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  • Date Widowed
    April 11 2013
  • Cause of death
    heart attack

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  1. I believe sometimes you just have to go with the flow...happy is happy and doesn't need a plan... if he doesn't seem concerned he may be a go with the flow type guy too. If I were you I'd just keep on going and see what happens. Remember the future is hard to predict...so right now you say you can''t see him as a forever partner but you never know, maybe your idea of what you want and need will change. I've seen this happen with a friend of mine. She had been dating on and off going through dating sites. She was always looking for the established professinonal because I guess that was what she was used to and that's what she thought she needed for the future. About 3 years ago she decided to throw out her must have list, ended up dating a guy who is a crane operator, and is definitely a bit edgier then her previous bf and you know what I think she's very much in Love this time. Anyways take a look at the why.....it maybe something you will adjust to. i say enjoy...
  2. klim

    Holiday question

    There are 2 things that this post brought up in my mind, Young adult independance and acceptance of a new mate. Needy i too deal with both of these.. My sons are 21 and 23 and are both living with me. And yes many their age are out living independently and many are mature and have a good handle on life. Many are responsible and get the adult view on life of give and take. BUT many are still immature, self centered and really just confused with what they want and what is expected of them. In both categories their can be good eggs and bad eggs. The mature ones can still be cold and non loving and the confused ones may have trouble doing the right thing but have a good heart. I feel mine fall in the second category. I think their attitude are a combination of personality and circumstance . I look at my parenting and think maybe, I'm too soft on them and that has an effect. But then I look and and both are working their way through university and haven't screwed up on any thing major. They respect and let me know they care for me. But then their rooms are a disgrace and they have to be nagged into cleaning up the kitchen. As far as NG , My older one is easygoing and although doesn't really relish family events or hanging out with me and NG , he will if required. My younger one struggles, he knows he should be welcoming but for him to sit through a dinner with us takes an immense amount of emotional energy on his part .He honestly hates it. He also dislikes NG being at our house , it makes him edgy . This is where I struggle a bit, I think what's the big deal but for him it wears on him . Part of me wants to say tough, it's my house and I'll do what I want. But then their is the mother instinct that kicks in and says I don't want my child suffering and he already struggles with depression and anxiety I don't need to be adding to that It's a tricky balancing act. Bottom line Needy, I understand but also know every kid is different and one kid being out and independant and accepting doesn't mean it's going to be that way for everyone.
  3. I'm also not a poster on facebook of much , part of it is just being sensitive to who else has to look at it.I know for sure it would upset one bil who struggles with the loss of his brother. Facebook would be just a pop up reminder , blindsiding him. It's hard enough for him even when he is mentally prepared and we meet in person. I share some tidbits from our lives but never is it the huggy pics you see on some profiles, or even the pics that I share here.
  4. klim

    When to Tell

    it was in my profile and I think i always discussed it during the first date, You know when you kinda do the "so what's your story?"thing. i think I even got into it a little bit during texting before meet and greets sometimes
  5. Haha My guy is also Dutch.......and he definitely doesn't have the tidiness or decorator gene in him. But he does run a greenhhouse so he's keeping up dutch traditions in some way.
  6. hey guys hadn't been on in a while ...life gets busy. ...I think i just spent 20 minutes reading to get caught up. 😁 Trying2 your holiday sounds good...I think holidaying together is a great way to get to know people. two weeks of togetherness can be very telling... I laughed at the different descriptions of the state of your guys places. My NG's place when I first met him was half painted, had a couch and a table. He had tidied up dishes but wiping down counters did not occur to him. After a couple of visits a very nice decorative side table and some pretty lights appeared. I found out later his 23 yo daughter had visited him and told him that if he wanted to impress me he should work on making his house more appealing. Wiping down counters still didn't occur to him. He is a horrible housekeeper and the bad thing was he had all sorts of people in his life that were enabling him. ( ie every time his neighbour or daughter dropped in they would load up the dishwasher or whatever) Now I am bit bold and after I knew him better I started to tease/tell him he was a horrible housekeeper.....and I started telling his neighbours etc not to lift a finger when they were visiting....forcing him to do the cleanup more regularly....you know what he's getting better😀. He even wipes up the coffee spills off the counter sometimes.
  7. I agree it's the midlife complexities that make the ideal lovelife difficult "But wouldn't it be amazing to find that person, where we couldn't imagine not spending every day of our life with them!" It's simpler when it is just two people...when there are 4 or 5 people in the mix it's hard to get everybody imagining spending all day together never mind everyday...even if two in the group are fairly infatuated with each other!
  8. klim

    The Lack of Sympathy

    Vent away......it always feels better. Did I mention I got home from work today, exhausted .......and my son announced" bad news mom, the ceiling was dripping after the rain this morning.".....so the roof is leaking, great...I'll join Eddiehp and just hire someone with my millions of dollars....might as well hire a chaufuer to take over my mom taxi duties while I'm at it. ok feeling better , see venting works😉
  9. klim

