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Cassie

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Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    03/06/2019
  • Name of Spouse
    Brandon
  • Date Widowed
    03/06/2019
  • Cause of death
    Renal failure/massive heart attack
  • Spouse's Age
    31


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  1. On September 6th, I will hit the 6 month mark. 6 months have gone by. We've gotten through some of the firsts but there are so many more to come. But this month will so busy... We have a family cookout for Labor Day with my in-laws. We always have a great time, but I get so lonely, even though I'm completely surrounded by people who love us. It's an odd feeling. A week later, we have a celebration of life ceremony for his aunt, who just passed away this past Tuesday. I'm worried that it's going to rock me to my core. She was a wonderful woman, but this will be the funeral of any type since my husband's. Then we have a wedding to go to, which just happens to be 5 days before our anniversary. Our anniversary was the first date/kiss and our wedding day. I feel like this wedding we're attending will be bittersweet for me. I just want to celebrate my anniversary with my man. And finally, on the 26th I have to have a life altering surgery. I'm having my tubes removed and the ablation on my uterus. It's a second to last resort to resolve 20+ years of pelvic pain. My husband was always my support person in times like these. The idea of going through this surgery without him beside me scares the living hell out of me. He always took care of me I was down and out...well when I would let him lol. I'm just praying I get through this month fairly unscathed.
  2. Cassie

    For those who wanted more children

    He only had one biological child. A beautiful girl, who is becoming a beautiful young lady (she's 13). We started dating when my daughter was 4 and my son was 8 months old. His bio took off right after we found out I was pregnant. So DH was all he ever knew as daddy. We had papers at the attorney's office ready to be signed for adoption when he suddenly passed. DH had been getting sicker but still wanted another baby. He said he wanted to complete our family. I reluctantly agreed. Then some lady health issues came up and we had to put it on hold while I took the pill for a while. One month into the pill, I found out I was pregnant. He was thrilled...I was not as thrilled. I lost the baby 8 days later. We decided to try again. That was in Nov 2018. DH passed in March 2019. I have since decided that babies are out of the question, even in the future. I feel cheated all the time, however. We were given an unexpected blessing and robbed of it so quickly. Then I lost him so I didn't have the chance to have our baby. It's a cruel world sometimes.
  3. Cassie

    Will our 4 year old remember Daddy?

    I love this idea! Thank you for your suggestion!
  4. Cassie

    Will our 4 year old remember Daddy?

    I pray that he will remember some of the same things. He does randomly bring up little things that I've sort of pushed away though. So maybe between his family and myself we can keep some memories. You've given me some hope. Thank you!
  5. I am astounded by your strength! My husband passed unexpectedly in his sleep on 3/6/19. Unfortunately, I found him and performed CPR until the first responders arrived. My dreams/nightmares are still plagued by this, as well as flashbacks. I understand about not telling your friends and family the dark stuff. I've bottled it all up myself 😞
  6. Cassie

    Tough times

    I'm at 3 months. The past 2 weeks have been fairly easy. However, I feel like it's all going to come crashing down. Work of any kind keeps my mind busy. When I'm at my job, I'm me. Not just mommy and grieving widow. I hate cliches, but idle hands are the devil's playground. Allow yourself time to hurt. I shut down and wouldn't face it because I didn't want to feel the hurt. But that just led me to a very dark place. I'm still clawing my way out of it. Let yourself feel whatever your body, mind, or soul needs to feel at whatever time it needs to. I've cried at work, with my little ones, by myself...you name it. I'm so sorry that you've experienced this tragedy. Hugs!
  7. Cassie

    Helping them grieve/ reprogramming

    I constantly feel like I'm letting my kids down since my love passed away. I always referred to him as my fixer. He could get the kids under control when I couldn't. They are only 7 and 4. He also has a 12 year old from a previous relationship. I have found a fantastic therapist for myself and luckily my 7 year old was already in therapy for behavior issues. Some days all I can do is take a deep breath. So just breathe, mama. And remember, even on the bad days, you're a rockstar!
  8. On March 6th, I lost my husband very unexpectedly. He has a 12 year old daughter, I have a 7 year old daughter, and we share a 4 year old son. My daughter still sees her father, but Brandon was much more of a father figure to her. I know she will remember him for all he was. Our son, however, is so young. I'm absolutely terrified that he won't remember his Daddy. I talk about him very often, as do the kids. Lennon (our son) will randomly bring up memories of Brandon. I'm just afraid that this is fresh and his memory of Daddy will fade. How do I ensure that he remembers Daddy, aside from talking about him?
  9. Cassie

    Widowed 3-6-19

    I am so sorry that you've experienced this tragedy as well. It's definitely a rough thing to deal with. I'm sure you searching for peace as well. Hopefully, we can both find some soon. Hugs!
  10. Cassie

    Widowed 3-6-19

    I think the worst thing for me is my guilt. He wasn't feeling well the night before but I brushed it off as a stomach bug. In fact, I even got angry and stormed out of the room, which I had never done before. Then I found him a few hours later. I did CPR until the paramedics arrived. I couldn't save him. I have all these shouldas...I should've taken to him to the hospital, I should've stayed in bed with him, I should've been able to save him. Guilt...guilt is eating away at my soul.
  11. Cassie

    How to handle triggers?

    I'm 34 and my husband passed away very unexpectedly on March 6th. I've since started counseling. It helps, but not enough. My therapist recommends "scheduled cries" because I'm trying to hold it all in. I do find relief after a "scheduled cry."
  12. On March 6, I lost my husband very unexpectedly. He was only 31. He had fought type 1 diabetes since he was only 2 years old. 3 years ago, he was diagnosed with kidney failure. 2 years ago, he started dialysis for end stage renal failure. There were countless hospital stays. The scariest hospital stay was in January. He was diabetic ketoacidosis. His blood sugar was over 900. He had to be placed on a ventilator because he was vomiting but not protecting his airway. After 2 days, he self extobated. He pulled through like a champ. Kept saying he was invincible (he was cocky lol). On March 6th, however, he never woke up. They say he had a massive heart attack in his sleep. He left 3 children behind. And me, his 34 year old wife. His death followed my miscarriage on 11-10-18 and my uncle's unexpected death on 1-3-19. How do I get through this? He was my best friend as well as my husband. I feel so alone all the time. Are there any tricks to finding peace?

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    03/06/2019
  • Name of Spouse
    Brandon
  • Date Widowed
    03/06/2019
  • Cause of death
    Renal failure/massive heart attack
  • Spouse's Age
    31


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