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  • Date Widowed
    April 11 2013
  • Cause of death
    heart attack

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  1. klim

    2,194 days.......

    In a way a very deep question. I felt single very quickly.....but married( ie indicating an intermingling of lives.) well I never broke my loving relationship with him. So in a way I still feel married , I guess to his soul. Am I able to date still being maroed to his soul....yep no problem there.
  2. klim

    facing my inner demon....

    For me the shoulda...woulda...coulda ebbs and flows. Sometimes I say I shoulda...woulda...coulda . But more often now I think HE shoulda...woulda...coulda.........how was I supposed to know how his body was feeling? And yet in reality there is no one to blame , He had a defective heart. He tried to live a healthy life, and maybe because he did succeed in being very fit that he didn't notice the symptoms of his heart attack ........or maybe he chose to ignore them. In the end it is what it is
  3. klim

    Let's Celebrate!!!

    Congratulations to all of you. I find it interesting reading all the different triumphs that each of you put claim. It shows that each of us have our own struggles( although buying a car seemed to be a common thread that I incidentally would agree with) My reason to celebrate is I've retired. And yes that is often viewed as a reason to celebrate for anybody but for me it was BIG because work was my refuge, my status quo area of my life. Home life changed suddenly when DH died, parenting dramatically changed, social life dramatically changed but work stayed. the same. Not only that,my coworkers were my access to a secondary adult opinion about parenting...and then dating. So retiring meant giving that up.
  4. klim

    Getting Rid of His/Her Clothes

    I'm 6 yrs out and slowly got rid of his stuff...but I kept his dress shirts and ties. Mostly because he had good taste. My sons ( now 21 and 23 ) don't need to get dressed up often, but when they do, I just let them shop n their dad's closet. Actually it happened just this week when my son had to look for a job.
  5. Yeah got to work on keeping it lively.......it does sound important. I have almost the opposite happening here. My guy is the man with a million ideas...there's no sitting still and we're not just talking getting out on the weekend type plans. He has his eye on different business ideas constantly. He is always looking for the next big idea/opportunity. Since I've known him( 2 and a bit years) he has put together no less then 6 major business takeover proposals, plus a restructuring of his present business. In the meantime he amuses himself by flipping cars...which is actually not a good financial plan but there might be some maintenance savings?? He's had 5 cars over that time period. It's a whirlwind. I am coming from a background of status quo is my friend. I have worked in the same job , in the same building , lived in the same house for 30 years. I like being busy but sometimes I just need to step back. Going forward I'm going have to figure out how I can build in my down time while still being together.
  6. klim


    My 23 year old son's room is as chaotic as those hoarders houses and I do fear he has that type of personality. He says that when his room is clean and neat he feels uncomfortable , that the closeness of the stuff filling space in his room makes him feel cozy......ok it could just be an excuse for being lazy but he makes it sound as if it's a true emotional reaction to clean and neat.
  7. klim

    Last name change

    I took my husbands last name, and it became who I identify as. I'm a teacher so I hear Ms _______ all day. I also like that I share the same last name as my children. I believe if I marry again I will retain the name I have now so the name shared with my children will remain. I know I will not go back to my maiden name, to me that would imply I was trying to remove the connection I had with my husband.
  8. My kids could be out of the house soon....but they're not. I could kick them out of the nest and they might fly. The one probably would but I'd risk the other falling to the ground. That would be messy...trying to mend broken wings and all. And then waiting till him to develop the confidence to try flight again. Think I'll be waiting till they feel ready to try. Hey I know how to fly, I'll just go visit other nests. My "boys" are 20 and 23 and are in university....so soon. Until then I think I like what BUnny said "What you have right now sounds pretty ideal to me- children and bf getting your undivided attention in turns, with time to yourself also available. Each household is a chance to ‘escape’ from the cares and responsibilities of the other one."
  9. I'm in a two year relationship and my boyfriend keeps threatening me with a ring.In a way I jest but we do have a difference of opinion on our need to be attached through vows. Somehow committment through marriage scares me at the moment and I'm not sure why...... I want to go with the flow and let things happen slowly.. I keep pondering why? Right now I'm working and I live the week at my place and spend the weekends at the house I bought that my BF rents from me( it's basically "our" house.) I'm happy with this arrangement but I know bf would like more time together. I'm also investing both time and money in a business that bf runs. So on many levels I'm committed ( and long term) to this relationship. I'm retiring from my job in June and that's where I get nervous. Now my safety net of "i have to go to work so I have to be home" disappears. I'll have no excuse to stay separate. I don't think he gets my need to be home some, to check on my "boys" and to just be by myself in my zone for a bit. And that has me also questioning me..why do I need that? The answers I come up with are valid ...I think....but then maybe not. I believe part of it is my role as a parent is not quite complete. My boys are at an age and particularly one has a disposition( he suffers from depression) that makes changing their living situation difficult. In otherwords BF moving in would be too disruptive, me moving out or having them move out isn't really an option either. BF is ADHD to the extreme, very dependent on people interaction and so time together is usually very busy , running around etc. It's why he's good with business and why it's fun and exciting to be with him but it also means he ignores details like house maintenance and some other more mundane aspects of life. So even chilling at his place has another layer to it because I feel the need to catch up on some of the things hes ignored. So I like to get home to my house for a while every once in a while to truly chill. And then when I analyse all this i wonder will this ever be smooth and right.....and I think the answer is yes given time for all involved to evolve. Thanks for listening to my ramblings, comments always appreciated.
  10. klim

