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trying2breathe

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  • Date Widowed
    8/1/13
  • Cause of death
    Heart attack


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  1. trying2breathe

    Weddings as a Young Widow

    Wow, that's no friend. Seems to me that she's got some pretty big issues to sort out, sorry that you had to hear those insensitive comments.
  2. Thanks for the ideas, thinking I’m sticking with just the card. Gifted him a massage for his birthday in October and he still hasn’t cashed it in 😜 It gets to the point where it’s a gift just for the sake of giving a gift, I have a hard time with this so gonna pass on giving this year. I’m not expecting anything either - being together is enough. arneal Sounds like you’ve got a lot of energy going, hope your birthday lunch was fun. Not much leisure time here because of my Dad’s care, and I usually have to light a fire under my guy to get out. He’s got a bum knee these days so it’s been hard to get out and do much but oh well - this too shall pass. Hope you enjoy your Birthday! 🎉
  3. Thanks arneal - it's good to catch up here every once in awhile. Hope our other "treaders" are doing well too. The belated birthday gift to your NG sounds interesting ... glad that he liked it. My NG is very low-key and cautious too, he's had some great opportunities that he may have turned down that I encouraged him to pursue. I think I bring an openness and a what do you have to lose mentality that's been a different way of thinking for him. Part of that widowhood shift in trying to live life in a fuller way with no regrets? Posting about gifting and it makes me think about maybe finding something nice for NG. Yes it's a contrived holiday, and it's a switch from what I normally do but it would be nice to get him a little something. Any ideas on what to gift your boyfriend for Valentine's Day? Would appreciate a male perspective on this too 🙂
  4. Happy February - gosh this year is going fast isn't it? Things are going okay here - it's day to day with my Dad, he's frail and currently in a rehab facility. Life revolves around him right now and is taking up much of my time, but I'm grateful that he's still with us and hoping that he can recuperate enough to be content and comfortable. Good to hear your update, arneal - you do sound busy these days! I relate to letting the little things go and enjoying life in a different way. Maybe it's maturity and it's also relative to each of us, our coping skills and personal baggage. Certainly have those days when I stress the little stuff too, but for the most part realize what deserves attention and what I can let go. Glad that your NG is witnessing your growth and enjoying it too - maybe some of that will rub off on him too as you say. Any plans for Valentine's Day? I found a sweet card for NG today, will most likely just go with that and not a gift. I've always found it hard to gift my guy on Valentine's Day, I think it's such a contrived holiday that I usually ask that he do nothing big for me either.
  5. trying2breathe

    Thanks to my fellow wids

    So good to hear that you're moving forward, tybec. You openly shared and heard the thoughts of others, the support here can be so helpful.
  6. trying2breathe

    Only 28, what now?

    DKnotts I'm so sorry for your loss, how tragic to lose your loved one suddenly and unexpectedly and so very young. Please take care of yourself, drink water, eat if you can and keep breathing. And know that there are others here than can relate. A big gentle hug to you ~
  7. trying2breathe

    7 years today

    ^This I'm at 7 years this fall, and relate to what you are feeling. My kids were 14 and 16 when he died, our lives are so very different now. I wonder sometimes how he would feel if he was able to see all that our lives are now. And I'm passive now on things that used to be important, widowhood has put a perspective on things that makes me care less about certain things.
  8. Thank you, tybec My Dad is rallying, strong spirit and a will to live. "You just get through it". Yes ...
  9. Thanks, arneal. Dad continues to decline, I'm getting into a better mindset to deal with this as we bring in hospice. NG is trying and I'm glad for that. If I cry, he runs for the hills - so I'm trying not to cry.
  10. trying2breathe

    Is this grief, or something else?

