OneNow

Finally ready and found someone Id like to meet..but of course scared for many reasons. Having heard horror stories from friends who have found someone from dating sites..I think of all the what ifs..recently one friend found out after two months of dating the guy was married. I know to meet in a public place..tell someone who..where you are meeting and then call them at a certain time for general safeness. But how about the other things...like arrest records..marriages...etc. We've been messaging on the site for weeks...he seems very normal...actually checks all my criteria of what I want..and I am SUPER selective..actually I wish I could have written his profile..he conveyed everything I wish I could have written..so his profile really stood out...and Ive been lurking for about a year...so Ive read way too many profiles. So how do you all go about checking someone out..do you ask for full name..then search the web? Ask to see drivers license? I actually did that on first date with my husband! I'm not sure how to google search images..I tried that nothing came up....and even with the info he gave me. Don't have his last name yet...Do you all ask..or get phone number? Honestly Id rather not give mine out..until I know I want him to have it... Also on the flip side..I have not put out much info on myself on the dating sites...no photos..if I do they will only be ones I use for that site..I even lied a little and put a similar birth date and town..but not exact..everything else was true..also I do no t want anyone I may know to see my profile...dont want anyone to know Ive decided to date yet. Thanks any advise is appreciated!

The truth sadly is my reality..but in no way not want to not acknowledge my marriage..hell 17 years is an accomplishment. So I go with I was married for 17 years..and now widowed for 20 months. They usually say I am sorry. I say thanks..he was a great guy. I am sure it makes my husband (yes..he still is my husband) happy to hear it.

In for so long...then I thought it was funny that the call was from pain management....and now I feel better :-)

Ah..hate them. The other day got a call where I was asked..are you single..engaged..married..divorced? Said you left the one I am off...widowed. She said..oh that's ok. (Really lady..you have no clue.) Hernext question confirmed it. What is your combined income? Really lady...combined with who I asked? She asked me if I could hold...I said..not today. The other asked for my husband by name and said they were from pain and management center. I said he is deceased. The guy said....ok I can call again.when is a good time to reach him. I said.he.is.dead. He said what I did not hear you. I said Dead..DEAD! DEAD!!!! By the third Dead I was screaming..he is never going to be here again!!! The phone went silent. Felt bad screaming at the guy for days...back into a hole...but now I think back it felt good to get that out...been holding/hiding it

Thank you for this...found it at the most perfect time...Hugs to you all..

Yes at 18+ months still seems unreal...I guess it always will...I never got to see my husband's body...so I never processed it thru that to have closure.But maybe it was a blessing..I don't think I could have bearer to see him dead. He completed suicide and his mom found him..she begged me to not have a viewing...he was direct creamated. I have the ashes Ive never seen..thinking it maybe time to see them as a way to move forward. Sometimes I still think I have to call him...miss talking to him so deeply. The other day I did have a dream where he told me..I'm happy now..and almost everyday since then I've seem some type of rainbow. That's the only thing that gives me peace and helps me to move forward..that is is no longer "sad".

Got my new auto policy..I hates how it now says.."unmarried"

I agree that thread helped me so much. I know some people thought my husband was going to go to hell for ending his life. And I was glad I could quote this message.

