CherrY

Hi to all, It's been a while since I haven't posted. It has been 7 months now that my bf died in a motocycle accident. I am completely lost and I feel so awful these days because one of Jason's friend has been telling me that he might have cheated on me and basically that he might not have been the perfect bf I (and everyone else) thought he was. Since his death I have told all Jason's friends to lie to me or simply not tell me about it if they new something like that was going on but this peticular a**hole (sorry) apparently doesn't feel concerned with my demand (and my happiness). And now I can't help but hate my late bf !!! I know this guy often tells lies but I can't take his words off my head. I love Jason so much !! ......but I also want him to come back so I can stab him. I'm so lost and hurt ! He is dead, so now everyone thinks he is/was perfect and I feel so bad for hating him because I love him more than anything. Has it happened to anyone else ? How can I deal with this ? Please help me

He was a mechanic. So I stop in front of every auto repair I pass by, close my eyes and embrace the smell. For just a second it's like he just came back from work and I can almost here him yelling "Hi honey, I'm home." I also regularly find an excuse to take my car there.

Hi everyone, I'm new there but I wanted to share how I feel about the tattoo question and see what you guys think. 5 months ago, when my BF died in a tragic motorcycle accident I was crushed. One of the first thoughts that poped into my head the next morning was that I had a promise to keep. While we were together Jason and I had a private joke (starring an octopus) that lead to our special nickname. I can't really translate in english but we only called each other Poulpy ( in french it kind of goes like : little-lovely-cute-adorable-octopus). And so, one day I saw a beautiful octopus tattoo and promised I would have it made if he died. He loved the idea so much that he talked of it to all his friends and family ! .......it was supposed to stay a joke....but he left us, left me. So I contacted the best tattooist I knew and did it. A lot of people judge me and explain how I will regret it. To those people I say : 1. WHO THE F*** ARE YOU TO JUDGE ? Your biggest worry is what you are going to eat today...not if you will survive the loss of a loved one ! 2. The tattoo truly helped me. In grieving there is a time when you start to heel and it is scary as hell ! I did not want to feel better, I felt guilty : was I forgetting him ? Loving him less and less ? Every time I have a panic attack I pull down my jeans and stare at the delicate octopus on my thigh and I feel better. Jason is carved on my skin and I will never forget him. 3. No, I'm not scared that it will bother the next person I will fall in love with. My loss is part of me (the pain and the love will stay just as strongly as the tattoo : for ever) and if he can't accept that he is not for me. Thank's for reading. =) Hugs to you all Cherry

Take time to do nothing sometimes !!! Well meaning friends will worry or judge you for doing nothing or just starring at the dumbest shows on TV all day long. But it's normal and it can help. I know it did for me. Picture your broken heart like a broken leg. You have to stay immobilized for it to heel. If others can't see the cast on your soul it doesn't mean it's not there (and helping).

Hi everyone, I'm new on this forum and looking for I don't know what...... So here is my story. Two years ago I finally got what I wanted ! After great months as FWB and falling in love with him, Jason was mine =) During our time together we had so much fun ! After a year and a half we even moved in together. Best time of my life ! Our apartment was filled with love, laughs, sex and tenderness. But one day, out of nowhere he told me he didn't want to be GF and BF anymore. I was so surprised ! We were having a wonderful time together. But he had made his decision...so I packed my stuff and left (in tears). When I talk (in the present day) about this breakup with his friends and family we all agree he did not even know what happened in his head. A medium on day confirmed our thoughts...Jason had no idea he was going to leave us but something (his soul, spirit, gardien angel ?) urged him to protect me by pushing me away. Anyhow... two weeks later on the evening of Mother's Day Jason was coming back home from seeing his family and he fell down a cliff with his motorbike. 22 years old is really really really to damned young to die or be a widow !!!!!! Thankfully he did not suffer and broke his neck right in the first meters of the fall. (I'm still very emotional writing this part). It's been 5 months now. 5 hell-like months. I miss him so much...and still talk to him when I need to (I tell him about my day, ask for advice or help, tell him I love him etc.) And believe it or not but I even saw him in a reiki session !!! He told me he loved me, that he would always be there, that as we suspected we have known each other for longer than this life and he helped me discover what is my purpose in this world. His mom, sisters, stepdad, friends and I have grown very close. Even if he broke up with me everyone treats me like his "current" GF and I am so grateful. This summer has been hard, but today I live with 3 awesome roommates and I still travel 60km every weekend to see (mainly) Jason's mom and sisters but also all the dear friends he left me with. Everyone is so loving and we all help each other how ever we can...it's beautiful. The end of the summer has been really confusing too because with no warning whatsoever I have been falling in love with Jason's best friend. Don't think I'm forgetting him or even trying to replace him. Both of these would be impossible ! But we got really close and it just happened. We still need time to figure all of this out so I'm not forcing things, if it has to happen it will... Thank's for reading and maybe giving me support and advice. Lot's of love Cherry