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November

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  • Date Widowed
    7/20/2014
  • Cause of death
    sudden


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Recent Profile Visitors

375 profile views
  1. November

    Asking in-laws for help and feel ashamed

    I agree with Mike and Paulz on this one... sthomp0291- this is a place to come and get advise and opinions but they are not always going to be what we want to hear. Take what is helpful for you from the response and let go of the rest. You might take offense to it now but maybe later on in life that same advise/opinion will help you. I am a little more further out than you (5 years) and I too have asked questions and gotten different opinions and because these people are often blunt they make me see different angels of the situation that maybe I was not seeing. I think this is a place where we should be free to say how we really feel and if we are always telling each other that everything is ok and good.....well we all know that's not real.
  2. November

    Went on first coffee date

    Widower40, congrats on venturing the dating world! I started dating at about 1 year out only because I felt I needed to find myself first. BUT when I did start dating I often expected things to kind of go the same way as they did when I met and fell in love with my LH. And if I'm being honest here, I was very often disappointed they didn't go the same way. It wasn't until I really realized and truly understood that they wouldn't go the same way because I wasn't the same person anymore. I was young (19) when I met my husband no kids, living with my parents, going to school, No real responsibilities, no real direction in life. Now I'm older and my needs are very different now from what they were then. I dated off and on but it wasn't until I was about 3 years out that I met someone and have found love with him again. My little piece of advise for you is that when you do go on dates just enjoy them! You've changed too, sometimes we don't realize it right away because we are so consumed with grief but you sometimes come to find out that what you liked or enjoyed while being married you no longer like or enjoy now. It's now a new life for us.
  3. November

    I'm engaged!

    Hello everyone! I'm so excited and wanted to share my news with you guys... I got engaged last week! I am truly happy and want to married my NG. I am ready to take this step into our next chapter and I am also happy my kids are okay and onboard with this as well. I should be ecstatic, right? But ever since the proposal I also feel super guilty again, like when I first started dating or began to have happy days. I feel like I am about to committee the ultimate betrayal to my LH and it's weighing on me . Any thoughts?
  4. November

    MAINTAINING FRIENDSHIPS

    When my husband died my kids were 12, 8 and 4 and at first all my friends were understanding and helpful but as time went by everything went back to normal....their normal. I had to realize and understand that I was the changed one. Once I really understood that I was able to move on and even found new friends.
  5. November

    The "L" Word

    I told my NG first about 4 months into our relationship. I have always been a strong believer of saying what you feel and telling someone how special they are to you with no set amount of time. I did though sort of felt like I was betraying my LH because I was feeling guilty about how happy my days were beginning to be. But I also know that my LH would want me to be happy and I believe in my heart that he is happy for me too. We (NG and I) have been together for about 1 year and a half now and I tell him everyday how much I love him.
  6. November

    Sobbed on new girl

    Congratulations!! So happy for you.
  7. November

    Last name change

    Did any of you change your last name after your spouse died? Or when you remarried or if you are planning to remarry or even think of remarrying someday... If you still have your LH's last name, are you or will you change it? When my husband died I was asked if I was going go back to my maiden name. I didn't and I told myself I wouldn't because I wanted it to stay the same for my kids because it is their last name too. BUT now I don't know if I feel the same way anymore. Just wanted to see what your thoughts are.
  8. November

    My Daughter doesn't like my NG

    Abitlost- Thank you for your honest opinion. My kids have always been my priority and will always continue to be but I'm not going to overlook the fact that my daughter is a teenager therefor that's exactly how she acts sometimes and she's expressed discontentment with many other things too because that's what teenagers do. I really don't think my daughter resents me for this. We still have a very good communication and she sees and seems to understand for the most part that he is good to them (my kids) and has made our lives better in lots of ways.. He didn't move in after 5 months, he's been living in our home for 5 months now. It'll be 5 years this coming July since my husband died and I decided to share with you guys what I was going through because this situation was new to me and I wanted to hear how someone else dealt with it but I wasn't nor have I asked my kids permission to have a relationship what I did and will continue to do is include my children and let them know what's going on. There is a difference in that.
  9. November

