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  1. StillWidowed

    Yeah, it happened

    So how about an update to this post. I was out to dinner with girlfriends the other night and there he was. We talked later and were fine. Decided to be friends. We run into each other too much and I'm tired of explaining what happened to people and the questions. So there it is after all these years of back and forth. You can eventually get to a place of indifference.
  2. StillWidowed

    Will life suck forever (on the top of grief)?

    Sandrine, I experienced the same thing. I thought I could never hurt more than losing my DH. But I fell for a man and he broke my heart. In some ways it was worse. My DH didn't want to leave me. My ex bf did. Rejection and watching them move on with someone else is very painful.
  3. StillWidowed

    Will life suck forever (on the top of grief)?

    Sandrine, take the time to grieve the loss of this relationship. Cry, eat ice cream, whatever it takes. Then pick yourself up and start doing social things again. Meet up with friends. Go to local festivals, events, etc. Spend time with family. You can do this. You're strong and you've been thru so much. You will survive this and forge forward. (((hugs)))
  4. Sudnlysngl I can't wait until you get the hell out of there too! Hang in there!
  5. StillWidowed

    Why I'm Still Single

    I agree Bunny. I was glad he was helping out. Many little boys don't have the gift of a grandfather stepping in when the father is absent. We had been talking awhile and besides the normal what do you do for a living, hobbies, kids, etc., those were the only two questions I asked about his personal life. And with justification since he's the one that brought up his living arrangement. So when he immediately claimed I asked too many questions, my spidey senses were up. I do have to disagree with the menu selection tho. Hamburger Helper, I get it. Steak and lobster? I'm suspicious...hahaha
  6. StillWidowed

    Why I'm Still Single

    So I started chatting with a guy online, and then it moved to text. We'd been talking for a while, nice guy, very nice looking, good job, etc. So as we get to know each other better, the subject of living arrangements comes up. He tells me his grown daughter and her son (age 7) live with him. She was in an abusive relationship and is now kinda messed up. Paranoid. Locks doors all the time, even when he's out walking the dog, etc. I ask if her mother (his ex) is in the picture and he says kinda. She's an alcoholic and he's had full custody of his daughter since she was 12 (she's in her late 20's now). I ask if that was his only marriage and he says yes, and that I ask too many questions. Wait, when you're getting to know someone, you ask questions, so you get to know someone...I thought? Red flag number 1, or is it number 2 with this whole living arrangement of his. Ok, I get it. You're helping her out, but how does dating and a girlfriend fit into all this. Then when we were chatting on Saturday night, he tells me he got home from the gym and she cooked him steak and lobster for dinner. Hmmmm. Now it sounds/feels kinda.....well.....creepy. Like he's the substitute dad for her son and she's the substitute wife/girlfriend for him. It just all felt so weird. I was out.
  7. Then I’m happy you’re happy. Much love to you (((hugs)))
  8. In all the years DH and I were living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, and doing life together, never did we go a day without communication. Maybe I'm missing something, but when you're living with someone and sharing your life with them, isn't it the same thing as marriage without the legal document? If I were traveling or he was traveling, we always checked in with each other daily. I think the majority of people in loving relationships would WANT to do that. Arneal, I think if given the choice, you'd choose that over not hearing from him for 2-3 days or more. I'm just feeling bad about your situation. Not judging it.
  9. If I lived with a man and was traveling and away from him and I’m not hearing from him for 2-3 days, to even check to see how I am, come on! It has nothing to do with HAVING to have contact or confirmation of love. It does have to do with the other person WANTING to show that they love you enough to check if you’re still alive!
  10. Oh Arneal, I'm sorry, but your post broke my heart! You live with this man, share a bed, your body and heart with this man, and he hasn't been in touch with you since Monday? I couldn't be happy if that's what it looked like for me. Please be kind to yourself. ((((Hugs))))
  11. I'm so sorry Tybec. I know this is difficult. Take the time to grieve the relationship and the hopes you had for it. Lean on us here. We love you <3
  12. StillWidowed

    There's hope for me yet....

    So I'm driving in the car with girlfriends (we're all in our early 50's) the other day, and we're talking about our one girlfriend's mother in law. M-I-L had remarried and so I ask..."how old is your M-I-L again"? She said 72. And I then asked "how old is her husband"? She replied 82. My other girlfriend then reaches over, pats me on the leg, and says "see, there's still hope you'll find love". Now this is the girlfriend that I mentioned in another post that went over to her pot smoking, used car salesman of a boyfriend's house to cut his grass so she could spend time with him. You know, you just have to chuckle at people. One person's Prince Charming is another person's....Oh hell no!
  13. I agree Mrs. Dan (and it's wonderful to see you again). My concern is for the women that are in relationships where the man is not as invested emotionally as she is. That's when hearts get broken and self esteem damaged. It can become a game of am I good enough, am I doing enough, what can I do to make him want me more? I see it all too much and was even there myself. Love, romance, dating, relationships, all of that was very different for me after the death of my husband. There was a vulnerability that I never had before. Ten years later, I'm in a much healthier place and don't have those feelings of being lost anymore. I've been doing life alone for quite some time now, therefore I know I don't have to settle. I can wait for the real deal.
  14. And there it is. And unfortunately, many women are NOT in interdependent relationships. A lot are in co-dependent relationships. Case in point. My girlfriend's boyfriend wasn't spending much time with her, so she went over to his house and cut his grass so she could get a couple hours with him. Ladies, it's ok to be alone until the right one comes along. Really it is!
  15. Yeah, I want a man to be “all in” with me. Does it look the same as when we were in our 20’s? Of course not, but do we still know when the other person is all in? You bet we do. Feelings are considered, compromises are made. I see many women that want all in and are settling for part time. It’s sad.

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