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tybec

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  • Date Widowed
    Winter 2012
  • Cause of death
    car accident
  • Spouse's Age
    45
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  1. tybec

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    My interest is waning. It's been a month. Many don't answer you. All these guys wanting to be able run, hike, with pics working out. I used to be fit but I hurt my back and I am 50! I have major challenges. Working on it, had PT for a couple months, but no marathon runner! Truly! Had scammers. I have decided no long distance due to it not working well before, I moved and it fell apart. I am not moving again due to my kid needing to graduate. It's hard, then, as driving out of town is not going to integrate lives, ya know. I have a life, church, and I work with the youth at church now. I live about an hour to a major city, and most with careers, are there. I am bummed today. I know it will pass, but I hate being out like this. It sucks. And most everybody is divorced. So, I am imperfect, but I don't have an ex to deal with and all that baggage. And now I know what all that baggage can involve. Going to a lake house with lady friends for the weekend, so reboot, and get myself back on board, I guess.
  2. tybec

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Totally get it, StillWidowed! I went on my date. He was all over me. In public. Touching my hair. Hugging me. Kissed me more than once. I went to a lunch on purpose. I had my kid track me on our app. I checked. He joked we should go to a hotel parking lot and freak my kid out. First date! 3 phone conversations. I am grown, but I also have some standards, old school, maybe. But it is just dangerous out there, and up standing men would not have a problem with it all. Transparency and boundaries. And if gals want to go and have sex the first date, you can. But that should not be the normal assumption. Or am I just out of touch.....
  3. tybec

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    I have a date! And he confirmed this a.m. And he is driving to me. I'll see how it goes. Lunch only. He FB me and he is legit. Looked up linkedin, too. He checked me out. He is widowed, also. Different political views but smart. His dad was a former governor! Checked that out, too and it is fact. His dad got into trouble with bids for his own construction company and lost it all. So, this man has an elite upbringing but works construction? Strange. Private schools, college but chose to do construction like his father started. Anyway. Practice dating, right? Meet some interesting people, right? My mental health background will help me with some of this ๐Ÿ˜‰ Said no go to guy that was treating me like a 20 yr old sorority girl. Please talk to me like a grown woman. The guy who ghosted, Oh, well. So it goes. I will learn the ropes. I can do this. I am strong. Have a pen pal to say goodbye to. He is nice, but too far away, not my parameters. I have tried to let him go nicely. Well, direct will have to do. I am trying not to ghost. There is no reason. Had a guy say, "sorry, but we are not a match." OK. Doesn't hurt my feelings. I don't know you. Anyway. Dreamed about my LH last night. He proposed 30 yrs ago today. Had not dreamed of him in a while. It was nice and peaceful.
  4. tybec

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Thank you for your thoughtful responses. I will take the time to read through this thread. I also may just lay low and work on me a bit. IDK Ironically, my former NG said he wished I had dated some before to understand what is out there. Well, I didn't. I married my HS sweetheart and spent 28 years together. I can't change that and I do believe I am a catch as can handle life's ups and downs and stick around. He bailed when he couldn't handle the reality of getting his kids and then following through with his promises to me. I digress. (sigh) I will have to get good at setting boundaries with folks. This guy last night - MEH. He does not fall into what I want for me AND my son. I just thought I would try to talk. I don't want to be awful to guys, but I also deserve my safe boundaries. Separate the wheat from the chaff.....
  5. tybec

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Oh my. Let me know the norms? Text a guy and he is all flirty with telling me how good I look in a picture, kissable, etc. OK. Well, I am just trying to get to know you. So, switch to phone call, and that was okay. But say good night and he texts me he misses me already and wishes I were sleeping next to him. I have literally seen two pictures and talked 15 minutes on the phone. He is an engineer at a factory, dad, college graduate, and this is getting to know someone? I am not 20 and in college. We are adults with kids. Is this normal? Another person I said lunch on Sat. would be good, a half way point, and he states there is no foodie place in this town. No, but just meeting in the day to see if there is anything. I truly have a "virgin" dater of on line........
  6. tybec

