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  • Date Widowed
  • Cause of death
    Heart attack

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  1. trying2breathe

    14. Almost 15 year old boy. And the sex talk

    SB This is familiar - my kids are 20 and 22 and DD (20 y/o) - sadly - is sexually active. Although I don't like it, she is making her decision and I've tried to prepare her the best way I know how - with information, doctor visits, and a prescription for the pill. We talk about STDs, having kids and I mention how hard that is, and should she become pregnant how that would play out. Seems that youngsters these days are more into hook-ups than relationships - a hard reality. Please don't push the GF away - it will only make it you vs. them. As hard as it is, embrace the reality and prep them the best way you can. Would a call to her parents be appropriate?
  2. trying2breathe

    Widowed Jan 16, 2019.

    I'm so sorry on the loss of your beloved husband. You are making sense, grief is all consuming and it takes awhile to process and to try and slowly move forward in our life. I did not actively try to die, but in those early dark days I remember feeling that if it should happen that would be just fine. I remember thinking also that there was no reason to go on, although difficult to see right now there are plenty of reasons to go on. Please know that time softens this hardship, we are here and can relate to the feelings that you are having. Gentle hugs ....
  3. Anticipation of the anniversary days is the worst for me - the past few years the actual day has been better than the days leading up to it. Glad that you got some rest and that NG handles it well, tybec. It must be difficult for our SOs to know what to do during those tough times - NG usually wants to back away and give me space and that's usually the last thing that I want from him. How was the weekend away? Next step sounds good, and hope the planning leads to some real life changes for you both. Wasn't a vacation weekend for me as Monday was a regular work day for both of us. Work is busier than ever and I'm stressed - it's good to spend time most nights with NG to hash out our days, a soft place to land in a hectic world right now. No talk of the future and I'm okay with this. I feel secure in our relationship and will let things play out as they may.
  4. Thanks for bumping, Bunny. This was a really tough time for me too, as somebody else previously posted it's when you begin to realize how long forever really is. Those that surrounded us and helped out in the early days were no longer there, it was the time to figure out how to move forward and begin to function again.
  5. Julester Your NYE does sound much different than what you're accustomed to. And that would be sad, to have expectations and have a letdown. Holidays can be filled with emotions, can't they? We're used to our traditions, and what may seem unimportant to somebody might mean a lot to somebody else. Some of our family traditions took a back seat this Christmas, for whatever reason - and I was a bit sad about it too. tybec Sorry to hear that the holidays with NG were derailed. "I moved to make NYE plans with a friend and her family out of town. I needed to be with folks that knew me and my LH and son and loved us." This makes me incredibly sad - of course there are those that love and appreciate you, NG should be one that naturally does this too. This IS a big deal, and you're moving forward with what is right - calling him out on his inattention to you and your needs. It's not surprising that you got sick - a lot of stress and emotions to deal with there. There are plenty of us that balance work, children, aging parents and other issues, along with working together on a happy and successful relationship. I truly hope that he steps up and makes the effort to once and for all show his dedication to you. arneal Hmmm - comfy sounds like a good thing, wonder what's brewing? Do you think the New Year will bring a deeper commitment from him? It's interesting that I don't have a desire to live with NG yet - perfectly content to keep things as they are. And at almost 2 years together. I'm not sure if this will change. NG mentioned that maybe it's HIM that I don't want to live with, but maybe I'd be willing to co-habitate with somebody else. I don't know - and if he desires more of a commitment from me, than I'm not giving him what he wants. This year continues to unfold .....
  6. trying2breathe

    Starting a new Hobby to eat up time

    I took up ballroom dancing, spent a lot of time in dance class and went to competitions. When dancing, it was impossible to focus on anything else but that and it was very therapeutic for me. I had been an avid reader but it took a few years for that to come back - my focus just wasn't there for anything other than something that was physically demanding.
  7. Hello and Happy New Year! It's been quiet here, maybe a good thing? How are you, tybec? After Christmas had a few days away with my in-laws to de-stress from the holidays. Have to laugh as I type this as my in-laws are anything but carefree, but it was a good getaway and a break from the stress that I was feeling with NG and his daughters. This holiday went well, and thankfully I have no big complaints. Time spent with NG and his daughters went relatively smoothly and they are warming to the idea that their father has a new girlfriend. New Year's Eve was low-key, prepared a nice dinner at home and we were asleep shortly after midnight. I'm happily tucking away Christmas decorations and getting back to the routine. Kids leave to go back to school this weekend, it's been a good few weeks with them but they're ready to get back and I'm ready to let them go. NG and I continue to get closer and I'm happy to continue to the relationship as it is - we'll see what 2019 brings. Did anybody make resolutions? This might be the first year that I haven't made some mental note of self improvement. If anything, it would be to work less and try to relax more. Wishing you all a happy, peaceful and healthy 2019.
  8. trying2breathe

    We are on this board because.......

