Jump to content

klim

Members
  • Posts

    533
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    April 11 2013
  • Cause of death
    heart attack

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

klim's Achievements

Newbie

Newbie (1/14)

  1. When I met my husband way back when I was 22 , i had already had some experiences...he had not. He did not appreciate any knowledge of my past encounters and became very upset when it would come up . It was like he was jealous and felt betrayed even though it was before his time. i tried to defend it as it wasn't anything extreme, i was pretty normal but it was just how he felt. I also feel he totally trusted me, it was just this misaligned jealousy that would flare .Anyway we learned to avoid it and everything went smoothly from then on. Hopefully you guys will reach a balance as well
  2. I've never really changed the pictures that were out. they are my story line. I like the idea that you now feel that if you can handle another person's history they should be able to handle yours. I am very much a picture person. Notice my tag line is a picture. To me they say so much. I took alot even before digital was available and I still take a lot now. I don't easily erase them either. They are a record of my life and I am not going to make parts of my life disappear, I dated a guy on and off for 3 years after my husband died ,before I met the guy I'm with now. I haven't erased those picture from that time period. I think especially with your son being the age he is it is important to have the visual reminders.
  3. Not a believer, not very spiritual .I believe in our minds and our body and science. I Believe for humans to live together and to create a successful society they have to be empatheic to other's emotions and I believe the rules and rituals of most religions were brought about to help humans struggling in that department. I was brought up going to a United church and had no problem with it. It was a great place , with great people . But nice humans do not need to be religious . I did not have any trouble with religion and my husbands death because I understand the science of the body and know, it's just the way it goes. I do not believe in an afterlife, but I will admit that I had vivid and hilarious images of my husband getting to heaven and having to deal with my dad asking him "What are you doing here? Why did you leave my little girl alone?" You see they never got along and yeah he would have given him trouble when he got there. Also will add, that although I feel very comfortable with my take on religion and love to discuss it, I understand other's need for religion as the structure is designed to support, and provide comfort, Each to their own.
  4. Hey there....long time no chat... my life continues,but am I committed.?? I think I am but also think i am dragging my feet on the formality of it. I basically live with my BF, spend probably 6 nights a week at our house on the farm. And then 1 day a week I go back home to my house) where my sons are living. They are 22 and 24 and during this covid period they have ther GF's locked down with them. I'm basically letting them live their own lives in our house and I go off and live mine. It's a weird situation and I quite often question myself on whether I'm doing it right. When I was their age I left home and set up an independant life away from my parents. For them I've left them and now they are forced to be more independant. Similar outcomes but I did it by choice and for them they have little say in the matter. I'm hoping they are all good with the arrangement and don't feel abandoned. So as far as the committed part I am committed to my relationship but I'm also committed to my kids. I think it might all work but only time will tell,
  5. Klim here widowed in 2013 when my seemingly very fit husband died of a heart attack.Two kids now kids no more 22 and 24. Was part of the old board and it helped me greatly. I must admit the learning how to socialize again guidance was my most important take way from here....and how to handle my kids. I still check in here some times because I'm stressing but more often to check on others. As far as this Covid crisis,I was travelling when this all came about and our rush to return home was the most anxiety inducing part so far. Staying at home has been relativley easy in comparison.
  6. how fun 2020's looking good!
  7. I get you , I'm pondering similar thoughts. Not quite as far along the path as you but heading into what might be a similar situation. Semi adult sons, with girlfriends and me involved with my NG and spending a good portion of time living 1 hour away from my kids. I keep thinking I have to check up on my sons......but I don't think they want /need me to. As you said they are busy living their lives. It's a bit confusing. That part I think it's fairly normal. The part for me that I think accents the separation that is normal as kids become independent is that I am also establishing a NEW independent life.It's like all 3 of us ( me and my 2 sons) having been looking and finding a partner all around the same time.We're all growing in new relationships. That's what makes it different then if they were just leaving the nest. In the end the nest will have changed.....and that makes keeping the personal connection ( keeping them part of your life)seem maybe more important. So normal?? yes but complicated by the fact that we were widowed.
