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  • Date Widowed
  • Cause of death
    Heart attack

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  1. I'm with you, sugarbell - when things get complicated I like to go home and play with my toys by myself. I don't want the aggravation or stress of trying to blend. I'm lucky to feel that I am in a full time committed relationship with him, we see each pretty much every day as he lives close. NG would marry me next week too - I tell him that this won't happen so he wants to move in together. Hmmm - we'll see. I'm happy with the way things are right now.
  2. trying2breathe

    My son had a friend commit suicide yesterday

    How tragic - so very sorry to hear this. Sadly suicide with young people is far too common these days. Hope that your son is okay ...
  3. trying2breathe

    I'm engaged!

    Congratulations, all the best to you! You deserve to be happy .....
  4. tybec Meh is right - so sorry that the summer with NG isn't aligning so that you can be together. Summers with kids and the routine changes so much. It seems though that you and NG are both digging your heels in and not willing to compromise to be together. Almost like sabotaging the relationship, now that summer is here. If you really want time together with him, can you work together to make it happen? Kids can stay for a weekend with a friend, and you (or your son?) can miss a band practice or two. What's NG doing on the weekends when he doesn't have his kids? It's easy for me to type out a solution, and of course I don't know the details of what you're dealing with. But it seems that you and NG are two head strong people unwilling to give an inch, in order to be together. I've been there for almost all of my kids' activities, concerts, games, awards, etc. But I've missed a few, when I had something else important going on. For me, it's important that my kids know that I'm there for them, to support their activities and achievements. But I also want them to know that I prioritize myself or my relationship sometimes too.
  5. trying2breathe

    It was his birthday yesterday....

    It is good to hear that the day was okay for you. Yesterday would have been our 26th wedding anniversary, I didn't know what to expect but the day was a peaceful one. I remember reading five years ago how time softens grief and wondered if I'd ever get here, grateful to know that it's possible on these dates to not have a heavy heart.
  6. Thanks, hadn't really considered that he might have sleep apnea - worth a conversation for sure. He conks out so quickly - and then I'm left to try to drift off while he makes noise. Wish I was a deep sleeper, never have been.
  7. Happy Friday - looking forward to a busy weekend, Mother's Day celebration on Sunday with my in-laws here too, a good thing. arneal Yay on the sister saying hi - kind of makes your heart skip a beat doesn't it? Like now you know you are recognized and belong! 😁 So - question for those of us that share our beds with a partner that snores 😕 Lately NG and I have not had overnights as his snoring is bothering me ALOT. I have some early mornings and really appreciate - need - a good night's sleep. I told him last week that if we ever lived together we would have separate bedrooms. He has tried a few snore devices - a nose thing and some kind of mouth guard - and it hasn't made much of a difference. Does anybody have a snore remedy that works well?
  8. trying2breathe

    TED talk on moving forward versus moving on

    So love this podcast, describes perfectly how I feel about moving on vs. moving forward. I might share this with NG, he struggles sometimes trying to compete with LH. Yes, it must be so strange sometimes, to love a widow.
  9. trying2breathe

    Obligations of being a steady/unmarried partner

    Attending the birth? Yeah, a little weird ..... I agree with Toosoon - give support but don't go. Even if you were married or living together, I still don't think I'd go!
  10. trying2breathe

    I'm suffocating

    Oh Bubu - you're a few years in and although I'm no expert it seems that the anxiety and sadness is extreme. Please consider seeing a professional about how you're feeling. I had very dark days for the first months after my DH died, and heavy grief for a couple of years. But the extreme sadness softened over time. It's scary to hear you post that you're in the deepest black hole and scared. Wish I lived closer. Please please call a therapist, let somebody know how you're feeling. Keep us posted - we care.
  11. Happy May! arneal I relate, time does go faster and has greater meaning. I have less, almost no tolerance for drama, and try to focus on what I consider to be priorities. I also need some sense of control, because after DH died I was in a free fall for a long time. I think that the boundaries set with NG gives me some kind of feeling of control, although it's funny to think that there's a way to have control over anything at all. What we do to move forward and be resilient as wids - continues to amaze me.
  12. Thanks, it felt good to give support to him and to the family. NG is struggling to figure out this blending thing too - he misses being a part of this family, and I think he sat next to his ex because it may have seemed awkward to sit somewhere else. We were standing there looking at her, and he took a seat. I give kudos to both of them for keeping it cordial, and staying civil for the sake of the kids. He says that there's nothing there for her, and hasn't been for a long time. I'm pretty sure she didn't expect that I would be there, but there was no reaction that I could sense or awkwardness otherwise. I agree that it's hard to not be in each other's stuff, in a committed relationship. But I want to have the chance to back off and say no, go back to my place and decide to not be there for some of it. And still try to be supportive and keep the relationship going. That would have been awkward, CW. As you say, some groups just shouldn't mix, at least for vacation.
  13. So I did attend the funeral, I was by his side for support and there was little drama. BIL said said that it was good to see us there. As NG and I walked into the sanctuary for the service, NG chose to sit next to his ex, who happened to be sitting by herself. I stuck out my hand and introduced myself and then sat down, NG between us. Weird that he chose to sit there, but oh well. Otherwise I may not have had the chance to meet her. And no, I didn't get up to speak or sing LOL! It was kind of a non-issue, to meet the ex. The family is welcoming and accepting, and there were so many other family issues going on there that my presence wasn't a thing at all. tybec Hmm, well there's a power play there with her attorney and the ex trying to make you feel uncomfortable. It's not your job to introduce yourself, and this should have no bearing on a custody issue. For a parent to have a paramour, a significant other, girlfriend or future wife is perfectly normal. And as long as you prove to continue to be healthy for the relationship and for the sake of the children, all good. They took advantage of catching you at an unexpected time, low blow. Yes, it's her job to find out who is in her children's lives and that's on her. You now know how she plays and can continue on with this knowledge. Ughhh - blending. I don't live with NG and we may not ever get married and I thought that could keep me out of the drama of his stuff. I supported him by attending a funeral, and because of that met his ex - something that I thought I would never have to do. Like sugarbell, I want to detach - want to say no about getting into NG's stuff when he says that he needs me. It's like I attended the circus and watched, but I didn't participate. I love him but there's a limit on what I want to get into.
  14. arneal I agree that a relationship can be the meringue - although I'm not much into meringue, I tell NG that he's the frosting on my cake 😉 Looks like I may be meeting NG's ex for the first time this weekend, I'm kind of nervous about it and not sure if this is the time and place to meet her. NG's 39 y/o former nephew, from his ex - very sadly died 2 weeks ago from a drug overdose. NG has been kept in the loop on funeral arrangements as he gave support to his nephew, and considers his former BIL (nephews father) to be a good friend. It's been a sad few weeks, the funeral is this weekend. He will attend and wants me to be at his side. I know the BIL and his wife, and have had several occasions to hang out with them. But I don't know if it's appropriate for me to be there, don't want to create drama when there shouldn't be. NG things his ex will be okay with me being there, but I don't know. This is not about me, or about NG. Should I go to pay my respects, hoping that it's okay? Any thoughts on this?
  15. trying2breathe

    Getting Rid of His/Her Clothes

    Agree that this entirely needs to be on your own timeline. I didn't want regrets on letting his things go too soon, and looking back it was good to take plenty of time to make decisions. At 5 1/2 years out, I still have a few sweatshirts of his that I like to wear, and my kids have a few shirts of his too. Although I happily got rid of his work suits right away, and didn't regret it. If you have the space, I'd suggest giving more time to purging.

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
  • Cause of death
    Heart attack

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