Jump to content

tybec

Members

0

Followers

513

Content Count

Country

Genre

Zodiac

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    Winter 2012
  • Cause of death
    car accident
  • Spouse's Age
    0


Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

Enable
  1. Happy to share I slept through the past two nights. The anticipation is just the worst for me. I posted a short statement on FB as I have always posted something in memory for my LH. Since I am with NG, I don't go into great detail, but I feel the need to remember LH as he mattered. And LH mattered to others, too. NG handles it well. NG and I are talking about the next step. I have told him to hold off until the custody hearing in Feb. Something switched in him. I guess the reality of choices and that if we continue as is, it is not satisfactory for either of us and certainly not teaching our minor kids what we want to about relationships/commitments, etc. We really are at the point. Continue or not. And so we are planning. I can do a lot when I feel secure in a relationship. And I have learned a lot about marriage and what a next one can look like. Leave the bad and go with the good stuff. Hope the 3 day weekend is well for you. 😄
  2. Sugarbell, OH, I feel for you! What a situation! Not abnormal, but still! Our world is different, and I struggle with it. Young adults move in at a drop of a hat now a days. I have a niece that met on line a young man, moved in within a couple months, and it fell apart within 6 months. 22 yrs. old. And the pain of the loss is great, so I don't believe all that stuff that is not a big deal. We are meant to have relationships, not use each other for temporary feel good. MY two cents, but I just see it everywhere. Anyway. I really get your mixed feelings. My teen is 15 and no GF or interest in dating. There is so much pressure to date. It starts in Middle school with dances. I see all these girls wearing dresses made for 17 yrs. old but they are 12 or 13 and the boys decked out. And I ask myself "what are you parents thinking?" But I know my son could meet a girl any minute and all that change and I am dealing with what you are. I am not naive. I am sorry. The door is open and can't be shut. Oh, parenting.......
  3. Sunday is 7 yrs. My mind is anxious, my sleep disturbed. I have exercised, eaten healthy, gone to bed timely and the last of the lasts still pops up every night about 3 am. I am going away for the weekend with my NG. He knows the weekend date. I am not sure my plan was best. Waiting for the time when my heart and brain will settle down this time of year. NG asks why I am not sleeping. I guess that is a real difference in divorce and death. He is now happy to not be with his ex. I never had an "ex." I am reading up on remarriage and blending families and sending him links to things. He is ready now. Says to go and pick out a ring. This will end the time apart that seems to cause so much conflict or uncertainty. Lots going on. Just breathe.
  4. We saw them on our 20th anniversary. DH loved all kinds of genres of music. They played 3 hours. In 28 years, too many. IN MY LIFE by the Beatles is a big one, too.
  5. Arneal, I am sorry about the unpleasant feelings regarding your LH's remains and such. I can see where that would be hard. My LH was a veteran and a beautiful veteran's cemetery is where we lived as we lived close (and he worked) at a huge Army Fort. He has a headstone provided then. He was still cremated, and we spread his ashes there at the scattering garden provided for this, and we had an informal ceremony to do so 4 months after his death. It was more meaningful to me as his death was a car accident and such a shock, I was in autopilot that whole 4 days of the services/visitation. A blur, truly. I think we all have to do what we can do. My mother passed in 2017 and was cremated. My brother agreed to take her to the burial place where my father and her have a joint monument. He still has not done it. But he will when it is time. It is a family plot in the middle of nowhere where none of us live or will go to except for this. She knew we were not gong to tend to their graves. I think my husband's untimely death made her think differently about all that.
  6. OOps, I was redundant. Attempted to edit but too late. Made plans for next weekend. Get-a-way with NG. Much needed. And it is my LH's death date. Will go to cemetery, and NG will wait in vehicle. My son does not want to go. My son often does not choose to, and that is okay. Making intentional plans for this year. NG coming over more often and something switched? He is tired of the two homes, too. Bedtimes for his kids, routines, etc. keep us apart with the kids. So, see what happens in the future planning. I appreciate you all helping me stay strong. I was loved well and long. I was fortunate to have a wonderful marriage, imperfect, but loving and stable, more functional than dysfunctional. I deserve that again or I can be healthy and strong on my own. Keeping on.