    To learn how to navigate this journey called widowhood, in those early dark days to know that you're never alone. To have a safe place to share, ask and know that there are others that know this journey too. And as the years go by to continue to have that safe place to come back to, whatever we're feeling. I'm forever grateful for this site, it's been a lifesaver for me.
  9. Glad that things are getting a bit easier this time of year, tybec. The family gathering sounds wonderful. A big gentle hug to you on your upcoming anniversary. Although this Christmas felt disjointed, we got through it all just fine. NG made the effort to spend time together with us, and have his adult daughters here some of the time too. The tension is easing with them, they both seem more receptive to their father having a GF in his life. Our family traditions took a backseat as we had several different gatherings and gift exchanges - oh well. My daughter mentioned that it felt different, kind of like a divorce situation, but that she was okay with it all. It's been a good but stressful few days. I'm tired, and happy to take the kids tomorrow for a visit with my in-laws for a few days. Lol - just putting that into words makes me laugh, never thought I'd say something like that.
  10. trying2breathe

    Widows at Christmas dinner

    There's an elderly man in my neighborhood that I occasionally run into while walking my dog. He mentioned recently that he was widowed and I responded that I was widowed too. No reaction at all - the conversation just continued. I also wanted to say - "hey wait - I lost my husband young, it was sudden and unexpected and I was left to raise 2 kids on my own!!" I get compassion from younger non-widowed people - thought that there would be some kind of recognition and compassion from older folks too. Strange indeed -
  11. trying2breathe

    Holiday question

    Oh Needy, sorry to hear that your eldest didn't join you. Sometimes there are issues going on that have nothing to do with us but it hurts nonetheless. LF I relate to adult children not being receptive to their parent's new relationship. It's been a very slow process for NG's two adult daughters to accept me - 2 years together and this Xmas things are slowly changing for the better. I hope with time her kids will come around too. At first I took it personally, and then realized that it had little to do with me.
  12. trying2breathe

    Anyone Else Not Sure About Taking the "Next Step"?

    Thanks, serpico - don't mind being picked on if taking a part of the responsibility can bring clarity for others in their situations. I am part of the mess, maybe others could be too. And yes, it feels really good to vent about it all 😀
  13. trying2breathe

    Anyone Else Not Sure About Taking the "Next Step"?

    Good points here, all of them. sudnly - what an abusive partner, I'd run fast from that too. Sorry that he didn't show his full colors until you were well committed to him. tybec I'm sorry that you also deal with the exclusion - it's not what I usually deal with and to go through this at Christmas with him once again is extremely frustrating. For you to deal with this a lot of the time is so unfair. For me, it will be a decision on whether to move forward like this or not. I realize that I contribute to this by refusing to have him meet my in-laws - Christmas Eve dinner they are here so he is not invited. He will have a dinner with his ex, daughters, and other family - I'm not invited. The next few days will be telling. I called him out on being excluded, he listened and then made plans for us all to spend some time together with all of our kids. It felt awkward to make demands, and I told him that I realized that I didn't have much of a say as GF. He's trying to set boundaries, something new for him. I hope to not judge his daughters' behavior, instead just see how he is with all of this. Christmas time brings on a level of stress that we don't deal with the rest of the year. He's trying. He does enhance my life, just not during the holidays. I add to this mess too. I feel like we're two people that are trying, but the dynamics are complicated.
  14. trying2breathe

    Anyone Else Not Sure About Taking the "Next Step"?

    Yup ^^^ I'm wondering on a future with him, when it's super complicated with everybody involved. In frustration, I suggested to NG that we take a break in December and meet up again in January - he didn't want to to do this. When his young adult daughters arrive - they're here just once a year at Christmas time - everything changes. I take a backseat to his children's and ex's schedule, am not included in the celebrations that he has with them. He manages the best way that he can, and I feel the stress of him trying to accommodate everybody. I realize as his GF that I have no say in any of this - but I do have a say on whether to continue with him in this way. sigh .....
  15. trying2breathe

    Anyone Else Not Sure About Taking the "Next Step"?

    Great discussion here. Bad behavior from an SO's child would be hard to take when you feel that the behavior should be managed differently. CW - it would be a stressful and unfair situation to be placed into and to try to deal with this. To echo others, it's a very good idea to take things slowly. Kids grow and mature, thankfully, That being said I've been careful and stand-offish with NG's adult daughters, perceive rude behavior from them that I feel should be handled differently by him. I haven't offered my 2 cents to him, instead react to his daughters with whatever is happening at the time. It's apparent that we will never be a Brady Bunch type of a family, as much as I'd like think that this could exist for us. So I feel very good about keeping separate households and a having a committed life with him without living together. Maybe some day - maybe not - we will re-visit this, but at this point I'm content having my own space and keeping financial and family issues separate. It's the only way that it will work for us right now. Can we maintain our relationship in this way indefinitely? Hmmm .....

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
  • Cause of death
    Heart attack

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