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Wheelerswife

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About Wheelerswife

Hey folks.  This website and its predecessor have been lifelines for me on this widow journey.  I found YWBB about a month after my first husband died.  The day my second husband died, I was surrounded by some people I met just 2 weeks later at a local Widowbago (as well as some others I met after that time).  I hope that people will take advantage of the possibilities for connections with others who can understand the heartache of losing a spouse/partner and others who have learned to keep living with their broken and healing hearts.  I have had the privilege of meeting several people from this site and I have developed virtual friendships with a few others as well.  I may never get to meet the people I have come to care about who live in other countries, but they are still a part of my support system.  I live in the US, but have met wids when I traveled to Canada and Australia (hey - when you go that distance, why not?) as well as across the US. 

Find someone whose post resonates with you and take a small risk with a PM.  You never know - you might find a friend. 

 

Hugs to all of you,

 

Maureen

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    09/21/2009
  • Name of Spouse
    DH1 - Barry, DH2 - John
  • Date Widowed
    9/22/2009 1/11/2014
  • Cause of death
    DH1- Respiratory Failure DH2- Cardiac Arrhythmia
  • Spouse's Age
    5356


Recent Profile Visitors

Recent Profile Visitors

794 profile views
  1. Wheelerswife

    There are worse things than death

    I don’t even know what to say.
  2. Wheelerswife

    Anniversary

    Hugs to you, Donna. I was also married 17 years to my first husband. In June, we would have been married 27 years. I didn’t even get 4 years with my second husband. I can’t predict the future, but I hope I won’t grow old alone! I hope you have good memories on your anniversary. Maureen
  3. Wheelerswife

    When to go back to work

    Hi, Melissa (and all of the newbies), I was a long term extreme caregiver (18 years, with the last 16 months 24/7 with a night ventilator). I was also a physical therapist. I took some time on FMLA after my first husband died. I did go back to work, but ultimately, within a year, I made some changes, and I never went back to my 26-year full time profession. Only you can figure out whether work can help you put one foot in front of the other. I was back back in school, playing around, really, when my second husband (a professor) died unexpectedly. If it wasn’t for school at that point, I don’t know how I would have gotten through my days. School (like work, for some people) forced me to read, write, and show up somewhere 5 days a week. I finished the degree I was working on, added another, and finished my career change. Perhaps work will be good for you, as school was for me. Hugs to you! Maureen
  4. Wheelerswife

    Another anniversary

    8 years ago today, I married my second great love. Sadly, he died before we reached our third wedding anniversary. We married on the beach on the island of Hawaii. It was a small and poignant ceremony. Two days earlier, we had released leis into Hilo Harbor in remembrance of our late spouses. We spent both of the anniversaries we had together in Peru, traveling with students. I have so many wonderful memories of this date. But my heart breaks, knowing that if he hadn’t died, we would have had so many more amazing experiences together. Sigh. Thanks for the space to share. Maureen
  5. Wheelerswife

    Wish I could die today

    Sending more hugs to you. It has been over 5 years since I lost my second husband. We had an intense and amazing run that lasted less than 4 years when he died unexpectedly in his sleep. We had never been happier. His death (and subsequent health issues for me) knocked me off my feet. It hasn’t been easy. But - I persist. I truly hate being miserable. I know it is possible to find a way to be happy again after losing a spouse, because I found happiness after losing my first husband. This time, that search for happiness is different. So far, it has not included meeting someone new. But it does involve changing careers, slowly getting my feet under me again, and keeping contact with great friends who have seen me through my own version of hell. I have to believe that I can have happiness again (in whatever form it takes) because the thought of living the rest of my life miserable or just “meh” isn’t good enough. I still I’ll miss my guys terribly. I think about what I have lost every single day. Moving forward doesn’t diminish the past or my memories or the pain. But it allows for something new that can bring purpose and richness to my life. I’m going to get to a place where I can honestly say I am happy again, because for me, staying in this place of pain isn’t a good choice for living out the rest of my life. I feel your your pain and I hope that it will start to abate for you. Maureen
  6. Wheelerswife

    Ashby MA, Flash Bago

    I have an event at the college on the 6th and will drive up afterwards. I don’t know the exact hours of the event, but I will let you know when I know. Maureen
  7. Wheelerswife