  7. Hey all! Thanks for sharing. It is helpful to see all the responses and different ways folks are going. NG and I had a heart to heart. I let him know we needed to end it if I am not his "person." and he can live without me, seeing me, talking to me especially over significant times like holidays. He was disappointed with the holidays and stated he knows this is not okay. He has thought about how to rectify it all. He feels the only way is to live under the same roof. We will have dated 3 years soon, and I am to the point of move forward or let go. I am not wanting to do this arrangement anymore. So, we are talking intentional of plans for this year. There are real life things he cannot control, and I think he realized this. And he has to make a choice to live with that and move forward in his life. With me. But it is unsatisfactory the way it is. I also think he has considered my thoughts about how he is role modeling dating, treating a woman to his boys. It is not natural to have the partner there but cater to the children always. Something shifted in him as I pointed out how he treated me at the beginning and how he has changed. He admits the custody hearing always has him thinking about what could be brought up in court, but there has to be a line. He has been separated almost 7 years, divorced 5. Did his ex really think he would not recouple when their children were 2 and 4 when she left him? Just more reality of all this. I sent him an article about blending families that was real, with the challenges and ways to work through it all as others do. He stated it was "heavy" as he lived it as a child himself, too. So, treading the waters deeply. The responses here help. I appreciate them even if they are hard to read sometimes.
  8. Just to add to be positive. I set a goal of 156 work outs in a year in 2018. That is an average of 3 a week, which is just for good health, fighting diabetes risks, heart disease, etc. I made it to 133!! I am healthier, but the weight didn't come off. Age and not changing my eating habits is fact in this. And I have a lower back issue that PT helps but really need to see the orthopedic doc to see what is happening. So, I have a goal of better health still, and eating healthier. I do not want to be obsessed with only this, so balancing it. NG is my work out partner and we do well together to meet at the gym as often as possible. He also will take walks with me and hike some, and that is good. I have enjoyed that.
  9. Hi Candace. I was right there with you on the old board. I had my wedding anniversary in Dec., and it would have been 28 yrs. And my LH's death is this month, also. 7 yrs. It has been up and down for me, also. I have had periods of self growth and improvement that did work and helped, but then would go back to being a "lump" for a while. I understand the ups and downs. Thanks for sharing. And RemysWife, I remember you from the old board. And I too have lost my father, husband and mother now in the last 12 years. I have recoupled but not without lots of challenges. And it is always there, the loss, the grief, the "what the heck happened to my world" thoughts/feelings. I am here, too.
  10. Another holiday season behind us. Glad we all got through. Track record 100%! My holiday started well with NG and his mom and kids. AND then it derailed. He had little to no contact. And when we got together, I may as well not been there. Last year, he said it would be better this year. And it was not, honestly. We did not even sit next to each other when around. He had his kids on either side. His mother even asked if I was going to sit next to him, but it was obvious that was not the plan. My wedding anniversary was Sat., and he planned a big one day trip out of town, and I declined going. My son and I couldn't fit in his vehicle with his mom here, and I didn't want to drive me and mine and be a "third wheel", again. I moved to make NYE plans with a friend and her family out of town. I needed to be with folks that knew me and my LH and son and loved us. Then I got sick. A week of illness. So no celebration of anything. I didn't see NG for over a week,. And I prepared to end it, but I was too sick to have the energy. NG came around to see me briefly and stated he knew we had a bad holiday. I told him straight up I could not understand his behavior and if I wasn't his "person", then let it end. I was prepared to do so as I am not settling and not going through this again. Prior he had text me we needed to talk about marriage to end this 2 home, separate holiday situation, which honestly did not set well for me. I told him that his reality is he will never have his kids full time, but a marriage or cohabitation IS full time. He has to accept his situation like I have had to accept my husband is dead. He agreed he had to change the dynamics, it is on him. That is it in a nutshell. I am stronger and can manage if I need to. He is going to show me his commitment. I don't want to "test" him, but there has to be some proof of his words. His actions don't back his words, and I let him know it is unacceptable to me. This is a big deal. I have never done anything like this. I am going to be okay. I love him, but I told him that love is not always enough. Situation and timing matter, too and he knows that. A relationship is work, but it should not be a fight/struggle. I am not begging for someone to be in my life. I can be alone and single rather than in a couple and be lonely when sitting in the same room. So, I didn't choose to end it. I am a commitment person. But I am learning. This board has helped. I didn't always like the remarks, probably too close to truth, but that is how you grow. Big decisions for me. Keeping on. We will see.
  11. Hey everyone! What’s happening in the new yr? Arneal, where are you? Hello?
  12. tybec

