Aaron

Thank you BrokenHeart2, Too Soon, SoVerySad, and Trying for your condolences and words of encouragement but mostly for letting me know that I am not alone on this horrible journey and that the emotions I am feeling are truly normal. I truly do feel as if I have a very large red "W" on my forehead and that people scatter in the other direction if they see me coming. I find this very hard to understand, because really all I want is a hug and acknowledgement that they care. However, I have decided to believe that those who do scatter do so because they truly don't know what to say or have the crazy notion that my "condition" is contagious. I hope to continue telling of my ordeal when I am a little stronger. Aaron

It is hard to even write these words. My life changed on February 25th when I came home from work and found my husband asleep on the couch. At least that is what it looked like from across the room. I had texted him a couple times that day and did not get a reply which was not like him. After that I started calling and it went to voicemai. l just kept feeling that he was gone, that he had left me, but then I recalled that he had kissed me that morning as I was headed out the door but that awful feeling wouldn't go away. When I walked over to the couch, I grabbed his foot to shake it and it just fell to the floor. His hands were clutching his chest at a weird angle so I touched them and he was so very cold. I knew then he was gone but couldn't stop myself from trying to wake him up, begging and pleading for him not to leave me. I ran outside screaming for help and the neighbors came out asking what was wrong, some how between sobbing and screaming I got out that it appeared my husband had died. They called 911, I called my assistant but could only cry, no words would come. My house was so full of people in the next ten minutes it was unreal. I went back in the house to be with him and shoved my neighbor out of my way (I apologized later). The emts came in and after one look put a sheet over him, I pulled it off and pleaded for them to please check for a heartbeat and they did but he was gone and had been for several hours. The detective asked so many questions about foul play, did he do drugs, we're there guns in the house, what funeral home did I want, etc. I was completely overwhelmed and all I could do was put my head down on the table and repeat over and over that I didn't know what to do. Eddie was 43 to my 40, we had both lost our fathers, mine five years ago, his three, we had not talked about what his wishes were. My friends called my family and his for me, it was all I could do to just sit upright in a chair. I did not sleep any that night. That is all I can bear to write now of this terrible loss.