Here I am once again alone sitting in the dark with silence. As I went to her grave today to lay some flowers I was taken by surprised by conflicting sense of time. I know it has been two years according to the calendar, but internally my sense of the time passed rails against itself.
During those early months of pain, isolation, and emptiness time seemed to go so slow as I watched the world continue on around me, oblivious to the storm within. I continued to move on one small step at a time. After a while I was finally able to get myself out of that dark place to at least be able to go through the motions of completing a daily routine. It took several more months before I started to feel like a person again.
During this past year I have not only found myself again, but have learned that it is possible to find love again. I have worked myself through the internal struggles and conflicts of not only of "Is this what she would want me to do?" to avoiding comparison and seeing my new partner for who she is.
So as I stood there today one part was surprised by feeling these past two years feeling more like it has been 10 and another part feeling like it was only two months ago.
Jenny, I still and forever will miss and love you. Your robust personality and waves of love you washed upon me will forever be with me. Goodbye my love, until the day when we are reunited in the next life.