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Sugarbell

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  • Date Widowed
    9/24/2007
  • Cause of death
    Suicide


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  1. I am so sorry for this family and you and your son. It is just heartbreaking when this happens to young people. We've lost 3 students to suicide at our high school in 20 months. Just breaks my heart. One was a friend of my oldest son. They weren't close, but occasionally ran around in the same group. You are doing the right thing following your sons lead on this. It's such a complex, devastating issue for young people to process.
  2. His family obligations are much more complicated than mine. Bunny- I agree not sure the hang up with marriage/living together to be successful either. Actually I enjoy the space, just do get annoyed with how much is on his plate (driving his elderly Mother around everyday, taking her to dinner, being the doormat for his siblings, doing everything on the family farm)- As far as kids, ex (even thought she is certifiably nuts)-that is to be expected in mid life. All the other stuff, it's almost foreign to me. I don't think I will want "all in" for many years.. Hell maybe never. I like the feeling of raising my kids totally on my own. I don't want to have another person parenting them or making decisions. If I needed a husband, I could find one. As could most of us. (At my 4 year mark, I felt I needed to be married. My rock bottom was my 3 month marriage post widowhood.) Sorry, Just not a co-dependent type. Some people need it. Some of us don't. It's more enjoyable being the exclusive girlfriend.
  3. Yes and No. This will sound bad but i’m in the drivers seat in this relationship. If i would move my kids out there, go along with his family stuff he would marry me next week. But I don’t want to. To me, that would be settling. I’m not emotionally ready for all of it...Honestly, at this season/stage of my life i wouldn’t be ready with anyone.
  4. No. Most relationships are not this way. However, being in a relationship mid life (for me) compared to when I was in a relationship in my 20's is totally different. NG has a life from previous marriage. His children are "higher maintenance" than mine (and they are adults)- I have a preteen and two teenagers. I have worked my rear off to get them where they are now. I won't sacrifice my kids future. My expectations for my kids are very different than his expectations for his children. No, this isn't ideal. But it is what it is. We are exclusive and talk several times a day.. However, our lives are very different with different cultures and expectations. In the beginning I was an "All In" type. He won't work with us, not right now. He's a very loyal and committed boyfriend. He's not a player, I love his character and he is beyond handsome. However, the timing isn't right. It maybe someday, it may not. I maybe a 75 year old girlfriend with a separate house. We may tomorrow and I could fall madly in love with someone else years to come. I just don't know. Life is uncertain. I've learned over the years to just go with the flow..what will be will be.
  5. I get this. This is our third summer as well. The first summer I tried to plan and just got frustrated. I ended up feeling hurt and taken advantage of. I have beach trip planned in July (just my 3 kids and myself) We did the same thing last summer. Last summer also went to NYC with girlfriends. It shocked NG that I just went about my vacations and plans without him last year. Doing the same this year. It's not worth the headache and it was a 3 ring circus with all his "stuff". Mountain trip planned over Memorial Day next week. - Just kids and I. NG and I are going to Hilton Head for 3 days in June-Just us no kids. That's "our time". For me, it's easier to keep it separate. It's the only way that its fair to my kids. First summer I compromised (made my kids go to the county fair because he goes for a week with his daughter, made my kids go to his crazy family summer gatherings)- Not anymore. Haven't in two years. My kids are happier, I am happier. NG is very attentive and tries to spend as much time as he can with me. I think he knows I will not stop my life or my kids life. It works for this season of our life. Will we last forever? No clue. It's a day by day process. Blending Families? Not happening. At least not for a while.
  6. So glad others think it’s strange. When DH and i had each child we wanted NO ONE until the next day. When i told NG this he was shocked. The appalachia culture wants all 100 relatives there. We even rescheduled our trip to Hilton Head which was going to be May 11-14th. She’s due in 2 weeks and i was afraid we would get there, his son would call and we would have to leave. When i told NG if that happened i was staying put he was shocked. i didn’t get why they all have to be there that day..the baby will be around forever. The culture differences are stressful to me. But i’m trying to compromise and not get too worked up with it. I just the girlfriend..i fell myself this more and more often lately.
  7. Been in a relationship going on three years. We do not live together and are not talking marriage. (too long of a backstory- backwoods family, crazy ex, he lives on family farm too far out of town, etc) Our relationship is solid, even through its not progressing. I am perfectly fine with it. However, his 25 year old (unemployed and drug addicted) son is expecting his first child end of May. NG is excited and wants me to be there when the baby is born. (along with his family, his psycho ex wife and her new sugar daddy_)- I don't want to go. I know he's my boyfriend and we are there for each other. However, since we aren't progressing into marriage/living together any time soon..WHy should I have to? I just don't agree with the whole circumstances of how this irresponsible young adult has brought onto himself. Him and girlfriend are living with his ex wifes parents in a room. It's just hard to genuinely be happy for them. Am I just a bitch? It's ok to say "yes"..maybe I need to hear it. Just not sure the "obligations" of a long term steady..
  8. Sugarbell

