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  1. Yell120910

    Let Me Go

    Thank you Forgottenwife for sharing. This is really helpful. Cyber hug!
  2. Yell120910

    Let Me Go

    This is really true at the moment. He was a good person and we had many good memories, too. But right now it's hard to let go of the bad memories, and I am too consumed by these that I can hardly recall the good stuff. I know in my heart that I love him that's why I want to let go the negatives and continue loving him. Thank you so much Bunny. I pray for you, too.
  3. Yell120910

    Let Me Go

    Thank you sudnlysngl.
  4. WIDDA is very helpful. Every one can learn from each other. Many of us just read the messages, even without saying anything, we appreciate the sharing and discussion. Most of the time the members spell out the words for us - exactly the words we needed to hear, know and experience but having a hard time putting the words together. Kudos! I am one grateful member here ❤️
  5. Yell120910

    Late Bloomer

    Thank you donswife and Trying. Exactly the words and affirmation that I need. Cyber Hug!
  6. Yell120910

    That Old Love

    For all that I have gone through, one thing I know for sure, that I love the man I married. I remember the old love we shared. That Old Love The poem we tried to write The exchanges we tried to create I remember that moment with you I remember that first hello When I opened my eyes after a pray ’r I saw you smiled, sunny and bright You said hello for the second time God, I closed my eyes and whispered more A sculpture-like embrace We rest as one soul Like a destiny In a beautiful journey The sky is bright Wind’s embrace, I feel the warm Oh, that smell of the rain Sensation I can hardly explain I long to hold you again Oh, like a long reverie One more time That great old love of mine To my one great love, Greg This is our old love beyond time (Written dated 17th of April, 2018)
  7. Yell120910

    The Day You Were Called Home

    I like it, it's beautiful.
  8. Yell120910

    Late Bloomer

    I just needed to express this... I am tired being a strong person! When my husband died, he left me with two beautiful sons (at that time, 2 y.o and 1 y.o.). Looking back I felt like I never really grieved properly because I don't like my children to feel that they're losing me as well. I needed to wake up and smile for them. There were so many things that I needed to decide - motherhood, household, in-laws and work..etc. But I am tired of being a strong person! 3 years have passed, and I feel like the rebellious side of me is starting to creep in. I don't know the extent of my pain and anger yet after my husband died. I wanted to throw a fit but I don't think people will understand, or I deem no one will back me up because they will all think that I should have done it 3 years ago. My families and friends believe that I should have moved on already and done with grieving. Is this normal after more than 3 years of grieving? I know time will heal, but I think I am a late bloomer
  9. Hi everyone, I am a widow for more than 3 years. My husband died when he was 30 years old. He was treated/rehabilitated for drug dependence, and was clean for almost 6 months before he died. It has been awhile since my last visit to this forum, but I'm happy I visited the site again. Although 3 years gone by, I am still angry and bitter by the thought that I married a drug dependent husband (please forgive me if I have offended anyone). Please don't get me wrong, I love my husband very much, but only after 2 year of marriage that I knew he was suffering from drug dependence. He was never really violent nor hit me, but there were moments that I didn't understand him and we argued a lot. The week I found out his addiction, is the same week he submitted himself to the rehab. He was in rehab when I carried our second child. He relapsed after a year of treatment, and promised to never touch drugs again after his relapsed. Before my husband died, there were so many things we agreed to talk about to finally move on to healing and give each other's peace and closure (he promised to answer all my questions before that year ends, 2014). But it never happened, he died August 2014. I am still angry and bitter with so many regrets and questions lingering... Many of our families and friends didn't know he was a drug dependent, and I feel like I have a huge secret to protect and causing me so much pain and stress. Is any one in this forum experienced the same? I feel like I hate him at some point and that I cannot go out in this world freely I'd like to share one of my poems to you. I made this when I really want to get drunk but so afraid that I will give out my secret to anyone and regret it when I sober *** Let me go Let me go I don’t want this kind of ego I don’t want to live heavy I want to walk free and happy Let me go I want to get drunk and let go I don’t want to hide and worry How my soul, heart, mind and lips will journey Let me go And welcome a new day The past cannot tie and hold Let’s dance all night with joy And embrace freedom confident and bold Let me go My love, those sad truth I own I want to let go I want this heart to forever love you The clandestine let be known Let me go I want these disquiet and fears Will forever let me go (Written 12th of March, 2018)
  10. Yell120910

    Coming undone

    Jen, my huge cyber ((( HUG ))) to you. I feel you and I'm sorry you feel stuck and heavy.
  11. Yell120910

    Coming undone

    Kate, Thank you for the time of putting it all together. I just visited this site after a long time -- during the time I thought I am kinda okay. But I needed to come back because I feel so stuck and lonely. Thanks for the ray of hope. CYBER HUGS... Yell
  12. Yell120910

    Can I ask for support?

    My huge cyber ((( HUG ))) Ruth! It's been a while since my last visit to this site, and I am feeling the same way. This forum reminds us that we are not alone. I feel you Ruth -- how heavy to carry all the challenges on our shoulders without our love one; the feeling of alone and lonely; and the need to be embraced to give us rest even for a little while... Again, my HUGS for you dear.
  13. Yell120910

    Beyond numb

    I'm sorry fuchsiasky... Yes, I think numbness is normal and it's one way for our body to protect us. My cyber hugs to you.
  14. BIG HUG @Baylee627 Can't hold back my tears... :'( I can't help but to recall our last "normal" night together as well... UUUrrrrrrrggg this ride!
  15. Yell120910

    Anger at 6 months?

    Thank you all guys for your sharing... this is a roller coaster ride after all... Uurrrggg... :'( HUGS to you all

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