maddalena

I started this thread as tongue in cheek, but the reality is, Before I lost my DH and married another, I had never been in love with two guys at the same time! Even though one is dead, he's very alive in my head. So..

The park sounds wonderful. I am happy that you have good memories to sustain you. Words suck. How about a hug?

Hey Maureen, I am grieving the same thing. New guy is sweet and a keeper, but he doesn't have that energy. So i'm the one that has to be the terrier dog (my way of describing it). It's much harder for me to be the energy for two (How did DH do it?) I have stepped up a little, for example, i decided we had to go to the totality line for that eclipse. It was great, i'm so glad I did. hugs to you. I'm sorry you are suffering.

to change the energy for the anniversaries, I always try to do something special. I write checks out to his favorite charities. I rejoin clubs that he loved. I even had a mammogram on his first birthday that I had to celebrate alone. Put positive energy into it. It has really helped me.

how sad, i'm glad you were there for him. Poor little girl. to lose both parents

I think you should get help. You have a lot of reasons to be uncomfortable in your skin, and you do have stuff to grieve. After a year of grieving DH, I found this woman that did this therapy that seemed crazy to me EMDR. But it honestly helped. I quit crying every day. I still cried, but not near as often. i'm 5 years out now, and that stuff doesn't even seem real. but i remember the tremendous change from that one day of therapy.

Sojourner, I've been thinking about this. Can't you tell the kids that it makes you feel good to wear his clothes, that it makes you smile? Maybe they think it's a bad thing and you need to tell them it's a good thing?

that's a bummer about your kids. Lucky for me, my kids don't pay attention OR live with me.

I like to wear his socks. I still wear a carnelian heart he gave me. I have one of his flannel shirts, which i wear often. My new husband has no idea that it's DH's socks or shirts that I am wearing. I found a shopping receipt in the potato drawer from 2009. I read all the items purchased and deduced that this was from DH's shopping, not mine. I put it into recycling, but was so disappointed when New guy threw out the recycling... I am happily married, I have a life. But DH is a tender love that I carry everywhere. Are any of you guys leading two lives like that?

ps how to stop it? maybe you can change them a little at least by trying to control it, telling yourself that you know he's dead...

Hello, I have dreams often (5 years out) where all of a sudden i find out he's living in another state, under an assumed name and other crazy scenarios. In one, someone was about to shoot him, but at the very last minute, someone else got shot and he survived (he actually died from cancer). All I can think of is that some of my brain cells still don't know he's gone. Or they know he's gone, but not how, so they start making sstuff up...

Right after my husband died, I printed out and framed many photos of him and hung them up all over the house. I still needed to see his face. Almost 5 years later, I am remarried and half of those pictures are still up on the wall. They don't make me cry, they make me smile. I'm them, he is happy and full of life. The way I want to returner him

hugs to you! I was very relieved when I released DH's ashes....

oh go for it, someone needs to learn a lesson!

i'm sorry for your pain. My husband used to rally my kids to plan something nice for mother's day. (My kids are probably close to your age now) He's been dead for almost 5 years, and tomorrow, one of my kids isn't even going to bother to show up. I called my older son and asked him what he was doing Sunday, and his response was "why?" Well, it's mother's day. So at least one of them is coming. But... Fathers are so important. We all miss him.