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Everything posted by trying2breathe

  1. It has been quiet here. I'm still bumbling along with work, family and NG. My mother and I celebrated Easter with church service in the morning, and NG joined us for brunch later. Spring has been a little bit of a strange transition, my son started work in a city far away and although I'm happy for him it was sad to see him go. My daughter will be home from college soon for summer break, she's fretting about choosing a major and nothing is resonating with her about making a decision on this. I think that all of us have a God given purpose. Something that makes us unique, something that we're good at and that we're happy doing. What is this for you, tybec? My method lately of dealing with a purpose is to fill my days with work and volunteering. It fills me up to give to others, and I sometimes give until it hurts. I'm also project driven, make lists and check things off. If I still need more motivation, the list gets longer and more complicated and I get more obsessive about checking things off. This works some of the time to make me feel better, but I don't think that any of this is really healthy. The days are filled with busy work to stay distracted and occupied. Lately I've had some pajama days - haven't had one for awhile and it surprised me that 5+ years out and lately I had a few days when not much got done other than taking care of the dog's basic needs. I don't know whether it's the transition of spring, kids becoming more independent, aging parents, maybe a combination of all of this. NG and I are doing well, I'm happy being with him but he doesn't give me purpose. I don't know, maybe purpose comes from within us. This too will pass, as you say, tybec. It always does.
  2. trying2breathe

    There are worse things than death

    What a horrific loss, so very sorry to hear this.
  3. trying2breathe

    Proud Mom

    Tomorrow my son leaves for his first post-college job. He will drive cross country 2,000+ miles to get there, is happy and excited to move on and start this new position. Another bittersweet milestone, I'm so proud of him graduating a semester early and living his dream of taking on a position in his field. I'm smiling yet crying, and don't want to show that I'm happy but sad at the same time. His Dad isn't here, and I'm angry. He should be here to see what his son is becoming, we should be celebrating our son's achievements together. Damn ...
  4. trying2breathe

    First vacation without my husband

    We took a trip about 2 months after he passed away, my kids were 14 and 16 at the time. As tough as it was, it made us realize that we were moving forward and having new experiences even though he wasn't with us. The trip also made me know that I was capable of doing it on my on, caring for my kids and although sad I was managing just fine. I also couldn't believe that we were in this position, and at 5 years out still think this sometimes. The grief does soften with time. I hope that you can find some peaceful moments and enjoy the break. Hugs~
  5. trying2breathe

    Proud Mom

    It does suck, I'm a mess. I held it together in front of my son but have been crying the past few days otherwise. It helped that he's been super cranky, it's easier to let go when he's so unpleasant to be around. Maybe he does this on purpose, he knows how emotional I can be. My kids are resilient, and they're making their way successfully and I'm so grateful for this. His graduation is next month, sigh - those bittersweet milestones keep coming and it's not easy.
  6. trying2breathe

    No will

    Melissa, this is so very hard. I remember piles of paperwork to take care of and it felt like walking through wet concrete to try and get anything done. Some days I just shuffled the stack of papers around and that was it. Getting the death certificate is like a punch to the gut, it was very emotional for me. Be easy on yourself, do just what is needed and if you are offered help with any of this, take it. There are many here that understand this process, none of it is easy. A big gentle ((hug)) to you
  7. Yup, I'm getting off the subject of what this thread is about. Sorry about that
  8. I so get this ^^ I adore NG, but have no interest in getting married, and I may or may not want to live with him. My kids are older and becoming independent, his kids are well launched. This doesn't change my opinion on how I feel about marriage though. It's easy for each of us to take our toys and go home, and avoid the complication of a blended household and family. Right now life is good, why complicate things?
  9. trying2breathe

