StillWidowed

Controlling and overbearing mother.......controlling and abusive first marriage? Something to think about.

Avemaria6, I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. It is not only emotionally hard, but physically as well. I remember thinking, how can I possibly still be alive when I'm in this much pain? Eight months is still so raw. For me as the shock wore off, the pain started increasing. Just know that in time, it will get easier. Reach out to your family as much as possible and stay connected to others going thru the same thing. Be gentle with yourself and keep coming here to post.

Thanks Tybec. Not sorting at all. Was just wondering where others landed.

I was looking to start a conversation regarding death and a person's faith/or lack of it. Did it deepen your faith or cause you to turn from it? Are you in the camp of there is no after life? Please post if you care to share your thoughts on the subject.

Hi trying2. I haven't been on in awhile so I went back a little to catch up on the posts here. The statement that bothered me the most is your comment about how it would be nice if you'd get a sweet text like the one he sent his ex. That is just heartbreaking. The kind of treatment and expressions of love that you're craving, he's giving to someone else. Not you. Not his girlfriend. Not the woman he's asking to move in together with....but his ex. Please continue to follow your instincts and listen to that gnawing feeling in your gut. Someone that loves you should be whispering sweet nothings in your ear, and not texting them to his ex.

Sorry to hear this Captain's Wife. I was wondering how things were going with you. I know you had posted things were dicey. Navigating post widowhood relationships can be a challenge. I'm ok with dating right now. I figure if I can go to work, go to church, go to stores, I can meet someone and have a bite to eat. Just don't try to stick your tongue down my throat.

Hi Portside. Hope you're doing well. For this area, unfortunately, it's the same people over and over on many different dating sites. I usually use the free ones since it was the same people on those as the paying sites in the past, but decided to check out Match again to see if maybe there might be some different people now. Nope. Same people as on the free sites. I do believe it's tougher as a woman, especially one that has standards and knows what she wants. Blah blah blah...... put all that aside for a minute and just have fun and date and not take it seriously. Right? But like Julester wrote "if the journey is no freaking furn, it's hard to see any sort of finish line". These guys, I've noticed lately, are REALLY aggressive! Maybe it's been all the no contact stuff with COVID and they've got to get their groove on. So I think right now it's just making the weeding that much harder and my back really hurts! And let's face it. I ain't gettin' any younger. I've got a good life, just get lonely for companionship sometimes <sigh>

So I've dipped my toes back into the online dating crap...I mean thing. I swear it gets worse each time I try it. The guys get uglier and my patience gets lost in the need to literally reach thru the screen and slap them upside their head. I live in the ugly capital of the state! Ok, northeast......eh face it, United States. It's literally a standing joke around here. I take care of myself, why aren't they? Damnit, teeth ARE required! So my last few dates consisted of a guy that told me I was guarded (ummm yeah, I was afraid you were going to try and pants me at the table, you aggressive shit), another guy that seemed nice, but when he asked if he could kiss me, and I said no, that was that. Hey, I like to take things slow and we're in the middle of a pandemic! Elbow bumping for now! The third date asked if we could go into a dark mall parking lot and make out. I instantly saw my face on the 11:00 news. Now do you understand why I told bachelor #2 no kiss? I've been informed by family and friends that I should have started a journal long ago because I'd be a millionaire by now. Laura Clery ain't got nuttin' on me. It's been kinda quiet in here, so I thought I would post. I could say a whole lot more, get even more politically incorrect, but I fear retribution from those people that actually met and married thru online dating. Oy vey!

Hello! I hope everyone is safe and healthy. So I have a question about this thread. It's named between budding and fully committed. As some of you have been dating someone for quite a while now, do you feel your relationship is still not fully committed? If so, are you ok with that? Do you want more?

Hang on a minute Mike. Stephen has not experienced the loss of a partner. He was simply dating a widow and looking for advice. This forum is for us. The widows and widowers of partners, common law spouses, gay and lesbian couples, etc. We don't have many forums unique to our situation, especially when loss happens so young. I'm with faye on this one.

I'm glad you're doing better tybec. I remember coming out of my first post widow relationship. I completely lost myself in that relationship like you. It's hard to navigate this new life with a heart that's been broken over the one we loved so much. (((Hugs)))

Tybec, that's a good plan. I do the same at times. Take breaks for awhile. I have a busy life, so sometimes it's nice not to have to feel obligated to do the whole chit chat and meet thing.

