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  • Date Widowed
    April 11 2013
  • Cause of death
    heart attack

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  1. Klim here widowed in 2013 when my seemingly very fit husband died of a heart attack.Two kids now kids no more 22 and 24. Was part of the old board and it helped me greatly. I must admit the learning how to socialize again guidance was my most important take way from here....and how to handle my kids. I still check in here some times because I'm stressing but more often to check on others. As far as this Covid crisis,I was travelling when this all came about and our rush to return home was the most anxiety inducing part so far. Staying at home has been relativley easy in comparison.
  2. klim


    how fun 2020's looking good!
  3. klim

    Is this grief, or something else?

    I get you , I'm pondering similar thoughts. Not quite as far along the path as you but heading into what might be a similar situation. Semi adult sons, with girlfriends and me involved with my NG and spending a good portion of time living 1 hour away from my kids. I keep thinking I have to check up on my sons......but I don't think they want /need me to. As you said they are busy living their lives. It's a bit confusing. That part I think it's fairly normal. The part for me that I think accents the separation that is normal as kids become independent is that I am also establishing a NEW independent life.It's like all 3 of us ( me and my 2 sons) having been looking and finding a partner all around the same time.We're all growing in new relationships. That's what makes it different then if they were just leaving the nest. In the end the nest will have changed.....and that makes keeping the personal connection ( keeping them part of your life)seem maybe more important. So normal?? yes but complicated by the fact that we were widowed.
  4. trying to breathe as mentioned in another thread we have similar age kids to deal with. my son is the antisocial one, (although he doesn't specifically have anything against NG) he would have be the one that would be miserable at gatherings, If asked he might have said no to something like christmas .BUt I too would have forced him to come,,,,in hopes that he would grow to like these things and because the thought of him being alone on Christmas would ruin my mood ,Now we are not totally clear sailing yet but he has gotten better at enjoyng gatherings that include "strangers"(ie my BF or actually anybody outside of his brother and myself. Soo maybe hope that this time will be the turning point for your bf daughter.....if not consider it part of her exposure therapy that will hopefully make things good sometime in the future.
  5. HI long time no write....but I still come back to read and for advice when I'm stressed. is that so wrong? Widowed 6.5 yrs I'm 3 years into a new relationship, just retired and have 2 sons 21 and 23 , one in university one just finished but not yet fully employed. Apparently I'm not good at blending my two worlds. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive or too soft on my kids but I will not force their situation to change because of where I am with my guy. They are supportive of my relationship but the younger one(who has mental health issues) is more verbal about not wanting his life to change. In otherwords if my kids were younger I'd move forward and work on blending as my BF is very welcoming of my kids(maybe doesn't understand exactly what they need/like) but is very accepting. If they were older I'd say you're on your own and move forward. But they are kinda in between so for now I live 4 to 5 days with my BF and head back to check on my boys and my house( and my cat) the other days of the week. About half the time BF comes with me to my house. It is a weird balance, I'm trying to settle into this routine but I find myself second guessing if this is the right way to handle this. So anybody got any insight or experience with this or heck just an opinion on whether this sounds sane or insane...all input is appreciated.
  6. klim

    2,194 days.......

    In a way a very deep question. I felt single very quickly.....but married( ie indicating an intermingling of lives.) well I never broke my loving relationship with him. So in a way I still feel married , I guess to his soul. Am I able to date still being maroed to his soul....yep no problem there.
  7. klim

    facing my inner demon....

    For me the shoulda...woulda...coulda ebbs and flows. Sometimes I say I shoulda...woulda...coulda . But more often now I think HE shoulda...woulda...coulda.........how was I supposed to know how his body was feeling? And yet in reality there is no one to blame , He had a defective heart. He tried to live a healthy life, and maybe because he did succeed in being very fit that he didn't notice the symptoms of his heart attack ........or maybe he chose to ignore them. In the end it is what it is
  8. klim

    Let's Celebrate!!!