    We are on this board because.......

    To share, vent, support, survive, thrive from this situation we never could have envisioned. Losing your mate young. An abnormal event but more common than we knew. And all aspects of loss, grief, family and friends. So many facets of loss. Thankful to find it. 🙏🏼 And sometimes smiles, new joy, hope is found and shared, too.
  13. I treat sexually abused children. Since 1997 have been in training for years, and I know more than average. And I have provided trainings to corporations on sexual harassment laws. And I have a 15 yr old blue eyed blonde Caucasian son. After the metoo# movement and the issues with Judge Cavanah’s appointment and all, I had to discuss all this clearly, too. It is a different era for young boys/young men. It is the fact. Consent is and always has been needed, necessary but he needs to always protect himself and the other person from anything that could be misconstrued. So that is a new necessary conversation. I don’t know if casual sex is okay at all for this population, which is fine by me. Be in a relationship and hopefully that will never be a factor. The biological points are easily discussed. It’s the relationship part to cover. Good luck.
  14. Hope everyone got through Christmas well. It is still a rough time of year for me. Wedding Anniversary would have been this coming Sat. (sigh) NG got his kids Christmas Eve, and my kid and I went over to his place for treats. He had not seen his kids in 12 days. I cannot imagine. We parted, but then I had dinner at my home yesterday. The kids opened their presents at their own places, which was fine, truly. His mother is here and they have their traditions. A new friend of mine who has a fatherless kiddo, too, told me she had to make her new normal for her kid after his father died (same yr. of LH's death ). They have a small family and they don't travel much or well, so she started Christmas eves and mornings with just them, and it is fine. She said she had to adapt for his sake. That rang true for me. And that it is okay. I had taken my son for the weekend up for his dad's side of the family Christmas. 71 folks showed this year, still with over 30 not there. I felt comfortable. I have known them for 35 years after all. I am glad I can go now, as for years, I could not. Too painful. Still hard, but better. Hope the holidays are as smooth as possible. Looking forward to 2019!
  15. So much here! Exactly. The thing I looked for in a new partner, a great dad, is also the thing that is hardest to deal with, being a great dad by his standard. He feels so much stress, too, when he knows he is letting me down as he he feels he cannot make everyone happy. So sorry, T2B for the struggle. And you just had that amazing vacation. And the holidays are just ramping everything up!!! SUDNLYSNGL, I am sorry for the pain and hurt your NG caused you. Devastating! That is a whole new level of upset. My NG is honest to a fault. He has integrity. 3 years of knowing him, and it is there. It is the blending, issues, parenting styles, family of origin, parts not in his control. A lot. We here have all had a tragedy, maybe trauma, to work through. Jumping into something with knowing there are LOTS of challenges is difficult as we have lived through such loss. Weighing it all. Choosing a different path than ever envisioned. I am thankful for those that make it work, as that gives me HOPE. I also know there is no perfection. I didn't have it before, so won't now. Good thread reading all different experiences and views.

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    Winter 2012
  • Cause of death
    car accident
  • Spouse's Age
    0


The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

Enable
×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.