    Sad Loss Of WifeLess

    Sorry for your loss...it does seem fair
  11. klim

    Sobbed on new girl

    H ow very fun. Enjoy !
  12. Julester, you know better the situation but the other read on his son's comment is that the son hasn't realized how real/big your relationship is with his dad. Perhaps it was a" why does my dad's friend do for him what only people that are really close to each other do?" Like I said just another interpretation.
  13. I believe sometimes you just have to go with the flow...happy is happy and doesn't need a plan... if he doesn't seem concerned he may be a go with the flow type guy too. If I were you I'd just keep on going and see what happens. Remember the future is hard to predict...so right now you say you can''t see him as a forever partner but you never know, maybe your idea of what you want and need will change. I've seen this happen with a friend of mine. She had been dating on and off going through dating sites. She was always looking for the established professinonal because I guess that was what she was used to and that's what she thought she needed for the future. About 3 years ago she decided to throw out her must have list, ended up dating a guy who is a crane operator, and is definitely a bit edgier then her previous bf and you know what I think she's very much in Love this time. Anyways take a look at the why.....it maybe something you will adjust to. i say enjoy...
  14. klim

    Holiday question

    There are 2 things that this post brought up in my mind, Young adult independance and acceptance of a new mate. Needy i too deal with both of these.. My sons are 21 and 23 and are both living with me. And yes many their age are out living independently and many are mature and have a good handle on life. Many are responsible and get the adult view on life of give and take. BUT many are still immature, self centered and really just confused with what they want and what is expected of them. In both categories their can be good eggs and bad eggs. The mature ones can still be cold and non loving and the confused ones may have trouble doing the right thing but have a good heart. I feel mine fall in the second category. I think their attitude are a combination of personality and circumstance . I look at my parenting and think maybe, I'm too soft on them and that has an effect. But then I look and and both are working their way through university and haven't screwed up on any thing major. They respect and let me know they care for me. But then their rooms are a disgrace and they have to be nagged into cleaning up the kitchen. As far as NG , My older one is easygoing and although doesn't really relish family events or hanging out with me and NG , he will if required. My younger one struggles, he knows he should be welcoming but for him to sit through a dinner with us takes an immense amount of emotional energy on his part .He honestly hates it. He also dislikes NG being at our house , it makes him edgy . This is where I struggle a bit, I think what's the big deal but for him it wears on him . Part of me wants to say tough, it's my house and I'll do what I want. But then their is the mother instinct that kicks in and says I don't want my child suffering and he already struggles with depression and anxiety I don't need to be adding to that It's a tricky balancing act. Bottom line Needy, I understand but also know every kid is different and one kid being out and independant and accepting doesn't mean it's going to be that way for everyone.
  15. I'm also not a poster on facebook of much , part of it is just being sensitive to who else has to look at it.I know for sure it would upset one bil who struggles with the loss of his brother. Facebook would be just a pop up reminder , blindsiding him. It's hard enough for him even when he is mentally prepared and we meet in person. I share some tidbits from our lives but never is it the huggy pics you see on some profiles, or even the pics that I share here.

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    April 11 2013
  • Cause of death
    heart attack

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