Virgo, I go thru those phases. Depends on how much energy I have. I went out with a guy that is 12 years younger than me on Saturday night. Zzzzzzzzz couldn't get out of the restaurant fast enough. There was a guy next to us and we chatted some about the Titans Ravens game. Here he's on the dating site, messaged me the next day, and asked me out. Pretty funny, but not my type. I date now just for something to do

"No" or "I'm not interested" with those kinds of guys, to them, means try harder.

That's awesome Virgo. And I knew two weeks after I met DH, and so did he. But there was no push to jump in the sack right away. I knew he was genuinely interested in me. It's a gut thing, and I'm going to listen to it. Oh, and he texted me again, with no change on his part. Just taking my temperature to see if I'd changed my mind and was panicking because he'd disappeared. I made it very clear, I had not!

I know it was a deliberate deception on his part. My mistake that I left this out.......everything centered around sex. Conversations in person, via text, telephone. All sex. He pushed the subject constantly. It was very clear after a week what he was crazy about and it wasn't me. It was what I could offer him from the waist down.

Ok, so I met a guy and we went out a few times (different guy from above post). He came on strong. Talked about how he was head over heels crazy about me. I'm so beautiful and sexy and on and on and on. Couldn't believe his luck...blah blah blah. Of course this lady ain't no dummy. I knew these were potential red flags. Talked about how amazing sex would be with me.....more blah blah blah. Mind you we had known each other a total of ......10 days! So I had to have the talk and let him know I was in no way moving at the same lightning speed that he was. I like to take my time and get to know a person. Well.....you can guess, I'm sure. Slowly I heard from him less and less until he sent me the text that he was going to back off. Things going on in his life right now, he understood if I moved on without him.....more blah blah blah. It was actually comical. I responded with no worries, we've known each other less than 2 weeks and of course I'm going to date others. So, I happened to come across an article about dating, and it mentioned a word called "mosting". It's a sub category of ghosting...LOL. It's when the guy comes on really strong right out of the gate with the end goal of getting sex and then disappearing. I was cracking up. Does this generation really need to name things that have been happening from the beginning of time? The timing was impeccable. Dating = thick skin!

I'm so sorry for the loss of your lovely husband and the pain you're experiencing. I remembering thinking.....how can I possibly be in all this pain and still be alive. I was so upset that everyone else's live went on when my world had come to a screeching halt. My sister was very empathetic and I loved her for that, but she still didn't understand that when she went home, her family was still in tact while mine had a huge gaping hole. It's a loneliness and a pain only others that have walked in our shoes can understand. Be gentle with yourself and feel what you feel. And keep coming here. We get it. We understand. And we're here to listen, comfort and encourage you when you need it.

I have been making a conscience effort to accept dates and meet instead of being lazy about it all (I mentioned in a post way back that I'm kind of a lazy dater). So I've had several meet and greets in the last month. They've all been very nice men, but no interest on my end. I did however meet one in particular and we have a second date tonight. We'll see how this goes. In the meantime, I'm going to continue to meet others since I've done this dance before. The one where you go out a few times with one guy, then for some reason it goes south. I have no interest in dating several men indefinitely. I would love to meet one, develop a relationship and get the hell off dating sites.

Thanks for your response ladies. It's tough out there. There ARE a lot of women that would have no problem being alone with a man on a second date, first for that fact like you stated tybec, so that makes it that much more difficult for the ladies that won't do that. I do believe that a true gentleman would understand that and would want to go the speed that makes the lady comfortable.

Hi Mike. I feel it was completely unsafe. We're pretty much still strangers. There is no way for a second date, I'm going to be alone with a man. Maybe other women are more daring, but not me. If it was a money issue on his end, then a slice of pizza would have been just fine (but gathering from the first date, that wasn't the issue). But it definitely was not that. There were subtle cues during the first date that had my radar up, but when he actually asked to see me alone for the second date, I knew my instincts were correct. I responded with sorry, I already had plans with family, to leave the door open to see if he would ask to see me again. Nope. And he knew I knew what he was up to. I hate being right about these things.

I went out with a guy a couple weekends ago to a nice upscale restaurant. Had a nice time. Asked me out for a second date via text to either hang out at my house or his and watch a movie. Ummmmm..........................no. Next!

Virgo, I don't feel old. In fact run circles around most my age. It's a mind thing. If a guy my age wants to go to a haunted house, I tend to think he's a case of arrested development. And as he continued the conversation.......I was right.

47 year old online guy asks me if I like haunted houses. I replied yes, when I was 10. Help me Rhonda!

So how about an update to this post. I was out to dinner with girlfriends the other night and there he was. We talked later and were fine. Decided to be friends. We run into each other too much and I'm tired of explaining what happened to people and the questions. So there it is after all these years of back and forth. You can eventually get to a place of indifference.