    Congratulations to all of you. I find it interesting reading all the different triumphs that each of you put claim. It shows that each of us have our own struggles( although buying a car seemed to be a common thread that I incidentally would agree with) My reason to celebrate is I've retired. And yes that is often viewed as a reason to celebrate for anybody but for me it was BIG because work was my refuge, my status quo area of my life. Home life changed suddenly when DH died, parenting dramatically changed, social life dramatically changed but work stayed. the same. Not only that,my coworkers were my access to a secondary adult opinion about parenting...and then dating. So retiring meant giving that up.
  9. klim

    Getting Rid of His/Her Clothes

    I'm 6 yrs out and slowly got rid of his stuff...but I kept his dress shirts and ties. Mostly because he had good taste. My sons ( now 21 and 23 ) don't need to get dressed up often, but when they do, I just let them shop n their dad's closet. Actually it happened just this week when my son had to look for a job.
  10. Yeah got to work on keeping it lively.......it does sound important. I have almost the opposite happening here. My guy is the man with a million ideas...there's no sitting still and we're not just talking getting out on the weekend type plans. He has his eye on different business ideas constantly. He is always looking for the next big idea/opportunity. Since I've known him( 2 and a bit years) he has put together no less then 6 major business takeover proposals, plus a restructuring of his present business. In the meantime he amuses himself by flipping cars...which is actually not a good financial plan but there might be some maintenance savings?? He's had 5 cars over that time period. It's a whirlwind. I am coming from a background of status quo is my friend. I have worked in the same job , in the same building , lived in the same house for 30 years. I like being busy but sometimes I just need to step back. Going forward I'm going have to figure out how I can build in my down time while still being together.
  11. klim


    My 23 year old son's room is as chaotic as those hoarders houses and I do fear he has that type of personality. He says that when his room is clean and neat he feels uncomfortable , that the closeness of the stuff filling space in his room makes him feel cozy......ok it could just be an excuse for being lazy but he makes it sound as if it's a true emotional reaction to clean and neat.
  12. klim

    Last name change

    I took my husbands last name, and it became who I identify as. I'm a teacher so I hear Ms _______ all day. I also like that I share the same last name as my children. I believe if I marry again I will retain the name I have now so the name shared with my children will remain. I know I will not go back to my maiden name, to me that would imply I was trying to remove the connection I had with my husband.
  13. My kids could be out of the house soon....but they're not. I could kick them out of the nest and they might fly. The one probably would but I'd risk the other falling to the ground. That would be messy...trying to mend broken wings and all. And then waiting till him to develop the confidence to try flight again. Think I'll be waiting till they feel ready to try. Hey I know how to fly, I'll just go visit other nests. My "boys" are 20 and 23 and are in university....so soon. Until then I think I like what BUnny said "What you have right now sounds pretty ideal to me- children and bf getting your undivided attention in turns, with time to yourself also available. Each household is a chance to ‘escape’ from the cares and responsibilities of the other one."
  14. I'm in a two year relationship and my boyfriend keeps threatening me with a ring.In a way I jest but we do have a difference of opinion on our need to be attached through vows. Somehow committment through marriage scares me at the moment and I'm not sure why...... I want to go with the flow and let things happen slowly.. I keep pondering why? Right now I'm working and I live the week at my place and spend the weekends at the house I bought that my BF rents from me( it's basically "our" house.) I'm happy with this arrangement but I know bf would like more time together. I'm also investing both time and money in a business that bf runs. So on many levels I'm committed ( and long term) to this relationship. I'm retiring from my job in June and that's where I get nervous. Now my safety net of "i have to go to work so I have to be home" disappears. I'll have no excuse to stay separate. I don't think he gets my need to be home some, to check on my "boys" and to just be by myself in my zone for a bit. And that has me also questioning me..why do I need that? The answers I come up with are valid ...I think....but then maybe not. I believe part of it is my role as a parent is not quite complete. My boys are at an age and particularly one has a disposition( he suffers from depression) that makes changing their living situation difficult. In otherwords BF moving in would be too disruptive, me moving out or having them move out isn't really an option either. BF is ADHD to the extreme, very dependent on people interaction and so time together is usually very busy , running around etc. It's why he's good with business and why it's fun and exciting to be with him but it also means he ignores details like house maintenance and some other more mundane aspects of life. So even chilling at his place has another layer to it because I feel the need to catch up on some of the things hes ignored. So I like to get home to my house for a while every once in a while to truly chill. And then when I analyse all this i wonder will this ever be smooth and right.....and I think the answer is yes given time for all involved to evolve. Thanks for listening to my ramblings, comments always appreciated.
  15. klim

    Sad Loss Of WifeLess

    Sorry for your loss...it does seem fair

Personal Information

  • Date Widowed
    April 11 2013
  • Cause of death
    heart attack

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