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  1. klim

    It must be tough...

    I appreciated any attempt at condolences, but my most appreciated comment during those first couple of days was not the caring "i'm so sorry, you poor dear "comments but my one friend who's first words out of her mouth when she saw me were "FUck....seriously what the fuck??" .First of all she never swears so it added to the impact and honestly it was what I was feeling, so I appreciated it.
  2. klim

    Texts from the grave

    that's like when fecebook reminds me of his birthday and tells me how old he's turning......yeah ...no😞
  3. klim

    Really - forever mail?

    I was just complaining about something similar. All the correspondence from my house/auto insurance comes addressed to Sandy Lastname and estate of Michael Lastname. So they are acknowledging he is dead but what?? they like to remind me??? Frustrating!!!
  4. and I forgot......until now ....facebook reminded me. i looked up at his picture and apologized for doing it again. You see I had bad reputation for forgetting dates when he was alive too. Realistically i think my forgetful mind or my being caught up in the present has helped me on this journey. Dates don't weigh heavy on me, we were't good at celebrating things....birthdays, aninversaries meant little. By the way my our wedding annivesary is tomorrow....see I can remember when I try 😊 Anyways made me think am I forgetting him. I am moving on in life but what else can you do. He was my first love , the father of my children. He will be with me always in some way.
  5. Trying2 your comment about transitioning to have him around all the tine got me thinking..... I share my house with my boys 20 and 22 , I love going to NG's house cause he lives alone and we can do what ever we want. Here I feel more like I'm hosting him and it's just more formal. I'm trying to relax into it and make it feel casual because I want to be able to spend more time here. I find when I go to his place all the time, I neglect things at my house, like the gardens and general cleaning. But then there is also the point that my boys don't interact with me very much when he is here , they wait till I'm here on my own. Anyway struggling with the balance as always....
  6. so just have to put this somewhere: My husband died suddenly of a heart attack even though he lead a very healthy lifestyle. NG is not as health conscience but seems strong and reasonably fit. Last weekend we were camping and doing some hiking and he was huffing and puffing when we went up hills .So I was of course telling him that he was out of shape and that he better start working out. On wednesady we were out just doing errands and hadn't really walked far at all and he was again huffing. This time I was more sympathetic and I said somethings not right, that he should go to the doctor. I nagged him a little but didn't follow up. So friday I arrive at his place after work and he tells me how he was driving early in the day when his chest just totally seized up in excruciating pain, that he had to pull over and that it lasted 20 min. I made him go to emergency. Diagnosis he had suffered a small heartattack caused by major blood clots in his lungs. His mother died from blood clots that went to her heart. Apparently blood clots can be hereditary . The doctors said it was quite severe. He was treated with blood thinners and he's ok for now but still needs to recover. He's had to put up with alot of I told you so's because I had told him the breathing thing wasn't right and to get it checked out. Anyways no great point to this except wow how do I run into healthy guys who have heart attacks when they are barely 50??/
  7. klim

    Update and photo

    That is beautiful. Congratulations
  8. klim

    You Spelled Out The Words For Me

    This is my therapy
  9. klim

    Share them with us.

  10. klim


    My younger son has a gap in his front teeth, just like his dad. My son had braces and his teeth were perfect but in the 6 years since those came off the gap has appeared. The funny thing is my son always bugged his Dad about the gap and always pushed him to get it fixed. Now that he has the gap, I've heard nothing about getting it fixed. I wonder if he likes looking like his dad?
  11. I too feel an uncertainty...Trying2 your statement"The ability to be closer with him and my acceptance of us together." struck a chord for me. I'm happy being with him on dates, vacationing, doing errands , really doesn't matter I feel good doing it......but I also feel a need to be apart sometimes, to take care of my kids, my house, my stuff...so the acceptance of us together seems to be a thing. Also I've always been really slow to adjust to change....I think I fear it. I've lived in the same house for 28 yrs , had the same job/same location for 30 years. And obviously I didn't have a choice about becoming a single parent but now I'm also facing a whole bunch of change in the near future and it flusters me. 1.My kids are going to be finished university soon( one already has), 2.I can retire as soon I say the word then 3.and NG would have me move in when ever,( keeps threatening me with marriage😲) I find these things intertwined and it's like if I know my sons are ready to be independant then 2 and 3 become easier....but can I wait or do I have to figure out some other way. Also I feel I can't act on #2 because if i do it makes me more available for 3 and I don't know about that till 1 has happened .....you see it's a circle. Or maybe I just overthink things.( sometimes I do just let things happen but usually I analyze the crap out of it)
  12. klim

    On line dating vents and laughs......

    Oh I get the age lying on the dating sites...didn't do it but can understand it. Some guys that I was interested in, put restrictions on who could contact them by age. I was looking for someone around my age and I couldn't contact them because they put a lower age. I was a bit frustrated( although maybe it told me a little about their personality that they were seeking younger), I'm active and young looking but was stopped in my tracks by the age restrictions. i tried to tell myself their loss, but was frustrated. I thought it was generally guys looking for younger girls but maybe it goes both ways and maybe he felt like he had been blocked and adjusted his age. I agree with LF". If you want to continue to see him I would ask point blank why he did it and then judge if his answer is good enough to let you keep seeing him." I am actually dating a fellow that lied about his location by about 80 km but he told me within 10 minutes of meeting and explained why. His actual location is very rural/farmville and definitely would have left me with an impression that isn't him at all. Anyway If the interaction was good I'd wait a little to pass judgement
  13. Thankyou this seems like a lot of work and I appreciate it.
  14. SamNE In my opinion- You want to be husband and wife....then be husband and wife.Even if it's just in your own minds. If it's not registered who needs to know. Note I am not religious and don't give that alot of significance, 1. Is such a marriage deceitful or our own business?- own business 2. Can we call each other husband and wife, or should that be reserved for the legally married?-sure why not they are just words 3. Would you as a child, friend or relative of a couple doing this attend the wedding or feel duped if you found out it wasn’t a legal wedding? All would be good but if your worried just call it a ceremony of love 4. Does anyone have any experience with having done this? No 5. If we opt for a commitment/unity/hand fasting ceremony instead of a wedding, is he your husband/she your wife?sure why not they are just words 6. What do you call one another signifying your relationship if there is no ceremony but you are together, committed and in love? whatever you want
  15. first widow ...I get the idea of there are some family moments ( like graduation) that you want to yourself. I have a very eager partner and he would be by myside for everything and sometimes I just have to say no. Last weekend he helped me move my sons home from university, which doesn't sound that emotional but honestly I kept thinking it should be my dh,their dad helping........and I kinda felt that his presence was invasive.....but his help was also helpful......and he likes to help. It was a balancing act for my emotions last week. Trying2breathe...your mother has kinda put you in a tough spot by stating that you should never remarry...but maybe she'll warmup to the idea...you know her best . Do they at least know of your boyfriend but have not met him? If not I would start by talking about him when you are with your parents. Exposure therapy ..you might say. ....getting them acclimated to the idea. Again difficult to say how people react but for me it's ll been positive. People who care about you should be happy to see you happy.

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