    FWB

    If it's your wife's best friend..well that's a little weird. Just a friend of acquaintance, it happens. Her best friend?? Sounds a little opportunistic on her part. Just my opinion.
  9. Sugarbell

    FWB

    Tread lightly. Some folks can have a FWB and it works out for both parties. However, just from my experience of observing most can't. One usually gets more attached than the other one. Again, not always- but the majority of the time.
  10. Sugarbell

    Last name change

    One time years ago I made a major mistake and married a guy I barely knew..it lasted 3 months. I took his last name. It was a nightmare getting my former married name back on everything. I don't see me ever changing mine while my kids are young. (of course I am not in a position of marriage either right now)- We moved back to my childhood hometown. People here call me by my maiden name. ALL THE TIME. That is confusing enough for my kids.
  11. Reading these comments reaffirms to me that it’s right for me to detach. i just can’t blend...if an attorney would have put me on the spot like that i would’ve flipped. i do say it all the time “I’m just the girlfriend not my circus to deal with”. Hats yes off to you ladies-y’all are better women then me. i’m just too selfish to deal with it.
  12. I am at the place that I don't think NG is really marriage material. But then I know right now I am not either. The qualities of honesty, integrity, communication, chemistry- we have all of it. But we've talked, he's pretty much tied down to the family farm with all of his relatives living around him. No way in Hell will I move out there. I said "Not until my kids get out of school"- Last night he said "I really don't think you would want to live out here even then would you?" I mean..it's really really out. It's his family land. They are very cliquey with each other. That land would never be mine, why would I invest money into a home out there and my kids would be left with nothing. His kids are a train wreck..drug addict 25 year old is expecting a baby in 3 weeks..Him and his girlfriend are living with NG ex wife parents. Ex wife is still crazy as a loon but has a new sugar daddy so she hasn't left as many hateful messages to him. I distance myself from all of it. Detached myself from his kids. I am kind and polite..but I put my energy into my children and my parents, etc. Worked too hard to get my kids screwed up in the mess. But him? He alone is wonderful. All the comes with it, not so sure. I will be the 80 year old girlfriend living in my own house, I think it may actually work that way.
  13. Sugarbell

    There are worse things than death

    Heartbroken for her. We've prayed for her and the boys since this past weekend. She has been through so much in her young years. Those of you who don't know this person, she's an amazing Mom and those kids are her world.
  14. I believe in the early weeks/months//years..it's more prevalent. Our loved ones know we are hurting and they may have unfinished business to take care of. I believe certain people are also more "sensitive" to spirits and able to feel them more. My experiences started in my 20's with my paternal grandmother. She told me things that happened in the 1920's, 1930's when she was young. My Dad was even spooked when I asked him about the things she told me. I've had various relatives come to me, but usually only once or twice. At different stages of my life when I needed advice and it came from the other side. It's really not something I seek out, some of "spirit stuff" can scare me. So I don't invite it, but when it comes naturally it's always good. My Mother has the same gift. My 16 year old son does too (although he rejects it totally, he knew when he was 4 the moment his Dad died, how he died, and where to find him. Down to the point of entry of the gunshot wound. He refuses now to ever talk about it. I guess gifts come in different forms to different people. I really don't know how it all works, just want I've experienced in my life. I no longer get "signs" so much from DH, it's far from a daily thing..
  15. Yes. You aren't crazy. My first few years I had so many experiences, too many to get into. I am not sure if it was always my deceased husband or just my "haunted house" I lived in. It was already full of activity, but when I would feel him it was positive. It's been 11.5 years for me, we live in a different town different house. However, I still on occasion "feel him" or try to connect to him. Last night, my son was pitching a Varsity baseball game for high school. (No one knows this btw..not my significant other right now, no one)- And when he pitches I always put his old flip phone in my sweatshirt pocket (from 2007) and his college class ring. I rub on them while my kid is pitching. That's the one common place I always feel/connect to DH. Both . my sons do too, they both pitch and their Dad was a high school baseball pitcher. I believe objects retain energy from loved ones. (I never got the phone or ring out until this year-) May just be a bunch of voodoo science...but I swear my kid is always "on" this year when I have that old phone in my pocket.

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    9/24/2007
  • Cause of death
    Suicide


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