    My Daughter doesn't like my NG

    Hello everyone! I wanted to give everyone an update on what's happened since my last post. NG started sleeping over on weekends for about 2 months then asked if me and my kids wanted to move into his home since my daughter had a problem with the idea of him moving into my home and because his house was bigger and could accommodate us a little more. So I told my kids... either we move to his house or he moves in ours and of course the only one that still had a problem with it was my daughter but she was willing to be okay with him moving into our home. So in August he moved in. We have been together now for a little over a year and he has been living with us for about 5 months. My daughter still has her days but for the most part is respectful and now understands that he is part of our lives. My daughter is now almost 18 and is going to be graduating from high school and moving on to college this year so her focus is on that instead of me and my NG. So if anyone is going through something similar with their kids- I want you to know that it does get better but you (as parents) have to understand and really believe that you are the adult and in charge of your life not the other way around. If you find a good man or woman who treats you good and is respectful to your kids don't give them up because our kids grow up and at some point leave to live their lives without looking back. I am very happy in my new relationship and don't feel like I moved fast because it felt and still continues to feel right. We are all entitled to be happy again, our spouses would want that for us.
  10. November

    When to Tell

    I always told them on the 1st date I started dating about 1 year out (I am 4 years out). I have been with NG for about 1 year now. We live together and my in-laws are not happy.
  11. November

    Healing does happen.

    Beautiful! For me It's hard to focus on the positive things happening sometimes but I am grateful for a lot of things in my life. Thank you for sharing.
  12. I am about 4 1/2 years out and I started dating at about 1 year after my husband died mostly because friends and family pushed and set up dates for me so I could get out of the house and meet people. But these dates never led to anything else. I was so busy with my kids and still adjusting to my new life that I had little time to hold my end of anything let alone a relationship and often found myself trying to bend over backwards to make it to the movies or dinner or drinks because I had so much going on with my 3 kids and work. Last year I promised myself that I would no longer do that, that the next guy would just have to "fit" into my schedule and the dynamics of my family and I was at peace and okay with where I was at in life at the moment (me and my kids). Then months later I did meet someone and he fit! We now live together. Some people might say it's too fast but I'm happy and my kids are happy. Everything we do just feels right, not rushed not forced and for me that's when I knew that I was ready.
  13. November

    Update and photo

    Congratulations!!! Wishing you many years of happiness.
  14. Hi Ruth, It's been a while since you posted this but if you do read this my husband also died due to violence- road rage- both my husband and the other driver got out of there cars. They exchanged words and when my husband was walking back to his car the other driver shot him multiple times in the back. This is the perfect place to come and share your thoughts and feelings, everyone here is very understanding and helpful. I hope you were able to get the support you needed.
  15. November

    My Daughter doesn't like my NG

    In my perspective no relationship is guaranteed, doesn’t matter if you date 3 years or 3 months before moving in or getting married. We members of this community know that. My thoughts are… Why should I wait for tomorrow to be happy when I can be happy today? The way I’m thinking and seeing things and again maybe I’m wrong and therefore I decided to come here and ask for opinions… Without looking or wanting anyone I met this person that just fits so easy and effortless into my life and he has shown me that in my life is where he wants to be. I have 3 children, he has none. I feel he really needs to see everything that happens in my day to day life and how I interact with my kids and the only way that will happen is if he’s “in the mix”. That’s why I decided the sleepover’s 1 or 2 days a week were good. I’ve heard stories and met people that have waited to involve their new partners with their kids only to have it not work and time has been wasted the relationship ends. I have always been very open with my kids and I feel I don’t have to ask for permission to have a relationship, but I DO feel they have a right to know what’s happening. And that's exactly with I explained to them. I probably should have not had the moving in conversation yet as I have no intentions of him moving in now but maybe sometime next year if we are still on this path. What happened with my daughter caught me off guard and hurt me very much. I told my daughter that I’m not choosing him over her, that she is entitled to feel the way she feels and that I hope that with time she will be able to tell me what is bothering her so much, so I can help her, or we can fix it/make it better but until then she still needs to respect him and respect my relationship with him. I do take into consideration all the opinions here because some made me see things I had over looked. Once again thank you all for taking the time to reply.

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    7/20/2014
  • Cause of death
    sudden


Recent Profile Visitors

375 profile views
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