a horrible grandparent but what would my Mom want me to do. I am now in a second relationship, and my kids are not the most supportive (slowly changing) and NGs kid are being told by their Mom that their father is a horrible person. I don’t want to compare us with my Dad and stepwitch but what if our kids don’t want anything to do with us either. I know we aren’t as bad but what is the correct thing to do. We are planning on going down Dec. 14 for the weekend but I can’t see us making down earlier. Am I a horrible person? My sister says no we are great people she missed out. Thanks for letting me vent.
  8. Needytoo

    Holiday question

    I am going to try Jamie Oliver's recipe. Hope it works. I am very proud of my youngest son, I hope my oldest joins as well but I can't force him.
  9. Needytoo

    Holiday question

    Parts of me really wish I could go all out Martha Stewart style but I don't have time. I know excuses excuses. There are a few things I would like to try this year. Two things my Mom use to make Thimble Cookies and Scotch Eggs. Both I have failed at before unfortunately my Mother's cookbooks have been thrown out years ago by my Step Thing. NG's Mom gave me her recipe for Thimble Cookies if anyone has one for Scotch Eggs I am willing to try it. My youngest son has agreed to come to NG sister's for Christmas oldest son hasn't given me a response. I am so happy my youngest son is willing to try!!
  10. Needytoo

    Holiday question

    You guys are the best!! I remember in the "early" recovery days thinking of new ways to celebrate the holidays. The second year after DH passing we went to Punta Cana and had a blast. My kids have been very challenging, they have bullied me etc but my youngest is so much better now his brother somewhat better but he has some kind of social oddity. His father did and there is other relatives on that side that have the same thing. I can't change that. I think I will make my big supper Christmas Eve and have NG join us and spend the day with NG's family. My kids need to let me know this weekend if they are coming. I hope my kids will be open to this. I certainly wish our past was different and they got to enjoy Christmas' like so many other people do but we didn't and I can't change that, I just can encourage the change today. On a side note, I am not planning on doing too much baking this year. My baking is being done by a single mom who does it so she can afford Christmas for her kids.
  11. Needytoo

    Holiday question

    Hello everyone, it seems awhile since I have posted hope everyone is doing well. I need some peoples advice. My late husband was very unsocial and we didn't do anything for the holidays. No parties or going to other family members for Christmas. Deep down I hated it, I was always jealous of the people that actually did things with their whole family. I have been dating a great guy for a year and half and his family have made me feel part of the family. My sons very slowly (and I mean very slowly) accepting new guy. Last Christmas I waited till 1:00 pm for my sons to get out of bed. My oldest son didn't buy anyone any gifts and the gifts he got he left most of them in the living room. They ate supper and took off to their rooms. This is how my holidays have been for years. This year New Guy's sister and her wife have invited my sons and I over for Christmas. I told my sons they aren't very impressed. I told them I realize this is different and a bit awkward but to be open to it. So what is the correct thing to do in this situation? Make an early supper for my sons then go to new guys sister's place or do the same old thing feed my sons clean up and sit in the living room alone. My sons are 21 and 25 years old.
  12. Needytoo

    Healing does happen.

    Thank you for posting this.
  13. Needytoo

    That Dam Ex wife

    Great advice Mizpah and Sugarbell. I did do a bunch of reading as well and came to the same conclusion. I will have no contact with the lady. Update on the case, NG's lawyer is going for "parent alienation" charges. This is going to get messy. I do hope this lady finds the help she needs. In two hours I am on vacation and I am so looking forward to it!! She will not change that!!
  14. Needytoo

    That Dam Ex wife

    You are so right Trying, I should have nothing to do with why NG have the right to see his children. The ex is trying to make it look like he has some anger issues, not sure why because before she wanted him to take the kids every weekend. Update on crazy ex. She had called children's aid on both of us and will not let NG have the kids this weekend. She claims the kids are saying things about both of us. There is something seriously wrong with the lady. I can't control her and I don't want anything to do with her. I called my therapist and she thinks the woman might have some borderline personality disorder and recommended some reading for me about the condition. I need to keep away from her, which I will. NG is upset but also realizes he can't control his ex and is going to talk to his lawyer today. We will see if there is anything that can be done. Going to focus on me right now, and get my mind back in a calm state. I am having some possible health issues right now (growth in my uterus) and with everything else, my stress level just keeps going up and up. Thanks, everyone.
  15. Needytoo

    That Dam Ex wife

    My first two husbands did the same thing so I know where you are coming from sudnlysngl but after many hours during my recovery I also realize that I was to blame a bit for that. I didn't speak up for myself. I need to tell NG what I expect and he has mentioned I need to do that as well. I am a terrific person, I am generous but there come to a point that I will not be taken advantage off. If I don't this relationship is over. One problem is NG's ex wife use to take advantage of him so much that maybe he is on guard of being taken advantage off by me. Thanks for letting me vent.

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    March 8, 2013
  • Cause of death
    heart attack


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