Laura1017

Ditto what Bunny and Maureen said. Yes, you can do these hard things and you can hate doing them at the same time. Love.

Bluebird, you have been on my heart and mind since I heard the devastating news. Fittingly, RemysWife bumped the beautiful Unique and Devastating Loss post on the same day. Wifeless will never know his true impact on so many of us in this community. What beautiful words you wrote for your beloved. Your love was undeniable proof that, out of the greatest sadness, love and light can still prevail. You know the adages...you spoke them yourself to so many with kindness and wisdom. Be gentle with yourself. The world is a lesser place without Wifeless. Sending all the love and hugs in the world.

It took me a little time to figure it out, but you can get straight to the last post you read on a specific thread. When you use the "Unread content" link, click on the red dot to the left of the specific thread you're interested in reading. It will take you to the first post in the thread that you haven't read. I hope that helps!

I know your pain all too well, Amycamp. My husband battled addiction as well and I too thought he was sober when he died. Things were finally turning around for him and he seemed optimistic about life. He died in a car accident. The state troopers and medics on the scene swore to me that he was not impaired. They said they'd seen so many crashes that they "just know" in these circumstances (ha!). Three months later the toxicology report showed alcohol in his system and I was crushed all over again. I, like you, see addiction as an often fatal disease. I know many don't agree with this idea, but when you live with addiction firsthand and see the power it has, the idea that they "chose" to use is absurd. Addiction is just as much a disease as heart disease, though I know the anger and pain and confusion and shame and plethora of feelings involved. There is a section on this board called "Other Circumstances" where you can read posts from so many wonderful, caring people who have been down this path and will offer you comfort. The only advice I have is what all the wise widows and widowers before me gave: be gentle with yourself. It hurts. It sucks. It will get better. There does come a point when the how and why doesn't shape things as much and you can focus more on the good times and memories. Sending you big hugs.

The World Spins Madly On - The Weepies

Lucille's sounds great to me! I've marked my calendar

No opposition from me at all. If everyone else is OK with it, have her take a look at the restaurant list and weigh in as well!

I'm in for the 9th. Dinner is easier for me, but I can make lunch work as long as I can give my boss notice by Monday the 6th. I love the restaurant suggestions, Jess! Once again I'm not much help. They all sound great to me!

The 8th or 9th both work for me. I think Tempe is a great idea, too! We'll have plenty of options there. I can't wait

I'm so excited to see such a great response to this! As for dates, I'm probably not the best one to comment. I'm wide open the entire week of the 6th, with the exception of the 6th itself. Those with busier schedules should probably weigh in . If we stick with the East Valley, there are tons of options for venues, lots of great restaurants. I've lived here almost 2 years now but I still don't know the "best" places to go. I'm up for anything and willing to drive to wherever the group would prefer to meet (and pick up OSAAT). Linda, Chandler and Gilbert are in the East Valley, so we should all be nearby when you visit. I think the East Valley stretches to the ASU area, too. Again, I'm newer to the area so I could be wrong on that, but ASU is in Tempe and that's not far from Gilbert or Chandler.

I'm in the East Valley, too. I'd also be willing to help with a ride. Let's make this happen!

This is my all-time favorite thread. There is so very much love in all of these photos. We were loved deeply and we loved deeply in turn. I miss this guy. I miss his smile, his laugh, his heart, the way I felt when I was with him, and everything he taught me about real, deep love.

I'm in the Phoenix area and would love to get together. I haven't been to a Bago for a few years and I miss them.

My Specific Situations Heroes, I love you guys. You and so many of the threads spoke to me on levels that I couldn't reach with my friends and family. Gates of Hell was probably one of the best threads on the entire board and I hope it brings the same comfort to the newly widowed that it did and still does to me. I was so happy to see that one make the migration. When I met Matt, he told me he had been to rehab years prior. He was sober for most of our relationship until he wasn't, as it goes. When he went to rehab, it was for drugs (GHB for those that know what that is). He was in a mess of a situation and his dealer went to prison for 10 years. Fast forward to when that dealer got out of prison and Matt still owed him money. That's when it all went downhill for us, fatally for him. He started drinking and just couldn't stop. He'd detox and be great for awhile, then start drinking again. When he died, I thought he was in a sober phase. I found out 4 months later, when the tox report came back, that was not the case. I'd suspected it, as those living with addicts do. He died in a car accident and the first trooper on the scene invited me to his house, where he insisted that there was no chance Matt was drunk. Not only was there a chance, he was out of his mind, off the charts intoxicated. The anger and hurt I felt when I received that report almost killed me, too. It took reading all of your posts to ground me and enable me to remember how hurt and scared that man was. Matt had an incredible heart and an absolutely infectious smile. Everyone he talked to felt important and loved. We had some great years and I refuse to let how he died be his legacy. I am still thankful every day that he was the only one hurt in the accident that night, but I hate alcohol and I resent the hell out of the fact that I don't have my husband because of it. I still feel immeasurable guilt every time someone else joins this board because of a drunk driver, but it doesn't make me love Matt any less or hurt any less that he's gone. So many of you saved me and I've loved seeing your screen names pop up on this new board. Thank you for your posts and your support and your compassion. You're my heroes and I really mean that. Bluebird and Wifeless, I can think of no others better fit to moderate this section of the board. The two of you have always been such inspirations to me and seeing your Chapter 2 brings the happy tears.

Hi Everyone, I'm Laura. I was MattsLaura on ywbb. I never posted that much. When I first found the board, I wasn't capable of forming many coherent thoughts, then my crazy in-laws found ywbb and the threats ensued. While I didn't feel comfortable posting after that, I never stopped reading. I read everyday until that horrid announcement that the board was no more. I lost Matt to a car accident on 11/3/10. I was 28 and he was barely 31. It rocked my world, as you all experienced, and it probably took me a year before I could breathe normally again. All of you taught me so much about life, death, and grief, and gave me the reassurance that it was OK to stumble through this journey. It took a long time for life to feel worth living again for me and I still have plenty of days where it doesn't seem worth it. I am finally able to smile and laugh about our life together more than I cry about the loss of everything and that is a huge accomplishment. I moved across the country almost 2 years ago and started a new life, that now includes a new relationship. All of you here are the reason I kept going. I found myself genuinely caring about each of you and rooting for you from afar. With every name I recognized that popped up on this new board, I shed tears of joy. You gave me life when I didn't want it and I've only thanked a few of you for that. So, thank you. Thank every single one of you for sharing your stories and caring about everyone that is forced into a life that leaves us searching for this place. And of course, THANK YOU from the mountain tops to everyone who got this new place up and running so quickly. I am forever indebted to all of you and I don't know a greater group of people to whom I should owe that debt. Maybe now that my in-laws don't even remember the sadiversary, let alone speak of my husband, I'll post more and try to repay that debt to others who need encouragement. Giant wid hugs to all! I really love you guys.