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trying2breathe

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  • Date Widowed
    8/1/13
  • Cause of death
    Heart attack


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  1. trying2breathe

    A Return To Car Crying

    Hope you continue to stay well, Bunny. And a wish for a good response to treatment for your BF. Strange new world that we're in now, grateful also for the ability to stay connected through technology.
  2. sudnly Sorry to hear of your struggles - it's a hard time to be going through family strife while all of this virus craziness is going on. Upsetting that your daughter isn't being supportive of you right now. Hope that you are safe, get those meds soon and have strength to continue toughing it out. Kids - I don't think that there's any guarantee that they will provide support or comfort to us. I tried my best in providing love and support for my two young adult kids, and now try to deal with them more like adults as they become independent. Not easy. The hardest part of parenting for me was learning when to pull back and let my kids figure things out on their own. When to watch them fail, fall and get back up again - especially when I thought that a failure was about to happen. It's been interesting to see my kids reacting to this new world. This topic is probably better suited for the Wids with Children thread - maybe I'll post there. Work has slowed a lot - not easy to work from home. I try to self isolate as much as possible, but get out to visit my 84 y/o Mom to deliver food, etc. She's struggling, her life has shut down, she's very social and struggling to no longer have those connections. Dad is in lockdown at a nursing home - I'm sad to not be able to visit but it's where he needs to be right now. NG - sigh ... took some time off from seeing him, talked with him about his behavior at the BBQ - he was aware and upset that he was in that condition and apologized to me, and later to my daughter and Mom. Said that he was stressed at the world craziness, drank before going to my brother's house, continued drinking there. Funny that when he apologized to my daughter and Mom, they both told him that it was fine - no problem. So I'm questioning whether I'm too hard on him, expectations of him too high - whether my family avoids conflict and doesn't really want to go there, something else? He's direct, won't hesitate to address an issue, my Mom and daughter not so much. So we're talking, taking it day to day. I miss him, not sure what the future holds. Hate that I sometimes feel like a parent when I'm with him, not my job. Could use a therapy session, but I think I'll wait to see somebody in person. Hope that everybody stays healthy!
  3. trying2breathe

    Widow since January

    strongdeb So sorry to see you here, losing a spouse is life changing. There are many here that can relate. The predecessor of this site was a source or great comfort to me in the early days, I hope that this site can offer the same for you.
  4. Thank you, arneal. You provide words of comfort and wisdom. It would be great if he spoke up first, but I'm not expecting this. He knows something is off and he may not know why. At the least I owe him an explanation of how I feel. I don't know why NG would have been uncomfortable - he's been with my family many times over the past few years. I realize that this is my perspective of his experience. It was embarrassing - he was visibly and very significantly impaired in front of my family and friends. And if he's not aware of his level of impairment, well that's a whole 'nother level that I don't know if I can deal with. I remember your post about BF mentioning how he appreciated somebody cooking for him and didn't want to screw it up. My DH did the same with my cooking, he would not return for seconds and would be polite in putting the dishes away. I would realize that maybe it was a dish that he didn't like and he would reluctantly talk about it. Maybe it's kinder in a man's mind to not be forward about these kinds of things? I don't know - NG has been fully accepted by my family, I thought he knew this. To deal with his emotions by getting drunk-high-whatever - in front of family - is not acceptable.
  5. arneal I'm doing okay, good to hear that you are doing well. I'm glad that life for you goes on with little disruption. I'm encouraging my 84 y/o mother to slow down and think before she heads out on her usual errands. She's so stubborn and tells me that she can't stop her life. We're early on in the process, have to wonder what this will be like in 4 weeks and beyond. Yup - shelter in place. Gives me a chance to clear out my space. With DD home from college, she sorted her upstairs bedroom closet and will work on the rest of her bedroom drawers this week. My Dad's house will be sold soon, and we'll use it to sell some household items there too. Gives me a bit of an uplift to know that some downtime means that progress can be made to sort, organize and purge some excess stuff. I'm a few days in not contacting NG, trying to figure out whether to move forward with him. On Sunday my brother had a gathering - my mom, daughter, NG and his daughter and a few neighbors for a BBQ. NG's daughter was super quiet and left early, strange. NG words and actions that afternoon were so different than the man that I know, and very offensive to me. My mom and daughter both mentioned later that he was slurring his words, and my daughter said that she thought that maybe he was high. Haven't talked to him about what was going on yet, I'm so po'd about his "impairment". Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions about his use of pills or weed but going to a family gathering under the influence - WTF!! This might be IT with him. I don't know if I should give him a chance to explain. My boundaries have shifted the past few years but I'm not willing to put up with this kind of s***, regardless of the explanation. Sigh..... I'm sad and trying to process a lot right now. Hope everybody is staying healthy and active as much as possible. Strange new world that we're in now.
  6. trying2breathe

    So new and now this!!

