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  • Date Widowed
    April 11 2013
  • Cause of death
    heart attack

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  1. klim

    The Lack of Sympathy

    Vent away......it always feels better. Did I mention I got home from work today, exhausted .......and my son announced" bad news mom, the ceiling was dripping after the rain this morning.".....so the roof is leaking, great...I'll join Eddiehp and just hire someone with my millions of dollars....might as well hire a chaufuer to take over my mom taxi duties while I'm at it. ok feeling better , see venting works😉
  2. klim

    Feeling lost

    I fall very much into a similar category. My Boys were 15 and 17 and now are 20 and 22.I took them the rest of the way through to "adulthood" by myself. They haven't really mastered the independant thing, but we're trying so the nest is not truly empty but getting there. I too have done what Port side mentioned and that is to re-engineer my life. I still struggle with balance between old and new but I'm trying. The one thing I was careful of was to make sure that my sons knew I wasn't relying on them for companionship, that they needed to soar on their own and not worry about mom. I've seen some ( particularily one) divorced friend that I think relied too heavily on her daughter and to me it was unhealthy. I want my sons to know I'm there for them but that I'm looking after my own needs as well...and my own needs involve socializing outside of family outings and work functions. I initially relied on Meetups but from there I now have a core group of friends and also a boyfriend. The future is not clear yet but my fear of growing old alone has faded.
  3. well life is tricky eh.....I don't know exactly where it's heading. I mentioned before that I'm sort of living in two homes. It's kinda interesting the way it's working out.( mind you we're only 2 weeks in. I'm at my place Sunday night through till Friday when I head to my weekend house right after work,plus Bf and I get together for a date night some time during the week. BF tried to make it twice during the week but I told him I need some space. It's true , when he gives me a bit of "me time" I can appreciate our together times better. If we're constantly together I feel I'm neglecting my kids and my house and then I feel anxious. I've been trying to analyse what the draw is to NG and make sure that it's the right stuff to make a life long relationship. Arneal maybe those books have some advice on that.... I can have a very good time with NG, he is spontaneous and has a go for it, positive attitude. I was actually telling him today that part of his personality is similar to DH...although they are definitely different people. With NG as with DH this attitude leads to a lot of adventure. Obviously I'm drawn to that. What I worry about is that NG is definitely ADHD and has some quirks and that all takes energy to handle....in a way I'm worried if I'm with him full time I'll burn out...if that makes sense......that the quirks won't be amusing but irritating and the constant need to go will be exhausting....or the need for me to reign him in and set the pace( which is what I do now) will wear me down........oh the things we end up thinking about. Maybe I'll just go back to not thinking and going with the flow. Oh and on the topic of sharing with friends to get their opinion, I shared my thought about the ADHD and quirks with a friend and she reminded me that I'm fairly high energy and not exactly normal.......Thanks alot!!! Actually she's a good friend and she probably was being honest...it's always good to know how others view you.🤩
  4. klim

    5 years

    Hugs...weird life we live eh?!?
  5. my first" couch " in our apartment livingroom was lawnchairs with a blanket thrown over it😄
  6. This week Ng has been in my house basically full time as he had to move out of his house and the house he's moving into is not available for another 2 weeks. The trick is both my sons are home from Uni at the moment too. It works but it's not relaxed. My boys stay in their room more and don't converse with me as much, Ng sits on the couch alot as I go about everyday things...it's not like I need help with dishes or what ever, but it just seems odd. That's all I have to say. It's just an ODD situation. ....and I'm looking forward to him moving to his place,so we can relax in a neutral zone.
  7. klim