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Uggh, ghosted by a guy I spoke to on the phone. It is more annoying than anything else. So, Question? Just meet with men for practice of dating? Coffee, and see where it goes. Or hold out until one looks really good?
  7. tybec

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Virgo, Yes more options. But busy lives make it hard to connect. And this new man I am texting looks great to meet but limited info. I told him I needed more to meet for safety. Iโ€™ll see if he is a stand up guy or not. My post LHโ€™s death relationship was transparent on line due to his background and custody battle. That was helpful. I realize it may take time, especially from reading here. I can say no to obvious non-matches. As can they๐Ÿ˜‰
  8. Arneal, I hope I didn't offend anyone or you. There is so much more to the story that I did not and won't share. I have many grandparents and other relatives rearing children out of need and they are amazing. The problem is the former NG and his ex have a desire to have children do certain things, sports, theater, clubs, but yet the way they are having them reared by the grandparents has resulted in children who do not want to do those things. They also are delayed in many independent skills and social skills due to being reared by 70 yr old grandparents due to lack of allowing or teaching or experiencing. YOU are very independent. These kids need a lot to learn basics other children know. And neither parent can see that the choices they are making are leading to dependency. Peter pan kids. No chores, can't tie their shoes, cannot interact with other children. They are developmentally in a stage to do so, not little guys. But anyway. Again, can't share it all. I am happy you had a wonderful grandparent to raise you and teach you independence, too.
  9. SB, Please be aware of the family dynamics. The hopes of change to healthier patterns can delay the inevitable. I learned the hard way, and I really am not in this section now. But hindsight is 20/20. My former NG had his mother to "help" him with his kids every summer and break 7 years. She has flown in and taken care of the kids every other week in the summer. And any break they had he got them and he could not take off. I felt it was lovely to do, a sacrifice and so good for the kids. But when he got 50/50 custody, she continued to come in every other week. He could not change his system for fear of his ex taking him to court (and she has) . So the morning and after school programs were a no go for his sweet little snowflakes. They did not like being in care elsewhere. They have only been cared for by grandparents and their parents. And they have no friends, no sleepovers and no social skills and are isolated, honestly. But can tell you Betty White is their favorite Golden Girl. ๐Ÿ™„They are boys by the way. So, post breakup and sharing with a single woman friend, she commented, "so, he lives with his mother half the time, too." Well, Yes! WOW! And she cares for the kids and him! How did I not see that? From a widow with a child who also took care of her elderly mother, I was suddenly aware of his dependency. I don't have time for that. I need a grown man. So, he dumps me as I want inclusion. And he can't do it. It will disrupt his flow. And his mom has his ear, too. She told him at some point she was afraid he would give up trying to get his boys and marry me. Well, I never asked for that. I wanted a blended family. It never got going, honestly. 3.5 years. I loved him, and we were great together in so many ways. But he was a package deal with lots of poor boundaries on both sides. So, I haven't thanked him yet for ending it but some day I likely will. He was not changing. Even with couples therapy, he could not step out of his dependency and fear. I am so thankful for my parents, and their appropriate care of me and my siblings. We were very, very fortunate.
  10. tybec

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    PS. Better options are appearing. But I am a professional and most of them are busy WORKING. I work part time currently so a little too much free time to mess with it.
  11. tybec