    So very sorry to hear, it's terrible timing and difficult enough in those early days to navigate the widow journey. In my early dark days, I had the distraction of work but also embraced - needed - my alone time. I used it to journal and make an evening grieving ritual that I kept for awhile. Even though we all are encouraged to social distance, just know that you are not alone. Big hugs to you -
  7. Good to get updates, it's been so quiet here lately. NG and I continue to bumble along, some progress on co-habitating but no solid plan and that's fine with me. I continue to question whether we should be together, he's a good man but there are some issues lately that have me worried about our future together. With the recommendation of social distancing may take some time to be apart for a little while and figure things out. Jules, the retirement village sounds like a great idea! I also can imagine a future without a partner. ^^ Yes!
  8. trying2breathe

    Weddings as a Young Widow

    Wish I had the filter to not say something, a lot of times I do. I understand those that complain that don't know my history. But for those "friends" that do know - really??!! Is it too much to expect people to think before they speak?
  9. trying2breathe

    A Return To Car Crying

    Oh Bunny, I'm so very sorry to hear this news. It's not fair that you have to deal with this once again, with a life partner. Edited to add: I hope that your boyfriend is on the good side of 50%, with a healthy life ahead of him.
  10. trying2breathe

    Weddings as a Young Widow

    Wow, that's no friend. Seems to me that she's got some pretty big issues to sort out, sorry that you had to hear those insensitive comments.
  11. Thanks for the ideas, thinking I’m sticking with just the card. Gifted him a massage for his birthday in October and he still hasn’t cashed it in 😜 It gets to the point where it’s a gift just for the sake of giving a gift, I have a hard time with this so gonna pass on giving this year. I’m not expecting anything either - being together is enough. arneal Sounds like you’ve got a lot of energy going, hope your birthday lunch was fun. Not much leisure time here because of my Dad’s care, and I usually have to light a fire under my guy to get out. He’s got a bum knee these days so it’s been hard to get out and do much but oh well - this too shall pass. Hope you enjoy your Birthday! 🎉
  12. Thanks arneal - it's good to catch up here every once in awhile. Hope our other "treaders" are doing well too. The belated birthday gift to your NG sounds interesting ... glad that he liked it. My NG is very low-key and cautious too, he's had some great opportunities that he may have turned down that I encouraged him to pursue. I think I bring an openness and a what do you have to lose mentality that's been a different way of thinking for him. Part of that widowhood shift in trying to live life in a fuller way with no regrets? Posting about gifting and it makes me think about maybe finding something nice for NG. Yes it's a contrived holiday, and it's a switch from what I normally do but it would be nice to get him a little something. Any ideas on what to gift your boyfriend for Valentine's Day? Would appreciate a male perspective on this too 🙂
  13. Happy February - gosh this year is going fast isn't it? Things are going okay here - it's day to day with my Dad, he's frail and currently in a rehab facility. Life revolves around him right now and is taking up much of my time, but I'm grateful that he's still with us and hoping that he can recuperate enough to be content and comfortable. Good to hear your update, arneal - you do sound busy these days! I relate to letting the little things go and enjoying life in a different way. Maybe it's maturity and it's also relative to each of us, our coping skills and personal baggage. Certainly have those days when I stress the little stuff too, but for the most part realize what deserves attention and what I can let go. Glad that your NG is witnessing your growth and enjoying it too - maybe some of that will rub off on him too as you say. Any plans for Valentine's Day? I found a sweet card for NG today, will most likely just go with that and not a gift. I've always found it hard to gift my guy on Valentine's Day, I think it's such a contrived holiday that I usually ask that he do nothing big for me either.
  14. trying2breathe

    Thanks to my fellow wids

    So good to hear that you're moving forward, tybec. You openly shared and heard the thoughts of others, the support here can be so helpful.
  15. trying2breathe

    Only 28, what now?

    DKnotts I'm so sorry for your loss, how tragic to lose your loved one suddenly and unexpectedly and so very young. Please take care of yourself, drink water, eat if you can and keep breathing. And know that there are others here than can relate. A big gentle hug to you ~

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    8/1/13
  • Cause of death
    Heart attack


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