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jeudi

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  • Content Count

    79
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Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    12/06/2002
  • Name of Spouse
    John
  • Date Widowed
    December 07, 2002
  • Cause of death
    cancer
  • Spouse's Age
    49

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  1. Eleven days ago was the 17th anniversary of John's death. That is more than a bit sobering. Such a lot of years it's hard (almost) to recall the early days of grief except I do remember how hopeless I felt. How overwhelmed. How clueless at how to proceed. But I went ahead and lived anyway. I haven't spent a day feeling guilty that I have. I've felt relieved that I found my way because the way I used to feel was no way to live. The memories are almost buried under the sheer gravity of time but not so deep that i don't relive the despair in micro bursts when I least expect it.
  2. jeudi

    A Book

    Just ordered it. Thanks for the suggestion. It sounds great. And I love the title.
  3. Thanks Euf- a lot of what I write now is humorous fiction, so I don't strictly stay with these hard stories all the time. Writing was the most important thing that helped me find myself again. For me, letting my mind go to this other place that had nothing to do with loss, allowed me to get away from the horrible way I felt, if only just while I was writing. It took me about six months before I had enough focus to write but once I got started I wrote a novel by the time I reached the first anniversary pf John's death. I couldn't focus enough to read a book but writing, for some reason, was som
  4. Thanks Maureen. I appreciate your taking the time to link over and read it.
  5. A few months ago I made a post linking members here to an article I had written on another site, an online publication called Medium. I've written another post relating to widowhood, specifically about signs I get from my late husband. In that article I also link to an article by a psychic medium who explains some of the nuts and bolts about how our passed on loved ones communicate with us. Here is the link to my story https://medium.com/uncalendared/pennies-from-the-other-side-338b9e704d8 I hope you will click over and give it a read. When I linked to my last story I mentioned
  6. Euf- Reading your words about YWBB brings back cruddy memories of how the site closed with pretty much no warning. I gave up on trying to save anything because I really didn't visit the site much due to my longevity as a widow but luckily someone I was friends with from the board (but also in real life) let me know. By the time I got to my computer I had only hours and ultimately decided to let it go. Luckily, I had previously saved some stuff on discs but none of my own writing. I love to write and writing was what saved me early on before I knew about YWBB. What I wrote about be
  7. Bluebird, So very sorry for your loss.
  8. Sunshine Fl= Thanks for reading further. It really means the world to me. I don't always write stories like the one you have quoted but I do think that particular piece is one of my better moments. When YWBB was up and running and I was newly widowed, writing was one of the things that kept me going. The community of other widowed folks was another. So today is 16 years. It is impossible to believe that so much time has passed because I feel like all of that happened yesterday. Except it doesn't hurt the same way. After John died all I wanted was to not hurt so damned
  9. Hello- I typcially write something as I approach the anniversary date of my husband's death. I've been writing for Medium, an online publication and decided to give writing my year 16 anniversary article a try there. If you want to read what I've written, here is the link. https://medium.com/@msgekko/one-tough-cookie-9568c9de712c I hope everyone here is approaching the holidays and new year on as solid ground as possible. To all of the other close-to-the-holidays-when-widowed widows and widowers I'm still here to report there are brighter days ahead for you.
  10. thanks Lewis! Your discussion is easy to follow- I'm super impressed with the way you did that!
  11. I love the way we have an initial in a circle of color if we don't have a picture that we use. I also love the gentle way a reply is posted- it sort of morphs into the post.
  12. When a person in their 90's loses a spouse, surely they have fully considered the possibility. Not that the considering makes it easier but don't we get to a certain age and consider our own mortality and that of our spouse? Living into your 90's isn't all that common... I have nothing but empathy for anyone who loses a spouse though...love is love no matter how old you get to be.
  13. I guess for me it seems like if everyone behaves like a grown up it all takes care of itself. I was lucky that my parents gave me a great example of what a good, solid marriage looks like. My Dad put my Mom on a pedestal and she looked at my Dad as if he was the absolute most honorable person that ever lived. I never did any of that (well maybe a little). I married pretty young (22) and we grew up and into our marriage without a lot of stress about not always getting along- for sure the few times we let my Mom see us at odds with each other were very stressful for her but we always knew we we
  14. Lewis- Thanks for writing this. It feels sobering and humbling, always, to hear what others have gone through when they've lost their spouse. I cannot imagine being left to cope with five kids. I can't imagine having my loved one die in bed next to me. For me, it was cancer that took my spouse. We got to say goodbyes. I had one child, almost 18 and she also got to say goodbye to her Dad. Each of us, in our own circumstances has so much to deal with. There are always details unique to each of us. There is something universal at play though- something that breeds a very specific brand of empathy
  15. Although grief over my own loss has stained me and changed me, the take away, when I've looked at the bigger picture, is that grief is universal. When you hear or read about massacres, shootings, wars, diseases, famine, devastating weather systems, etc., someone out there has lost someone of vital importance to their life. And so I live more as a part of the whole of humanity now. I own a heart with far less armor and I spend more time thinking about the conditions of our world while at the same time being more able to cherish what I have, who I have, as I have. Sorry you are hurtin
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