AndysWife

Hi Hayley Nicole, Are you able to have a close friend or relative stay with you or can you stay with them for awhile?

It staggers me that people insist on involving themselves in situations or relationships that are none of their business. Cut and run.

Of course it's still there and I worry about this also. My little boy (5) has his whole school future ahead of him without his dad. My older kids now in their 20s, lie. They say it's easier and I have to agree with them. 5yr old is asking me daily questions about how his dad died and I have yet to answer him as I am not ready to deal with it all just yet. Luckily, distraction is working for now but that wont last long. Suicide is such a hard thing to comprehend and overcome for us so I can't imagine how hard it would be for a kid. I wish I could keep the whole thing a secret from my little boy and lie to him if I'm honest.

Oh dear... he's a party animal.. wonder what he does on a second date lol

I agree with the suggestion of exercising. Whenever I am overwhelmed (I also just moved etc) I find physical work or activity to do so I can get the bad juju out. I also had a big cry Jan 1 over DH leaving me to do it all. It sucks having to do everything alone, it's unfair, it's difficult and no amount of time passing changes our workload re kids, money and housekeeping and in my case - caring for the inlaws. Addiction is a toughie.. it always will be. Wishing you luck with rebounding quickly because it's hard finding new ways to feel ok.

Happiness is but one colour on the rainbow of emotions..

Yep yep yep. I think of myself as still in my thirties but I'm 43. My peers are aging. Our 4 older kids are all adults now. I feel like I've been asleep because it's all gone by so quickly and yet it hasn't. My 5 wk old baby is now 4 and a half and I barely remember any of his first years. Thank God I have a bazillion photos of him. It's almost as if I've been in slow motion

I hear you too SB.

I got a large tattoo on my right shoulder blade on the 3rd anniversary. My DH hated tattoos on women but I love it and so do his parents. I got a black and silver feather with black birds flying out of it. It was based on a song about the suicide of the singer's good friend and I pinched his idea. My adult kids think it's fantastic too. Some people visit graves, some people don't. Tattoos are a bit the same way..

That is a major thing to do so well done to you. I wish I had that kind of courage

I have been with my inlaws every day and night this week as my FIL is dying in hospital. It's incredibly tough to say the least. Today, my FIL told my stepson, MIL & I that the people in the room were too noisy. There was nobody else there so my MIL asked him to repeat what he said and he said that "Andrew" and his own brothers and sisters were talking too loud as they were leaning against the wall. Andrew is my DH. We all looked at each other and I had to leave the room as tears started and I didn't want to upset my MIL but she was in the same state as me and came out with me. I am an aged care nurse and work with end of life residents mostly, and this is not uncommon but the idea that DH might have been there is more than a bit exciting for me to think about. My FIL only said the names of those who have passed so I can't write it off as hallucinations and he isn't on any morphine or any other mind altering drug. I am not religious or spiritual (I sometimes wish I was) and I am skeptical of most things in general but boy this has affected me. I don't have any questions nor do I need any advice, I just wanted to share this among people who wouldn't be weirded out like those in my real life.

One thing I've noticed over the last 4 years, is that the majority who believe it can be prevented are the parents or siblings of the deceased. Those who march are rarely spouses (in Oz at least) My husband lost many friends to suicide before he died and I've lost 2 female friends to suicide in the last year (one only 3 weeks ago) and I know for a fact that my husband changed when his best friend suicided and I bet this happens a lot to SOS friends. I even know parents who have suicided after the suicide of their child. My own son was stopped in the act of hanging himself by my daughter one month after my husband died so I for one do believe that it sets off a chain reaction/domino effect. I just wish people put as much effort into supporting or helping those left behind like me and my kids.

WOW.

In Australia, one organisation called Beyond Blue, is now running programs to teach life skills, correct thinking processes and coping strategies to adults and older teens who live with addiction and or chronic depression with a view to launching this program in high schools also. This was launched on World Suicide Prevention Day and I couldn't be happier about it. I don't think those who had mental illnesses could have been prevented but people who fit the above might have a chance now.. only time will tell I suppose.

100 thank yous. I've not been myself lately and I have some extremely stressful and unusual problems right now so I am second. third & fourth guessing everything at the moment. After getting a little bit off sleep, I can see that I'm worrying about 'what ifs' rather than 'what is' which is silly of me. I agree with your replies though. It's not like I 'have to' do anything and I certainly have the ability to exit a future relationship if it doesn't suit me. I know better than to compare myself to others because we all have different needs and coping abilities but I'm a bit frustrated with myself. I can see the change in my personality since it happened and I just can't seem to shake the negativity that appeared when he died so when I see others "happy" (whether it is real or not) I can't help but wonder whether I have more problems than I care to deal with - does that make sense? To Mizpah.. when you said that I am minimising my feelings, it struck a chord with me. I use that kind of terminology all the time (I'm Aussie) and I'd never considered that before so I will be paying attention to that in future. Thank you for that.