    Ashby MA, Flash Bago

    I don’t have anything impeding me at this point.
  8. Wheelerswife

    Ashby MA, Flash Bago

    I am open on those weekends. I can flex with what works for others. Big hugs. Maureen
  9. Wheelerswife

    This loss really got me

    Compounded losses. I’m so sorry, Eileen. Hugs, Maureen
  10. Wheelerswife

    Not sure where to start

    Hi, Lisa. I’m sorry to have to welcome you to our club. I had the opportunity to meet Michael a couple of times and I was saddened to learn of his death. I hadn’t seen him in at least a couple of years, but I had also heard of the tragic death of his son. I hope you find this website to be a place where you can share your thoughts with others who understand. It has been awhile since I was in your area to get together with other wids, but perhaps we will get a chance to meet in the future. I won’t be able to attend Michael’s service this weekend, but I know that some of my friends are planning to be there. I will be thinking of you then. Hugs, Maureen
  11. Wheelerswife

    How to handle triggers?

    I don't know if there is a right and wrong answer here. Your wife was a vibrant part of your life and I think that you might naturally want to reach to those things that trigger memories. It seems like you have a balanced approach to your life at this point...and it really hasn't been that long for you. I think it would be a bigger problem if you tried to suppress your memories and if you don't find ways (like crying) to express your grief. It won't always be as emotional as it is right now. The intensity fades over time. I hope you can keep your optimism. I know that I hate being miserable, and I have to keep hope that life will be better in the future. Hugs, Maureen
  12. Wheelerswife

    I'm an orphan

    Welcome to our club, Sheryl. I’m sorry you had to pay the price of admission. Sometimes, the very early days are the easiest for addressing logistics after we lose a spouse. Take advantage of the energy when you have it. We we will be here if you get to a slow down or standstill. Maureen
  13. Wheelerswife

    Michael797 Radio Hell

    I got this news this afternoon. Michael and I talked quite a bit in the early days after he lost his wife. It has been quite awhile since we were in contact, but I am still saddened to know that he is gone. He was someone who wasn’t afraid to put the stark reality of his despair out there, and I believe that allowed others to express themselves as well. Hugs to his fiancée. Maureen
  14. Wheelerswife

    I'm an orphan

    Hugs to you. Maureen
  15. Wheelerswife

    Widowed on Dec 29, 2018

    I’m so sorry you newer widowed folks had to join our club. I’m not a parent and haven’t had to figure out how to grieve and hold life together for young children. I just want to say that each of us has different circumstances that we face, and while it is helpful to see how others cope, we cannot be hard on ourselves if we don’t seem to be able to manage as well as someone else. I lost my first husband after a long decline. His death was somewhat sudden, but not unexpected. My second husband died unexpectedly in his sleep. My reaction to each loss was very different. Be be gentle with yourself. Let your own coping strategy be okay for you. Use whatever resources you find helpful. Reach out and make acquaintance with others wearing similar shoes. Hugs to all, Maureen

About Wheelerswife

Hey folks.  This website and its predecessor have been lifelines for me on this widow journey.  I found YWBB about a month after my first husband died.  The day my second husband died, I was surrounded by some people I met just 2 weeks later at a local Widowbago (as well as some others I met after that time).  I hope that people will take advantage of the possibilities for connections with others who can understand the heartache of losing a spouse/partner and others who have learned to keep living with their broken and healing hearts.  I have had the privilege of meeting several people from this site and I have developed virtual friendships with a few others as well.  I may never get to meet the people I have come to care about who live in other countries, but they are still a part of my support system.  I live in the US, but have met wids when I traveled to Canada and Australia (hey - when you go that distance, why not?) as well as across the US. 

Find someone whose post resonates with you and take a small risk with a PM.  You never know - you might find a friend. 

 

Hugs to all of you,

 

Maureen

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    09/21/2009
  • Name of Spouse
    DH1 - Barry, DH2 - John
  • Date Widowed
    9/22/2009 1/11/2014
  • Cause of death
    DH1- Respiratory Failure DH2- Cardiac Arrhythmia
  • Spouse's Age
    5356


Recent Profile Visitors

794 profile views
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