pms1954

I’ve always known there was god. Losing Jim hasn’t shaken that. I still attend church because it gives me comfort. I know this is a separation and not the end. That doesn’t make me miss him any less tho. Without that life would be very bleak for me.

I’m 10 years in December and im not there yet

I had the same thing happen. I was required to go to an update class. The class was in the 4th anniversary of Jim’s death. He also died of a heart attack. I cried through the first part of it.

I'm 7 1/2 years out, I had this dream last night. In my dream my granddaughter told me Jim had secretly told her he was working as a cop in Oklahoma and had to let us think he had passed away. But that he would be back this month by our anniversary. At the end of the dream I realized it wasn't true and he wasn't really coming back. I'm a mess today.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. Your step son seems to have a lot of resentment towards you that he has kept hidden until the assault. Maybe its been under the surface for along time. Don't disregard that. SAFETY first. Your husband wouldn't have wanted you to be hurt. It doesn't have to be all or nothing as far as charges go. Talk to the DA, ask for a restraining order to be issued for an extended period of time. Let him know you are worried about your step son, especially since he recently lost his dad. Ask if they can do a plea deal to a lesser charge if he agrees to get grief counseling and anger management. And possibly a stipulation that once he completes those, the charge could be expunged. And if you still want to have a relationship, offer to do some family counseling with him to help mend things. That would probably be the biggest gift you could give to him.

I'm coming up on 7 years in Dec. I guess I expect it to not be so hard every year, but it doesn't. For some reason this year is particular hard. I'm not sure why. I just miss him so much. My heart hurts. I don't know how I can be in so much pain and no one seems to notice.

I have the recurring dream of Jim. There are usually some variations but same theme. Jim is here somewhere but I can never find him or get to him. I wake up struggling to breath and this ache in my heart.

I got word that my friend died this morning peacefully in her sleep. Lori was younger than me. We've known each oher since the late 80's. we lost contact for awhile, then reconnected on FB. After Jim died in 2008 she reached out and was very kind. she was always there for me to talk to when I needed to. Her and her husband had been having some health issues for a while now, but nothing you'd think was life threatening. Then the first part of Dec her husband passed away. I was devestated for her. When I got in touch with her she was in that dazed shock stage. I had been trying for a few weeks to reach her and there was no luck. I was worried so I contacted her daugher, who told me she had been in the hospital since Jan with liver failure. Then this morning she passed. No where else can I say this next part and not be judged. I feel so bad for her family, her kids and grandkids but she was so lucky to go so soon after Tim. i

Maybe looking into something different might inspire you. Have you thought of court reporting? It seems similar to transcription and pays well. If it interested you maybe that would help get you motivated. There's never an easy answer tho.

I'm just so tired. I've had issues with my daughter lately. She says she trying to see if she can save her marriage. I'm not opposed to her doing that. Problem is she just assumed I'd be against it, so she sneaks around, lies to me, uses my car to go see him, etc. That pisses me off. Then I'm the 'bad guy'. So I'm backing off from her. She absolutely needs to make her own decisions, especially who she spends her life with. I'm tired of being the bad guy in these issues. It's like I have to beg her to text me, she avoids talking to me. I cant talk about Jim to anyone. I miss him all the time, but when I bring him up both kids get "that look" on their face, and I know to drop it. My ex daughter in law sent me a message at Thanksgiving telling me to not talk to his granddaughters about him anymore. That its too painful for them, and they avoid talking to me because of it. Jim's son, their Dad, broke off contact with me after about a year and 1/2. So the one person I could talk to about all this isn't here, and I cant talk about him to anyone either. I'm tired of this struggle, the loneliness, and having to deal with this crap alone.

It was 6 years on the 21st. 6 years. How can that be? So much has happened. I have no contact with his son. His ex-daughter in law chewed me out for talking about him to his grand daughters (13 and 14 1/2) because it makes them too sad. I work where he worked when he died now, with a lot of the same people. The youngest grandchild when he died is now 10. I tell the same stories over and over, because that's how I keep him alive. At least his memory. There still isn't a day that goes by I don't feel that ache in my heart. That I don't miss him. I still have dreams, some good, some hurtful, about him being gone. I've accepted that my life is forever changed. That I will spend the rest of my life, no matter where I am in the journey, missing him and wishing he was here to share this life with me. Be here so I could talk out things with him. How can it be 6 years....

Torn, I work as a DV advocate and it does sound like he is grooming her already. It might be worth getting some pamplets on DV and control and leave them around. So many young women at that age do not know how abuse gets started and do think the jealousy is because they love them so much. If theres any way to make information available to her, it might help.

Carson City NV area

Five days after my husband passed away suddenly, a woman I work with sat down next to me and said "you know Pete, I understand what you're feeling because I went through such a nasty divorce, but the way you handle this is completely up to you. You can wallow in it or move forward".

While you are testing the new agreement, it might be a good idea to check with local authorities and see what the process would be. Some states require you to do an eviction.