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Wheelerswife

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About Wheelerswife

Hey folks.  This website and its predecessor have been lifelines for me on this widow journey.  I found YWBB about a month after my first husband died.  The day my second husband died, I was surrounded by some people I met just 2 weeks later at a local Widowbago (as well as some others I met after that time).  I hope that people will take advantage of the possibilities for connections with others who can understand the heartache of losing a spouse/partner and others who have learned to keep living with their broken and healing hearts.  I have had the privilege of meeting several people from this site and I have developed virtual friendships with a few others as well.  I may never get to meet the people I have come to care about who live in other countries, but they are still a part of my support system.  I live in the US, but have met wids when I traveled to Canada and Australia (hey - when you go that distance, why not?) as well as across the US. 

Find someone whose post resonates with you and take a small risk with a PM.  You never know - you might find a friend. 

 

Hugs to all of you,

 

Maureen

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    09/21/2009
  • Name of Spouse
    DH1 - Barry, DH2 - John
  • Date Widowed
    9/22/2009 1/11/2014
  • Cause of death
    DH1- Respiratory Failure DH2- Cardiac Arrhythmia
  • Spouse's Age
    5356


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  1. Wheelerswife

    Dreams...

    I woke up this morning in a mini panic. I realize I was coming out of a dream where I was lost in a big and confusing hospital and I was trying to find my second husband. I had never been in a big hospital with him. I don’t know where this came from, but it was so unsettling! If I keep looking, can I just find him? Sigh. Maureen
  2. Wheelerswife

    I have a new job!!

    Congratulations! I know how hard the job search can be. I hope you find satisfaction i your new position...once they make sure you aren't a criminal! Maureen
  3. Wheelerswife

    Are there any normal men on dating sites?

    I have recently started looking at online dating. I met one man a couple of weeks ago. He was still married and living with his wife, although they had agreed that they didn’t want to be married anymore. Let’s just say he wasn’t very self-aware. He wasn’t available on so many levels. I nicely told him this...and through our conversation, I believe he came to understand. He needs friends and a lawyer, not a date! Maureen
  4. Wheelerswife

    Picking up the pieces

    It is all hard. Time does have a way with easing the intensity of pain. You will likely have waves when it feels harder and periods in between when you feel like you can get through this and keep going forward. In many ways, there really isn’t much choice. Life goes on and somehow, we have to find what it takes to get on the train and get carried along until we find enough reserves of our own to make our own path. Hugs to you, Maureen
  5. Wheelerswife

    It’s been five years

    I think that a lot of us are hoping to find someone new. Others feel as though they don't want someone new in their lives. I have just recently dipped my toe in the pool of online dating. The first guy I met was still married...and still living with his wife. Thanks for the transparency....NOT!
  6. Wheelerswife

    New Relationships....Post a Pic

    Love every bit of this, Rob! Maureen
  7. Hi, KK, I can relate to much of what you are saying. I feel like the effort to keep living is sometimes overwhelming. I have friends, I get together with family, I keep going...but I just miss the sense that I had this one person in my life that loved me unconditionally and wanted to share his life with me. It was hard losing my first husband. It was harder losing my second husband. I miss that life and our dreams and I don't really want to have to rebuild again. But...I will. I hate being unhappy. Hugs, Maureen
  8. Wheelerswife

    Today is one month

    Hi, Julia, It isn't going to get easier for awhile. But talk to him...channel his memory to yourself. If it comforts you to imagine the conversation you might have with him...then talk all you want. Just 10 days or so ago, I pulled up a chair at the cemetery where I buried my first husband 9 years ago and I talked as if he could hear me. 9 years...a couple of lifetimes, really...and I just wanted to talk to him. I think he listened, because I left feeling less sad and less burdened. Does it matter if this makes sense to anyone else? Nope. It helped me...and that is what matters. Hugs, Maureen
  9. Wheelerswife

    I'm Julia, freshly widowed

    Hi, Julia, I'm so sorry for your loss and the circumstances you are facing with your husband's father and lawyers. Last I knew, the spouse of a 50 -year old was the closest next-of-kin! One really wonders about people's motives. I hope that you will be able to move forward with the cremation that is weighing on your heart and mind. This is all harder than many people realize. You are also coping with the death of your MIL...while not the same, it would certainly add another huge stressor. Sometimes, we feel like we have to take care of things. At other times, we feel like we aren't ready to cope. I know it took me a few years to finalize some details, particularly with the loss of my second husband. My heart goes out to you. I hope that you will be able to manage what has to be done in your own time. Hugs, Maureen
  10. Wheelerswife

    9 years...