    It's been 10 days

    Melissa I'm so very sorry for your loss, and to find you here. This has been a place of comfort and support for me, and I hope that you find the same here. My husband died suddenly over 5 years ago, my children were 14 and 16 at that time. Take a day at a time, do just what is essential and take whatever help is offered. I wish for some peaceful days ahead for you. Big gentle hugs ~
  10. RAM This is great news - best wishes for continuing happiness!
  11. I appreciate the responses - I'm out of sorts, and letting the feelings settle. Yeah - it's a marathon, I'll keep going and see how this plays out. We communicate well, but I don't want to be completely honest with him on my hesitation. I'm grateful that he's in my life, it still amazes me that I'm now in a committed relationship when I think of how it was a couple of years ago. Happy Weekend All ~
  12. Thanks for the 2 cents, arneal, don't mind it at all. Family is important and I probably give too much attention to their opinions. None will live with us or pay the bills, appreciate that it's good to remember that it would be just us. I'm not used to not having approval, it hurts that together we're not accepted and welcomed by some. There's a divide right now, and it bothers me. It's messy and uncomfortable and I want it all to go away. In my past simpler life, I continued in a relationship because nothing was telling me to not continue. With NG, there are reasons that tell me to quit, and I don't know the difference between what is important and what is not. What tells you to stay with somebody? What obstacles are you willing to overcome to stay together? Does it mean that I don't love him enough to not want to deal with conflict? Need to soul search on what will make me happy, or at least content. Happy 24th Birthday to your son, arneal!
  13. Slow here, it's good to read the latest activity. MrsDan Sorry that you had this response. Knowing how he feels, you have a choice to either move forward in the relationship knowing that you won't be married to him, or break things off and find somebody else. It's a harsh reality, but I'd prefer to know early on where I stand with somebody. I told NG awhile ago that I'd most likely not marry again - and we still are together as he seems to be okay with this. Whether it will become an issue between us later on - I don't know. This past weekend NG and I looked at houses for sale, anticipating that we might at some point (?) move in together. He's pushing it, and I'm not - there are still kinks to work out and kids to get on their independent way before I want to live with him. He says that the idea of moving in together makes him happy, and preparing for this down the road is enough right now. I'm pretty sure that I don't want to marry him, and am trying to reconcile this with the idea of living together. I have nothing morally against cohabitating, just a nagging thought that maybe I would marry again should the circumstances be right, and whether or not he's the one that I want to be with long term. It's the messiness of being together that makes me doubt us - his reluctant daughter that doesn't like us together, some of his crazy and needy siblings, my Dad that doesn't approve, the in-laws that I won't introduce him to. I like simple and there's nothing simple about any of this. It would be much easier to be by myself. I know that I've always been one to doubt my relationships. I had doubts about LH before marrying him, and we ultimately were happy together but it took a long time to get to the point of marriage with him. It doesn't seem fair to keep going with NG if he wants to marry and I don't. Sigh ..... It's good to hear of relationships going well, and helpful for me to hear that it's work to get through the messiness.
  14. trying2breathe

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Love2fish I'm so sorry for your loss.
  15. trying2breathe

    Momento Mori / Momento Viveri

    I so love this, lead feather. Thank you for sharing.
  16. trying2breathe

    Sobbed on new girl

    Congrats, Gracelet - all the best to you!
  17. trying2breathe

    Teen daughter struggling

    I had my share of teen daughter turmoil, much of your post rings true for me. My 16 y/o daughter and I went through therapy, and she had a brief stint in an outpatient drug program. It was 4 months of hell and then poof - suddenly she decided to move out of her dark phase and become a pleasant family member again. Not much advice to give, other than to share that it's my experience with family and friends that it's not uncommon for teen girls to go through a dark phase. Certainly the adoption part of it adds another element to this. My daughter was offered therapy options and medications, she was on her own timeline and ultimately it was her choice to make an attempt to get better. I hope that your daughter finds her balance, and wish you a very brief time in this dark place. Hang in there.
  18. trying2breathe

    Hoarding?

    Interesting post, tybec. I'm a relatively tidy person and have watched this show, it is sad that a loss can sometimes trigger this. I don't hoard at home but I have stored for over four years all of the furnishings from my last home with DH as it's painful to think of purging these items. Out of sight out of mind, I'm hope to gather the energy and courage to sort and start the purge process. I don't consider myself a hoarder but in reality I guess this is hoarding ...
  19. trying2breathe

    I'm an orphan

    So sorry for your loss, Virgo.
  20. Beautiful post, LF - thank you for sharing. I feel much the same about honoring their memory by living our best life, and the gift of richer love and a deeper joy for life. Congratulations on the new home, and Happy Birthday to Christine.
  21. trying2breathe

    Change

    Oh gosh, TS - tears as I think of Araia's emotions as he processes this move, and where he fits in with all of it. Transition is hard, and I can only imagine how he feels about this move. I hope that ultimately he will know that despite changes there can be a solid foundation that he can trust and feel good about. Thanks for sharing.
  22. trying2breathe

    Anyone Else Not Sure About Taking the "Next Step"?

    CW ^^Yay!! Wish there was a love button!
  23. trying2breathe

    Last name change

    I would like to change my last name, and have used my maiden name occasionally in social situations for the past few years. It feels a little bit like a betrayal to DH, it's just that I never did like my married name. Story for another time, but this name implies something that I'm not. My children share this name, and I'll keep it now for that reason. Should I marry again - unlikely I think - I'll reconsider.
  24. trying2breathe

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    A very Happy 50th to you, arneal! Hope that you celebrate this milestone birthday in style!
  25. I don't know, tybec - I think that you can be in a committed relationship with plans to move forward towards marriage, without rushing a ring. Why not let things settle and get to a point of not having doubts about this relationship, and then move forward on this? From all that you've shared here, I'm not sure that you're at this point yet? That being said, there are many successful relationships that thrive with the emotions that you've posted about here. Will you be happy committed and married to him, with these continuing issues? There seems to be a turmoil about this relationship, perhaps this is your norm? These words might seem tough, it's hard to hear about the underlying mistrust and doubt from you and plans to move toward marriage with him. I truly hope that this can be worked out and resolved. It's very easy to assess a relationship from a computer screen. We read your perspective on the relationship, and not his. There is obviously a great connection with him, a reason to stay in it and work together on making a successful relationship.
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