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Wheelerswife

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About Wheelerswife

Hey folks.  This website and its predecessor have been lifelines for me on this widow journey.  I found YWBB about a month after my first husband died.  The day my second husband died, I was surrounded by some people I met just 2 weeks later at a local Widowbago (as well as some others I met after that time).  I hope that people will take advantage of the possibilities for connections with others who can understand the heartache of losing a spouse/partner and others who have learned to keep living with their broken and healing hearts.  I have had the privilege of meeting several people from this site and I have developed virtual friendships with a few others as well.  I may never get to meet the people I have come to care about who live in other countries, but they are still a part of my support system.  I live in the US, but have met wids when I traveled to Canada and Australia (hey - when you go that distance, why not?) as well as across the US. 

Find someone whose post resonates with you and take a small risk with a PM.  You never know - you might find a friend. 

 

Hugs to all of you,

 

Maureen

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    09/21/2009
  • Name of Spouse
    DH1 - Barry, DH2 - John
  • Date Widowed
    9/22/2009 1/11/2014
  • Cause of death
    DH1- Respiratory Failure DH2- Cardiac Arrhythmia
  • Spouse's Age
    5356


Recent Profile Visitors

Recent Profile Visitors

1,626 profile views
  1. Wheelerswife

    Belief and Grief

    I was raised Catholic and as a college student, chose a path on the progressive side (think social justice as a primary focus). In my mid to late 40’s, I started asking myself different questions about religion and faith, went through an agnostic period, and was leaning toward atheism when my first husband died 11 years ago. I have called myself a humanist/atheist since then. I don’t believe that my husband’s death had much influence on that change. My second husband, who considered himself an atheist since attending a Catholic seminary high school, died 6 1/2 years ago. I continue to consider myself an atheist and I don’t believe that there is any afterlife. I believe that this is the only life we have. I hate being miserable, so I try to find as much good as I can muster. It hasn’t always been easy. Maureen
  2. Wheelerswife

    We have lost one of our own

    Oh, Fly, my friend - you have been gone for 3 years now! Jenny's dad is gone, too. I hear he was so heartbroken after your loss that he could not cope. I hear today that some family and friends move forward, yet others are suffering deeply. Your beloved daughter - is she 9 1/2 now? I hear she flourishes, yet misses you, her mom, and her grandfather. She has your spirit, your drive, your brilliance. My life is better for having known you. The world misses you. I wish I had more words. Maureen
  3. Wheelerswife

    Need perspective on Brother-in-law

    My brother-in-law took my husband’s collection of second-hand bookstore bookmarks. Bookmarks! I realize they meant something to him. A connection to his brother. But he should have asked. We don’t know what goes through other people’s heads.
  4. Wheelerswife

    Teenager vs. Mom vs. Covid

    I don’t think it is unwise to be very cautious. I have a background in health care and I know many people on the front lines in COVID heavy parts of the country. I live in a rural area that has not been heavily impacted by the actual virus and everything has reopened with some restrictions. But very few people are observing effective social distancing. All we need is one case in an environment where people live or work in close quarters and we could become a county full of disease like the meat packing or prison counties not that far from where I live. I also work in higher education now. Many of our students are not liking the online format and really want the on-campus/face-to-face college experience. It is going to take time, but we will learn to live in a changed world and eventually, this will pass. I can understand that some students are delaying their college education until after the worst of this pandemic have passed. We aren’t there yet. Hang in there! Maureen
  5. I don’t know if there is anything customary about reaching out to in-laws. Relationships with them are all different. You lost a husband. They lost a son. Those losses are also very different. They might find comfort in your gesture to reach out to them. If you do, try not to have any expectations from them. One hard part about our losses is that very few others remember these important days like we do. Would you like someone to reach out to you? If so, consider doing that for your in-laws. It might mend some of the rift. Who knows? Hugs to you as you get through the coming days. Maureen
  6. Wheelerswife

    Precious Pain

    It has been almost 11 years since I lost my first husband. Saturday will be our 28th wedding anniversary. It has been almost 6 1/2 years since I lost my second husband. Our 9th wedding anniversary was in March. Last night, I lay awake in bed remembering both of my guys. I was feeling sad and alone and missing them, although I have many more days now when I am not sad. You will likely always miss them and grief will be a part of the fabric of your life. Right now, things are hard. Perhaps very hard. I send big hugs. Maureen
  7. Wheelerswife

    Project Mode During Quarantine

    Love2fish - I wish I could see a picture of you previous stack!
  8. Wheelerswife

    Wedding day

    Do you feel comfortable starting a conversation with your dad and letting the topic come up amongst other things so it doesn’t feel pressured for either of you? There are lots of emotions with getting married after being widowed. Your dad might feel honored that you want to share some of your thoughts with him. When I remarried, we went to Hawaii and didn’t have any family present. These are your choices to make based on your own circumstances. I think you will come to a conclusion you are happy with! Maureen
  9. Wheelerswife