  8. trying to breathe as mentioned in another thread we have similar age kids to deal with. my son is the antisocial one, (although he doesn't specifically have anything against NG) he would have be the one that would be miserable at gatherings, If asked he might have said no to something like christmas .BUt I too would have forced him to come,,,,in hopes that he would grow to like these things and because the thought of him being alone on Christmas would ruin my mood ,Now we are not totally clear sailing yet but he has gotten better at enjoyng gatherings that include "strangers"(ie my BF or actually anybody outside of his brother and myself. Soo maybe hope that this time will be the turning point for your bf daughter.....if not consider it part of her exposure therapy that will hopefully make things good sometime in the future.
  9. HI long time no write....but I still come back to read and for advice when I'm stressed. is that so wrong? Widowed 6.5 yrs I'm 3 years into a new relationship, just retired and have 2 sons 21 and 23 , one in university one just finished but not yet fully employed. Apparently I'm not good at blending my two worlds. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive or too soft on my kids but I will not force their situation to change because of where I am with my guy. They are supportive of my relationship but the younger one(who has mental health issues) is more verbal about not wanting his life to change. In otherwords if my kids were younger I'd move forward and work on blending as my BF is very welcoming of my kids(maybe doesn't understand exactly what they need/like) but is very accepting. If they were older I'd say you're on your own and move forward. But they are kinda in between so for now I live 4 to 5 days with my BF and head back to check on my boys and my house( and my cat) the other days of the week. About half the time BF comes with me to my house. It is a weird balance, I'm trying to settle into this routine but I find myself second guessing if this is the right way to handle this. So anybody got any insight or experience with this or heck just an opinion on whether this sounds sane or insane...all input is appreciated.
  10. In a way a very deep question. I felt single very quickly.....but married( ie indicating an intermingling of lives.) well I never broke my loving relationship with him. So in a way I still feel married , I guess to his soul. Am I able to date still being maroed to his soul....yep no problem there.
  11. For me the shoulda...woulda...coulda ebbs and flows. Sometimes I say I shoulda...woulda...coulda . But more often now I think HE shoulda...woulda...coulda.........how was I supposed to know how his body was feeling? And yet in reality there is no one to blame , He had a defective heart. He tried to live a healthy life, and maybe because he did succeed in being very fit that he didn't notice the symptoms of his heart attack ........or maybe he chose to ignore them. In the end it is what it is
  12. Congratulations to all of you. I find it interesting reading all the different triumphs that each of you put claim. It shows that each of us have our own struggles( although buying a car seemed to be a common thread that I incidentally would agree with) My reason to celebrate is I've retired. And yes that is often viewed as a reason to celebrate for anybody but for me it was BIG because work was my refuge, my status quo area of my life. Home life changed suddenly when DH died, parenting dramatically changed, social life dramatically changed but work stayed. the same. Not only that,my coworkers were my access to a secondary adult opinion about parenting...and then dating. So retiring meant giving that up.
  13. I'm 6 yrs out and slowly got rid of his stuff...but I kept his dress shirts and ties. Mostly because he had good taste. My sons ( now 21 and 23 ) don't need to get dressed up often, but when they do, I just let them shop n their dad's closet. Actually it happened just this week when my son had to look for a job.
  14. Yeah got to work on keeping it lively.......it does sound important. I have almost the opposite happening here. My guy is the man with a million ideas...there's no sitting still and we're not just talking getting out on the weekend type plans. He has his eye on different business ideas constantly. He is always looking for the next big idea/opportunity. Since I've known him( 2 and a bit years) he has put together no less then 6 major business takeover proposals, plus a restructuring of his present business. In the meantime he amuses himself by flipping cars...which is actually not a good financial plan but there might be some maintenance savings?? He's had 5 cars over that time period. It's a whirlwind. I am coming from a background of status quo is my friend. I have worked in the same job , in the same building , lived in the same house for 30 years. I like being busy but sometimes I just need to step back. Going forward I'm going have to figure out how I can build in my down time while still being together.
  15. My 23 year old son's room is as chaotic as those hoarders houses and I do fear he has that type of personality. He says that when his room is clean and neat he feels uncomfortable , that the closeness of the stuff filling space in his room makes him feel cozy......ok it could just be an excuse for being lazy but he makes it sound as if it's a true emotional reaction to clean and neat.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.