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Avemaria6

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  1. I'm going on 6 mths now since my husbands death and the reality of never ever seeing him again is taking it's toll on me. I can't accept it and I'm still so angry about it! I'm trying to climb out of this big black hole and keep slipping back. I miss him so much! We were supposed to enjoy our retirement years together and grow old together. He died way to young, only 64. I don't know how to cope without him...the loneliness when I'm not with my children and grandchildren give me so much anxiety. My grief counseling helps and I thank God for it. I've made wonderful friends through zoom and we all can support each other. I just want to be held by him one last time...and it will never happen! I wish I had done things differently when he was dying with his cancer. It was so overwhelming taking care of him and it happened faster than we thought. So many regrets and guilt...IF ONLY I COULD TURN THE TIME BACK! Mary
  2. Avemaria6

    Loneliness is a killer

    You all have been very helpful with your suggestions. Collectively we can hopefully help and support each other just by conversations on this site. I'm so glad my grief counselor suggested it. I also tend to go to bed late between 11:30 and 1:00...l do some knitting or crocheting. I stopped watching the news because it was adding to my depression and anxiety. I find it much better tuning into Netflix or Amazon Prime. I miss him sitting in his chair next to me, that is so painful. This grief is unbearable at times. I haven't touched his clothes yet to donate. I'm not ready. My daughter wants to take some shirts and make quilt. My two boy will take a few things also. Nobody has had the time raising their young families and working. My daughter is due for her second child in 2 weeks, another girl. It breaks my heart knowing that she will never meet her Grampy. It will be a joyous day but I can see it being very difficult too. Bittersweet! My business is being run by my son and another fellow. They plan to buy me out eventually. The transition hasn't been as smooth as I would have thought, but you realize when money is involved, peoples true colors come out. I have faith my husband is watching over everything and guiding me along with my family. Thank you all for the support. Mary
  3. Avemaria6

    Loneliness is a killer

    Thank you Beryl for your support. I'm so sorry for the recent loss of your husband. The hardest thing to accept is knowing i will never see him again on this side of heaven. I continue to pray for strength, and peace knowing he's no longer suffering. I have many regrets and I feel guilty the last year of his life. We never really talked about the what if's. There was much to talk about but we didn't. How do you say to your spouse, "Honey, in case you die "...that is my biggest regret especially because we owned our own business. The stress is tremendous. I just want to grieve my husband. I loved that article on St. Seton...wow her devotion and passion was truly amazing. She had her eyes on God always🙏
  4. Avemaria6

    Loneliness is a killer

    Thanks Mike...i appreciate your support. Yes, I feel like a part of me died when he did. That void is hard to fill. I also feel so distant from God...our faith was so important to us. I'm struggling spiritually, but I hear that is normal. I continue to pray for God's strength
  5. I find that the nights are the hardest for me. I miss just having my husband by my side at night. That security is gone. It's so lonely and unbearable at times. I'm not sure I'm going to make it without him. It scares me!
  6. Avemaria6

    Introduction

    thank you...i miss him so so much
  7. Avemaria6

    Introduction

    My name is Mary, 63 and I lost my husband March 13th 2020 from esophageal cancer. Only 10 mths and it had already spread to his liver. Sadly the chemo didn't help. Then he tried immunotherapy, that was heartbreaking hearing that didn't help either. He went through hell. I'm glad he is no longer suffering, but I miss him so much. I can hardly function. The loneliness is a killer!! Hoping I can get the support I need.on this site.


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