    Going through similar thoughts too, as my daughter leaves to get back to college and my son recently moved out on his own. I miss my kids, yet I know that it's a good and correct thing for them to become independent. I sure would like to be sharing this bittersweet stage of my kids' lives with my late husband. I feel grief that my kids are leaving the nest, and I think the feelings are exaggerated by widowhood too.
  11. New Year is off to a rocky start. My 88 y/o Dad is in failing health, has been in the hospital this past week and it looks like any day that he will no longer be with us. It's messy and not peaceful, we're fighting hospital staff to try and keep Dad comfortable. NG is noticeably absent for everything that I'm going through - not there emotionally but mentioned that he's more than happy to come over and hang up the wind chime that he gifted me for Christmas. I'm trying to give him leeway on why he's not supportive. His father had a traumatic brain injury at age 50, mother died young of an illness, his family were all long term caregivers and I know that death of a parent is an emotional thing for him. That being said - I'm mad that he's not capable of supporting me right now. Even a "how are you doing?" would be nice right now. Deal breaker with him? Not sure ...
  12. trying2breathe

    Engaged

    Congrats and very best wishes to you!
  13. Going to the dentist together? I don't understand this! Maybe each is trying to out parent the other? I considered myself to be a devoted mother and could not possibly attend everything!
  14. CW Rant away, I get it. How long has NG been divorced? A constant ex on the scene? No. NG told me early on that it's an unraveling process to disengage from an ex. If this isn't starting to happen after some time (I don't know - a year post-divorce if not sooner?) I'd try and set some hard boundaries. It sounds like there are some unresolved divorce issues with his ex, if she is constantly interrupting. Maybe she's trying to sabotage his relationship with you, to be spiteful. Yes, divorced people should be handling some things on their own!! I asked NG several times when we first started dating whether he was getting into our relationship too fast, and he always said no. Almost three years together with him, and he would disagree, but I believe he did get into our relationship too soon after his divorce. It's messy. He would be dealing with his divorces and two exes chaos anyway and alone, and he is much happier coupled. Being with him means that I'm a participant in the family scenario - even if I'm on the sidelines. He is very willing to put up with added awkwardness of dating me and the drama of two divorces and his children. I guess I'm lucky (?) as his first ex lives far away, he speaks with her very rarely and just on issues about their kids. Second ex lives close - they continue to unravel their 10 year married life together, and live their lives separately. Our first Christmas together, at exes request NG hauled decorations out of her attic and helped to decorate her house, attended Xmas Eve with her family. I was shocked. Three years together and it's much better now. If it wasn't, I'd be long gone. I have my share of widow drama - in-laws that he will never meet, the family gatherings that he will not attend. Not easy, any of it. For me it's a balance of what I'm willing to put up with to stay with him. And he puts up with the widow drama that I carry, it's a choice for him too. arneal Interesting to get your perspective on what Dad has allowed - he lets them run the show. He doesn't set boundaries or speak up for himself and often takes the easy way out, avoiding conflict. But I think that NG's exes, so far, seem to be appropriately involved. His daughter's bio mom drove her 1,000+ miles to move, seems right that she spends a few days with her daughter to unpack and settle. Second ex (step-mom, didn't have kids of her own) partially raised her two step-daughters and considers them to be her own. There's some dysfunction - in a nutshell adults trying to over-compensate to these girls for two divorces and a lot of transition in their young lives. NG calls himself "Dad Light" - takes care of his kids financially but hasn't been there emotionally. So far exes are not interfering in our business, just involved in the issues with the kids. It will still be a tough time getting used to this new situation, and I don't want to be the cranky girlfriend making a fuss.
  15. Enjoying some down time, tidying the house and putting away Christmas decorations. My daughter will be here for another almost 2 weeks, happy for that. Blending families - yup. Maybe it would be easier (?) to have "ghost" exes? I'm on the fringe of watching NG help his youngest daughter move in with him, and have two exes in town - bio Mom to daughter and step-mom - to welcome his daughter and help her set up household in his home. His daughter has a lot of support - all good. NG is stressed and uptight, and not functioning well. It's hard to be around him right now, I feel like telling him that I'll call him in a few weeks once the dust settles. I don't expect a fairy tale all the time, but it's not easy to see this side of him - not emotionally available to deal with what's going on. Makes me wonder how it would be if there was some serious issues going on - illness, etc. He takes the escape route it seems when things get tough. Invited to my brother's for New Year's, I may go alone. sigh .....

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    8/1/13
  • Cause of death
    Heart attack


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