    I'm trying the pick a direction and see how it goes and it is scary.... I don't know what I want,I'm not good at self analysing.....but when I go with the flow, I notice I get gut reactions to certain situations and use those as my guide. So I can't think ahead and plan my route but as I'm floating down the stream of life, I notice every once in a while I stick my hand n the water and paddle towards or away from something. I have a NG in my life and he is way ahead of me on the let's get together plan. Sometimes I just let him guide us and I sort of try it on and see how it feels. Alot of times it's not as scary as I thought it would be but just lately he was working on the theory that he would move in to my family home.....That had a definite answer...love you but NO. So I've picked a direction to see how it goes and done things that I haven't thought I was ready for but also trust my gut when the emotions are strong. Tricky stuff this figuring out a new plan. Good luck
  8. Oh my goodness this is a timely post. I was coming online feeling I needed to hash out this same type of thing with my relationship.I don't know what I want for my future I'm not good at self analysing. I think I'm in love with him, He's fun and caring, and we have a great time together. I've been trying very hard to go with the flow because I think my natural tendancy is to be too over cautious and the relationship would never develop. Often the hesitenency has to do with how it will affect my children( young adults but not independent, still living with me, going to school etc) Case in point... 8months back I would have been happy sending him home to sleep after our midweek dates because let's be practical, we were just going to sleep and get up for work. He wanted to stay...so I let him. See I was trying to let things progress and it became ok. ( but I know my sons feel more free around the house when he is not here) Fast forward to this past month. He is working through a complicated divorce....a new business, an old business, questionable ownership,some debt and a spouse that won't talk except through lawyers. I tell you if I loved him only for his money I'd be hitailing it because this mess may leave him with nothing. I'm financialy sound so not worried about the money but what I found myself lamenting is that I'd started being able to envision myself joining him at his place(farm) and it was beginning to feel comfortable. Now all of a sudden he cannot even live on the property while things are being settled.and it may be gone permenantly after the dust settles. He assumed he would basically be able to move in with me. That doesn't feel comfortable. The thing is at my house I am not just girlfriend/partner , I'm mom. It's a whole different dynamic. When we are at his house I'm his partner. It's like I have 2 lives and they will not blend easily. In other words I have no problem being with him but not in my house......because it's my boys house too. His finances are obviously questionable right now so where was he supposed to go?I felt cruel telling him he couldn't live with me full time. So then he was debating renting a room from some friends for a few nights a week and then some night at my place. Yikes I thought When do we get the relaxed "our time" in that situation.My answer to this dillema,, I financed the buying of another house by using a home equity loan. I'm buying a house that he can rent from me. I'll have to put in a couple of hundred a month as well. Why did I do it.?Because I need a place where we can be us and it can't happen at my place.... I think this will have to my existance for a while. I live two places.
  9. klim

    It must be tough...

    I appreciated any attempt at condolences, but my most appreciated comment during those first couple of days was not the caring "i'm so sorry, you poor dear "comments but my one friend who's first words out of her mouth when she saw me were "FUck....seriously what the fuck??" .First of all she never swears so it added to the impact and honestly it was what I was feeling, so I appreciated it.
  10. klim

    Texts from the grave

    that's like when fecebook reminds me of his birthday and tells me how old he's turning......yeah ...no😞
  11. klim

    Really - forever mail?

    I was just complaining about something similar. All the correspondence from my house/auto insurance comes addressed to Sandy Lastname and estate of Michael Lastname. So they are acknowledging he is dead but what?? they like to remind me??? Frustrating!!!
  12. and I forgot......until now ....facebook reminded me. i looked up at his picture and apologized for doing it again. You see I had bad reputation for forgetting dates when he was alive too. Realistically i think my forgetful mind or my being caught up in the present has helped me on this journey. Dates don't weigh heavy on me, we were't good at celebrating things....birthdays, aninversaries meant little. By the way my our wedding annivesary is tomorrow....see I can remember when I try 😊 Anyways made me think am I forgetting him. I am moving on in life but what else can you do. He was my first love , the father of my children. He will be with me always in some way.
  13. Trying2 your comment about transitioning to have him around all the tine got me thinking..... I share my house with my boys 20 and 22 , I love going to NG's house cause he lives alone and we can do what ever we want. Here I feel more like I'm hosting him and it's just more formal. I'm trying to relax into it and make it feel casual because I want to be able to spend more time here. I find when I go to his place all the time, I neglect things at my house, like the gardens and general cleaning. But then there is also the point that my boys don't interact with me very much when he is here , they wait till I'm here on my own. Anyway struggling with the balance as always....
  14. so just have to put this somewhere: My husband died suddenly of a heart attack even though he lead a very healthy lifestyle. NG is not as health conscience but seems strong and reasonably fit. Last weekend we were camping and doing some hiking and he was huffing and puffing when we went up hills .So I was of course telling him that he was out of shape and that he better start working out. On wednesady we were out just doing errands and hadn't really walked far at all and he was again huffing. This time I was more sympathetic and I said somethings not right, that he should go to the doctor. I nagged him a little but didn't follow up. So friday I arrive at his place after work and he tells me how he was driving early in the day when his chest just totally seized up in excruciating pain, that he had to pull over and that it lasted 20 min. I made him go to emergency. Diagnosis he had suffered a small heartattack caused by major blood clots in his lungs. His mother died from blood clots that went to her heart. Apparently blood clots can be hereditary . The doctors said it was quite severe. He was treated with blood thinners and he's ok for now but still needs to recover. He's had to put up with alot of I told you so's because I had told him the breathing thing wasn't right and to get it checked out. Anyways no great point to this except wow how do I run into healthy guys who have heart attacks when they are barely 50??/
  15. klim

    Update and photo

    That is beautiful. Congratulations

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    April 11 2013
  • Cause of death
    heart attack

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