So glad I found you all again...I was doing pretty good the past couple of weeks- so I did not even visit the old boards until two days ago and saw the huge change over. Glad I made it! These boards are great! and it comes at a strange time in my grief journey as I am just starting to feel like who I am becoming- I got rid of many "old" things that tied me to my "old" life- and with these new boards I feel like in some way I put that time I spent on those old boards behind me as well. So glad to have this new start! First want to say thanks so much to Bluebird and Wifeless...your posts and support has made these past 18+ months bearable. (along with all the other great posters who are here as well!) My story... I lost my husband of 17 years in Aug. 2013. Still can't believe he is gone..seems like yesterday- but then again forever. (some days I just want to jump up and down at the universes unfairness- I so badly just want to talk to him again and of course make everything all right..and it kills me I can't. He suffered from major depressive anxiety disorder. He was WONDERFUL for the first three years we spent together- but after a few months of marriage he started self medicating with many different drugs- he'd beat one to only start another. Still can't believe we got through those dark years of drug abuse. The last two years of his life- he was sober- and tried so hard..did everything the doctors said to do...but still he never felt better. (I know this is morbid to say..but I was proud when the blood tests came back with nothing in his system.) It seems once he beat drugs his mental illness got worse...but I know he did A LOT of damage with them. He tried suicide 7 times that I can now say for sure were attempts. Some times I found him- sometimes his mom did in time. This last time his mom found him and he made sure it was going to be his last. I won't say what he did- as I never even knew you could so simply end your life... I know he must have researched it- because he did it was such exactness. I've heard of all the many ways you can end your life- but the way he did it I have not heard- but according to the medical examiner it only took less than 20 seconds for him to die. The weekend before he died I had a HORRIBLE dream that I went to look for him and he was gone- I screamed his name over and over until I could not scream or stand or see anymore. The week was pretty bad overall- he was fighting with his mom- over what I still don't know...We also had a big fight- where he did tell me he was going to end his life and that he was going to make sure his mother found him- I was really tired and just snapped and said- DON'T YOU DO THAT TO HER! and he looked at me and slapped my leg and I just screamed at him..GET AWAY FROM ME- he tried to apologize- but I just kept saying Get away from me...I break down and cry thinking that... because I know that must have really put the wheels in full motion for him to want to end his life. He stayed at his mom's- because he stayed there during the week when I worked so he would not be alone and his mom could make sure he took his meds. He called me the next day when I got home from work- and said he was sorry again-and said I was too- and he said I just want to know one thing...do you still love me? and I so glad I answered- Yes, I love you always. and he said- Good that's all I wanted to know- and then said he was tired- and said goodbye. The next day I found out he was dead at 2 p.m. I never got to see him again- since it there was an investigation and the cops pretty much would not let me see him- and then I was in such a daze...then we decided to have him cremated. If he did not tell me two days before what he was going to do- I don't think I would have believed what I was told happened. I have so many regrets....The years wore us all down...a few arrests- many stays in mental hospitals. The attempt before the final one was so horrendous- it was about two years before he died. He took a bunch of pills his mom found him and got him help in time but was tied to a bed - not knowing who he was or who I was...and was out of it for three days. It was heartbreaking to see him like that...I thought if he came out of it he was going to be "not there". On day three he came out of it. It was horrible to go Thur- but I am glad in a way that we did - because I realized how sick he was- and how sick I was because of it'd how awful I was treating him. And just how close I could have been to losing him. So as awful as it was- looking back I can say it was a "gift" in a way- because I got more time to be more compassionate to him.- but in those years he just kept pushing me away further and further- and sadly I went (at least mentally to a degree.) The last years I did not nag as much and I was much more understanding and compassionate- and I am thankful I was (not always, but a lot more than the years before.) He got sicker and sicker- just could not be happy and function in the real world- he hated going out and stayed in bed mostly- could not deal with anything- even eating was too much for him- he'd eat only one meal a day. When he did pass it was pure sadness for a life unfulfilled- he was brilliant and my Mr. Wonderful..to see him slip away year by year was hell. I felt so much guilt..it nearly destroyed me- but thanks to this board I am coming to accept it. And the gates of hell were opened. My only happiness in this is that he is no longer suffering. Someone wrote that their loved ones suicide was like a gift...because it gave them back THEIR life... which for me is true too... I can only say that here. I know he would not have gotten better- his mental illness was unable to be cured and terminal and fatal. I just wish I could have understood it all better when he was alive...but back then I was too wrapped up in getting thru it and keeping us financially afloat and having to take on everything and could not see clearly. It's been a long 18+ months- but I can finally say I am just starting to be able to breath again and the stress is gone. I just pray there is still something more for me in this life...and I fulfill my purpose. Thanks all...wishing you peace.

Would love to post a photo but can't figure it out!