MACC

We all manage in our own ways and we all have our different circumstances. Unfortunately we all have felt the pain of losing someone we loved too soon. There is no shame in needing and taking time for yourself. One thing I wish I learned earlier was not to rush to make big, important or potentially life altering decisions in my 1st year. Sometimes it can't be avoided but if it can, give it time. Whatever you decide I hope it is based on what you need to get through this, not what you think other people need from you. If your co- workers/boss care about you as much as you care about them they will be understanding of your needs.

I took leave so I could work through things myself and be present for my kids that were 4 & 6 at the time. I also eventually switched jobs within same company. New job is less stress. Wish I would have made the move sooner. One thing I learned is life can be short. I'd rather be present for my kids and be with my family. They are my priority.

I miss my husband. He was my best friend, my lover, my everything. This stinks.

Has anyone heard of Camp Kangaroo offered for bereaved children? I was in process of signing up my kids but we had a personal conflict. I want to research and try again next time it's offered.

I agree. It is not your fault.

My son was 6 and daughter 4 when my husband died unexpectedly in 2014. I am an advocate for therapy. We all went for the 1st year. School counselor was involved as well right after and was a big help. I took as much leave as allowed through my benefits to give myself time to get through it and so I could focus my time on the kids. I think it was in year two where I was having some additional concerns about my son. He too didn't express much to me and think it was because he was trying to protect me. I restarted him for a while and he is not going now. However, I always look for any signs. I also agree with person that said its important to find a therapist that is a good fit.

Up at 3:30am. This is getting old. Maybe I will need to look into taking something(thanks inovermyhead)or maybe I need to get back into therapy. Over 2.5 years later am I heading back to square 1. God I hope not!

i am so sorry Lmsmdm. I don't exactly know how you feel but my dad has similiar health problems. My DHusbands mom, I still call her my mother in law, had a Kidney donation given to her. My dad has several core morbidity illnesses (high blood pressure, diabetic etc ) and will soon be 77. Doctors never even spoke to him about kidney transplants or getting on an organ donation list. Is his life not worth it because of his age,seriously? My dad didn't want any of us to donate because 3 of his four kids are the sole providers and single parents. Not sure why he wouldnt accept from my other sister. But thats not my place to interfere. So instead my dad does Dialysis at home every night. It is a big adjustment but he is getting by. Seeing our parents age and seeing them sick is very hard. I can understand why you feel it has become a burden and why your angry. I dont have any words to make it better but I hear you. Vent away.

I totally get how you feel. We were supposed to raise our kids with our spouses. My husband was the one with an even tone that balanced us out. I remember totally breaking down at a mall after an attempt to agree of we should stay in a huge line to see Santa. My son didn't want to wait and my daughter did. My husband would have made us go early in the season and early in the day. Alone I was a total mess and was just happy to have made it at all. We walked away from the line after bickering with one another. I broke down in tears while they pouted in the play area. We shook it off and went for a second try. I think they had mercy on me in round 2 because they saw what a horrible effect round 1 had on me. I am overwhelmed trying to manage it all. Two kids, a full time job, managing the finances, saving for retirement,managing my house and its upkeep, managing our two very old rental homes (4 apartments) and all the repairs and work to keep those rented , shoul i keep them, should i sell them, helping my retired parents financially by allowing them to live with me (but my mom helps watch kids a bit before and a bit after school, dad has medical problems, helping my sisters financially (but they usually pay me back with their tax return(so consider it a savings). Am I managing it all right? Am I doing enough? This week has been particularly stressful with a wake that I think pushed me over the edge. I missed two days of work even though I said I would not as I have to manage sick day usage wisely. Just was feeling overwhelmed by everything. Felt like my emotional and financial well was running dry. Then ,as I write this I hear my 7 year old daughter ask my 9 year old son... Do you love me? He responds yes, I do..do you love me? he asks her.. she responds yes. I broke out in tears again but this time good tears. I am imperfect and wonder all the time, am I managing it all well and wishing I had my husband here to help. Hearing my kids share their love with one another tells me I have to be doing something right. Those kind words have filled my dry well enough to get through for another while. I pray we all have better tomorrows! A special prayer for you fuchiasky! As hard as it is lets both try to be gentle on ourselves and know we love our kids and are trying our best. Hugs.

Thanks Amor! Another late night its 2:54 am.I am hoping I can shake this off quickly.

Hugs HCE. What a beautiful gift she gave you with her journal. I have a horrible memory, my husband was so much better at that. He would also save ticket stubs or receipts to places we had gone. When he was alive I didn't understand or appreciate the sweetness of it. Writing a page back to her daily, inspires me to try to capture my memories before it is to late and my memories fade even more. What a great gift it would be for my kids who only had him in their lives for such a short time. Thanks for sharing!

Up at 1:30am. Its now 3:30 am and I can't sleep. Went to wake yesterday of coworker that unexpectedly died at 45. She was engaged and to be married in October. Heartbreaking to see her laid to rest in her wedding gown. Another beautiful life taken so soon. Triggering so many emotions. Overwhelming. Then daughter asks to sleep with me and I let her because I know I didn't see her while I was gone at wake and she was missing me. Weekends is our time together. She tells me she misses her dad and the last time she got to hug him was at the hospital. Breaks my heart. I too have fond memories of laying on his chest listening to his hear beat. Thinking of calling in sick and sleeping when kids are at school but won't because I have to use my allowed sick days wisely and it is just the start of the year. Mental health day... not today. Does remind me to schedule a day off on my husbands angel date that is in April. Thought I could go to work last year and regretted that decision. Not a good day. Couple hours have to put my happy face on and get kids ready for school and go to work. Sorry I know this post is all over the place but I guess thats where my head is at right now.. all over the place. Happy face outside... inside sad face...inside an exhausted emotional wreck.

Thank you Lewis! From a very grateful user.

RyanAmysMom-Kudos for you for giving it a try. We are our own worst critics and I am sure it wasn't a disaster.. and if it was you have survived much worst. Be proud that you are venturing or tried to venture into this new journey. You can be the only one to decide if you want to continue on it. For me. haven't been brave enough. Due to a childhood trauma my family experienced I am to scared to bring anyone new in my kids life for fear that they may hurt them. I am lonely and wondered if I can just be with someone casually but that hasn't been my style in the past and that scares me too. Please continue to share. Maybe I can live vicariously through you or gain some strength and courage from you. Best of luck on whatever you decide.

I am so sorry for your loss. My kids were 6 and 4 when their dad passed. They are 9 and 7 now. My eldest son didn't show much emotion around me either and to be honest still doesn't. I think it's because he is afraid it would upset me and he didn't want to see me cry. My daughter who was younger was more open and talked to me about how she was feeling. I recall one of them saying they wish they could fly so they could see their dad in heaven. Broke my heart.I found that my son needed more counseling to have that outlet since he was unable to open up with me.. We all have our unique situations and we all grieve uniquely. I think it is the same for our kids. Sending hugs your way.