    Thanks, everyone. I wish that I hadn't had to renew my membership in this club. I'm working on living with the loss of both my guys. It will be 5 years in January for my second husband. My time at the cemetery on Saturday was necessary. I pulled up a chair and talked and cried and my car got blocked in by unthinking people in a funeral procession that drove into the cemetery. I took it as a message that I just needed to stay longer. Sunday, I got to spend some time with a wid friend. Monday came and the heaviness had dissipated. I know that happens...but it anniversaries seem to always feel so oppressive!
  11. Wheelerswife

    9 years...

    ...I’ve been in this club. Sitting at the cemetery...remembering. Sigh Maureen
  12. Wheelerswife

    5 years

    Xoxo to you, my old colleague. Saturday is 9 years for my first husband and it seems to be biting worse than last year. I’m glad you are in this better place for yourself today. My condolences to your husband and his family... Maureen
  13. Wheelerswife

    We have lost one of our own

    One year. My friend Fly has been gone for a full year. I miss him. Sigh.
  14. Wheelerswife

    Southern Maine coast -- September or October

    I’m a little disappointed that I haven’t received accolades for my fire fighting skills. Just saying....
  15. Hi, Chris,

    I'm so sorry you had to join our club.  Of course you are broken...you have lost your wonderful love wayyyyy too young.  We have the unfortunate task of having to figure out how to keep living after having our hearts broken.  I will tell you that it isn't something we want to do...but we somehow find our way through.  I joined this club 9 years ago (in just a few days) and renewed my membership 4 1/2 years ago when I lost my second husband.

     

    How did I do it?  One day at a time.  Maybe it is your job that will get you through the days.  Maybe it is friends.  Maybe you will spend time traveling like I did.  More than anything, I truly believe my widowed friends were the biggest force keeping my head above water, especially after the loss of my second husband.

     

    Right now...just focus on the day, the hour, the minute.  Eat when you can, drink lots of water, sleep when you can, and if you can be comfortable, reach out to anyone who is able to listen.  We are here...and we understand.

     

    Hugs,

     

    Maureen

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. ChrisV2.0

      ChrisV2.0

      It's blindsided me for sure. I still feel the emotions that I felt surrounding that fateful morning every single day, but most intensly in the morning when I'd normally be getting her up or helping her with something.

          I'm sorry we had to meet like this, I'm sorry for your losses, I can't even comprehend that. Thank you for sharing that, I know that it's not an easy thing to do for everyone.

    3. Wheelerswife

      Wheelerswife

      I’m used to it. My first husband was disabled. His death was not unexpected. It was still difficult. 

    4. ChrisV2.0

      ChrisV2.0

             My wife was physically disabled for over a decade but it got much worse for about the last two years of her life. I agree, expected or unexpected loss is devestating either way. Everything just feels so empty and unfulfilling now. 

            I have to go now but I'll catch up with you again another time, it was nice to meet you.

About Wheelerswife

Hey folks.  This website and its predecessor have been lifelines for me on this widow journey.  I found YWBB about a month after my first husband died.  The day my second husband died, I was surrounded by some people I met just 2 weeks later at a local Widowbago (as well as some others I met after that time).  I hope that people will take advantage of the possibilities for connections with others who can understand the heartache of losing a spouse/partner and others who have learned to keep living with their broken and healing hearts.  I have had the privilege of meeting several people from this site and I have developed virtual friendships with a few others as well.  I may never get to meet the people I have come to care about who live in other countries, but they are still a part of my support system.  I live in the US, but have met wids when I traveled to Canada and Australia (hey - when you go that distance, why not?) as well as across the US. 

Find someone whose post resonates with you and take a small risk with a PM.  You never know - you might find a friend. 

 

Hugs to all of you,

 

Maureen

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    09/21/2009
  • Name of Spouse
    DH1 - Barry, DH2 - John
  • Date Widowed
    9/22/2009 1/11/2014
  • Cause of death
    DH1- Respiratory Failure DH2- Cardiac Arrhythmia
  • Spouse's Age
    5356


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