    Missing love

    Hi. Yes, this is very, very normal to miss sex, even if it has been awhile since you were able to be intimate with your husband while he was still with you. When we lose a spouse, we grieve many things. Those things we grieve rise to the surface at varying times for all of us. Sex is just one of them. We each cope with this differently. My only advice is to listen to your heart, your gut, your own moral compass when you decide how you address your personal needs and desires. That’s truly an across-the-board piece of advice. I will add a second piece of advice - to be gentle with yourself, especially if you have mixed emotions about how you feel and any decisions you make. Hugs to you, Maureen
  10. So…here goes another ramble – something I have been known for in the past. Let’s just start by acknowledging that this site has been awfully quiet. I know that I check in frequently, but I rarely post, and I think there are many of us in the same place. For those of you who are more newly widowed, many of us here – and the originators of this site – migrated here about 5 years ago from a site called Young Widows Bulletin Board (YWBB) when it suddenly closed its virtual doors. We were all pretty devastated, as that board had become an amazing lifeline. We grieved that loss. I do believe that 5 years later, some of us are still grieving that loss. We are also 5 more years from our own losses, and our needs for widow support are not the same as they were “back in the day”. But – one of the things that made that site so valuable was the wisdom from those ahead of us on the widow road. Other things – the ability to connect with others in the same timeline – or with a similar kind of loss – or the ability to find others in our geographic areas to meet in person – these are all still possibilities, but I don’t know how much they are really happening. So - I propose that in this time of social distancing/isolation/quarantine/work from home/job loss and economic uncertainty – that we give this site a boost, start with a roll call for those who are comfortable, and avail ourselves of the opportunity to connect, since others in our local communities don’t have the experience to understand what we have been through or how things are magnified by our experiences of loss of a spouse or partner. I will start. My name is Maureen. (I have always felt comfortable sharing my first name – but you may not, and that is okay.) I live in western Kansas. I was widowed 10 ½ years ago at the age of 47 when my husband died of respiratory failure – the expected complications of a genetic neuromuscular disease called Spinal Muscular Atrophy. He was 53. At the time, I lived in Connecticut. I met my second husband on YWBB. I moved to Kansas to be with him and we were married in March of 2011. He unfortunately died in his sleep of unknown heart issues 6 years ago. He was 5 days shy of his 57th birthday. We had an incredible relationship that didn’t even give us 4 years together. I am incredibly grateful for all those I have met through YWBB and WIDDA and I keep in regular communication with a fairly large group of friends, although none live near me. I have met many, many of them in person over the last 10 years. But right now, I sit home alone with my dog Rosie. Please post with whatever information you feel comfortable sharing. Maureen (and furbaby Rosie)
  11. Wheelerswife

    Triggers in public

    Hi. I am so sorry you have joined our club. Losing your love is one of the hardest things a person has to endure. The pain is immense and overwhelming and it feels like it will swallow us up. This is so fresh for you. I will be honest - it isn’t going to get easier for some time. Sometimes we talk about surviving this one day at a time. Sometimes, we just get through one hour at a time. Sometimes - just one minute at a time. Some of us found that going back to work is a good thing. When I lost my first husband, I took 6 weeks off. I was in school when I lost my second husband, and I went back when the semester started 11 days later. There was something about needing to put one foot in front of the other that helped me get through each day. I hope you can find other widowed folks in your timeline and in your age range, even if they are virtual friends. I joined this club over 10 years ago and some of my best friends now are widowed folks I have met along the way. Be gentle with yourself. Hugs, Maureen
  12. Wheelerswife

    Dating

    All I can say is that you have dated just one widow for 5 months. That doesn’t necessarily define all women or all widows or all of anything. There are many people - male, female, genderqueer, straight, gay, divorced, never married, widowed - whatever - who would not be ready to define a relationship as committed after 5 months. You wanted something that she wasn’t ready for and you made your decision to break things off. That is your prerogative. I wish you more success in your next endeavors.
  13. I joined YWBB 10 years ago when I was 47. I don’t know what I would have done without it. I met some wonderful friends there. I also met my second husband through that site. Unfortunately, he died 6 years ago. My friends from that site saw me through my worst times. This site is much quieter than YWBB, likely due to the proliferation of social media options for support. I still read here often. It is Christmas Eve and I am reminiscing about past Christmases and missing my guys. Innocence is lost. Joy is muted. It all feels awkward on holidays. I hope everyone can find some comfort during this holiday season. Maureen
  14. Wheelerswife

    What would you do??

    I’m going to agree with Mike here. This might even be a first. 😏 Maureen
  15. Wheelerswife

    Just Trudging Forward

    Hi, Steph. I hear you! I have been widowed twice and have had very different experiences with grief. I was remarried 18 months after my first husband died. I don’t know how I was able to move forward so quickly back then, but it was all good. I married a wonderful man who was also widowed. Life was moving along gloriously. But less than 4 years after I met him, he died unexpectedly. 18 months after he died, I was pretty much a mess! Such different experiences. I wondered if I could ever be happy again. I persisted in putting one foot in front of the other. I moved, started a new career, then moved back again, trying to find the path to enlightenment, perhaps? What I do know is that 5+ years later, I am better than I was and life is getting to be more satisfying. Am I really happy? Not yet. But I now have hope that it is possible. Hang in there. Post to your heart’s content. This place is here just so you can do that and find others who understand. Hugs, Maureen

About Wheelerswife

Hey folks.  This website and its predecessor have been lifelines for me on this widow journey.  I found YWBB about a month after my first husband died.  The day my second husband died, I was surrounded by some people I met just 2 weeks later at a local Widowbago (as well as some others I met after that time).  I hope that people will take advantage of the possibilities for connections with others who can understand the heartache of losing a spouse/partner and others who have learned to keep living with their broken and healing hearts.  I have had the privilege of meeting several people from this site and I have developed virtual friendships with a few others as well.  I may never get to meet the people I have come to care about who live in other countries, but they are still a part of my support system.  I live in the US, but have met wids when I traveled to Canada and Australia (hey - when you go that distance, why not?) as well as across the US. 

Find someone whose post resonates with you and take a small risk with a PM.  You never know - you might find a friend. 

 

Hugs to all of you,

 

Maureen

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    09/21/2009
  • Name of Spouse
    DH1 - Barry, DH2 - John
  • Date Widowed
    9/22/2009 1/11/2014
  • Cause of death
    DH1- Respiratory Failure DH2- Cardiac Arrhythmia
  • Spouse's Age
    5356


Recent Profile Visitors

1,626 profile views
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