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Okay, doing this on line. My kid has activities the next 3 weekends, so not an option to meet up for a bit. Just my life. I put in short distance parameters. I did the long distance, moved and it fell apart anyway. I am not moving. I have been telling potentials up front I am landlocked 3 years. I am not moving my son again. He was not thrilled when I did, but he is doing so great in school, has friends and a great church program. So, EH, may be single a while anyway. I am about 50 miles from a decent sized city, but still, the drive. I have told a guy he was too far and he keeps talking to me. I have told him I am unavailable for a few weeks. He says he will wait. I am done with him. Nice to chat to another human at night, but I am not interested. Too many red flags. My therapist is working with me on my "list" of things to help prevent me from getting involved with another unavailable man. I am "too nice" often. I am a people pleasure and care taker. So a lot to learn. The ghosting thing hasn't happened in real life, just on line and that doesn't bother me so far. It feels so weird to do this. I did it once before and then found my former NG quickly. But life changed and here I am. Anyway, so venting and comraderie.
  12. tybec

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Thanks. Chose Zoosk. Saw the others. Playing around. I cut to the chase. Landlocked 3 yrs to get my kid graduated since I moved him. Tell up front. These men. Really? Pics of fishing, hunting, work outs and body shots at 50. Geez. Not a 20 yr old. I am in a rural area but camping at 50+. Get a buddy. On line dating guy that liked me: I am a car fanatic. I love mustangs and the Dallas Cowboys. recently divorced looking for fun. dont be shy. holla at me. My Perfect Match loves cars and knows about cars He wants a buddy not a woman! ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ˜‰ and then scammers. Wow. My late wife had your name. We are fate! And why look at me 60 plus mikes away if I said I am not moving? ๐Ÿ˜ idk Patience. Really.....
  13. tybec

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Best on line dating sites for 50 yr old? Just turned, and have 16 yr. old, so don't want 60 yr. olds or up.
  14. Arneal, We did talk about the new job. He couldn't turn it down. It was a Godsend. We discussed how to manage it all, how I could help with his kids' care if needed. But his kids in sports and practices nightly and games on Saturday, he was wrapped up all the time whether it was his week or not. And there lied the problem. He did not integrate us. The counselor was working through he was not hearing me, meeting my needs, withdrawing or getting angry and feeling defeated. He is frozen in fear with the courts and just getting his kids back and trying to figure all the child care and new job. BUT I still got a say and when I had my say, he backed out. Instead of trying harder, he withdrew, which the counselor said is what many do. So, I am going to be okay. I don't have time to wait until he figures out that only doing things for your kids is unfulfilling. I was a martyr for a while, all was take care of my kid and mother after my LH died. And then I came to some sense that my kid would benefit from seeing me move forward, too, especially if I wanted him to learn to be independent. My mother wanted me to not be alone, so ...... Not trying to raise a peter pan syndrome child. Anyway. Back to online........๐Ÿ˜‘
  15. Well, moving out of this thread. NG ended it with me last week. After what were some really good sessions in therapy, or so I thought, he ended it with me when I stated nothing had changed in his behavior. Our last session the counselor said we kinda were at a point of move forward (marriage in our case) or break up. NG stated I was worth the fight, he wanted no one else. He had told me earlier in the process he would be my person, be there for my son and me. And then when we saw each other one hour in the week he had his kids and his mother was here, I was frustrated and passive aggressive. Not good, but I was. He stated we needed to break up. I am going for my second therapy session on my own to get my head straight. Also, the therapist has some insight from our interactions that helps. NG got his kids and his dream job on the same day. He has a commute that is substantial, and figuring all that out took his mother's help (she flies in every other week since May now). I have had waves of feelings. I am not devastated, though. I am angry. I feel he lied to me. Don't say those things to a woman if you don''t mean it, I mean. I'll be okay. My kid is doing alright, too. He shared some things with me. The fear of being alone is great. Moving to a new town. Who are my ER people? Who can I depend on? That kind of thing. But not so fearful to stay with a man who thinks 3 hours a week when he has his mother and kids is okay, for 4 months, after dating 3.5 years. So, I move forward. With a lot of learning under me. Good, bad or ugly.. Growth....

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    Winter 2012
  • Cause of death
    car accident
  • Spouse's Age
    45
๏ปฟ

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