Mrskro

My 2 cents. 1. Is such a marriage deceitful or our own business? I think two people's commitment to each other is between them and whatever works for them. 2. Can we call each other husband and wife, or should that be reserved for the legally married? I personally have no issues with people referring to their significant others as husband and wife without the piece of paper. 3. Would you as a child, friend or relative of a couple doing this attend the wedding or feel duped if you found out it wasn’t a legal wedding? No, I would be happy to celebrate love, for me that's more important than the legal aspect. 4. Does anyone have any experience with having done this? No 5. If we opt for a commitment/unity/hand fasting ceremony instead of a wedding, is he your husband/she your wife? For me, yes, the commitment to each other is what makes a marriage not a piece of paper. 6. What do you call one another signifying your relationship if there is no ceremony but you are together, committed and in love? Whatever works for you! The institution of marriage and the laws and rules surrounding it have evolved over time. Different cultures have different traditions. Traditionally marriage was about power and wealth, love within marriage wasn't even considered. Today, society views marriage through the eyes of love. But, marriage means money to governments and who's to say marriage definitions can't evolve again to leave the government out of it.

My DH passed suddenly, but my step mother has brain tumours and my father recently passed away. The amount of information my step siblings should have had but didn't about their mothers condition when my dad passed away was astounding. I live 3 hours away from them but my Dad told me everything, from her meds to appointments and all the financial stuff. I think it was easier for him to talk to me because I've been there and know that information is so important to have. My step mothers tumours caused seizures and fairly significant memory issues, and most symptoms came of very quickly. I had to sit my step siblings down the day after my dad's funeral and go through everything step by step. NONE of them wanted to hear it and it sucked. My step brother called every day for weeks for new information and thanked me eventually for having the tough conversations. I don't think there is an easy way to have these conversations, but an opening could be (with the wife), "when my wife passed away I wish I had known these things....passwords, bank accounts whatever...." I'm sorry for you and your friend.

@Klim; Thanks for sharing, my daughter sounds a lot like your son, and goes away to University next year. I'm so glad to hear your son is headed in the right direction. University can be such a struggle without the added burden of grief on top of it.

Every little thing

And I don't know why this one is so much harder. Our birthdays are 4 days apart. So really on his last birthday I was already on this planet longer than he was. But now I"m officially older than he got to be. How is that even possible? And even worse...and I get it...how others don't see why this is a thing...but it's a thing...a huge thing to me. I shouldn't be older than he got to be.

But then DH dies on Sept 29th, we buried him on Oct 4th, our anniversary is Oct 9th. My birthday is in a couple days and his on November 6th. I'll be officially older than he ever got to be. I hate the fall now.

Coffee, All the coffee! Milk or cream for your coffee?

@Captainswife Their character amazes me every day, since 2012, we've lost both their grandfathers, their grandmother, great granny, their dad and their 2nd grandmother getting lung cancer that metastasized to her brain. They've had numerous people that swore they'd be there for them leave their lives and yet they thrive. Everyday I look at them in awe, they have both handled the shitty hand they been dealt with so much grace and dignity. Far better than I have. Thank you all for listening.

It's been three years now that I laid him to rest. Today is much harder than the day he died this year. I didn't think I was actively grieving anymore but today I miss him, I miss my kids father, my best friend, the other half of my story. I'm sad that he isn't here to see our beautiful daughter picking universities and preparing to start the next chapter in her life. I hate that he's not here to teach her to drive stick shift. I hate that she's playing on someone else's hockey team instead of his. I am so proud of the amazing woman she is turning into, that he helped her turn into and so angry that he's not here to see it. I'm sad that he can't look up to our 6' 3" 15 year old son and see what an amazing kid he is. I'm devastated that the boy has taken up playing rugby, plays for our Province, plays for an elite international team and he never even got to see him play. I'm heartbroken that he can't teach the boy about girls and dating, celebrating and teasing him about his not quite there mustache, Ok it's peach fuzz at best. He should have got to celebrate what a wonderful kid he is. I still can't believe in 5 days it would be, it is, our 17th wedding anniversary and he won't be here to celebrate it with me. How did it get to be 17 years? I'm sure it was just yesterday we met, fell in love, had our girl, got married, had the boy. How can we possibly have 17 and 15 year old kids? and how are you not here to raise them up with me? Time is a cruel thing, it flies by at times and is devastatingly slow at others. These have been both the longest, hardest 3 years of my life and at least in relation to the kids the quickest, bitter sweet years.

I am so sorry you are going through this. In my opinion he did take advantage of you, so many people leave us during our grieving and I can completely understand why you would stay close to him.

@66etype; I need a fuck it bucket! I might actually make a real one. May I steal that?

I may have laughed a little.

Why is the forum open to all who have lost? The mods have determined that this forum shall be an area open to anyone that has loved and lost that love through death, no matter what legal status they held or how long the time was that they were together. That certainly is their call (and that of the owners of the site.) But, having such a broad range of experience waters down the shared experience of those that participate. A widow who was married for 10 years has a completely different experience than that of a girlfriend whose boyfriend passed after less than a year of committed dating. I'm not a mod but really? It's 2017 and even the legal definition of spouse has changed, at least here in Canada. A widow married for a year has a completely different experience from a widower of 10 years has a different experience from a widow who has 3 kids and had been living common law with her spouse for 15 years before he passed but never married in a church has a different experience from a childless widower. A piece of paper doesn't define a person or their experience. I don't feel that being a widow or a widower is a shared experience. Everyone's path through this mixed up horrible journey is different. Coloured by our own experiences leading up to it, coloured by the people within our lives and by our paths moving towards. Some have in-laws that are great. Some suck and are horrible. Some lose friends and others have friends that stick by them. Some have kids and some don't. Some would like to remarry and some don't. Some find comfort in God and some like me, (I was raised very religious. Still believe but) do not find any comfort in God. I know, for in my case life tends to get busy in the summer. I've been lurking and not posting. But this board and its predecessor have been a life line for me.

@oneoftwo I'm completely anti hand-holding. I've never liked even holding my kids hands. My daughter grabs my hand just to bug me, it takes everything I have to not rip my hand away. But to echo the thoughts above, there are no rules. Or none that I was given.

I had my late mother's ring remade into my engagement ring originally. Her diamond was gorgeous, the ring not so much my taste. My mother had always said jewelry should be worn and not sitting in a box somewhere. I intend to remake the ring again, I just haven't decided what I want yet.