    Feeling lost

    I fall very much into a similar category. My Boys were 15 and 17 and now are 20 and 22.I took them the rest of the way through to "adulthood" by myself. They haven't really mastered the independant thing, but we're trying so the nest is not truly empty but getting there. I too have done what Port side mentioned and that is to re-engineer my life. I still struggle with balance between old and new but I'm trying. The one thing I was careful of was to make sure that my sons knew I wasn't relying on them for companionship, that they needed to soar on their own and not worry about mom. I've seen some ( particularily one) divorced friend that I think relied too heavily on her daughter and to me it was unhealthy. I want my sons to know I'm there for them but that I'm looking after my own needs as well...and my own needs involve socializing outside of family outings and work functions. I initially relied on Meetups but from there I now have a core group of friends and also a boyfriend. The future is not clear yet but my fear of growing old alone has faded.
  10. well life is tricky eh.....I don't know exactly where it's heading. I mentioned before that I'm sort of living in two homes. It's kinda interesting the way it's working out.( mind you we're only 2 weeks in. I'm at my place Sunday night through till Friday when I head to my weekend house right after work,plus Bf and I get together for a date night some time during the week. BF tried to make it twice during the week but I told him I need some space. It's true , when he gives me a bit of "me time" I can appreciate our together times better. If we're constantly together I feel I'm neglecting my kids and my house and then I feel anxious. I've been trying to analyse what the draw is to NG and make sure that it's the right stuff to make a life long relationship. Arneal maybe those books have some advice on that.... I can have a very good time with NG, he is spontaneous and has a go for it, positive attitude. I was actually telling him today that part of his personality is similar to DH...although they are definitely different people. With NG as with DH this attitude leads to a lot of adventure. Obviously I'm drawn to that. What I worry about is that NG is definitely ADHD and has some quirks and that all takes energy to handle....in a way I'm worried if I'm with him full time I'll burn out...if that makes sense......that the quirks won't be amusing but irritating and the constant need to go will be exhausting....or the need for me to reign him in and set the pace( which is what I do now) will wear me down........oh the things we end up thinking about. Maybe I'll just go back to not thinking and going with the flow. Oh and on the topic of sharing with friends to get their opinion, I shared my thought about the ADHD and quirks with a friend and she reminded me that I'm fairly high energy and not exactly normal.......Thanks alot!!! Actually she's a good friend and she probably was being honest...it's always good to know how others view you.🤩
  11. klim

    5 years

    Hugs...weird life we live eh?!?
  12. my first" couch " in our apartment livingroom was lawnchairs with a blanket thrown over it😄
  13. This week Ng has been in my house basically full time as he had to move out of his house and the house he's moving into is not available for another 2 weeks. The trick is both my sons are home from Uni at the moment too. It works but it's not relaxed. My boys stay in their room more and don't converse with me as much, Ng sits on the couch alot as I go about everyday things...it's not like I need help with dishes or what ever, but it just seems odd. That's all I have to say. It's just an ODD situation. ....and I'm looking forward to him moving to his place,so we can relax in a neutral zone.
  14. klim


    I'm trying the pick a direction and see how it goes and it is scary.... I don't know what I want,I'm not good at self analysing.....but when I go with the flow, I notice I get gut reactions to certain situations and use those as my guide. So I can't think ahead and plan my route but as I'm floating down the stream of life, I notice every once in a while I stick my hand n the water and paddle towards or away from something. I have a NG in my life and he is way ahead of me on the let's get together plan. Sometimes I just let him guide us and I sort of try it on and see how it feels. Alot of times it's not as scary as I thought it would be but just lately he was working on the theory that he would move in to my family home.....That had a definite answer...love you but NO. So I've picked a direction to see how it goes and done things that I haven't thought I was ready for but also trust my gut when the emotions are strong. Tricky stuff this figuring out a new plan. Good luck
  15. Oh my goodness this is a timely post. I was coming online feeling I needed to hash out this same type of thing with my relationship.I don't know what I want for my future I'm not good at self analysing. I think I'm in love with him, He's fun and caring, and we have a great time together. I've been trying very hard to go with the flow because I think my natural tendancy is to be too over cautious and the relationship would never develop. Often the hesitenency has to do with how it will affect my children( young adults but not independent, still living with me, going to school etc) Case in point... 8months back I would have been happy sending him home to sleep after our midweek dates because let's be practical, we were just going to sleep and get up for work. He wanted to stay...so I let him. See I was trying to let things progress and it became ok. ( but I know my sons feel more free around the house when he is not here) Fast forward to this past month. He is working through a complicated divorce....a new business, an old business, questionable ownership,some debt and a spouse that won't talk except through lawyers. I tell you if I loved him only for his money I'd be hitailing it because this mess may leave him with nothing. I'm financialy sound so not worried about the money but what I found myself lamenting is that I'd started being able to envision myself joining him at his place(farm) and it was beginning to feel comfortable. Now all of a sudden he cannot even live on the property while things are being settled.and it may be gone permenantly after the dust settles. He assumed he would basically be able to move in with me. That doesn't feel comfortable. The thing is at my house I am not just girlfriend/partner , I'm mom. It's a whole different dynamic. When we are at his house I'm his partner. It's like I have 2 lives and they will not blend easily. In other words I have no problem being with him but not in my house......because it's my boys house too. His finances are obviously questionable right now so where was he supposed to go?I felt cruel telling him he couldn't live with me full time. So then he was debating renting a room from some friends for a few nights a week and then some night at my place. Yikes I thought When do we get the relaxed "our time" in that situation.My answer to this dillema,, I financed the buying of another house by using a home equity loan. I'm buying a house that he can rent from me. I'll have to put in a couple of hundred a month as well. Why did I do it.?Because I need a place where we can be us and it can't happen at my place.... I think this will have to my existance for a while. I live two places.

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    April 11 2013
  • Cause of death
    heart attack

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